A/N: A big thanks to all of my readers and all my reviewers! I just love reading reviews from the people who read my work. It tells me how I'm doing. Well, I hope everyone had a fun, safe holiday and wish everyone a fun, safe ringing in of the new year! May it be a happy and prosperous one for us all! And I hope you all like this next chapter. If you do, or if you don't, I'll give you a cookie and a glass of cider if you tell me!
Chapter 3: Frozen
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen
21 July 1996
Today I went with Mum and Dad and Julie to church. For the first time in quite a while. It was okay, I guess. My mind mostly took the time to drift and think about the peculiar situation with Malfoy. Mum and Dad wanted to get ice creams with me afterwards, and I tried to find a way to politely refuse so I could still have my rendezvous with Malfoy after lunch, until I decided to just go along with my parents. I figured that if Malfoy was at the fountain, he would understand when seeing me with my parents. However, walking over to the fountain with our ice creams, I was startled to see no sign whatsoever of Malfoy. I quickly wiped away my frown though when I saw a small folded piece of paper resting on the edge of the fountain where we usually sat. Ever curious, I picked it up. It said: 'beach across the way, sunset - you don't have to come.' I almost smiled as I tucked it away.
For the rest of today, I was wondering why he couldn't meet in the afternoon, why he still wanted to meet up, if he actually wanted to talk or something. Did he look forward to our silent sessions? All I knew was that I grew anxious as the day grew later. Mum noticed, but fortunately she didn't call me on it. I asked Dad if it was okay if I went walking along the beach for a while. With a wave of his hand, I walked out the door.
The sun had barely begun to touch the edge of the horizon as my feet traveled across the rocky shore. Approximating the location of the fountain, I selected a spot and sat down. A few minutes later, I heard approaching footsteps. Still I didn't remove my eyes from the scene before me as he sat down beside me. He didn't offer an apology or excuse for his absence, and I didn't expect him to. But as soon as I knew he was nearby, my body seemed to relax. It's a curious thing – our silence leads to much thought, but it's when I'm sitting with Malfoy that I'm almost able to forget all the bad stuff that haunts me otherwise.
Perhaps it was the familiar presence, perhaps the reminder of a world where my Muggle friends and issues seemed to fade away. I didn't know and I didn't care. I was just happy it went away.
After what must have been an hour later, the sun safely hidden from our view, I finally asked him what he was doing here in Nice. 'Family stuff,' he answered, before asking me. I told him it was the same. I wonder what sort of family issues could have brought Draco Malfoy to Nice, France? I know his father was put in Azkaban mere months ago, but I didn't know much else. Speaking of that night, shouldn't he be mad at me for being there and being a member of the group who fought against his father? I know Harry had been telling me and Ron how Malfoy had been making threats and sending scowls. Now, he and I sat in silent understanding of people we knew nothing about.
It certainly is strange.
22 July 1996
My dreams last night were awful. They usually haunt me, but this time the faces changed. It was my mother scolding me, my father, Harry, Ron, Will. Thrust into the memories upon waking, I spent most of my day sulking and working through a couple chapters of my Arithmetic text. Dad is the one who asked me if I was going to go out for ice cream after lunch. I almost said no, not looking forward to the sun and people and noise. But then I thought of how the simple task of sitting at a fountain could empty my mind of all thought for precious minutes. So I went. I mindlessly bought two ice cream cones and ventured over to our fountain. After taking his mint cone, he gave me a funny look. I think he knew something was different. But I didn't want to talk about it. Not with him, not with anyone.
And amazingly, he didn't push it. He sat there, eating his ice cream, nudging me ever so slightly until I did the same.
See, I just don't know. The future sure is a fickle creature, is she not? I always used to focus on my schooling and my career, but everything seems to have faded now into a black and white picture.
23 July 1996
Today he pushed. Well, not exactly. We were sitting with our ice creams when he asked what happened. No snide remark, no sarcasm. Just 'So what happened?' And the weird part is, I told him. I stared at the building across the street seeing the entire scene before me and told someone what happened. Him, I told him what happened. In a dead, emotionless voice. Like I didn't care, like it didn't matter. He never said anything while I spoke, nor did he comment after I was done. He just sat there.
Then I found out why. A few beats after I had finished, he began to speak. Both of us continued to watch the unmoving living scene in front of us. This time, I listened. He told he how upset he was that his father had been sent to prison. But then his mother started acting different. She would panic about the queerest things. She never told him everything, but from what little she did say and everything else he managed to gather, he was able to guess well enough. Voldemort was upset that his father had failed. No, he was furious. His mother was worried. About his safety and her own. For a couple weeks she frantically rushed around the house while he brooded over his father's captivity. Then she announced that she was taking him out of the country for the rest of the summer. He didn't understand why they were running away. He figured the Dark Lord was on the same side as them, that he wouldn't actually do anything bad. Then something happened. He didn't tell me everything, I know. His voice faltered here in the tale, and he skipped over the actual stimulus. But he found out he was wrong. About Voldemort that is. So he came to Nice, where he thinks his mother must have placed special wards, since no one has found him here.
Is it bad that I wonder what it is that actually happened that changed his mind?
24 July 1996
I spent the day doing laundry and practicing wand movements from my Transfiguration book. I still haven't gotten anything from Hogwarts, so I'll have to hope that the texts I selected last year will be okay. I'm not even sure if we'll end up going to Diagon Alley this year. Maybe I should ask Malfoy if he's received his letter.
Amazingly, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable today as we ate our brown and green ice creams. Despite the fact that we shared personal information yesterday. Maybe I just don't have enough feeling in me to care anymore. It's like a part of me died that night and marred the rest of me for eternity.
It wasn't exactly silent today either. We shared a casual conversation, full of long pauses, I admit, about Nice. He's been here before with his mother. His favorite thing to do is wander around the market at night, when they have all the tables covered in art and jewelry and other interesting things. His favorite thing to eat is the famous Nice chocolate olives which they sell in practically every chocolate shop. I must admit the chocolate is rather yummy.
Still, everything we said seemed detached to my ears. Like none of it mattered because something had happened to erase the importance of the little things.
25 July 1996
I really want some of Madame Pomfrey's Dreamless Sleep Potion. It certainly would help be sleep at night. My dreams keep haunting me. No matter how hard I try to ignore them, my mind still brings the images up to the surface.
Today as I was waiting in line for our ice creams, I almost panicked. This complete stranger walked by, but for a second my brain identified him as Stephen. He barely even looked like him, but for a split second, it was just enough to freak me out. I calmed down mostly by the time I reached the fountain, but I guess I still looked frantic or bothered, because Malfoy gave me a questioning look. I just shook my head and he let it go. We talked about Nice again. The ocean, the shops, the restaurants. It was a safe subject. Even if it was spoken in emotionless tones.
26 July 1996
Mum and Dad talked to me today. I let them. They were telling me how happy they are that I seem to be okay with the stay in Nice, but how they're worried about how little I was talking. I apologized, but didn't do much else to offer as to why I act the way I am. I'm just not ready to tell them. I'm not sure I ever will. But we finally talked a lot of things out, so I'm okay with them. We walked through the market and looked at the flowers and fooled around and actually had a good time. They took me out to lunch and afterwards we all got ice cream. They gave me funny looks when I ordered two, and bugged me about it as we walked to our fountain. I told them it was for a friend of mine, even as I stumbled over the right word to describe our tentative relationship. Friend certainly isn't the best word for it, but I didn't know what else to call it.
Malfoy seemed startled at first when he saw my parents with me, but when I offered him the mint cone, he took it and sat down with us. My parents seemed surprised that I was meeting this boy every day after lunch, and they watched us for a minute as we ate in silence. But then the questions started. My parents asked him his name, if he lived here, why he was here, all sorts of personal questions. I felt embarrassed, but Malfoy answered all their questions. Sometimes he would give me a look or smirk at some question my parents asked, and occasionally I found myself being amused. My parents invited him to join us for dinner, but he said he had somewhere else to be. Dad pushed for another time, and it was decided to have dinner together tomorrow.
On the way home to Julie's house, Mum and Dad kept asking me more questions. I evaded many of their prodding about how Malfoy and I knew each other. Somehow, informing my parents that the boy they both grew to like immediately was the stuck-up, pompous git I hated at school.
I don't know anymore though. With the whole thing about telling him about what happened, I don't think I could go back to despising his guts when we go back to school.
That one will be a toughy to explain to Ron and Harry.
27 July 1996
So, today was our dinner with Malfoy. Julie had a date with some friend of hers, so it was just Mum, Dad, Malfoy, and me. Dad took us to this quaint little restaurant. It was nice and the food was pretty good. The conversation was light and manageable even for me. Dad told a lot of stupid jokes, but Mum laughed her head off anyways. Though I think that might be because of how much wine she had drunk. I'm not sure if Malfoy was smiling at the jokes my dad told, the ridiculousness of them or the foolish actions of my parents.
I think I actually smiled for the first time in a long time.
Anyways, after dinner, Mum and Dad were slightly intoxicated, so when they expressed the desire to walk along the beach, I decided to go home. To my surprise, Malfoy said he'd accompany me home.
Without my parents there, it was different. I was unsure what to say. I felt like I should apologize for their behavior, but ended up saying absolutely nothing. We walked side by side along the streets, me slightly ahead as I guided us to Julie's house. When I stopped, he slid his hands in his pockets. That was the first time that I realized that he was wearing regular clothes. Jeans and a button-down shirt. And I was still wearing my pajama pants and t-shirt. Mum had tried to make me change to go out for dinner, but I refused and she eventually gave up. He muttered a thanks and I told him it was no problem. Then we said good night and I went inside. From my bedroom window I watched him linger outside on the streets, staring up at the stars for nearly fifteen minutes. Then he turned around and left. When he did, I looked up at the stars which I had ignored for weeks. They were twinkling at me. I didn't mind.
28 July 1996
I don't know where Mum and Dad went today. They weren't here when I got out of my room for breakfast. Nor were they here when I decided to go to bed. For some odd reason, I'm knackered. I didn't do anything exhausting or anything, but I'm still tired.
Today was no different than the days before my parents attacked Malfoy with their questions. I got us ice creams, walked to our fountain, and we ate them in calm quiet interspersed with short conversations. We didn't talk about much. Actually, we did talk about food. Our favorite types of food in general, our favorite French dish. Evidently he's a big fan of dessert and pastries.
Actually, I don't know where Julie is either. She was here before I left to go see Malfoy, but she wasn't home for dinner. She left me a note. But didn't say where she was going.
29 July 2996
I spent most of the day at hospital. Julie called early this morning. That's where she went. They were hoping not to tell me, that things would turn out better and they could tell me then. Aren't I old enough to know when my parents are at hospital? They didn't want me to worry. That's what Dad said. When I finally got to see him.
Evidently, the night that we all went out to dinner, something happened to Mum and Dad. They refused to tell me, but I eavesdropped as Julie and Dad talked about it. Dad kept saying he didn't know what to do, how it was all so sudden and confusing. There was a man, he did something. Dad tried to make him go away. Mum called for help, but help came too late. Both Mum and Dad were pushed into the street. The car couldn't see them. All I know is Dad broke his leg and a few ribs and Mum hit her head on the concrete. She's still in a coma.
They wanted to come to England to get away from all the bad things happening there. From Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But it wasn't the Death Eaters that ended up hurting them. It was Muggles. A regular person in a regular car.
Whoever that man was, I hate him. I want to know why he was there, what he did to my parents.
Oh gosh, I just pray my Mum will be okay.
30 July 1996
Mum is still in a coma. I sat by her side for hours today. Finally Julie forced me to leave. So I visited Dad. He asked how I was doing and I just stared at his cast. I muttered fine. I couldn't function. Dad called for Julie and he must have told her to have me go outside and meet Malfoy, because she then led me out and suggested I made my daily visit to 'that boy.' I didn't want to go, but my feet moved for me. I blindly walked through the streets of Nice. The man working at the ice cream place recognized me and got the two cones I didn't ask for. I fumbled getting out my money. When I reached the fountain and sat down, I held my cone in front of me, not talking, not eating. After a moment, Malfoy said, 'You weren't here yesterday.' I told him that, yes, I wasn't. He told me I wasn't eating my ice cream, and I told him, yes, I wasn't. He told me something was wrong, and I told him, yes, it was.
I think he was waiting for me to explain. He sat in silence. I was staring at the sidewalk beneath my feet and for once I think he was staring at me. He didn't ask, but after a moment I told him. In that dead voice. He didn't say anything afterwards, and I left. I went back to the hospital, but Julie wouldn't let me in. She took me home.
31 July 1996
Today was Harry's birthday. I wonder if he's with Ron at the Burrow yet. Probably. I wonder if they've thought about me. I wonder if they've forgotten me. Or at least the fact that I'm not there. I almost wish that I could tell Harry 'Happy Birthday,' but it would probably be awkward. And mostly silence.
I wonder if he'll be happy today. It's not a happy day. Not for me. Julie visited Mum and Dad this morning, but I slept through most of the morning anyway. Julie came back in time to make me lunch. I wasn't hungry, but she wouldn't let me leave the table until I had eaten a little. It was tasteless waste in my mouth. When she cleared off the table, I was still sitting there. She suggested I go get an ice cream, like usual. So I did. This time I actually vocalized my order. And Malfoy didn't need to nudge me to eat my ice cream before it melted.
There was a question in his eyes as he took the ice cream from me. I nodded once and looked away in response. There were no casual conversations about random topics as we licked our ice cream that slowly melted in the humidity. But when I finished my cone, he offered to go with me to visit them.
I was surprised for a moment before I let the emotion slip away. I accepted quietly before standing and leading the way to the hospital. The entire trip was silent. When we walked into my dad's room, his eyes lit up. He was happy to see us, both of us. Malfoy asked how he was doing and they talked for a couple minutes. Then I inquired about Mum and the room was overwhelmingly silent. Silence seems to be my only faithful companion. When all else fails, I can rely on silence.
The doctor isn't sure when she'll wake up. Dad was about to say 'if,' but he caught himself. 'If.' That can't happen. I refuse to let that happen. Dad had Malfoy walk me home. It's strange to hear my Dad and Malfoy converse, because Dad calls him Draco. How alien a concept. Most fortunately for Malfoy, they never discuss me, so he doesn't have to worry about calling me Hermione instead of Granger. I wonder which way he thinks of me? As Granger? Or as Hermione? I know he's still Malfoy in my mind.
1 August 1996
I need Mum to wake up. I need her to. What am I supposed to do if I don't have my mother? Who is going to be there for me to talk to? To help me plan my wedding to the un-love of my life? To hug me at graduation and tell me she's proud? I need her.
I was reading some books today about people who fall into a coma. They say that the longer they stay unconscious, the lower their chance of ever waking up gets. It's already been five days.
2 August 1996
Julie and I came to visit again today. Malfoy was there already. He and Dad were talking. I don't know what about. He left soon after I got there and didn't say anything to me. I stayed with Dad for hours. I didn't even notice it was past my usual lunch time when Malfoy walked in the door with a bag of chocolate olives in his hands. And some green grapes which he gave to Dad. But then he sat down next to me and offered me some of the chocolates. They weren't ice cream, but I knew what they meant.
3 August 1996
I don't know if happy is the word, since even with the good news I'm not sure if I'm capable of feeling happy, but I am glad. Mum finally woke up. I almost cried. I did cry, just without the tears. I think all the tears I had left me weeks ago. But she's awake. She's awake.
5 August 1996
Sorry I didn't write yesterday. I fell asleep in the waiting room. So much for good news. Mum had to stay at hospital after all. They ran some tests because one of the doctors thought he noticed something while they were testing her after the accident. He was right.
My mum is sick. She has lung cancer. The doctors actually gave us a different name, but its long and I don't remember how to spell it. It's called BAC or something. But… it's bad. I guess there's a tumor inside her the size of a golf ball. The doctors say that they can get it out with surgery. Lobectomy? Yeah, I think that's it. She's going in tomorrow morning. Mum and Dad are worried. I have no idea what to be.
I just got my mum back from a coma. I can't lose her again to lung cancer. She's doesn't even smoke! Isn't that what's supposed to cause lung cancer? No smoking, no punishment, right? Guess not.
A/N: So…? What are you thinking?
