Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings. If I did, I would have the money to deal with being sued. As Square Enix owns them, I'm apparently broke.

Notes: "-Sama" is a Japanese honorific title used to address someone of much higher rank, possessing extensive abilities, and/ or very attractive.

ファンクラブ means "fan club," so セフィロスのファンクラブ means the "fan club of Sephiroth" or "Sephiroth's fan club."

I apologize in advance to anyone who has trouble reading the Japanese.


The Secretary

Episode 03: ファンクラブ (fankurabu)

Jessie was typing away. Does she even eat lunch? Sephiroth strolled passed her. As he reached his door he paused. No whining? No 'long enough break?' He could sense that something was wrong. But what?

The elite SOLDIER shook his head. He was the best. Why should he be frightened of a small girl? Because she's insane. He placed his hand on the handle. Well, what could she possibly do to me? Images of varied violence flashed through his head. He could feel the hairs prick up on the back of his neck.

He glanced back at the secretary as she typed away. She did not look at him. She did not smile. She merely worked. "… Is there something you need, Sir?" Her hands continued to move about her keyboard.

"… No?" I'm not going to be intimidated by a child! Let's see what 'fun' this brat has in store for me. He was ready for anything.

As the door swung open, he realized how wrong he could be. Inside, a harem of school uniform clad girls squealed.Signs boasting "We ♥ Sephiroth," "セフィロスのファンクラブ," and several pictures of himself were clutched. Sephiroth's sheer will power kept his mouth from reaching the floor.

A blond-haired girl dropped down in homage. The other girls quickly followed her example. After regaining his ability to breathe, the man yelled, "Who the hell are you people?"

None of the girls answered. The blonde was shaking. Sephiroth could make out the sound of whimpering coming from his desk. He briskly walked to the mahogany piece and peered under. RSL had returned to his fetal position. His hair and uniform were disheveled. "What happened to you?"

The tiny man looked into emerald eyes. "Sss-se-fii-irr-rosu no ba-fan-ku-rrra-buu…"

Sephiroth thought he could make out his name. He looked back at the girls. The blonde, the leader he assumed, had moved closer.

"Okay, can someone tell me what is going on here?"


"Who the hell are you people?"

Jessie continued working. I wonder if RSL has finished that coffee yet...

"…Okay, can someone tell me what is going on here?"

Actually, I haven't seen him since… "Oh, $!&." Jessie bolted from her seat.

When she entered Sephiroth's office, she dashed towards her boss…. And fell to the floor as she tripped on a redhead that was still groveling. "… Ow."

Sephiroth stared at his secretary. "I'm guessing you're the one responsible for this?"

Jessie lifted her head and gave her boss her patented 'gaze of death.' As she was looking at his kneecap, it was not very effective. She pulled herself up to sit on the student she had crashed onto. "… You're the one who said you would 'like to inspire some students from Shinra Academy.' Not my fault the only ones who wanted to meet you were these groupies… Sephy-kins."

Before Jessie saw her move, the blonde standing behind Sephiroth was pulling Jessie up by her collar. The girl's face had become bright red. "How dare you address Sephiroth-sama in such a disrespectful manner!"

Jessie glanced at the trembling RSL, as he emerged from the bowels of the desk. His blue SOLDIER outfit had been ripped in several places. "How dare you," Jessie said as she began to twist the blonde's delicate wrist, "injure my precious RSL." The blonde wreathed towards the navy carpet in pain.

Jessie released the schoolgirl as the band of fans dashed out of the door.

"You care… about me?" RSL questioned sheepidly.

"No, not really... I'm just the only one allowed to do this." Jessie pulled a small firearm from the back of her skirt and fired at RSL's head. The blood splattered everywhere. I should have asked him where the coffee is first. Oh well.

"… If you're going to shoot him so often, could you try to not ruin the carpet?"


Like it? Believe I need medication? No opinion? Please review and thank you for taking time for this bit of fluff.

Culture fun: English-sounding words are considered "cool" in Japan. Similarly, Japanese kanji (one of the writing systems) are very popular here. Ironically, the word being used is mispronounced, misused, and/or mistaken for another word when used by people who do not know the language.

Bunny Points to anyone who realized the blonde was Elena. Bunny Points to Lily Silver, Andrea Roberts, Toppledate, Trance, zaios, and Andrew for reviewing. As of this posting 282 people have hit 00, 120 hit 01, and63 hit 02 (52.5 continue from 01 to 02). I'm in shock.

…. I have KH2's "Passion" stuck in my head again. I've been listening to that song a little too much…