Guzma ain't a very lucky bug boi. Should've brought a lucky egg! And fuckin dramatic-ass "I want to destroy the world" Cyrus finally comes out of hiding to talk to a gang leader who loves bugs
Guzma was losing his mind. That had to be it. The ex-Skull Leader couldn't come up with any more of a reasonable explanation than that. What else would explain the fact that he had passed through the same room consecutively at least five times now, without entering another in between? He'd even left one of his gloves in the center of the room, just to be certain. And, sure enough! Same damn room.
Golisopod had started to pick up on its trainer's confusion a few…rooms back, having previously been occupied with hopping along the multitudes of small boulders lining the space. Now the large bug-type was paying a bit more attention to the rooms, it could tell there was something off about them too. It didn't even remember to bug Guzma for more beans.
"…don't tell me we're fuckin' lost." Guzma said, at last. Twenty times they'd passed through a doorway– twenty Arceus-damned times, but they were still in the same room.
The Pokémon inhabiting the place had only grown more aggravating than ominous along the way. Who knew Sinnoh would have problems with Zubat, too? The white-haired man had half a mind to have Golisopod start using them as target practice for Razor Shell, as it was certainly a bit too late to work on his First Impression. The two of them traipsing around in ridiculous, non-matching winter wear ruined any intimidation factor they could've had, anyway.
Feeling the act was pointless, but having nothing else to do beside fight more Zubat, the duo traipsed through yet another doorway. Nothing new about it, practically identical to the ones they'd entered what felt like a hundred times before – only to be shocked and amazed that it did NOT lead back into the same room!
"Holy fuck…" Guzma didn't think it was possible to be SO amazed just from walking through a doorway, but here he was! The sudden change in location managed to perk his mood up dramatically, despite being such a silly little thing. "Oh yeah! Who's yer boy now! That's right! No fuckin' cave is gonna keep ME trapped!" He raised his hand, gaining an enthusiastic high-five from his best bug bro before strutting up to a random doorway in this new room. Things were looking up!
The smug grin was wiped from his face faster than a Wimpod on the run as they entered. It was the first damn room again. Golisopod gave a nervous chirr as it realized this too, and took two big steps away from his trainer before Guzma finally went off, flailing and screaming, punching and kicking all the stupid rocks in the stupid cave for lack of anything else to take his anger out on in this STUPID FUCKING CAVE but the fucking cave itself!
"Were you separated from your babysitter?" An almost monotone, but definitely stuck-up voice cut through Guzma's tantrum, giving pause to his thrashing long enough for him to look up and glare at the palest motherfucker he'd ever seen.
"Th' fuck you want?" The Alolan native was breathing heavily by then, voice making its way out of the cloth prison at half of its normal force. He was not willing to deal with whatever advanced level of assetry this…apparently eyebrowless newcomer was about to bring, even if he did look different from the cashier-fisher-hiker-whatever man.
"I would like to know why there's a large child having a meltdown in the middle of my cave." Man, barely a minute into meeting the guy and Guzma already couldn't stand him.
"'SCUSE me? Who you callin' a kid?" Guzma puffed out his chest, attempting the confident swagger he'd developed over the years despite the constraints of his outfit. "What you lookin' at is destruction in human form, yo! It's ya boy, Guzma! So y'all best not be talkin' bout ME."
"My mistake, I must be thinking of the…other…person running about, dressed like a multi-colored marshmallow."
"Alright, that's it!" He did not have to deal with this guy, so he wouldn't. "Yo, Golisopod! Let's give this fool a nice First Impression!"
The bug type clicked in acknowledgement and readied its signature attack. The stranger could only raise – oh wow, he did have eyebrows – an eyebrow as the move proceeded to do…absolutely nothing. Not even a flinch.
"…it's a bit too late for that, it seems. Unless this is some childish game you've made up, too?"
"Aight, fine, I'll do it myself–" Guzma didn't even bother replying as he marched up to him, dead-set on at least putting a shiner on the guy. Instead of a solid hit, though, he only felt a strange, cold shiver ripple over him as his fist passed through the guy instead. The momentum carried him into the wall just beyond, which he did make contact with.
"W-what the hell?" He fought to keep the pain out of his voice, surreptitiously attempting to apply pressure to the now-wounded hand. Thick glove or no, that still hurt like a bitch! "What are you, a fuckin' ghost or somethin'?"
"Hmm, a ghost in a graveyard. How quaint." The comment was quiet, the man muttering before returning his attention to Guzma. What a prick. "What's the matter? Are you afraid of ghosts?"
"I ain't scared a' no ghosts, yo!"
"Not even the Haunter behind you?" The monotone of the mystery man's voice could hardly be considered joking, to Guzma. The former gang leader most certainly did not startle at the question, nor did he spin around just to find empty air instead of a ghost-type. Or was it? Shit, this is why he never fucked around in Acerola's trial site. Fuck ghosts.
"Regardless of your own personal phobias," the man continued, despite Guzma's insistence that he is not scared, "Giratina isn't going to be particularly impressed if you do manage to wreak havoc in its tomb."
Guzma rolled his eyes, growling. Who did this guy think he was?! "Like I give a shit what ya boss or– whatever thinks a' me. I'm here for the giant centipede!"
If it were even possible, the man looked even more nonplussed at his words. He gave a heavy sigh before continuing. "Giratina is the centipede. Do you truly think you're the first person foolish enough to try capturing it?"
"Huh? Pff, I ain't gon' catch it. Just was hopin' ta see it! Ain't never seen a centipede big as they say this'un is!" Guzma's eyes took on an excited glint at the prospect of finding a bug of such magnitude. A legendary, too! "'Sides, I already got ma boy, Golisopod! Ain't no other bug could replace him." His Golisopod preened at the comment, standing a little taller.
If the mystery man's eyebrows weren't hiding out so close to his eyes already, they would be furrowed in annoyance by now. He seemed to think for a moment, then turned, walking through the door Guzma had entered the room from. "Do as you must. It's unlikely that you'll be able to make it past the third pillar within thirty rooms, anyhow."
"Wait, we're s'posed ta count rooms? That's stupid!" Guzma's outburst, however, was met with silence. Without thinking, he ran after the man, pausing in the doorway. "Wh- hey! You ain't gettin' away that– easy…"
He groaned as he was faced with the same room again, Golisopod looking over at the exit he'd gone through in concern. When Guzma turned at the feeling of a tug on his coat, though, Golisopod was…right behind him? His bug was doubled? He stumbled back into it, almost losing his balance altogether.
"I'd advise you to not stand in the archways. Liminal spaces are especially susceptible to distortion." The man's voice sounded without his appearance this time, if fainter than before. Great, he can piss me off when he's not even HERE!
"I'd advise you to stop being a cryptic asshole!" The white-haired man yelled back, his voice echoing off the stone walls. "What'd ya mean by that 'thirty rooms' shit?! The hell are ya even, a fuckin' cave troll?!"
More silence. Golisopod chirred sympathetically as it patted its trainer's head, the man grumbling from under the tacky, flower-patterned scarf. "…Fuck this cave."
TBC
