A/N: Chapter order is fixed.

brittany mb: Cool! You ride horses?! COOL! I'm SERIOUS! That's so wicked! Hee, hee. I'll be sure to use that info sometime, whether it be in this fic or in real life. And Thanks for telling me! *shakes her head, still murmuring "cool!"*

Europa: Drunken monkeys? Really? Whoa… weird. Oh! and I asked one of the girls in my P.E. or gym class, and she said she's seen a monkey swim before. It fell from a branch and was able to get back on to the shore. Just heard today… but it still isn't LITERALLY swimming now is it?

Phoenix Flight: Thanks! For the review and actually reading the fic when the chapter arrangement was screwed up. I've fixed it now, don't worry.

Zerah Star: Thanks for the e-mail.

Andreah: The "…okaaaaaaay…" comment REALLY helped me there. Are you always this articulate? Sorry. I've always wanted to say that. Ever seen Hercules? Why am I even asking… you're probably never going to come back or even be able to READ this note.

Disclaimer: Ditto from before.

*~*~*

I thought I was dead. I didn't feel dead; I felt pain.

I lifted my head and laughed, "I'm ALIVE!" and then dropped back down again.

Thunder roared ferociously as the storm had arrived; small drops of rain began to leak from the clouds above and the wind furiously blew at all those in her path.

There was no sign of my horse, there was no sign of Haldir, and I was to be left alone, in pain, lying in the dirty ground, in the rain. 'Yippidy-doo-da-day.' I thought to myself. I was surprised that I wasn't dead, or even inflicted with a fatal wound. But I guess I was special, and was to be blessed with this wonderful opportunity for getting dirty and cold and wet. Faantastic!

The sky darkened to a dark grey tint; the forest setting made it seem gloomier.

I gathered up all my energy and got up. I was going to do something, I was not about to get eaten by a bunch of wargs or spiders… or orcs. The palace was nowhere in sight, and if I hadn't concentrated so much on screaming, I would have at least been able to see how the horse had gotten me here.

"Haldir!" I called, looking nervously up at the sky pleading for the conditions of the rain to not worsen. "Hal-dir!!!"

"Ugh!" I stomped my feet, and let my hands recede back into my sleeves. Desperately trying to get a sense of direction, I closed my eyes and allowed my memories flow back to me.

I remembered that every thing was a blur; the branch I hit was that of a… tree, and I noticed that my horse had trotted off west after I fell. My counselor was right; you do remember more things when you're traumatized. 'Okay. So I go west.' I told myself.

Shoving my hands into my PJ pockets, I started my journey. "This can't get any worse." I sighed.

I did it. I said it. It's just like at the movies! At first the rain fell a bit faster.

"O, great."

Then a little more.

"Just perfect."

And then SPLASH! it came down in buckets, within minutes I was soaked from head to toe. Yet I kept going, for whatever reason… there are so many to choose from I don't know where to start. The ground felt gooey and squishy. Flashes of lightening lit up dark and mysterious places that I wished I hadn't known existed. The drum-like rolls of thunder broke through the rhythm of the sounds of the rain's descent.

I felt utterly hopeless. "Haldir! Anybody! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A bit of silence and then the sudden sound of hooves was my reply.

"If you continue to create such ruckus, there are creatures in this forest who do not like to be disturbed and will be more than happy to get rid of you." Haldir shouted, riding up on his horse.

"Thanks for your concern!" I replied sarcastically.

The Elf sighed. "Just get on the horse!" 

"How?"

"I'll pull you up."

"No way. I'm too heavy for your weak arms. This is 105 pounds of pure annoyance!"

"I am not weak." He sighed in frustration.

He jumped from his beast and walked up to me. "Then… I shall, lift you up." He shuddered.

Ignoring his last physical display of…… idiocy, I raised my hands in protest, "Whoa-ho! No. Way. No touchy. NOOOOO touchy. Ne touchez pas. Pas touchez!"

"It is the only way."

"No it isn't."

"You have another?"

"Pchh! Yeah!" I scoffed. "Here, hold you hands like this and interweave your fingers." I showed in with my hands. "Ok, good. Now stand next to the horse and hold your hands like a step, palms facing upwards."

He didn't do it immediately, not before he complained. "I do not see how this will prove helpful."

"Just do it."

He rolled his eyes and went over to the horse.

"Lower your hands a little."

He lowered his hands.

"Good, now hold it there as I use it as a step." I walked over and was about to step on his hands when-

"Stop!"

"What?" I perplexed.

"Your feet are dirty."

"My God!" I took out the Kleenex from my PJ pockets; I swear I have pieces of Kleenex in every pocket of all my clothes, and then it gets all screwed up in the wash. Ok, yeah. So I took out my Kleenex, wiped the foot that I was going to use to step on his hands, and stepped on his hands and finally got onto the horse.

"Good, now kindly move forward a little."

I moved forward, and Haldir easily slid onto the back of our horse friend.

"Show off." I whispered. 

There was a long pause before I asked, "So when do we get going? Unlike you, I can actually catch a cold."

He sighed again, and rubbed his temples; although I could not see it, I knew he was doing it. "You must learn to keep balance upon the horse."

"Gotcha, balance. What does that have to do with us not moving?"

"Please, I am trying not to be rude, but may you please move forward a little."

"K… geez, why didn't you just ask? Weren't afraid of being rude a few minutes ago." I commented.

He just ignored me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome… weirdo." I crossed my arms. "Can we start moving now?" What was this guy up to? Perhaps Haldir was even more mentally insane than I was. I never understood his intentions right then, and I never did, in case you were wondering.

"Hold on to the horse's sides with your knees, lean forward when going uphill, hold on to the horse's mane, and rock with the movements of the horse as it runs."

"Ok, okaaaaay. Can we go now?"

"Alright. Let us go."

*

It was to my luck that Lady Arëdiel's home was not a far ways away. Merely a 5-minute ride from where I had fallen; I was surprised that I hadn't seen it. Eh… stupidity is bliss. And my stupidity is beyond anyone's comprehension.

_______________________________

A/N: The Emperor's New Groove, ever see that movie? Hilarious! Couldn't see the end though, stupid DVD was screwed up. Oh and Brittany M.B. you don't mind if use your words directly do you? I couldn't find a better way of putting it.

*giggles* Yzma: I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea; and I'll put him in a box and I'll put that box inside of another box and I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives… *cackles* AH HA HA HA! I'll sa-mash it with a ham-ma! *pauses* But to save money on postage I'll just poison him with this *holds of vial of poison* Brilliant! I tell you! Genius, I say!