First of all, a huge thank you to everyone who's reviewed/favorited/alerted/whatever this fic. I'm so glad you guys are liking it so far and I hope I can continue to deliver a story you enjoy.
Second, I know that the tense changes at the end of this chapter. I have struggled with extreme writer's block this week (I rewrote the first scene at least three or four times and apologize in advance for OOCness) and if changing tenses for half a scene was what it took to get the words out, I decided to do it. Hopefully things will be more consistent next time (though I do like the stream-of-consciousness feel it has to it. Anybody else have a preference?).
Finally, a warning. The end of this chapter may approach an M rating, but there's nothing graphic.
I love Kurt's family. I tell myself this every time I visit, not because I'm trying to convince myself, but because it's so true it never ceases to amaze me. For example- they eat dinner together every night. (Well, almost every- Kurt's obviously at Dalton most nights and sometimes Burt has to work late at the garage, but it's more than my family does.) My parents are away on business most of the time, and since I'd rather be surrounded by people at Dalton than be left alone with my thoughts in an empty house, I don't have that type of family activity very often.
We'd spent so much time at Breadstix that we ended up getting back to Kurt's house too late to join dinner. (Not that it crossed Kurt's mind- "we'd" already eaten.) I watched him with an amused smile on my face as he fumbled with his shoes in the entryway, anxious to see his family.
Part of me wondered why Kurt still attended Dalton if he missed them so much, even with all the time he'd had to get adjusted. He enjoyed it there, he told me so, but I worried if it meant he wanted to leave. I would never ask him of course; I didn't want him to leave me, however selfish it sounded.
"Are you coming, Blaine?" Kurt tugged at my hand, blue eyes bright. It made me happy to see how comfortable he was now, because of Dalton. His eyes were brighter, more alive without a hint of fear in them. His cheeks were flushed, the darkness that had hung over him like a cloud had cleared. It was beautiful.
It was mesmerizing.
He pulled me into the kitchen and began to greet his family, his voice an octave higher in his excitement. I didn't say much, just nodded to everyone as they waved at me- Kurt was busy hugging his father, kissing Carole, even high-fiving Finn, all the while relating this past week at school to them at machine-gun speed.
"Geez, do you ever breathe, Kurt?" Finn joked as Kurt paused for a moment to look back at me. "Sit down, guys."
Kurt glanced back and forth between me and the table again and I frowned, confused. If he had the option to spend time with his family, there should be no question.
"…Actually, Finn," Kurt began slowly, "I think I'm going to spend some time with Blaine. I promised him we'd watch a movie tonight."
Finn shrugged and went back to his meal. Burt, however, fixed the two of us with what Kurt had labeled his "suspicious parent" stare.
"Same rules as Finn, Kurt. Door open- if I hear moaning, he's out of here."
"Yes, Dad." I could see the flush creeping up the back of Kurt's neck and then he whirled around, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me back towards the door and the stairs that would lead us up to his room.
We settled ourselves on the bed once Kurt had popped the movie in and turned off the lights, me between his legs as he leaned against the headboard. This was better, safer, in case- I shook my head and tried to relax, breathing in deeply. Best not to think about that right now. Kurt's cologne was intoxicating…
"Will you be able to keep yourself awake through this?" he teased, gentle fingers tangled in the curls at the base of my neck and oh, god, I love Kurt so much.
"Maybe," I breathed. Calm yourself, Blaine. You can't let things go wrong this early in the evening. I swallowed. "I'm sorry about your dad."
His knee twitched. "What?"
Great job. My mind reeled for a moment, trying to fix what I'd just said. "N-nothing, I mean… I'm sorry that you were embarrassed. It came out wrong."
He chuckled softly, relieving some of the tension in my chest. "Don't worry about it. If that's all I have to put up with from them, I'm happy."
Then that was it for talking as the credits started.
I stopped paying attention to the story soon after the movie began, focusing instead on Kurt's soft, rhythmic breathing and the steady massage of his thumb on my shoulder. It distracted me from the painful emptiness in my stomach. Every once in a while I would turn my head and brush my lips over Kurt's fingers, just to make him blush. I loved that shy, adorable look in Kurt's eyes whenever I did it… and it kept his hands where they needed to be. (Not that he would put them anywhere else- don't think things like that.)
It was about an hour in when everything went to hell. I felt it before I heard it, that aching tightness that normally died down after the first couple days of starving myself. Then my stomach growled, loud enough to be heard over the dialogue. I wanted to die.
"Blaine? Did you want to get something to eat?"
Oh, no. Was he angry? I swallowed, trying to gauge Kurt's tone without looking at him. He didn't sound angry, but…
"Don't worry about it," I whispered. I wondered if Kurt could hear the fake cheerfulness. "I don't want to interrupt the movie."
His warmth pulled away and a spark of fear surged through my veins. I whirled around to see- Kurt's smiling, bemused face, tinted blue in the darkness.
Get a hold of yourself. You're fine.
"We're in the twenty-first century, Blaine. We have something called a remote-" he lifted the plastic device and shook it- "and we can pause the DVD." He waved it in the direction of the TV, though he didn't press a button. "Go get a snack."
I said nothing, watching him quietly. Door number two of the night. I had twenty-two hours left to go. While I would almost definitely be sick with myself later for what I was about to do, and it would add a significant amount of time to my punishment… it was necessary. …And maybe, just maybe, Kurt would enjoy it. I would do my best, and hopefully that would be enough for him to not care, to forgive me.
He swallowed, expression wary. "Blaine, what-?"
"You know what?" I murmured, voice low. "I just realized something." His eyes are wide as he stares up at me, trembling slightly, unsure of what I'm about to do. Just like I am. "There are much better ways of interrupting a movie."
The thing that makes me feel the worst about this is that I can't tell if the look in Kurt's eyes is excitement or fear- I know it's my fault, either way, and I feel awful. But I can't back out now. Not unless he says no. He can't think I'm just toying with him.
But he's not saying no. His breath is- it's actually quickening, and his eyes are slits and now he's kissing me, and- it takes everything I have not to moan into the kiss, because I heard what his father said, and more than anything I don't want to ruin this for Kurt.
He pulls back to look at me, searching my face for… something. I keep it carefully guarded; I don't want him to know that I have motives for wanting to do this with him.
"I think you may be right." His voice is breathless and I want to cry, but I have to see this through. Kurt moves to press "mute" on the remote but I grab his hand and shake my head, motioning towards the half open door.
He nods and leans back on the bed, obviously expecting for me to follow. I'm about to when my eyes catch on to something that makes my stomach twist and my heart ache and I can't, I just can't.
Kurt is hard.
His beautiful face creases into a frown, and he tries to follow my gaze to see what's upsetting me. His pale cheeks flush darkly.
"We- we don't have to, Blaine, you don't have to if you don't want-"
"Shh." I kiss him gently, cutting off his words. "Just relax. This… this'll feel amazing, Kurt."
He bites his lip, nods, lies back again, watching me carefully.
"Tell me if you want me to stop." With one last glance towards the door, my heart about to pound out of my chest, I direct my trembling hands towards Kurt's zipper and lower my head.
