The film that Blaine has to sit through in this chapter is from a video I found on YouTube; 'Why is Homosexuality Wrong?' by Desiring God.


Chapter 4

Wednesday

"'If a man sleeps with a man as with a woman, they have both committed a detestable act. They must be put to death; their death is their own fault,'" the Pastor yelled from the Bible in his hand as he passed slowly back-and-forth between the rows of boys that were lined up on the grassy lawn.

Adhering to the warning that Jeremiah had given him that morning, Blaine did his best to stifle a yawn. He didn't know how the other boys dealt with this everyday. They hadn't been allowed back into their rooms until 11:30 the night before, and thanks to his now seemingly all-present anxiety, he had spent a good amount of the night tossing and turning. Suffice it to say, the 5:30 wake-up call came all too soon.

When he was finally allowed back into his room, Blaine had been relieved to find a few of his bags waiting for him. It was clearly nowhere near everything he had brought with him. They had taken a lot of his stuff, but knowing that he had some of his personal belongs back caused a huge rush of relief to flow through him and gave him a phantom feeling of home.

That morning, after being rudely awoken by a repetitively annoying horn from somewhere outside, Blaine used the little light he had available from the crack at the bottom of his door to search through what little he had available to wear. As expected, all of his sweater vests, bowties, and any brightly colored article of clothing had been removed from his bags.

Eventually, Blaine had decided on a dark green polo shirt with a pair of khakis. He had been allowed a quick shower the night before, and with no hair gel available for him to use that morning, his hair now sat in curly nest on top of his head.

"You know, it doesn't look that bad," Jeremiah had acknowledged, walking up beside him as they followed the crowd of other boys in the direction of where the Church stood.

Glancing in his direction, Blaine noted the boys puffed out cheeks and the fact that he was biting his lower lip, trying not to laugh.

Blaine let out an annoyed sigh. "Don't, okay? I know it looks bad."

He heard a soft chuckle escape the other boy, but did his best to ignore the reaction by people watching the other boys. Feeling a yawn coming, he raised a hand to cover his mouth.

"You should try not to do that," Jeremiah had advised, once again in control of his emotions.

"What?" Blaine asked, confused.

"Yawn," he noted. "They consider it a sign of boredom, or that you're not listening to what is going on. And watch the staring," he added after a short pause.

"Staring?"

Jeremiah nodded. "Trust me. I'm helping you here," he said. Walking passed one of the counselors, he leaned closer to Blaine to whisper the warning. "They'll send you into isolation if they catch you staring at another boy."

The way he had said 'isolation', Blaine didn't think he was referring to the words usual meaning, but he fought off the urge to question him on it and reverted his eyes to what was right in front of him.

"Do you think that you are an exception to God's will?" the Pastor cried as he passed right in front of Blaine, instantly bringing him back to the present.

Not wanting to get in trouble on his first day participating in the camps activities, Blaine tried to block out all of his distractions and focus on the man's words, but it was hard.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Blaine attempted to fight off the cold morning chill to no avail. He was quickly starting to wish he had grabbed something heavier than the light brown cardigan he was currently sporting. But how was he suppose to know that part of the church's assembly took place outside? The growling of his empty stomach didn't do much in helping him concentrate either.

"Do not think that God will repent your sins if you go against him. You are an abomination if you look at a man, as you should a woman. An abomination!"


It had been a relief when they were finally allowed inside the Church building to finish out the rest of the service. It was so much warmer inside the four walls.

With the Church proceedings finally drifting to a close, Blaine stood to follow the rest of the gathered boys back outside to go and eat. By this point, his hunger was causing his stomach to cramp. Why hadn't they given him anything to eat for dinner last night?

He was just exiting the pew when a woman's voice called out from the direction of the platform.

"Chandler Kiehl and Blaine Anderson!"

Blaine froze and a cold shiver ran up is spine at hearing his name being called in such a malice sounding voice. Hesitantly, he slowly turned around to face the woman who spoke up.

Instead of wearing one of the customary light blue polo shirts that he had quickly come to recognize as identifying the camps counselors, the woman was sporting a gray skirt that stopped a couple inches above her knees. Her white blouse was tucked neatly into the top of the skirt, a few buttons left undone. Long, brunette hair came to rest halfway down her back.

If Blaine hadn't been gay, he knew there was a strong possibility that he could have been attracted to her; which he figured was part of their point in hiring her in the first place.

"You two stay behind," the woman snapped, swiveling her gaze between Blaine and where he assumed the other boy called must have been standing. "The rest of you, head for the cafeteria. Lunch will be ready soon."

Blaine felt someone nudge his arm and turned to find Jeremiah at his side. "I'll save you a seat in the cafeteria," his friend promised, and Blaine nodded in thanks.

As the other boys cleared out of the building, Blaine was able to get his first look at the kid known as Chandler. A navy-blue beanie sat on the kid's head with a few wisps of blonde hair peeking out of the front. Round glasses sat on his nose.

The kid slowly maneuvered his way towards where Blaine was standing in the center aisle, as the woman stepped off the stage. She waited until the other boy had drawn closer before speaking.

"Our newest arrivals," the woman noted with a look of slight disgust, before rudely shoving her way in between them, calling a low, "Follow me" over her shoulder.

With shocked expressions painted on the boy's faces, they turned as one to stare at the woman's retreating form.

Blaine sensed Chandler leaning closer to whisper something to him. "Any idea what this is about?"

Blaine simply shrugged in answer to his question, before motioning to the boy that they should hurry to catch up with the woman.

"My name is Maria Shaw," the lady was saying, as they pushed their way through the front doors of the Church and stumbled down the stairs. "I run the group meetings here . . ."

Chandler and Blaine shared a look as they began to follow Mrs. Shaw in the direction of the Rec Center. While she continued to ramble on about rules and what would be expected of them during their time at the camp, Chandler laid a hand on Blaine's arm to signal him to slow down their pace to create some distance between themselves and the woman.

"How long have you been here?" the blonde asked in a soft voice.

"Not long," Blaine whispered back. "My dad dropped me off yesterday morning."

"My parent's didn't tell me where we were going," Chandler commented. "They picked me up after school on Monday. Told me they had a surprise for me–"

"And then they brought you here?" Blaine asked, shocked.

"Some surprise, right?" he sighed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I told my parents I was a gay last year. They were hoping it was just a phase, but then I made the mistake of telling them about this boy I am crushing on in one of my classes . . . I guess the idea of me acting on my feelings sent them over the edge."

Blaine nodded slowly in understanding.

"What about you?"

"My dad caught me making out with my boyfriend . . . I hadn't told him I was gay."

Chandler was silent for a moment before responding. "What's your boyfriend's name?"

"Kurt," Blaine paused, a smile growing on his face before slowly fading away again. "My dad was so mad, he almost hit him . . . He would have too if I hadn't stepped in."

By this point, their little group had reached the front doors of the Rec Center and the boys hurried inside behind Mrs. Shaw.

Blaine's stomach growled again in desperation as the smell of food wafted down the hallway. He couldn't help by groan in irritation when Mrs. Shaw turned towards the staircase and began to climb it.

"Where are we going?" he asked Chandler, more as cry in frustration then actually expecting to receive an answer.

"The Theater room," Mrs. Shaw replied instead, not bothering to turn around to look at him. She stopped in front of one door and pushed it open, flicking on the light switch as she entered.

The walls inside the theater room where painted a dark gray with a light gray carpet covering the floor. Ten seats were spread out in two rows in front of a white screen that hang from the wall on the opposite side of the room from the door. The chairs were similar to the ones that could be found in a public movie theater, only these seats didn't fold up and there were no cup holders available for use.

"You will be watching a collection of short films during your stay with us," Mrs. Shaw explained, finally turning to face them. "Today, you will see a seven-minute clip from John Piper, an American Reformed Baptist." She turned away again to walk over to the audio stand that was in the corner and started messing around with one of the gadgets. "Take a seat, and listen closely to what he says."

Blaine slipped into the middle seat in the front row, while Chandler warily slid into the seat to his right. A light flashed on the screen before an image eventually appeared of a man with gray hair, and a receding hairline, looking at something or someone off screen. He was shown sitting in front of a light blue, almost purple backdrop.

The overhead lights suddenly clicked off, and they heard the soft sound of the door closing behind them, telling them that Maria Shaw had left the room temporarily.

"Why is homosexuality wrong?" the video started with someone asking off screen.

The man turned to face the camera before beginning to speak in a soft almost soothing voice.

"With every sin, there are multiple levels of why it's offensive to God, and to be avoided. The simplest is clearly to say that the Bible says it is. We'll start there, and if we can go deeper, that's good."

Blaine let out an annoyed sigh and shifted himself into a more comfortable position, mentally preparing himself for the onslaught of ridicule he instantly suspected that this man was going to throw at him.

"I think it's implied clearly. It's spoken clearly in Romans 1:24 to 29 that it is wrong and to be avoided, and I think Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:9 to 10 lists a very unusual phrase about homosexuality where he says, 'Those who do such things' – and he lists it along with greed and covetousness and other sins, so it's not unique by itself in this – 'those who do such things will not enter into the kingdom of heaven'. In other words, if you know that it's wrong, and you say, 'I don't care that it's wrong. I don't care what God says. I'm going to do that thing'. That's an indication that you're not going into the kingdom of heaven."

"The Bible also says that adultery and divorce are sinful, and yet people do that too. You don't see anyone threatening them and sending them away," Chandler noted, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"Now, that's just the 'It's wrong, don't do it,' authority answer. The question 'Why would the Bible say that?' is also multi-layered. Number one, the Bible sets it up at the beginning that a man and a woman become one flesh, and that's God's way of doing sexuality. Sexuality is God's idea and we should learn from God what it is, and it's a man and a woman created in a beautifully complementary way so that they form one flesh, and to try to do it another way is a distortion. It's a corruption. It's a dysfunction of the way God made it. That's number two. Number three, and this is probably the only other one I'll give, is that as I reflect on Romans 1, and the way Paul unpacked the problem with homosexuality, it appears to me that Paul is saying something like this: When you exchange the glory of God for idols, then main one that you exchange the glory of God for is yourself. The idol that you have is yourself. Well, what sex is 'yourself'? My sex is male. If you're a woman watching this, your sex is female. Well, he seems to draw out the fact that in exchanging God for our most cherished idol, which is usually yourself, we are prone to fall in love with the same-sex. So, implication: same-sex attraction is a dysfunctional form of idolatry."

Blaine and Chandler shared a confused look with each other before turning back to the video.

"Now there are other kinds! Don't hear me saying that homosexual temptations are the only way that kind of self-idolatry emerges. But go to Romans 1:24 to 29 and just think that through yourself – ask how verse 23, the exchange of God for created things, relates to the exchange talked about in verse 26: 'They exchange the nature for the unnatural'. The same words 'exchanged' are used throughout that passage. The deepest thing that I've ever hit upon for why God would disapprove of this is not just that the Bible says 'Don't do it', and not just that God created male and female, but deep down there is a kind of idolatry involved in same-sex relationships that is very profound."

"Is he saying that the reason I'm gay is because I think to highly of myself?" Chandler questioned, folding his arms across his chest.

"That's what I heard," Blaine practical growled.

"I'm sure there are other reasons why it's bad for us. And God loves us and he calls us not to do it. But before I turn away from that question, let me say to those of you that struggle with this that this is not hard for me to empathize with or imagine. I don't want those of you who are wrestling with this to feel like, "This is just the worst possible thing imaginable'. I don't feel that way. What I feel is simply the need to admit brokenness before the Lord. Set yourself up to say, 'My heart is broken, and I am weeping, because for reasons I don't understand, I am broken in my sexuality. I'm broken. I wish I weren't. I can choose to turn my brokenness into sin'."

The boys shared another look with each other, and Blaine raised an eyebrow as if to ask 'Are you buying any of this?'.

"See, I don't think it's sin to be broken. It's the result of sin to be broken. But to just be that way, to feel this way, I don't think is any more sin than me feeling heterosexual. It's unnatural, it's broken, but now I have the choice with my heterosexuality to make it sin or to make it holy. A person who wrestles with homosexual temptations and desires has the same choice: to sin with it, or to be chaste and to seek to overcome and to move into something more God-appointed. So don't hear me isolating it as the worst of all sins. It is part of a brokenness that I share. I think John Piper's personality is broken."

"I thought he was John Piper," Blaine stated in a cold tone. He heard Chandler chuckle quietly beside him, and allowed a smirk to crawl onto his face.

"Can't speaking about yourself in the third-person be seen as some form of self-idolatry?" Chandler added.

Not sure how to answer, Blaine simply shrugged his shoulders.

"I could give you specifics: they would have to do with anger, and self-pity. And I'm just wired to like certain sins a lot. I think it's partly genetic. I saw it in my grandmother and my mother. I think it's partly family-based, and it's just me. I'm broken. So I can choose to let that brokenness govern me and turn it into sins. Or I can choose to say, 'I'm going to deal with the brokenness I have and try to steer my way through my brokenness to do as much good for others and avoid as much sin as I can'."


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