Saturday Morning
Molly got into bed and tried very hard to stop her mind racing and re-living the last few hours, she knew she needed to sleep but it was even harder now to switch off than it had been before she'd gone to talk to Charles. It had all been so cut and dried, so black and white, so simple, before. He had betrayed her and there was no excuse for it and he had paid the price, but then so had she. She thought about what he'd said about that night, that he'd gone out drinking because he was bored and restless and lonely, that he'd got pissed and done something so incredibly stupid that he found it difficult to talk about and he certainly hadn't made any excuses about why he'd done it. But had she really made him feel that he had to be perfect all the time, had to have all the answers, no, she didn't think she had, but if she had done that it wasn't because she meant to.
They'd had an incredibly stressful couple of years, especially him, what with his injury and not knowing whether he would ever be fit enough to get back and her being deployed leaving him at home. Okay they had got married and had been very happy together, there was no question about that, but then she had been away for nearly six months and he was left with his worries and without the distraction of work or anything really to take his mind off things, so he'd gone out drinking. He'd told her once in Afghan that he'd never lied to her and that was still true, he hadn't lied. Okay he had been economical with the truth, hadn't greeted her on the doormat with a full confession that he'd had a drunken one night stand and she knew that it was completely out of character for him, that it wasn't humanly possible to be more sorry than he was and that he would give anything to be able to go back and change it, to have a tardis, but he couldn't, so maybe it was time to let it go. The tears pricked at the back of her eyes as she faced the fact that it was too late for anything to make a difference, their marriage was still over.
She started to think about Ben, kind, funny, nice looking but very different to Charlie. About as different as you can get in looks, Ben with his blonde hair and blue eyes was almost the complete opposite, he was nowhere near as tall, but still a lot taller than her, well most people were, and he had slightly crooked teeth which was a surprise bearing in mind how loaded his family were, it surprised Molly that someone hadn't sorted them out when he was a kid, but his crooked smile suited him.
She had met him almost a year ago now when they had both been on a resuscitation course, she was doing a refresher which you have to do every year and he was learning it from scratch and they'd had a right laugh over doing mouth to mouth on a rubber dolly. It had been the first time she had laughed out loud since it had all kicked off and she had started seeing him, trying to move on with her life. He was a lovely bloke, always kind and he put up with the days that she was really miserable and arsey, did his best to cheer her up when her bleeding horrible Sergeant got her down, and although he didn't set the world alight for her, that wasn't his fault, she didn't really give him the chance. She didn't want to ever hurt like that again. She had told Charlie that she loved Ben, and she did, but not in a full blown passionate, can't live without him kind of way or counting the hours till I see him kind of way, more of a gentle, caring way that was comfortable, that she couldn't see being hurtful and that she was sure was enough for her now.
She was finally drifting off when the door opened and Ben walked in, a really set expression on his face.
"Hello, what are you doing here so early, I thought you said lunchtime?" Molly did her best to sound 'normal'
"Where were you? And before you even think of making something up, I was here a couple of hours ago, and then I couldn't sit here any longer imagining stuff, so I went for a drive." He put his hand up to stop her speaking "You were with him, weren't you?"
"No, well yes, but not the way you mean, no"
"What, you didn't sleep with him?"
"Yes I did, I fell asleep, but if you mean did I have sex with him, then no, I bloody didn't. How can you even ask that?"
"You know what, Molly? I don't think I believe you" Molly stared at him, horrified "We've been together, what? Almost a year and you see him for a couple of hours and there you are back in bed with him. What does that tell you? I always knew that he was still there, that he hadn't really gone and made way for me, but I kept on hoping that it would happen. When I first met you, you were so hurt and angry with him, you hated him, but that was nearly a year ago and your divorce has gone through since then and you haven't really started to get over it at all, have you? You're still as angry with him as you were a year ago. I should have listened last week when you said you didn't want him here this weekend but I thought it would be okay; obviously I didn't really think at all, did I?"
"No, you're wrong, Ben, I am getting over him, I am over him, it's all going to be fine, we'll have our party and get engaged and everything will work out, you'll see"
"So, when did that happen then? A couple of hours ago when you were in bed with him?
Molly didn't know how to answer him, this was a fucking nightmare, she just wanted to make everything okay, put all the pieces back together, not to be causing anyone any pain, but he was right and she knew it. Ben had been her 'human shield' against the pain of Charles, he had made everything feel better, given her the illusion that she was moving on with her life.
"Ben, please don't do this, you're wrong about all this, I do love you"
"Yes, I know you do, but it's not enough is it? The way you love me I mean, it's not enough to get married on, is it? I mean how many times have we made love? And you've faked it every time"
Molly pulled a horrified face, they had only been to bed a handful of times and she'd thought he hadn't a clue about her "When Harry met Sally "performances. It wasn't that she didn't fancy him, she did, but it just hadn't happened and she'd begun to feel sorry for him, he had tried so hard. She felt under pressure to perform, as well as, if she was being absolutely honest, wanting it to be over, so she'd faked it, always expecting that it would work,….. eventually. She didn't know whether he was waiting for her to deny it or admit it, she just didn't know what to say at all.
"Sex isn't everything, and anyway it would have worked in the end" She knew she sounded ridiculous, and wasn't sure why the hell she was trying so hard to keep hold of something that would be a disaster in the long run.
"I'm not sure that I want to make love to someone who's covered in someone else's handprints"
"That's a horrible thing to say and it's not true and you know it"
"Yeah I know, sorry"
"Are you dumping me?"
"No, well I guess I am really, so yes"
Molly waited for the heartbreak to start, for the feelings of 'Oh, no not again' to kick in, but they didn't, all she felt was a bit of sadness and a lot of relief.
"So, what about this bloody party? Your mother has spent a small fortune on all this, what the hell's she gonna say?"
"Well, no-one asked her to, it was her choice, anyway she'll probably turn it into a celebration of the lucky escape her darling son has had, in between phoning to see if Beatrice or Eugenie are still available" He gave a rueful laugh.
"I always did love your mother's face, both of them"
""Sorry, but you were never going to be her first choice were you?" he took a deep breath and tried to smile "So, what will you do now, go and find him?"
"No" Molly shook her head, "I'm not going to be with him, I just told you that. I think I'll try being on me own for a bit, see if I can get Sergeant Misery Guts to like me, or at least to stop sticking pins in the wax thingy he has of me. What about you, will you be okay?"
"Yes, of course I will. Do you want a lift to the station when you're ready?"
"No. it's okay, I'll get a taxi" Molly couldn't believe that they were being so civilised, that their relationship had just splintered and fallen apart without any real emotion at all, no tears, no shouting, nothing, it was all so sad that the fantasy of them getting married and living in a happy ever after bubble had been just that, a fantasy, and the worst thing was, in her heart of hearts, she had probably known it all along.
Og..og.. ..og
"Have you seen Sarah anywhere?" Charles was standing by the desk in Reception looking around him as Ben was waiting to speak to the girl behind the desk, "I just want to make sure that she can get back okay if I push off, I'm sorry I know I'm probably being incredibly rude, but thanks anyway I'm going to give the party a miss.
Sarah will be fine" Ben couldn't make up his mind whether to tell Charles that the party was off, that the engagement was off, that Molly had gone, then he decided that he wouldn't, he wasn't actually ready to play 'Mr Nice Guy', because despite what he'd said to her, breaking up with Molly had broken his heart.
"Can you say sorry to Molly for me and just, I don't know, goodbye I guess" Charles was making his way out of the door into the pouring rain when Ben had a change of heart, despite his hurt feelings he actually wanted Molly to be happy and he knew that whatever happened, she wasn't ever going to come back to him.
"The engagement's off, Molly's on her way home, she left about an hour ago" Ben turned and walked away, leaving Charles standing in the rain, staring at him, then frantically looking through the directory on his mobile for Molly's mobile number, he didn't want to have to ask Ben for it, but he would if he had to
Authors notes: Thank you for all the feedback, even the couple of reviews where you were so horrified that I had made Charles show feet of clay. I wasn't actually condoning anything, I just set out to write a story where even a totally gorgeous bloke (yes I adore him too) can make a mistake, do something stupid, something he will regret for ever, but to also show that maybe everyone deserves a second chance, and that just, maybe, we shouldn't condemn someone for ever for one mistake.
