Chapter Four: Life is But a (Very Bad) Dream


The sun was just rising in the sky as Batman and Robin sped down the streets of Metropolis, honking at children walking to school and listening to The Jackson 5 at full blast.

"Oh baby give me one more chance, show you that I love you, Won't you please let me back in your heart…"

Batman laughed and patted Robin playfully on the shoulder when the song ended.

"Wow, we haven't gotten a chance to listen to music together in ages! Not with fighting crime and saving the world," he said happily.

"Oh! Speaking of music," said Robin, reaching into a compartment of the Batmobile and pulling out a CD, "I bought this, and I thought you might like it."

Batman took the CD with one hand, using his other to jerk the steering wheel hard to the right as he narrowly missed hitting a woman who was walking her dog with the car. He looked down.

"What? Spiderman musical soundtrack?"

"It was a very good play," Robin protested.

"It's not that! But…who would make a superhero musical? That's a crazy idea!"

There was a long pause, before Robin spoke up.

"You know, it felt like you were saying something ironic. I don't know why. Is it just me or-?"

"No, no. I felt it too."

"…Weird."

"Yeah, but who cares? We're here at Super-I mean, Clark's apartment!" Batman winked at Robin as he parked the Batmobile on the curb and stepped out.

'Wh-oh, oh yeah! Let's go visit our good friend, Clark Kent! Who is totally a normal reporter and not Superman or anything like that," said Robin.

Batman cuffed Robin playfully on the head.

"Keep quiet Boy Wonder. Let's just stay incognito and see if we can sneak up on Catwoman."

Batman walked calmly into the apartment complex, motioning for Robin to follow him. As soon as he got inside, he leapt at the doorman who was sitting at the front desk with his eyes half closed, reading an issue of The Daily Planet. Batman slipped a Batarang out of his utility belt and put it up to the young man's throat.

"Okay, where's Catwoman?" Batman hissed.

"Cat-who? What are you-?"

"I'll ask the questions here! Robin, help me out!"

Robin blinked, and walked over to Batman, pulling the Batarang out of his hand.

"Batman, let go of him and let me try."

Batman shot the doorman an angry look and pushed him into a chair.

"Sir, have you seen a woman about, yay wide, yay tall, dressed as a cat and making a lot of cat puns?" said Robin, using his hands to describe how tall Catwoman was.

"N-no! You guys are crazy! I'm out of here!" The doorman cried, leaping up out of his chair and running out the door.

"Well that's just great. See what happens when you don't use force? I could have at least knocked him unconscious for a few hours," said Batman angrily.

"Batman, it was clear that that guy didn't know anything. And what happened to being incognito?"

"That was incognito. Now come on. To Clark's apartment!" He pointed at the ceiling.

"We're going to have to use the stairs," said Robin, rolling his eyes.

Batman slowly lowered his hand.

"Gosh, I hate the stairs. Come on."

Four flights of stairs later…

As they reached the top floor, Batman collapsed against the wall.

"Oh my…god. That…sucked!"

Robin walked around him and looked at the panel on the door of the apartment nearest them.

"Clark Kent! Batman, this is his apartment," Robin put his ear to the door, "but I don't hear anything."

"We might be too late! Come on!" Batman shouted.

He rammed his elbow into the door, knocking it off its hinges. It collapsed, and they walked in, looking around at the clean apartment.

"Well, there's no sign of a struggle…" said Batman.

Suddenly, a man came running out of a room, with a notebook is his hand and glasses dangling off of his face.

"Oh, please don't tell me that I forgot to pay my bills aga-Batman!"

Batman jumped into a fighting pose.

"Who are you? And where's Superman!"

"Batman it's me! I'm just in my civilian disguise," said Superman, pulling off his glasses and jacket to reveal his superhero outfit.

"Wh-where's Catwoman?" asked Batman stepping up straight again.

"Catwoman? Oh right. Well, I…er, I defeated her ages ago, no problem," said Superman.

"Catwoman was never here, was she?" asked Robin.

"Ah, no," said Superman putting a hand behind his head and grinning embarrassedly.

"So then why the hell did you call me?" asked Batman, exasperated.

"I was just wondering if we you hang out. Maybe grab Aquaman and Green Lantern and go fight some crime."

Batman scowled, walked over to Superman and jabbed his finger into Superman's chest.

"Listen here you. I just wasted an entire night that I could have been patrolling Gotham, just so I could race down here and save you. And I climbed four flights of stairs to get up here. Four! Couldn't you at least install a super elevator in this place?"

"Oh, I don't really find that much of a problem, you know, since I can fly and-"

"Oh yeah! You can fly! But you don't ever think about the rest of us heroes do you? I went through all that work to get here, just to find out that it was a prank! But you don't really care. We're just here for your entertainment, aren't we? Not today Mister "Man of steel". I'm not jumping through your hoops any longer! Come on Robin, let's go."

Batman turned away from Superman, seething with rage, his cape swishing behind him. Superman stared incredulously at Batman's back.

"Bruce…I…I'm really sorry. I just wanted to hang out." Superman walked to his window and looked out at the busy streets below him.

"Living in Metropolis really isn't much better then the Fortress of Solitude to tell you the truth."

"I'd have just thought," said Batman through clenched teeth, "that maybe after all we'd been through the past few days, you'd might have changed. But you haven't!" said Batman, suddenly turning around, "you're just as arrogant as you were during that stupid race that we had when we first met!"

Superman tried to stutter some sort of an apology, when there was a sudden ringing from batman's utility belt.

"Wait, it's the bat phone, let me get it," said Batman.

He flipped open one of the compartments of his belt, pulled out his phone and put it up to his ear. There was a muffled thumping noise on the other side, and a crash.

"Hello? Who is this?" Batman asked, bewildered.

"M-Master Wayne!"

There was another crash followed by and unknown voice yelling, "He's in the kitchen!"

"Alfred! Where are you? What's happening?" Batman shouted, while Superman and Robin stared at him.

"People…attacking the manor…armed…" replied Alfred, his voice garbled.

"I can't do anything! I'm in Metropolis!"

Another unknown voice, this one gruffer and louder, seeming to be closer to Alfred saying, "Alright Grandpa, you're coming with us."

Then footsteps, and Batman could hear Alfred gasp. "H-how are you still-" There was a thunk, and Alfred fell silent.

"Alfred! ALFRED!" Batman screamed into his phone, wishing he could do anything to save his friend. He almost missed another voice, this one familiar saying, "Alright boys, tie him up, and we'll see what information we can get out of this old Goober."

There was a crinkle like a wrapper, and a voice said, "Hey boss! There's a phone here, looks like he was calling someone. I'll take care of it."

There was a crash of metal and glass, and the line went dead.

With a quavering lip, Batman moved the phone away from his ear.

"Alfred…"

Robin put his hand on Batman's shoulder.

"Batman…what happened?"

"Someone…attacked the manor…kidnapped Alfred…and I WASN'T THERE!" he cried.

With tears in his eyes, Batman looked at the shocked Superman.

"I really don't want to do this but…Superman, I need your help."

Superman nodded.

"Of course!"

"Then send a Tweet out to all the superheroes."

Batman looked out of the window, at the supposedly peaceful world lying beneath him.

"It looks like the Super Friends are needed in Gotham once more."


Okay, I felt like there needed to be a Batman/Superman fight, and I can promise you this won't be the last.

And if you think that fighting over stairs is stupid, just remember all the stupid things Batman fired Alfred over. :)

As always, Reviews are welcome and wanted!