A/N: Thanks so much to an amazing beta, Katie, for going through this piece for me. I promise another chapter is almost done, so the quicker you review the quicker another update comes!
Disclaimer: The Office is not mine. Sad day!
She stared at the payphone receiver has she placed it back down on the old-fashioned hook. She didn't know what overcame her, or caused her to dial the still all-too-familiar number, only to chicken out when she heard his voice come through on his voicemail. She just stood there, staring out the window in front of her, not saying anything. Then her boarding call came and she hurriedly hung up the phone.
God she was pathetic.
She pulled her purse over her shoulder tighter and hurried to make her flight. She couldn't miss this flight; she was ready to be home. She was ready to move on with her life and start again. She was ready to put the last ten years securely in the past and see what the next ten years would hold.
She was ready to become her own person.
She smiled at the thought of just being Pam. Not being anything other than that. Something that hadn't happened since she had started dating Roy. She had been known her last two years of high school as 'Roy's girlfriend,' and even in college it was the same. She had always been the afterthought, only known because of who she associated with.
But that was about to change. She was now going to be her own person. Able and ready to make her own decisions and do the things that she wanted to. The first decision she made was to enroll in art classes when she got back to Scranton. Roy had been against her taking or majoring in art when they had gone to the state college after high school, so she had decided to major in literature. Though she never used it.
Now she was going to go back to school to actually learn something she would like to use. That was the first step to becoming the new Pam Beesly that she wanted to be.
Pam settled into her window seat and prayed that the seat next to her would remain empty. She hated being squeezed in next to people she didn't know, forced to make small talk or endure their less than decent bodily smells.
She breathed a sigh of relief when the plane pulled away from the terminal and the seat remained vacant. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest and waited for the flight to take off. Taking off and landing were her least favorite parts of flying.
Pam pulled her iPod from her purse when the announcement verified that she could start her electronics. Pushing play, fresh tears pooled in her eyes when randomly, a song that reminded her of Jim started playing in her ears.
The soft melodic voice of Daniel Bedingfield floated into her ears and she turned off the iPod and pulled the headphones off her ears, and focused on studying the clouds that they flew by. Pam closed her eyes and let herself drift into a restless sleep.
--
Jim stared at his phone. He had been for little over five minutes now. He didn't know what to think, or how to respond to the mysterious message that had been left on his voicemail. It could only be one person—that he was certain of—but it didn't seem possible.
Maui. She had called from Maui. From the airport, before they'd left to come back.
Before they'd left to come back from their honeymoon.
What in the hell was she thinking?
He couldn't believe that she was really that heartless. That she had forgotten about everything that had happened that fateful night, to call him from the airport in Maui.
Then again, she hadn't actually left a message.
And that threw his brain into another round of curses and questions. Why in the hell would she call from a payphone, from the airport, while she's on her honeymoon, and not leave a message? What kind of sense was in that?
Jim finally was able to tear his glance away from his phone and tossed onto his dresser in frustrated anger. It was bad enough that he still thought about her every day, but to have to know that she had called him, intentionally, from her honeymoon, was enough to drive him crazy.
She had called from a payphone.
That thought continued to roll around in his head. It wasn't a mistake.
She had called him.
He couldn't get away from that. Even when the pizza he had order finally arrived and he grabbed a beer from the kitchen, his mind was still wrapped up in her. The baseball game he turned on did little to distract him, and soon he found himself lost in sleep, his dreams filled with her sunny smile and sparkling eyes.
--
"Wow Beesly," his voice surprised her so much it caused her to jump, "what do you have there?"
"Oh it's nothing," she shrugged as she tried in vain to cover the sheet of paper in front of her from his view. "Just a doodle."
"Looks like more than a doodle to me," he scoffed and grabbed the sheet up off the desk. "Man, you drew this?"
The shock and awe in his voice nearly paralyzed her and she shyly nodded. It was odd to have someone admire her work.
"You're very talented," Jim told her with a warm smile. A smile that, over the last eight months since he had started, she had come to adore, and yet she knew she could never tell him that. "Why aren't you doing this as a job?"
"What?" Pam asked putting up her defenses, "there isn't much you can do with a degree in art."
"You have a degree in art?"
"No," Pam told him, "it wasn't practical."
"But…"
"It wasn't," Pam interrupted, "it isn't, practical. It is just something I do for fun."
"I'll bet you paint all the time at home."
Pam's smile faltered and Jim immediately took a step back, "I'm sorry…"
"Don't be," Pam said with a smile, "I just…I mean, Roy doesn't like me to paint or anything at home. He feels it is just a waste of time, and money."
"You don't have any art supplies?"
"Nothing more than some basics," Pam said with a shrug, like it didn't matter. "We are trying to save up for the wedding."
"Oh yeah," Jim said and she noticed his eyes went suddenly dark, "the wedding. That makes sense."
Pam nodded and there was an awkward silence between them. The suddenly Jim straightened up and fiddled his fingers against the top of the reception desk.
"Well Beesly," he said the smile back on his face, "you should show off that art more, it's great. And a degree in art would be practical if it was what you loved to do. Go after what you want, Bees."
Jim walked away before she was able to say anything else, and as Pam looked down at her sketch, a small smile formed on her face. Maybe taking a few art classes would be worth it…
Pam woke with a start as the plane's tires hit the runway. She had slept through the entire five hour-long flight from Portland, Oregon where they had switched planes to Philadelphia, the closest airport to home. That was a rare thing for her. She was usually too nervous to sleep on flights, but she had been so exhausted she hadn't been able to keep her eyes open.
Then she remembered what she woke from. Her dream, the memory of that day, stayed with Pam after the conversation happened, and though she hadn't thought about it in a while, it was still there. Jim had always been supportive of her art. She remembered with a smile that the next day on her desk sat a beautiful box of oils with a big red bow on top.
She saved the card that accompanied them and had memorized the words he had quickly scrawled on the piece of stationary. Even to this day she could still remember what he had written.
Pam- Never be afraid to go after what you want. You're talent is too good to hide from the world. I'm proud of you best friend. Use these to make more masterpieces. –Jim
It had brought tears to her eyes then, and now it caused them to course down her cheeks.
She knew this was only one of the numerous times that he had tried to show his feelings for her. He'd been so thoughtful, so supportive, so…Jim.
She wished that she could go back in time to that day, or the hundreds of days after that, and just leap into his arms and have the fairytale ending she always wanted, but that couldn't happen. She could only go forward.
And she hoped that he would be next to her as she went forward from now on.
--
Her apartment smelled musty and reeked of old people. She had been spraying her favorite scented Febreze since she'd walked in the door nearly four days earlier, but the smell was being stubborn and sticking around. She was ready to have a chance to just scrub the place from top to bottom to clean it out. Anything to get that smell out.
She had to admit she liked having her own place though. There was something refreshing about coming home, dropping her purse and shoes, and having them be right where she left them the next morning, untouched. Though, it wasn't like Roy had ever really cleaned much anyways. Still, there was something nice about having silence when you wanted and noise when you chose. She could do whatever she wanted and she was thrilled.
It was something she hadn't had in awhile, her freedom. Getting out from Roy's grasp was probably the best move she had made. Even as much as it hurt.
"Damn it Pam," she cursed herself throwing the dishrag down. "Stop thinking about him. You're the one that dumped him. Get over it."
It had been a rough day. Mondays were always Pam's least favorite day to begin with, but with it being a Monday, her first day back to the office - from a honeymoon she'd gone on alone - and birthday Monday, it was everything in her power not to lose her mind.
"Pam-o-rama!" Michael's voice called from inside his office. "Can you come in here for a moment."
"Sure," she answered and reluctantly got up to go see whatever Michael had wanted. It had been a long morning, Kevin had been smirking at her all day, Angela was glaring, and Phyllis just looked at her like she had kicked her puppy.
What they didn't realize was that Pam was torn up about it all too, but she couldn't show it. She had to be strong; she had to put on a front, especially with Roy in the building.
"PAM!" Michael's voice was louder and Pam grunted.
"I'm coming Michael," she answered a bit harshly and Phyllis' eyes shot to her. Pam struggled to ignore the look and stormed into Michael's office. "What?"
"I need you to run to the grocery," Michael explained without looking at her, "they just called and Kevin's cake is done."
"Isn't that Angela's job? As head of the party planning committee?"
"She's already doing a bunch of other stuff," Michael told her, "some accounting stuff that corporate needs done ASAP. I need you to do it."
"And who says I don't have stuff I have to do too Michael?" Pam growled and this time Michael's eyes shot up. "I've got almost two weeks of work to catch up on."
"Just faxes Pam," Michael started again. "Birthday stuff is important too."
"Fine," Pam finally relented frustrated and tired of arguing with him. "I'll go."
Pam stomped out of the office and ignored the looks from her co-workers. But that was until she noticed Ryan, moving his stuff to Jim's desk.
"What are you doing?" she growled and Ryan looked at her curiously. "So…"
"I've been promoted," he explained, "I'm not a temp anymore and Michael said I could finally move up here with the rest of sales."
"Oh," Pam whispered quietly and she finally started to understand that Jim was gone. For good. The tears welled in her eyes and she dashed out of the office, sobbing.
She blamed it on all the stress of a broken engagement and lack of sleep. Her emotions had been on a rollercoaster lately and she was getting worn out. She really needed to get a good night's sleep and get back to normal. That was really just what she needed to do.
Pam slipped under the covers and pulled the comforter up to her chin. She flipped the light off and squeezed her eyes shut. She was about to drift off to sleep when her cell phone rang startling her.
"Hello?" she answered groggily.
"Pam?" the voice on the other line sounded oddly familiar but she couldn't place it at first. "Pam are you there?"
"Yes," she answered, "who is this?"
"It's Kenny, Roy's brother."
"I know you are Roy's brother Kenny," Pam answered annoyed, "why are you calling me? I'm not in the mood to have to chew me out tonight for calling off the wedding."
"It's not about that and I'm sorry to bother you Pam, I really am," his voice was quiet, "but it's Roy and I thought you would want to know."
"What about him?"
"There's been an accident."
A/N: Please review, you know you want to! Cliff-hangers are fun for me. And let's just say, I've got several ideas to where I plan on taking this. Let me know what you think though. Cause I really love to hear it!
