.

The Anneal Blade Challenge

(Light Novel 08)


Since they were traveling as a group of three, the journey to Horunka Village took a little more time than Kirito originally expected. The increased player concentration seemed to have had the effect of attracting more enemies as they moved through the forest – but at least the two newbies were getting to practice combat. (This was actually because the system had interpreted Pikachu as a "tamed monster", and he was following closely enough that anything close enough to attack him was within aggro range of the players, who had a higher hate priority. Kirito didn't know that, though.) They had even figured out how to use the Switch technique without his prompting, citing tag-team experience in real life when he asked. In fact, with all the enemies the group had been fighting, they were probably close to a…

[Level Up!] the window in front of him announced, listing his stat point rewards alongside a small amount of currency. As he closed the dialog box, he heard Ash calling, "I think I see the village!" Sure enough, the lighted windows of the town's buildings could be seen in the waning sunlight just a little ways ahead.

They arrived in the torchlit square just as the sun hid its last rays from view, and Kirito immediately headed to the weapon shop. "You guys are gonna need armor if you're gonna survive here," he told them. "If you sell all your junk items to the shopkeeper, you should have just enough for an adequate piece of armor."

"Is that why you let us do most of the fighting on the way here?" Serena asked as the beta tester performed his transactions, immediately equipping his new leather chestpiece. "So we would get enough items to afford it?"

"That, and you two needed the practice. We're going to be fighting higher-leveled monsters while we're here, and I wanted you to be comfortable using your swords." Realizing that neither of them knew how to sell their drops, he decided to explain. "If you select the Trade option in your inventory menu and focus on the NPC's cursor, it'll open a window where you can drag all the dropped items and offer them to him. Then press Accept when he gives you a total."

"Okay, done. What next?"

"Tap the shelf with the armor on it, and it'll bring up a window with different armor options. For now, this one is probably your best bet – choose the "instant equip" option when it asks you."

"Excuse me, Miss Adventurer," a voice interrupted as a female NPC came out of the back, "but that dress is simply not suitable for battle. If you're going to wear armor, you need a proper tunic to go with it. I don't think any of these boys would have thought about that, would they?" she asked, giving a matronly glare to the three of them.

I don't remember the AI being quite this involved this early on… Kirito thought, gulping. And since when did Kayaba care enough about fashion to make the NPCs care? But I guess she does have a point – and if it gets Serena a discount, who am I to complain?

He was interrupted from his musings when he heard her thanking the shopkeeper's wife and looked up to see her dressed in a tunic-and-breeches outfit and the armor he had recommended. "Tada!" she announced, turning to Ash and striking a cute pose. "What do you think?"

"She was right – that outfit looks great on you! I guess it's a good thing we got that silk from those spiders earlier. So, where to next, Kirito?"

Kirito sweatdropped, wondering how Ash could miss such obvious signs of interest. It's almost as if he's the protagonist from a Shounen anime… his brain said at the same time as his mouth replied, "We need to get healing potions from the shop next door. Follow me."

After stocking up on recovery and antidote potions, Kirito led them to a house further in. Inside, an NPC woman was stirring a pot full of bubbling liquid. "Good evening, adventurers." she greeted as they walked through the door. "I hate to be a terrible host, but I don't have any food to offer you right now. The best I can give you is a glass of water."

"You know what? That sounds great, thanks!" Ash answered. "I hadn't realized I was this thirsty until now." The woman gave them each a cup and filled it with water from a jug, then went back to watching her brew. Downing it quickly, Ash wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Ahh, that hit the spot. Thanks a lot!"

The NPC smiled back at them – though Serena noticed it never quite reached her eyes. "You're very welcome." she replied, only to be distracted by the sound of coughing from the next room. That provided the missing piece of the puzzle, and Serena gasped as she realized that the pot on the stove was medicine and that they were intruding on a sick villager.

"We're so sorry for keeping you away from your patient. Is there any way we can help to make up for it?" the Pokémon Performer asked, hands clasped in front of her heart.

The woman's face lit up, and Kirito sighed in relief knowing that they had triggered the quest correctly. "As a matter of fact, there is. My daughter has been gravely ill for some time, but the local medicine can barely keep the symptoms at bay. I've heard rumors that rare Ovules from the predatory plants to the west have been successfully made into medicine that works, but I have no way of getting one. Even if I could leave her safely, I wouldn't be able to defeat one monster, let alone find the rare ones that have the ingredient I need. Would any of you be so kind as to find one for me? I'll make it worth your while if you do."

"Are you kidding?" Ash questioned. "We'd help even if there wasn't a reward – just leave it to us!" The quest logs in their HUDs updated as they exited the house and headed west to the sound of the seven-thirty bell-chimes.


"Right there. That's the enemy we're looking for." Kirito announced, ushering the other two behind a tree. They followed his extended finger to see a monster that looked like a cross between a Carnivine and a Victrebell, with a toothy pitcher attached to a woody stalk and a mess of leglike roots. "See how its cursor is much darker red than the others, but has a yellow outline around it? That means it's a lot more dangerous to us at this level than the boars near the Starting City – but it's also the type of monster required for the quest."

"I don't see any flowers, though…" Serena pointed out, remembering the botany diagrams on display in Ramos' Gym. "Wouldn't the ovule she mentioned be part of a flower?"

"That's why she said it was rare – the ones with flowers don't spawn very often. But the more of these we kill, the more likely it is that we'll find the one we need." the beta tester explained. "You two stay here and watch while I show you how to safely fight these things. Their acid spray attack is a real doozy." Not bothering with stealth, Kirito stepped out from behind the tree and charged, dodging its whipping vines and striking at the connection between the pitcher and the stalk.

[Identifying.] Ash's HUD announced as he looked more closely at the strange plant, a revolving Pokéball symbol appearing in the corner of his vision. [Scan complete: Level 3 Little Nepent. This creature uses its sense of smell to hunt its prey, and knows the attacks Vine Whip and Acid Spray. Three varieties are currently known: Normal, Flowered, and Seeded. The Flowered variety drops the item required for your current quest, but will transform into a Seeded variety if left alone for too long. If the Seed on this third variety is damaged, it will emit a Sweet Scent variation that attracts any Nepents in the area.]

"Whoah, I forgot about the Pokédex feature!" Ash remarked as Kirito jumped sideways to avoid the viscous acid. "I wonder why it gave more information this time, though."

He and Serena both immediately received a PM labeled [Re: ID Feature]. Figuring it would have an explanation from Clemont, they opened it, taking turns reading and watching Kirito fight. [Your presence here has caused unforeseen disruptions in this game. At the request of one of my peers, I have patched your native software into the game engine to avoid catastrophic meltdown – however, revealing this to your fellow players would cause unnecessary problems. I would advise you to turn off this feature in your Settings menu until the Appraisal skill is unlocked to avoid being called cheaters. Even then, use it with caution. –Ximinez. Note: This message is set to auto-send upon first usage of the integrated Pokédex ID System after the tutorial.]

"I wonder who this Ximinez guy is." Ash commented. "Didn't that guy in the robes (Kayaba, Serena reminded him) say he was in charge of everything here?" His pondering was cut short by the sound of the Nepent fracturing into polygons.

"You guys think you have a grasp of how to fight them now?" Kirito asked, beckoning them over.

"I think so. Dodge the vines, avoid the acid, and attack the joint when possible, right?"

"Pretty much. You two take this next one, and I'll step in if you have too much trouble." Kirito sent them both party requests so that he could keep an eye on their HP. "We'll divide up the items once it's over – though it'll mostly be just trash drops.

"Right." The two of them stepped forward as another Nepent emerged into the clearing, turning towards them and grinning wickedly. Ash took point, charging in and swiping at the extended vines, which focused its attention on him. Dredging up memories of battles against James' Victrebell and Carnivine, he did his best to predict where the appendages would strike next and avoid them, slashing at them if they came too close.

Serena, meanwhile, took the stealthier approach, moving slowly along the left to avoid drawing its attention as Ash moved right. The strategy worked, and she was able to get in close enough to strike its weak point before it noticed her. When it felt the strike, though, it immediately disengaged, instinctively coiling its vine around her waist and yanking her away from itself. Its pitcher started expanding as it turned to face her, lifting her off the ground and preparing to fire a spray of acid. Just before it fired, though, Ash picked up a round rock and threw it with a motion honed by practice, knocking its head to the side and causing the acid to hit its own vine.

I never thought of that strategy, Kirito noted as the section of vine dissolved into polygons, letting Serena fall to the ground and depleting the Nepent's HP to about 40%. She recovered with a graceful roll, almost literally dancing around the remaining stub. Then again, I've always fought these things solo or in a large group, neither of which would have let it work. The two Trainers rushed at the Nepent from opposite sides, splitting its attention, and delivered a staggered one-two attack that burned through its remaining health. It immediately shattered into polygons and a Woody Nepent Stalk x1 appeared in the party inventory display.

"Nice job." the beta tester called out to them. "Be extra careful about those vines, though – there's no guarantee the same trick will work twice. Also, be aware that Sword Skills cause you to briefly freeze up afterwards and can drain your mental stamina really fast. It may not be a problem now, but for higher-leveled Skills it can make a big difference." Receiving a nod of affirmation, he turned to address Serena specifically. "I'm guessing by the way you recovered from that fall that you do some kind of dancing in the real world?"

"Yeah, you should see her! She looks amazing when she's performing with her partners!" Ash interjected, oblivious to the sudden embarrassment he caused.

"I wouldn't say I'm that good…" Serena mumbled, face red. She was clearly appreciative of the praise, though, her hand subconsciously straying to the blue ribbon on her collar.

Kirito almost facepalmed. How dense could this kid be? Pushing past it, he continued, "Some of the other beta testers said treating the battle as similar to a dance makes it easier to dodge smoothly once you find your rhythm. That might help keep you from getting caught off guard again." Serena nodded, then had to hold back a snicker as she remembered Ash's horrible attempts at doing so in Shalour City. "Aside from that, I think we're ready to tackle this quest for real. You two fight as a team and I'll fight solo – that'll allow us to defeat more monsters – and we'll discuss who gets the quest item when we find it."

"Right. But shouldn't we find a place that has more? We can't really fight two at once if only one shows up at a time." Ash replied, looking around.

Kirito agreed and led them slightly further into the forest to a larger clearing with Nepents scattered throughout. "We'll start at this end and work our way over. By the time we defeat all of these, more should spawn over where we started. Then we'll just keep doing that until we get what we need." Switching from conversation to battle mode, they rushed in and began fighting.


By the time twenty minutes passed, Kirito's advice had proven itself true. Rather than tag-teaming every Nepent they fought, Ash and Serena had progressed to the point where they could hold their own individually, and the monsters' cursors appeared a shade lighter than they had before. Kirito himself was fighting like a machine, their unspoken agreement to watch each other's backs allowing him to commit to all-out offense. Together, they had taken out roughly 60 enemies (Kirito's total accounting for about half) – but the mob with the required item still had yet to appear.

"I see what she meant about them being rare." Ash commented as Serena took out the last enemy with an elegant twirling thrust before walking over to them. "Does the quest usually take this long?"

"It's all random numbers, so who knows?" the beta-tester replied. "For all we know, Kayaba could have changed the spawn rate from the beta. They do seem to be dropping more trash mats than usual, though." Another Nepent spawned, and Kirito took a glance at their health bars. "I've got this one – you two get your HP back up out of the yellow."

Drinking a recovery potion, Ash leaned up against a low-hanging tree. "How much longer do you think we have until the next group of monsters finds us?" he asked, glancing up at the branches above him.

"Based on their electric signatures, I'd say the closest group is still about two minutes away," Pikachu informed him from his perch in the tree. "I'd be more worried about the person watching you guys from the bushes over there."

Instantly on the alert again, Ash's eyes darted over to where Pikachu had indicated, now recognizing the silhouette of another player. He prepared to warn Kirito, but was interrupted by the level-up chime and the sound of clapping from the previously unknown person.

"Congratulations on your level-up – that was pretty quick." he told Kirito, who had taken a defensive stance upon hearing him. The newcomer tried to adjust his glasses, only to remember that his avatar didn't need any. "Sorry for not announcing my presence sooner; I just didn't expect anyone else to get here so fast."

He must be a beta tester too. Kirito realized, his suspicions being confirmed by the follow-up question.

"You're doing the Secret Medicine of the Forest quest too, aren't you?" At a nod from Kirito, he continued. "Do you mind if I join your party, then? My username's Coper."

"I'm Kirito, and my companions over there are Serena and Satoshi – though people usually call him Ash." the beta tester customarily replied, still somewhat skeptical. "But why team up with us? You'd just have to wait even longer to get the Ovule, so how do I know you're not going to just steal the item and take off?"

"I promise that I won't do that," Coper reassured him, locking eyes to show his sincerity. "Scout's honor, as they say. Plus, it's getting late, when the Nepents come out in greater force – my survival chances are better with you than on my own."

Though he could tell that Coper was holding something back, Kirito chalked it up to the same reservedness he had felt since Kayaba had made the announcement and sent him a party invite. "Okay then, welcome to the party, Coper."

"Hey Kirito, they're spawning again!" Ash called out to him. "And some of them are appearing in groups of two, which means there's still plenty to go around."

The black-haired swordsman acknowledged him with a nod, and turned back to Coper. "Well, you heard the man – let's get cracking."


Two hundred Nepents later, they had only collected one of the four Nepent's Ovules they needed. "At this rate, it's gonna take all night…" Coper commented dejectedly.

"All night for one quest?" Serena asked. "That's crazy – why would someone make a game that way?"

Kirito sighed. "You don't play a lot of RPGs, do you? Besides, we're trying to do a single-player quest as a group; it's gonna take a long time unless the game decides to give us all three at once or something. But that's never gonna happen."

As if to defy his words, three irregular Nepents immediately showed up in the clearing. Coper's eyes flashed as he reached up to once again adjust his not-there glasses. "I'll handle the one with the seed, you guys take the two with the flowers." he instructed, running off before anyone could say otherwise. Somewhat confused but not questioning it, the three of them rushed the Flowered Nepents.

Kirito and Serena quickly dispatched the first while Ash started on the second, joined by Serena soon afterwards. Just as Ash prepared to strike the finishing blow, Serena stiffened in shock as a familiar voice echoed in her head. I may have given my word not to just steal the item, but that doesn't keep me from taking out the competition, the mental voice of Coper cackled, prompting her to look over at him and yell out a warning when she realized what he was trying to do.

Kirito, meanwhile, had started across the field to help Coper – who, strangely enough, hadn't done much damage. He was a little under halfway across when he heard Serena yell, "Watch out!" Unsure who she was addressing, he observed Coper more closely, freezing in horror when he saw the target of Coper's Sword Skill.

He's trying to get us swarmed by monsters in order to kill us without becoming an orange player, Kirito realized. But how is he planning to escape himself? As his brain attempted to process this information, his mouth called out to Coper (though he knew it was pointless). "What are you doing? Stop!"

Coper had already relinquished control to the system by that point, and so had no way of stopping. "Sorry about this, Kirito." he replied, turning his head to face his fellow beta tester. "It's not personal, just survival of the fittest." His sword struck the seed, which ruptured loudly as he activated his Hiding skill to disappear from sight.

"Oh, shoot." was all Kirito managed before the clearing began flooding with Nepents as thick clouds covered the moon. "We've got company coming in from all sides!" he announced, rushing back over to his protégés to help them fight.

As soon as he heard the Sweet Scent Seed Bomb go off and registered Kirito's warning shout, an azure veil seemed to fall over Ash's vision. Rather than appearing as solid shapes, the inhabitants of the clearing looked like silhouettes of pulsing blue light, brighter for his companions than for the monsters. During the next few microseconds, his brain flashed back to the last time he had experienced this – back when facing a Pokémon hunter with a similar lack of qualms about killing for gain – and then to the first time, when he met a hero who was willing to give everything to save people he hardly knew. As his body moved itself almost automatically through the motions of the fight, he drew strength and resolve from those memories. Even though the enemies prevented him from doing anything for Coper, who was beset by more than 10 on his own, he would not let Kirito or Serena fall if he had anything to say about it! He threw himself into the battle, trusting the feeling that had guided Sir Aaron and his Lucario hundreds of years ago to help him protect his friends and silently lamenting when Coper's life force winked out.

The Nepents that had been assaulting Coper then began advancing on the beleaguered survivors, and Serena's heart sank a little at the odds they would be facing once the monsters arrived. Even though the selfish beta-tester had managed to whittle down their numbers to seven, three to twenty-one would be much harder to survive than what they were currently facing.

Thankfully, it seemed like someone or something was watching out for them – as evidenced by the lightning strike that speared down and ignited a puddle of acid in between them and the additional seven Nepents. As if he had expected this (and Serena wouldn't have put it past him, considering how close he and Pikachu were), Ash dodged out of the way of another Acid Spray, which connected the flaming puddle with another and transformed the flames into a barrier, giving them more breathing room. That's Ash, always thinking outside the box… she thought proudly, managing to calm her mind. And I'm gonna make sure he can keep doing it! He's not giving up, so I won't either!

The rest of the fight passed in a blur. Serena vaguely remembered Kirito commenting "If only he had waited just a few moments longer" as the Nepents finally made it around the flame barrier, but was too focused on watch their backs, don't get hit if you can help it, don't let Ash die I couldn't live with myself if he did to pay it much mind. It was only the feeling of Ash's hand pressing a recovery potion into hers and the don't-worry-it's-over-now attitude she felt coming from him that allowed her adrenaline to finally dissipate. Heart still thudding rapidly in her chest, she gulped the potion down as she leaned on Ash for support – mentally chastising her inner self for celebrating how he seemed to be doing the same.

Once Ash saw Serena's HP bar start to increase on his HUD, he turned his head to face Kirito, careful not to disturb her. Between breaths, he questioned, "Why? Why'd that guy try and kill us?"

Kirito considered his next words carefully. "If I had to guess, I'd say he was one of those guys who thinks being the strongest means taking out the competition before they become a threat to you. Combine that with the length of time it was taking to find the Ovules, and it's no wonder he decided to take that opportunity – not only would we be out of the way, but he would have also been able to steal one of ours from where they dropped upon death." Stooping down, he picked up a fourth from where it lay at his feet. "And the sad part is, we probably would have found this one within another ten minutes, making his plan pointless."

"But wasn't it pointless anyways?" Ash countered. "How did he expect to escape from the Nepents himself?"

"He planned to use his Hiding skill to escape their notice, then steal our dropped items once they left." Seeing Ash's quizzical look, Kirito realized he had never explained the Skill Tree to them. "It's one of the first abilities available to players in the Skills sub-menu, and it hides your avatar and cursor from monsters and other players. The problem with his plan was, the Nepents don't use sight to hunt – they use smell. Otherwise, it might have worked."

Ash shuddered to think what might have happened if Pikachu hadn't delayed the other Nepents' approach – especially if they hadn't noticed Coper. Even with the Aura boost he had experienced, his health had still fallen nearly to the red zone, and Serena's actually had.

Kirito walked over to where Coper's sword had fallen, picking it up and driving it into a tree root. "But at least he was honorable enough to give us as much of a fighting chance as possible once he realized they could find him." he acknowledged, placing the fourth ovule into an indentation on said root. "Even if the durability of these items doesn't last long, he still deserves at least this much to remember him by." A rustle in the undergrowth caught his attention, reminding him that they were still outside a Safe Zone. "Right, we'd better head back to the village and turn in the quest."

As the group began to make their way back through the forest, Pikachu emerged from the bush he had rustled, glad they were headed back to safety. Now he just needed to keep their path clear by drawing the monsters away from where they would be. Quick Attack will do nicely for that, he decided, drawing on Frogadier's stealth advice to keep himself out of sight as he bounded through the foliage.


"Thank you so much!" the townswoman told them enthusiastically, accepting the Little Nepent's Ovules from them. "Now I can make three times the medicine! Please, accept these swords as a token of my gratitude." Walking over to a loose floorboard, she pried it up and retrieved three swords from the cache beneath. "My husband, may his soul rest in peace, was a blacksmith, and he told me to give these to any adventurers who proved themselves worthy of wielding them. By your selflessness, you have shown that you are indeed worthy."

Well, that's definitely changed from the beta – she used to get the sword from that chest over there, and it used to be a priceless heirloom, Kirito mused as he received the Anneal Blade and the "quest complete" message appeared, boosting him about halfway past level 4. Maybe to allow multiple players to turn in the quest at once?

A yawn from Serena interrupted him, reminding him once again that neither she nor Ash was used to online gaming or the late hours to which it usually led. "You two may want to turn in for the night." Kirito advised them, dissolving the party using the "even item distribution" option. "If you head back to the village square and take a right, the villagers there are usually willing to rent out rooms to adventurers – though you may want to sell some of the Nepent stalks before you get there to make sure you have enough to pay. The other beta-testers we saw shouldn't bother you, since they came here to level up, not rent a room."

"Thanks, but what about you?" Ash asked, fighting back a yawn himself.

"I'll be fine – I stay up this late all the time in the real world. And like I told Klein, message me if you get into trouble and I'll do what I can to help you."

"Right. Thanks a lot!" Accepting the friend requests he sent, they made their way toward the area Kirito had told them about. True to his prediction, hardly anybody else was there, and the villagers were more than willing to rent out rooms.

That didn't mean they capitulated completely, though. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to my neighbor and rent a room for each of you?" the one they were talking to asked. Figuring they were just trying to raise prices, Ash and Serena declined. "If you say so…" the villager replied, shaking her head. "If you're worried about privacy, nobody else will be able to open the door or listen in on you without knocking first." she added, leading them to the room.

Great – that means we'll be able to release our Pokémon safely, Ash thought happily. "Come on out, guys!" he announced quietly as the door clicked shut behind them.

"Um, Ash?" Serena said, drawing his attention to the single bed in the room. "I think I see why she suggested getting two rooms."

Ash thought for a moment, cracking the door open for Pikachu while he did so. "It's got two blankets, right? I'll just use one as a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor." Turning to his and Serena's Pokémon (who were wondering what was going on), he informed them, "Long story short, we got stuck inside a videogame where Pokémon don't exist, and we may be here for a while. We'll try and let you guys out as much as we can, but if we don't release you as often, that's why."

Their reactions ranged from shocked (like Braixen and Pancham) to calm acceptance (such as Frogadier and Hawlucha) to a (thankfully non-slimy) hug offered by Goodra, who knew what it was like to be thrown into an unfamiliar world without having a say in the matter. "I hope you find friends to help you get through this like I did," the gooey dragon told them, forgetting that they couldn't quite understand him.

Thankfully, Pikachu was able to relay the message, and Ash smiled in thanks, sitting down on the bed to unequip the armor he was wearing. "Thanks, Goodra." As he navigated the menu, a thought occurred and he chuckled, stifling another yawn. "Y'know what? We actually already did find some friends to help us – Klein and Kirito." Realizing that just names would be meaningless, he decided to try and describe them. "Klein's basically like an older brother; goofy a lot of the time, but serious when it comes to people or things he cares about. Kirito, on the other hand…" He trailed off, trying to think of an apt way to describe the beta-tester.

"I'd say he's kind of like Frogadier." Serena put in, having sat down next to him to brush Braixen's tail. "He's a little quiet but willing to open up if he trusts you, and he seems most comfortable when fighting. In addition" – here she indicated the Frubbles she was using as a brush, also yawning as she did so – "he's willing to sacrifice to help those who need it."

Braixen barked in agreement, causing Frogadier to start protesting that the Frubbles weren't as generous as they seemed – until he realized that the pillow he had just made Goodra only supported their point. Sighing in defeat, he joined the group of Pokémon relaxing against Goodra's mattress-like stomach and preparing to go to sleep.

"Uhh… weren't you gonna sleep there?" Serena asked, looking at the now-filled floor space with simultaneous nervousness and relief. "I mean, I'm glad you won't be stuck on the ground, but –"

She was interrupted by Goodra muttering "human support best thing for each other right now" from inside his 'pillow,' translated as before by Pikachu. "Hugs help hold off nightmares. Shows you're there and won't leave. 'S why it's good to have arms."

Neither Ash nor Serena had the energy to (or even thought to consider) disagreeing with his sentiment, the drowsy attitude of the room having overtaken them as well. As Pikachu blew out the lamp, he caught a glimpse of Ash laying against the wall in his makeshift sleeping bag with his arms wrapped reassuringly around Serena. "We'll help you get through this, Pikapi." the Electric-type vowed, settling down next to them on the bed as sleep claimed him.


Omake: Kayaba Codes in Python


"Whoah, I forgot about the Pokédex feature!" Ash remarked as Kirito jumped sideways to avoid the Nepent's viscous acid. "But why did it give more information now than it did earlier? Did Clemont manage to figure something out? And if so, why did he patch that in instead of pulling us out?"

"How did I get here?" James yelled from where his head was stuck inside the plant monster's mouth. "Where are Jessie and Meowth?"

"Why would I know?" Serena protested. "I didn't expect some sort of Spanish Inquisition!"

[NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!] the system announced as a flock of Cardinals flew out of the trees and started tickling everybody's faces, mussing up their hair, and performing other inane Unishments. Unfortunately, since the Cardinals were no longer monitoring the game server, the glitch they had been in the process of correcting crashed the entire g*2).#?W_GV)E DROP TABLE Players;-

[Error: Connection Lost]

"Maybe I shouldn't have suggested that software patch…" Clembot admitted as Kayaba's AI berated him loudly over the chat forums.

Note: I'm pretty sure Randall Munroe's webcomic XKCD (not necessarily child-friendly) had something to do with my idea to mix a computer joke and a pop culture reference. And that led to a direct XKCD reference. I BLAME YOU FOR THIS ONE, RANDALL! (Not really. It's all Mrs. Roberts' fault WAIT NO I DIDN'T MEAN THAT PLEASE DON'T BRICK MY COMPUTER THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO – )