A Lover's Dozen

Third Rose.

When I woke up that morning, I shivered. It was cold. Very cold. And its times like this I hate living in Melbourne. I gingerly peeked outside. It was still fairly dark. The clouds made sure it was, covering the sun as much as it could. They looked plump and full like a used baby nappy.

I didn't want to get out of bed. The night's dreams still ran chills up and down my spine, ending in a tingling sensation that left me cold and empty. I didn't want to get up. It was safe here. Too safe. And I knew it was stupid to stay in bed for so long. The clock was too dark to read so I didn't bother. I childishly stuck my head back under the covers. I still couldn't help a shiver that racked my body.

It was silly to stay. So I got up. The cold air hitting the warm sheets almost made me go back under and resurface when winter was over. We need snow days. Snow days would make everything a hell of a lot better during winter. I thumped on to the carpet and stayed there for a bit. Not relenting to move. I felt so sluggish and drowsy from a bad nights sleep.

But it's my fault. I know it is. I made that dream, I dreamt that dream and I'm tricking myself that it wasn't. I got up off the ground, my eyes no longer squinted shut from sleep. The bathroom tiles where cold when my feet touched them and I walked all the way to the sink on my tip toes, but they soon got tired so I had to endure the coldness.


The whole walk to school seemed a lot longer than I had remembered it last. I felt inclined to whip my head around whenever the wind whistled to close to my ear or the trees flipping wildly. I felt so alone. It was all quite, much like it had be the other day. The wind kept howling and whistling and it scared me. I would have dashed to school in a flurry but my conscience stopped me. It was foolish, I knew better than that to keep tricking myself.

Upon reaching the school I felt so relieved. The gates where closed and that frightened me. Had I come that early? When I came closer, it was open, the wind had blown it shut and I let out my breath that I held for no apparent reason.

The wind picked up again and I ran inside, silliness aside, I didn't care if they looked at me funny. I just wanted to get inside. I was dreading going to homeroom. I was also dreading going to soccer practise that afternoon too. I kept telling myself that there was nothing wrong, just some weird stalker taking in enjoyment of my frantic and scattered behaviour and relish in the victory when they would come and rape me.

That seemed to quicken my steps. Familiar faces seem to fade into strangers as I passed them down the hall, the way I was reacting made the stare at me as I hurried past and I didn't want that. I felt more inclined to keep walking at the fast pace that would be considered a run if running was allowed in the corridor.

I didn't want to go to class. I had contemplated skipping homeroom since he wouldn't be there. So I did. I fled like a coward. I vaguely here someone yell at me not to run but I didn't care. I ran. And ran I did as I past the classroom with eyes on me as I did so.


I heard the bell ring. I huddled in the stall, my bag on the dirty floor. I didn't care as long as I didn't have to attend class. I feel so stupid. But cowering in here and accepting the first rose. It was like a silent agreement, the fine print that you never bother to read but you know the consequences would be there when it comes knocking by.

I tucked my legs closer to my body and rested my head on my knees. It was cold in the bathroom. It was gritty and disgusting. I shivered at the thought of what they did in here to get it so filthy. It didn't take me long to stop thinking about it.

For the second time in my life, I felt utterly alone. Even if I were at school, there were tones of faces, people. But those people where strangers and they might as well not even be here. I still didn't have the guts to tell someone.

I sat alone in the bathroom stall, stalling for time. Homeroom had started not all that long ago, and I had the nerve not to wear a watch to keep track. Maybe it was better. Time kept ticking, if I had a watch to hear it tick. But I knew it was, through out the many clocks on the walls. Awaiting my arrival to the class where my stalker would hold yet another rose to deliver.

This time, I tried to use it wisely. But wise isn't my strongest point. I had always been plain. Plain old me. I wasn't special, no matter how much people told me I was. I guess I had been thinking about nothing for so long that when the bell rang again, I nearly jumped.

It was completely silent, except for the leaky tap that the school didn't bother fixing, calmed me a little. I still didn't feel like facing the stalker. So I stayed. It's the cowards way out. Stay as long as you feel ready. And I won't be ready until the last bell rings. And that wouldn't anytime soon.


I couldn't take it anymore. It was recess and I could hear voices outside the bathroom. People came and went and I didn't feel like listening to people pee all day. So I left. I dusted my bag and went down the corridor down to my locker. And I froze. One moment there was a million people floating along the corridor. Sasuke had finished putting his things away with his morbidly fanatic fan girls trailing him, and the next, there was not so much as an ant crowding the corridor and left behind was the rose.

Jammed into the slits of the metal door, it hung the white card present as usual. I started backing away, there was no one to see my horror. But it was yet again myself tricking me. I made it so bad last night that it was like reliving a nightmare. But this time, it was bright and the edges weren't as dark as they were supposed to be.

I carefully plucked the rose out of the slits and read the card.

You are friendly, kind and caring
Sensitive, loyal and understanding
Humorous, fun, secure and true
Always there... yes that's you.

Special, accepting, exciting and wise
Truthful and helpful, with honest blue eyes
Confiding, forgiving, cheerful and bright
Yes that's you... not one bit of spite.

You're one of a kind, different from others
Generous, charming, but not one that smothers
Optimistic, thoughtful, happy and game
But not just another... in the long chain.

Appreciative, warm and precious like gold
Our friendship won't tarnish or ever grow old
You'll always be there, I know that is true
I'll always be here... always for you.

- Written and owned by Angela Lee Hillsley –

Friend. Friendship. They're someone I know. Someone I must have considered a friend. Someone that I spent time with, someone that I must have cared for. It made me think. And rattle with fear. If it's someone I knew, I've been friends with the stalker for a considerate amount of time. And now, they decide its time to make their move. I couldn't describe the fear that seeped through my skin as sweat as I fingered the petals. They were always so soft, soft like velvet, or a babies bottom.

And I nearly screamed when a finger tapped me on the shoulder.


O.Dive. Love It. Hate It. Review It.

A little longer than it would normally be.
Hope it's up to standard. I feel that I'm losing bits here and there.
And that I'm confusing people. Please feel free to contact me through review or private message or whatever and tell me. I will try to clear it up.