. . . Eh-heh. Hey guys. It's been a while, hasn't it? I am so sorry it's been so long. You guys deserve better. I had school and plays and such, but the real reason why this took so long was because I was too lazy to do the research. (I'm naughty. Do not follow my example children.) But, I finally did (thanks to an encouraging PM from Aabluedragon. Thank you so much for always being there to push me on!) and now here is the new chapter. And it's the longest one yet! That gets me some points, right? ...Right? I'm pretty proud of this one, and I might be laying down some head cannons. Sorry if you don't like, but please enjoy :)

Awesome song of awesome: "Falcon in the Dive" from The Scarlet Pimpernel. The last note gives me chills every time. Seriously, it's amazing.

Hetalia is not mine. Nor will it ever be.

This story is not edited in any way despite myself, so please excuse any mistakes that may be in here.


Estonia, Latvia, and Russia's two sisters ended up being the ones who went with him to go spend time with China. China brought along Japan, who was happy to come. They met in a not-well-known restaurant near both of the bigger nations' borders and enjoyed the emptiness of the place together. Here they didn't have to worry. As they talked and laughed they were able to release some of the stress they were carrying. For this moment, they could let go of their countries' struggles, they could forget about the challenges hovering over them. They were always nesting in the back of their minds, but for this brief time they were . . . human.

Russia was smiling throughout all of it, enjoying this chance to be with friends. He had been a little nervous when they first arrived because he wasn't sure how China would act, but soon the nerves had faded as the group was filled with warm ease. China was friendly and funny, and Russia enjoyed listening to his higher pitched voice. The nations had ordered food from their own countries, but during the meal they traded portions and got a taste of each other's cultures.

At the point where their plates were more empty than full, Japan and Estonia glanced at each other and gave small nods. Their plan would commence now.

"Eduard-san, the radio in my car seems to be broken. If it's not too much trouble, could you look at it and see if you can do anything?" Japan asked politely.

"Of course," Estonia replied as he grabbed Latvia's arm. "Raivas can probably help too."

Latvia wasn't in on the plan and didn't understand why they were leaving. "But I haven't finished eating."

"We'll come back," Estonia said, standing and forcing Latvia to as well. "And it's not like it will go anywhere."

Japan stood with them and gave a small bow to those still sitting. "We'll be back shortly."

As they walked out Ukraine picked up on what they were doing. She approved of it and wanted to help.

"Natalia, come to the lady's room with me," she said to the long-haired girl.

"What, why?" Belarus asked with a disgusted look.

"Because I need to use it," Ukraine stated.

"Then go by yourself. You don't need me to—"

"Nonsense, we have to go together, we're girls!" Ukraine took her sister's arm and dragged her away before more could be said.

Russia watched them go, and when he turned forward again he realized him and China were alone. That wouldn't have been so bad if China's attitude hadn't changed and he wasn't staring at him, but he was. His dark eyes buried deep into Russia, shifting and looking for answers with practiced skill. Russia shifted nervously and messed with his scarf, but never looked away from China. They stayed like that for a long time, just staring at each other. China searching, Russia not hiding anything.

Finally, Russia had to break the silence. He forgot that they were in a public place and had to use their human names. "China, I . . . I want to apologize again for everything that I've done. I know I've been mean and scary and I've done things that should have never been even thought of but . . . I don't want to do those things anymore. I don't want to be that person anymore."

China took this all in without changing his expression. A moment after Russia finished China's eyes narrowed.

"What happened to you?" he asked quietly.

Russia blinked. "What?"

"You've changed," China stated. "And I don't mean a little or with your nation, you're a completely different person now. Why? What happened to you?"

Russia looked down at his hands. The big question no one had asked yet. He didn't like this question, it brought up bad memories that he didn't like to talk about. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said softly.

"I'm over 4,000 years old. I've seen some pretty unbelievable things." China sat back and folded his arms, his eyes gaining an old and wise stubbornness. "Try me."

Russia stared at him and it was then that he realized all of the things China kept hidden inside his mind. The man had been alive for centuries. He had lived hundreds of lifetimes. Behind those dark eyes held the wisdom of such a long existence. All the secrets and longing and sorrows of all of life itself. China kept it all deep within him. Russia couldn't imagine trying to hold onto all that without slipping, or cracking. He suddenly saw another thing very clearly.

China was tired.

He was tired of humanity. Of living through deaths and disasters. Of watching humans repeat the same mistakes century after century, and shaking his head when they made new ones. He was tired of fighting those he loved. He was tired of having knowledge that he couldn't share. He was tired of screams, of pain, of betrayals, of disappointment, of tears. He was tired of living, and yet, he remained, holding all of the world inside this small and weary body.

Russia had to give him something he hadn't had enough of in his long life. China deserved some honesty. "When I was small, I gave up my heart to General Winter."

China's blink was the only sign of his surprise.

Russia continued, finding that he couldn't stop now that he had started. "And when you give your heart to someone, whoever that is controls you. All of you. Your body, you mind, everything. They have complete power over you. All of the time you have known me, I was under General Winter's influence. I've only recently gotten my heart back, and now, I am myself. This is me, China."

Russia couldn't read the expression on China's face, but his own eyebrows drew in. "But, the Russia you knew before was me too, it wasn't all General Winter. I was perfectly aware of what was happening and I didn't stop it, didn't even try. I am so sorry for all that I've done to you, China. I know I've been horrible, and I don't know how apologizing is going to help, but just know that I am so sorry—"

"Ivan—"

"—it's my fault. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you—"

"Russia, stop!"

Russia drew back at China's raised voice and closed his mouth.

"Stop apologizing. Stop being sorry." China leaned back into his seat and looked at Russia with his heavy, sad eyes. "Stop. You're just lying to me and yourself."

Russia frowned. "I'm not—"

"Yes, you are. Look, even if you hadn't given your heart away, the same things would have happened. You would have been forced to do the same exact things because it wasn't General Winter who controlled your life Russia, it was and forever will be your government, your people. All of us are controlled by the will of our citizens, we are nations. So stop apologizing, stop saying you'll make it all up, because, no matter of your best intentions, you won't. What happens from here on and forever is according to our people, not to us. You are going to do things you don't want to do, think things you would never think, act in ways that make you cringe and scream in horror. That is our fate, Russia."

Russia's eyebrows were drawn close to his eyes with conflict. China's logic was true, there was no way to deny it, but he felt like there had to be a way. "But . . . I didn't have to act the way I did during . . . free moments."

China's eyes softened just slightly. "Free moments? Russia, we don't have free moments. We are always linked to our people, but it's not just that. Every little thing we do affects our futures, and Russia, we make mistakes." He gave a sad, tired laugh. "We make the same mistakes every day and say we're learning. And those mistakes leak into the rest of our lives. We break promises and stab backs because we are human. We're the personification of humans, hundreds piled into one body. We're more human than any human who has walked the earth."

Russia stared at him for a long time without saying anything. Then he asked, "How many years have you walked the earth? How many horrors have you had to endure? How many disasters and tears have you had to see?" How badly are you hurting?

China gave a sigh, a sigh that carried more than the weight of the world. A sigh that was growing much too tired to carry that weight, but had no choice but to lift it higher. "More than anyone should have to."

Russia suddenly leaned forward and grabbed China's hands. "China, I want to be your friend. I know that we'll be forced to do things to each other that we won't want to do. I know that we have the weight of the nations on our shoulders and we can never let that go, but when we can, in times like this, lets act as though nothing can go wrong."

China stared at him with wide eyes. All of his experience was telling him to say no. Don't make connections, don't get close people, it only makes the fights and betrayals hurt more. Making emotions critical in your life made that life so much more painful.

But what was the point of living if you didn't make those connections?

China's face broke into a truly happy grin, an expression he had few opportunities to feel in the past. "Yes, Russia. I will be your friend."

Russia smiled too and they just stayed that way, holding hands and smiling at each other. They could still feel their people, hear their thoughts in the back of their minds, but right here, right now, they were themselves and could act how they wanted to act. Be who they wanted to be.

The moment ended when Russia suddenly went rigid. His eyes grew wide and distant, and he wasn't looking at China anymore. He was watching something far away, and China watched as his face flooded with horror. China recognized what was happening. Something was happening to Russia's country, something bad. He placed a hand on the bigger man's arm and then pulled it away. Russia didn't respond, probably didn't even notice the comfort. China closed off his feelings and looked away.

Looks like their friendship would have to be put on hold.

Russia blinked and was at the table again. His breath started coming out fast and choppy as he looked at China.

China looked at him with guarded eyes. "What is it?"

Russia couldn't get his thoughts straight. There was a pulling sensation in his chest that was completely terrifying him. "My country . . . Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania . . . they're . . ."

He stood and rushed outside. When he opened the door Japan, Estonia, and Latvia were scrambling away from the window, but right now he didn't care if they had been watching. He was staring at the two countries that were currently his's hands. They noticed his staring and looked down at their linked hands. They hadn't noticed that they grabbed each other's hands, but now that they did they couldn't let go. They felt their people hundreds of miles away, making a human chain across the Baltics to defy the Soviet rule (1). Slowly, they both turned and faced the tall Russian before them, their people's defiance overcoming their personal thoughts.

Russia stared at them with absolute betrayal clear in his honest violet eyes. It was happening. There had been some signs before. Small and worrying rebellions throughout the countries that were under him. Latvia was surprisingly determined to get out of his rule, but this was different. These were the people who were living with him in his home, and this was the first one they did together. This was the undeniable sign of the thing he had feared all of his life. They were defying him. They were quietly declaring their want to be separated from him. Part of Russia's mind screamed in denial. He couldn't let them leave him. He had to make it so they stayed forever. He suddenly had the urge to lock the two smaller nations in his house so they could never leave. He had to make them stay. He couldn't be alone.

He blinked and realized that he had moved. He was standing in front of Estonia and Latvia and he had both of their thin wrists in one hand. He was twisting them at an odd angle, forcing their arms to jut painfully out-of-place, but still they held on to each other. They looked with him with the fear they had so often used when he didn't have his heart. His eyes slowly widened and he released them, backing away. He raised a hand to his head as the voice continued to scream at him. The voice was his own, but it wasn't him. No, it was him, but it wasn't. He closed his eyes as it intensified, but it didn't take over again. It was as if two different people battled inside of him, but they were both him. They both wanted the same thing, to not be left alone, but they had very different opinions of what to do about it. He felt his government dispatch officers to break up the people, and part of him wanted to do the same thing right here, but not all of him wanted to.

He could resist the impulse of his people.

What was happening? China had just lectured him on how their people controlled their lives, and that would never end. Russia knew that was true, he had been forced to experience it multiple times, but now here he was. Acting how he wanted without being controlled. Granted, with something screeching in his head. His legs grew weak and he stumbled, having to use the building for support. He looked up and saw everyone staring at him, even the three that had been inside. He suddenly felt very self-conscience and didn't want to meet any of their eyes, but he needed to know something. He locked eyes with China, who he knew would know exactly what was going on with Russia. But China was looking at him with confusion. He didn't understand how this was happening. He didn't even know. Russia felt fear begin to stab into his gut.

What was going on? His breath began to come it in short bursts and his heart was speeding up. What was happening to him? He felt his hands begin to shake. No, he had to calm down. He couldn't let this freak him out and turn him into a trembling mess. At least not here, in front of these other nations. He clenched his fists and stood straight, staring straight ahead.

He said not unkindly, but roughly, "Come Estonia, Latvia, we're going home."

He glanced once back at China before walking swiftly away. Estonia and Latvia glanced at each other before following him, their hands staying locked together tightly. Russia's sisters had driven there in a different car, and, after sharing a worried look, they began to walk to it. China and Japan were left alone, standing under the restaurant's sign. After a long moment of silence Japan looked at China, who was still staring in the direction Russia went.

"What just happened?" he asked.

China didn't answer for a moment, and when he did, his voice held a note of doom. "Something I have never seen before."


(1) The Baltic Chain (also called the Chain of Freedom) was a peaceful political demonstration that occurred on August 23, 1989. Approximately two million people joined their hands to form a human chain spanning over 600 kilometres (370 mi) across the three Baltic states of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, illegally incorporated as republics into the Soviet Union. (I'm sorry to point this out, but I'm really bad at dates. This happened before the Berlin Wall fell =.= *Unhappy sigh* I am not good at these historical timeline things. For the sake of the story and my sanity, please excuse this stupid mistake and pretend it works. Kay? Thank you everyone, I will try to do better in the future)

I made myself really like China with this chapter. Is that just me? Anywho, not going to spend much time here. Just, please wait patiently for the next chapter. I'm sorry to say that I don't know when it will be up. I'll try my best to be fast, but we all know how well that turned out last time. Thank you and I hope you enjoyed this update.

Please tell me your thoughts in reviews. I love to know what you guys think of this story. Things you like? Hate? Squeal over? Cry about? (If I can make you cry, then I would be so happy. Not that you're sad, but that my words touched you so much.) Any suggestions? Please, tell me in reviews! Favorites and follows also make me very happy (though not quite as much as reviews) and silent readers, I do really appreciate you. Thanks for all of the support!

Have a great day :D