The Teapot of the Orient

Part 4

Slytherin played Ravenclaw that evening, so it was pretty much empty allover Hogwarts. The only people who didn't watch the game tonight were either nerds who'd rather spend the evening in the library or bed bound in the hospital wing. It was the perfect time to unleash a poltergeist in the Slytherin dungeons.

A poltergeist was surprisingly heavy for a flying creature. Thanks to the diversion the game offered the designated targets, James and Sirius could afford to put the cupboard down every once in a while to catch their breaths. The challenge didn't really lie in the weight, but in the way it tried to fly in every direction except the one they were taking.

"Maybe this is a stupid question" said Sirius. "But if a… You know the bird-in-a-plane thing?"

"Bird-in-a-plane thing? Of course"
The cupboard was practically wrapped in duct tape like a mummy, and they both began to remove it, an act that quickly started to damage their finger nails.

"Is it flying, if it's inside a plane?" Sirius asked.

"If it's flapping its wings, it's flying" said James.

"Right… Why do I feel I phrased the question wrong?" Sirius shook an annoyingly tiny bit of tape off of his fingers. "It doesn't matter. I mean… If you weigh the plane, and the bird is sitting down, you get the weight of the plane and the bird combined. But if you weigh the plane and the bird is flying, do you get the same result?"

"Well… No"

"You sound very sure"
"Don't try to confuse me, of course you wouldn't get the same result. I think… No I'm sure! I think…"

The cupboard wasn't just wrapped in things designed to keep it closed, but also in several post-its with: 'Don't open!', 'Don't think about it!', 'Go away!' and the like in different variations and with varying degrees of rudeness written on them. Sirius ripped one such note off.

"You know what I think? He wants us to release it. Just look! Look at the desperation!"

"Well then we certainly should. I think it will be happy here, and I will be happy knowing it is here"

When they tried to pick it up again to bring it to the dormitory where they wanted to release it, the cupboard started shaking like mad. And so they put it down again, thinking that while releasing it in the common room would not be as funny, it would still be funny enough. Ripping off the thick layers of tape was very tedious and time consuming.

"What would you wish for if you had three wishes?" James asked, crumpling a bit of tape and dropping it on the floor.

"Eternal wealth…" Sirius counted on his fingers. "More wishes-"

"No you can't wish for more wishes"
"Fine. The power to kill with a single thought and to be the fifth member of Queen. You?"

"To join the Kenmare Kestrels… Eternal wealth… And for this bloody bit of tape to get off my bloody hands!"

The bit of crumpled tape he thought he had dropped to the floor, had in fact just stuck to the other side of his hand. This was the clingiest tape of all clingy tapes. It was stickier than fly paper, and the fact that it also attracted flies further contributed to make a tedious experience downright unpleasant. And furthermore, the more you struggled against the tape, the more it ensnared you. They both looked like mummies themselves by the time they realized how futile resistance was.

"Ok now what?" Sirius asked, muffled by the tape.

"Hm… Devils' snare, devils' snare…"

"It's not a Devils' Snare. It's strips of fly paper"
"Strips of fly paper, strips of fly paper…Then I can't remember the rest" James found the flies bouncing off the lenses a bit distracting and not helpful when trying to remember wordier charms. "Something with 'fun' and 'sun'. 'Not fun in the sun'. Or was it: 'fun in the sun'?"

"Depends on your definition of 'fun'" Sirius blinked away some flies. "There are kinks for everything"

"Can you buy tape like this in shops?"

Sirius managed to remove the tape from his mouth. "This is from the same roll of tape Moony uses to mend his books with, and I've never gotten ensnared by his dream journal. Clearly this was first wrapped around the cupboard, and then jinxed. Another case closed, my dear Watson" Then he started coughing because a fly got stuck in his throat.

"Thanks for the unhelpful deductions"

"You asked"

"But you failed to notice, my dear Watson, that if you look at the overall twirlyness of the strips of tape, you can tell this was done in much haste. This is very fortunate, it means that whatever magic is at work, it's not anything new or anything that required much preparation"

"Something old, well that definitely narrows it down"

A bright light emitted from James' right side and the tape unleashed them both. "I was right times two" he said, but didn't sound too proud over the fact that he had had to recall something from yesterdays' Transfigurations to solve this. It wasn't just patronizing, manipulating them with reversed psychology like this. It made it all feel like a trap.

"I suppose that was Second Degree Form Altering" said Sirius, shaking a bit of tape from his shoe. "I kept hearing in the back of my head that while I was being nagged at for napping"

Wands ready, they expected the poltergeist to hit them in the face like a hard wind when they opened the door, and so they squinted as if that would have protected them in such a scenario. But nothing happened, and when they dared to look inside the cupboard they saw that the walls were burnt, clearly a sign of a trapped ghoul, and yet it was empty except for a post-it that read: 'Don't touch this'.

Quidditch wasn't the only game that was being played this evening. The hide and go seek club, which was an all- Hufflepuff club, had nearly gone through all the points. They occupied the various comfy chairs in their common room, eagerly waiting for the winner of the week to be announced. Quidditch nights were great for playing hide and go seek, because it meant that more hiding places were available and they were less likely to be kicked out of somewhere they weren't really allowed to be.

"And finally at the top, we have Bozo!" the leader of the club, Frank, scribbled on the flip chart. All the members clapped modestly, only barely drowning the sound of the crackling fire. Rita patted her friend on the back, but the Bozo looked as blank in the face as always.

A hand holding a quill shot in the air. "Hem hem!"

"What is it, Dolores?" Frank smiled gently at the toad-faced girl. His determination to find something about her that wasn't irritating was what made him the most exemplary Hufflepuff since Helga herself. That all Hufflepuffs were really nice was a common misconception. Certainly most of them aspired to be respectful and disliked unnecessary conflict and fighting, but the sweetness they especially directed at their fellow house members, and was the reason all other houses thought they were a bunch of weaklings, was really how they expressed that loyalty, for which they were more known than their amazing finding abilities. And they were quite happy people didn't know they were great finders and that the hat never brought much attention to the fact, because then the other houses would just want to take advantage of them.

The toad faced girl with the oversized glasses lowered her quill.

"I demand something is done about Fletcher for he smells!"

"That's mature! I wouldn't exactly touch you with a stick either!" Dung retorted, shaking a louse from his hand that had crawled there from his head.

"Badgies please!" Frank interrupted before things turned rude. "Remember the first rule of being a Hufflepuff!" He flipped the flip-chart a couple of times until he came to the list of rules. The first rule read very clearly: Act really polite all the time!

"But what's the point?" Rita asked, in a slouched position on the sofa scribbling on her school paper entitled: 'Who's snogging whom?' "It's why people think we're complete pushovers"

"That's their problem. Being a Hufflepuff is like being the Scarlet Pimpernel. It was because people thought he was stupid that he was able to find" he paused rhetorically. "all those French aristocrats and save them. Let the other houses keep their points and trophies. We have the treasure"

"Speaking of treasure" said Dung, taking the pot of gold beside him and placing it on his lap, letting it speak for itself and awaiting expressions of awe and questions.

"Those look like chocolate coins" said a witch that sported a massive afro and wearing a necklace with all the symbols of the western zodiac.

"They're not- Wait" Dung picked up a coin to inspect more closely, making sure it couldn't be unwrapped. Then he made sure again by biting into it. "It's real. However real leprechaun gold is"

"That can't be leprechaun gold" said Dolores. "Leprechaun gold is impossible to find"
"It's real I tell you!"
"How did you find it then?" asked a strawberry blonde with rosy cheeks.

"I found it in the library"

"Why would a leprechaun leave a pot of gold in the library?"

"It didn't, that's my point!" Dungs' tone was tainted with impatience. "Listen, as you all know, the day of the big, international treasure hunt is approaching. It's going to be tough! The maps are said to be flakier than ever and the prize is the treasure chest of legendary pirate looter Captain Squidbeard the Hardworking!"

"What of it?" said Frank, leaning against the flip-chart. "The important thing is that we all give it our best. It's worked before"
"We have always been the only team from Hogwarts, but this year I fear that won't be the case"
"Who else is going?"

"What does it matter if we're not the only team from Hogwarts?" said Rita. "We're still the most experienced team"
"I know, and of course we'll win provided everybody plays fair. There's talk. Of a genie lamp"

Even the fire chose that moment to die. The only things that lit up the common room now were the torches. The lazy smile on Ritas' thin lips faded slightly.

"I heard that, when I was waiting outside Dumbledore's office. They were discussing genie lamps"
"So what?" said Dolores.

"I think that some Gryffindors will have a go at the treasure hunt this year, too" Dungs' tone had gone from impatient to dead serious.

"They can try but so what? Gryffindors can't even find a sheet at a Halloween party"

"I know, which is why they will cheat. They will use the lamp to wish for victory, I know it!"

Since the Quidditch game had just ended, and other students were expected to come barging in any minute now, and because he really wanted to start reading that book they were reading at the book club this week, Frank started dismantling the flip-chart.

"Why do you worry about this anyway?" he asked. "Anybody who cheats will be disqualified, and that's the end of that"

"It's not, if they use their next wish to not be disqualified"
"I'm more concerned about that team from Jaguarspot in Brazil, personally" said Rita, also slowly preparing to retire to her dorm for the evening by screwing the lid back on her ink bottle. "They train by walking backwards to El Dorado blindfolded! Everybody thinks they will win this year"

"Well, like I said, the important thing is that we do our best-" said Frank, but was told to shut up by everybody else. Dung had intended to worry them all, and he had succeeded.

"If we had this lamp" said Dolores, wide eyed. "Then we'd win for sure"
"You're not seriously suggesting we should cheat?" asked the girl with the afro.

"Why not? Better us than some pushy show-offs! And besides, I don't recall the rules specifically forbidding the use of wishy-things"

They were all tempted by the idea of winning through using an object that alone required superb finding abilities.

"They forbid unapproved aiding equipment" said the girl with the afro, seemingly finding the temptation a bit easier to resist than her fellow hiders and seekers.

"Yes. During the hunt. That they find out about"

And as much as the others hated to admit it, they were very tempted to give this kind of cheating a try, on their way to their dorms convincing each other and themselves that everybody probably did it.