She had just started on the laundry when there was a knock on the door. She straightened up and looked down at the pile in the big tub thoroughly annoyed; there was never time to do anything properly. She went out through the kitchen and opened. Outside stood her youngest sister with flushed cheeks, waiting politely.
"Mother sent me, we can't do all our work without your help. Would you come and help us sew?" she asked quickly. Rubin (means ruby) took a deep breath, and then she nodded firmly.
"Yes, of course I will help you now that Sama is no longer here. But I have to let John know first, you come with me over there." she said and went back inside. She packed all the dirty laundry into a sheet, and put it aside along with the tub. So she took her little jacket and flung it over the shoulders. Then she returned to her little sister in the door, and locked it carefully behind them.
They went a little further down the street to where the workshop was. It smelled strongly of sawdust, resin and tar. John was drenched in sweat between his apprentices and demonstrated some heavy tools. They all looked up as she came in, and John walked towards them looking serious. He had that wrinkle in the forehead which meant that he had been interrupted in something important, but he did not say anything about it. Rubin smiled quietly to him, and noticed how his mood got slightly warmer.
"They need help with the sewing; there is too much work for only two people. You can come and eat at my mother's house if you want? Otherwise I'll try to get home before the lights are turned off." she said, and she glanced quickly around the shop to see how much work he had to do. John bobbed his head thoughtfully;
"Mmm ... It depends how much we get done today, but I'll let you know what I'll do ..." he said and kissed her on the cheek. She nodded and smiled stiffly. He knew very well that she did not like, that he did this kind of emotional stuff in front of other people, but it never kept him from doing it. She turned to Safir, still with half smile and nodded.
Then they set off against their mother's house. She noticed that Safir was twisting her hands in front of her, and her cheeks were almost crimson as they walk across the wall in the middle of the city. She shook her head. It had always been Sama who spoke with Safir on these kinds of things, and Rubin had no idea how she should go about it. It was obvious that Safir had experienced something, and she clearly longed to be allowed to talk about it.
"What is it?" she asked. Safir almost jumped at the words, and looked flustered up at her.
"oh, I do not know ... it was just ... coming ... ehm ..." she chattered, and Rubin shook her head. She couldn't understand what was so important that it had caused so much stir, but then Safir was of course not that old yet. Maybe it was nothing more than something she had seen. So it remained at least unsaid, and Rubin decided that Safir would probably tell it when she got herself at ease a little.
When they entered her childhood home, Rubin could see why they had been forced to ask for help. There was fabric everywhere and all around there were small piles of material that had been selected by the buyers. Her mother rushed around and arranged the piles one at a time, so she could keep up with orders. In the middle of the table were two unfinished dresses, which therefore had to be the ones they had to get done first. Rubin quickly got control of things, and then started helping her mother. She began by taking the organized piles up one at a time and put them on another table, in the order of most important costumer. When it was done, she had Safir help her to fold everything else, so that it could be put away. Their mother immediately began to cut out patterns from the piles.
Eventually they all sat down in each a chair and sewed on each their dress. Fortunately there were no more orders this afternoon, and they made pretty good progress with their work. A boy came over and told them that John had to stay in the workshop, because there were some large orders that were yet not ready. So Rubin stayed to sew, and kept on sewing undisturbed after dinner. It was not a dress of her taste! She liked the simple dresses, and this would be too adorned with lace and bows and stuff. Very distasteful, she thought, and sighed.
She tried everything she could to concentrate on the ghastly dress, but her thoughts kept returning to her journey home. She found herself praying that John had gone to bed, which was quite unusual! But she did not want to talk to him today. And even less did she want to share the bed with him. If she did this, she would not be able to hide that she once more gone a full circle. She was bleeding again. She touched her stomach almost imperceptibly. John wanted a child so badly. But so far she had not been able to give him one. He blamed her about nothing, nothing at all, she knew it very well, yet she felt that she disappointed him so every time she started to bleed. Why on earth had she not conceived yet? They had been married for almost 8 years. She would also like to have a child, she thought, and looked up at her mother. She sat there working quietly with a small smile. My child! But my child is still underway. It'll come, she decided. There was nothing to do about it, than just keep trying. But today, she would prefer to not disappoint him; just today she would come home so late that he was already asleep. He should not have another burden on his shoulders if it had been such a hard day in the workshop, she could always say something in the morning. She already knew how he would react, he would kiss her on the cheek and say that they had to try again, but she would also be able to read the disappointment in his eyes, although he tried to hide it. His gaze hurt more every time, she thought painfully.
When she finally went home, it was long past midnight. The lights had long since been turned off, and she hurried through the dark streets. There was music and shouting from the inns, and around walked scantily clad women. She shrank uncomfortably around them, and wished herself in her own house as soon as possible. She crossed the wall in haste, but stopped for a moment and stared out over the water. A ship sailed by on the horizon. She wondered if it were them? No, they should be far away now. She did not know where they had gone this time, but she hoped they were far away from their homes. There had never been more soldiers in the city, and the port was no longer a safe place for her father. Or for Sama now for that matter. She walked on and did not stop again until she had locked her door behind her back. John sat next to the fire and cut into a small piece of wood, the fire blazed warmly against her skin as she entered. He looked up and smiled calmly, he held up the piece of wood, and she could see that it would become a toy horse. Her stomach turned uncomfortably, and she stepped hesitantly one step closer.
"There's something I must say ..." she said slowly. John looked questioningly at her; she could already see the sad look in his dark eyes.
