Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.
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Panthalassa: Low Tide
Chapter 4 – Esme
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Faces swam above me, no… not faces.
Faceless faces. And the overwhelming feeling of helplessness consumed me as I stared at the empty faces. They were talking without mouths and their words didn't make sense, they didn't seem like words. Desperately I wanted to get out of the bed I was in, but I found I couldn't move and it scared me.
.~.
There was a beautiful sunset, golden clouds floated above me. The bed I was in felt like a fluffy marshmallow. I started to get worried because the bed was in a room without a roof and I was completely and utterly alone. There was a small amount of water on the floor, and whenever I turned my head to look down at the water it rose. Soon it would consume the bed and I would drown, it frightened me but the more I uselessly thrashed the quicker the water rose. I pleaded and cried for someone, anyone to help me, but the room remained empty. And I remained alone.
.~.
What I noticed before I opened my eyes was a slow beeping noise.
My throat felt like I had swallowed fire, and my eyes felt heavy when I tried to open them. I saw a ceiling when I finally managed it, and I puzzled at it for a moment.
I couldn't understand why I felt so tired. I was exhausted, but more than that I was confused. I couldn't remember… remember what happened. My neck didn't seem to want to obey me and it took great effort to move my head to look around my room.
The beeping noise had been constant and I now realized why. I was in a hospital. A realization that should have caused me to panic, but it didn't. Being in a hospital meant that I was being taken care of, it meant that I was safe.
My eye sight was blurry, but it didn't stop the lights from flashing briefly, this time without pain. A second later I heard a door open in front of me. Struggling I turned my head to look at who ever had come in, and I became more confused.
Confused as I was, I blinked with blurry eyes and saw the figure of someone I knew so well, someone I had dreamed of for seven years.
Exhaustion fought and won but not before I spoke to her.
I whispered through dry cracked lips, as I tried to lift my unwilling arms to touch her approaching form, "Mum…"
.~.
Scratch scratch scratch. The sound of pen on paper woke me.
I opened my eyes and looked for the source of the noise.
"Why good morning Evangeline, my name is Sarah, I'm your RN," the nurse had mousy brown hair, that was messily tied up into a bun smiled down at me. "I am sure you are confused, and things will be explained, but you are safe, and being taken care of."
"Mum…" I croaked, blinking, my throat felt so weak and dry, and rubbed raw. My throat had never felt so sore; I could barely make out a sound.
Sarah must not have heard me because she leaned in and asked me to repeat what I'd said. When I did she pulled away and did a horrible job of hiding her pity.
"Evangeline… your mom isn't here sweetie." I tried to shake my head at that but all I managed was to wiggle it a bit.
"She… was… here… I saw… her," I breathed out, Sarah's ear close to my mouth so she could catch what I was saying. I couldn't understand why I everything I tried to do was exhausting. It took so much energy to say those few words; I didn't have any energy to spare.
"Ah… well Evangeline that was Mrs. Whitlock. She'd been coming to visit every few days. She brings you fresh lily's," Sarah gestured to something off to my right, and I didn't have it in me to try and look. The name Whitlock felt familiar but I couldn't remember.
Suddenly I wanted sleep more than answers; my mum would come back, regardless of this Mrs. Whitlock. Sarah was wrong, I had seen my mum, and I knew I would see her again.
My mum didn't return the next time I awoke. This time I saw a doctor, his name was eventually lost in my fuzzy brain. The things he did say that stuck with me were how I ended up here.
I had a stab wound from scissors while I was at a camp near Ashland Wisconsin. I didn't remember going to any camp, but I couldn't voice that because I was still too weak. He mentioned how in addition to the stab wound I had fallen and hit my head on a rock, causing swelling in my brain. He was going to show me the 3d imager of what happened to me but he didn't want to overwhelm me just yet. And I gaped at him like a fish when he told me all of this had happened about 7 weeks ago.
Dr. Easily forgettable name also told me that I was lucky to be alive, and that they weren't sure until I woke up that I actually would. He spoke of how I pulled out my feeding tube on my own about 36 hours before, so they figured I was waking up and starting giving me nutrients through my I.V.
After Sarah and the Doctor left, I lay there wondering if anyone would have missed me if I didn't wake up. It was a depressing thought, to think that I would leave nothing behind when I died, no one left to mourn me.
The fact that I couldn't remember this camp or the person the doctor alluded to having attacked me really bothered me. But the fact I could form thoughts was pretty impressive given what I was to understand had been severe brain trauma.
.~.
I was rather lonely after they left, Sarah had given me a rundown of things they needed to do, and supposedly I was going to be talking to… someone that would help determine my mental agility. I hated not being able to think, or concentrate and I felt alone, and lonely. I was too weak to cry. Believe me I wanted to, but I couldn't make my body work up that much energy to actually do it.
Dr. Reynolds was actually really funny, for being a neurologist. He was a balding man with pepper grey hair. He was tall-ish, I couldn't really tell as I was in a giant hospital bed. Dr. Reynolds had a little round beer belly that when I looked him over, he affectionately called it his "little guy", like he was pregnant.
My arms being as weak as they were he asked me to point to certain animals on the cards as he laid them out. So my wrist rested on the little table over my bed as I swiveled my finger to the animals he said out loud.
I thought I did very well. When we moved onto common shapes, and colors I felt confused and it frustrated me.
"Evangeline calm down. This is just a preliminary test. You still have a lot of drugs in your system and that will affect how you process things, and think. You are doing very well," he calmly patted my head in a father-like motion, it was when he did that I noticed my hair was gone, it was short and I could feel every motion his hand made against my scalp, it was weird, and tickly.
Dr. Reynolds was going to check on me once every day. After he left another different nurse came in with Sarah and they started un-hooking me from different machines. They talked to me about the things they were taking off and putting away, I fell asleep as they were talking.
.~.
The next few days were frustrating and slightly humiliating. They took out my catheter, which was uncomfortable and hurt. I had a physical therapist come up twice a day to help me try to lift my arms, or move my legs. A doctor came to test my ability to swallow without choking, and I was finally allowed real water, not those damn ice chips they had been giving me.
Dr. Reynolds kept coming back to give me silly little tests, and he was right, I did get better. When I mentioned what music I liked he had the nurses put the right stations on the MediaMix in my room for me. He played rummy with me, once I was able to hold my cards upright. And he ate his lunch with me when I was approved to eat solid foods.
I had been awake for four days, and the lily's by the window were starting to wilt noticeably. Sarah made comment on how this is the longest Mrs. Whitlock had been away.
Now that I was more aware of myself I understood that whoever I had seen hadn't been my mum. There was no way. And I wasn't sure what upset me more. That I believed she'd come for me, or that I was more or less okay that it really wasn't her.
I had just finished my therapy session, this time one of the orderlies had put me in a wheelchair and brought me down to my appointment. First time out of my room was when I realized that it was a really nice hospital. I was being wheeled in when I heard Sarah laughing quietly in my room with some other woman.
"There she is! Did Joyce make you walk today?" Sarah asked brightly, moving to help Sam the orderly. (Sam was also in a band as the drummer, which we talked about.)
"She tried," I said, my voice still horribly hoarse. I slowly looked to the woman by the small window ledge as she set up a fresh bouquet of lily's.
She was stunning. She was a slender woman, with caramel brown hair that fell about her face almost artfully. Turning to look at me she smiled, it was warm like sunshine, and the depth of the smile reached her kind eyes. The way she looked at me was how I vaguely remember my mum looking at me and I stared at her from across the room. Her eyes had me blinking; they reminded me of something else.
"Oh!" I said out loud when I realized it.
It all came back like a door had been opened in my brain and the information came rushing in. Gold eyes, like Alice, like Jasper and Bella, the Whitlock's. This was-
"This is Mrs. Whitlock Eva," Sarah gestured the introduction just after helping me into my bed. I was sitting and I pulled my blankets up over my legs, as it always seemed to be cold in hospitals. Mrs. Whitlock looked so young; it seemed that there was no way she was over the age of 30.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Evangeline," Mrs. Whitlock said still smiling.
"The pleasure is mine… thank you for the flowers, they are really pretty." I waved as Sam said his goodbyes and Sarah left with him.
"I am surprised at how far you've progressed since I've been away," the soft way her voice caressed my ears made me sigh.
"It doesn't seem like much progress to me," I swallowed.
Mrs. Whitlock looked a little nervous but took the chair next to my bed that Dr. Reynolds usually sat in when we played cards. She was graceful and fluid.
"Oh believe me it is a miraculous change from the last time I was here," she reached over to smooth out some of my covers, slowly looking around the room.
Following her eyes, I wasn't sure what to talk about with her. I was curious as to why she had come to visit me, or bring me flowers. Curious but not ungrateful.
"Mrs. Whitlock," I began, her kind eyes focused on me again, and I was momentarily taken aback by their soft amber color. "I- I wanted to thank you for coming to visit me. Sarah told me that you were here at least twice a week. You didn't have to do that for a stranger and-"
"It was my pleasure Evangeline," I bit my lower lip as she reached out and squeezed the hand that was resting on top of the blanket. Mrs. Whitlock was a complete stranger, but I felt so at ease with her it was hard to understand.
My foster mothers varied in degrees of kindness; Mrs. Thorp had been the best. But none of them made me feel the way Mrs. Whitlock had in the few moments she had been near. I felt safe, cherished, and wanted. I couldn't explain it and it overwhelmed me. Mrs. Whitlock's hand was rather cold; like she had poor circulation, but when she removed her hand it felt like she took some of my warmth with her.
Tears were instantly in my eyes, as I saw such heart wrenching kindness in her eyes I realized that she actually cared about me. I started crying so quickly it surprised Mrs. Whitlock, the bed shifted and I felt her next to me.
Usually I wasn't much for crying, I did cry when things got bad, when I was stressed or angry, but since I had gone into the system when my mum went missing I usually cried alone.
"I'm so-sorry," I blubbered as her strong arms wrapped around me.
"Shhhh, its okay," her clear loving tone made me cry harder.
Sarah came in to ask what was wrong but I wasn't in any state to respond so she left at Mrs. Whitlock's indication. Before she left Sarah handed Mrs. Whitlock a box of tissues and patted my head gently.
"I thought you were, my mum…" I whispered after I had calmed some.
The tears were still freely flowing and I took a moment to blow my nose. Mrs. Whitlock had taken to running her cold fingers through my stubbly short hair.
"I'm sorry I got your hopes up sweetie…" when I turned to look at her, she truly did look sad.
"I felt so stupid after I was told it hadn't been her, I should have known better," I buried my head in my hands.
"There is nothing wrong with wanting her here Evangeline," she cooed, still holding me.
Gradually I stopped crying and I started to focus on the fact Mrs. Whitlock was incredibly sturdy.
Once I had calmed down enough she pulled away and sat back in the chair, she had a small reassuring smile. There was an odd moment of silence, and I think both of us were trying to think of something to say.
"How are your kids doing? Alice and Bella?" I would have asked about the others, but I hadn't really spent much time with any of them.
"Oh," she chuckled lightly into her hand, "Alice is energetic, as always. Bella is doing well, she just graduated. Alice might be stopping in to visit this weekend if that's okay with you…?" I nodded and found myself grinning at her.
We talked for a little while about the others, and about her work. She worked freelance as a historical building restorer. But she hadn't been taking on much business because her kids were keeping her busy.
My dinner was delivered and she asked if I needed anything, like books, or magazines to help keep my time occupied. Dr. Reynolds had asked me that and had delivered some magazines earlier in the day. He also snuck some candy in for me, which I ate immediately.
Mrs. Whitlock eventually told me to call her by her first name. Esme. It was really a very stylish name. When visiting hours ended I felt lighter, and happier than I had since waking up. She may not have been my mum but it was clear that she was one to her very core. Before leaving she kissed the top of my head, and told me to get some good rest.
I spent the rest of the night watching movies on the MediaMix and thinking about the Whitlock's.
.~.
The next couple days were routine. I went to physical therapy twice a day. Joyce would have Sam help me strap on the belt to my waist, and as he held on to the straps I would try to walk. The progress was so slow I didn't think I had made any improvements. But Joyce seemed to be shocked at how fast I was progressing.
It had been a week since I found myself in the ICU, and I was being moved to a recovery ward. It was the same day Alice and Esme came back to visit.
They both lamented on the weather, as they had wanted to take me outside, it was rather stormy out so we just spent time in one of the fancy lounges by some giant glass windows looking out into the courtyard. The best times of my day were when I wasn't in my room.
My voice had gotten better, and I had been told by the doctors that there would be no permanent damage to my vocal chords. But my throat still felt sore, so I let them do most of the talking.
Esme pushed my wheelchair as Alice mentioned having to run to the bathroom. Once back in my room I sat in my bed getting ready to eat the lunch they just brought to me, when Alice came bounding in with something large and wooden in her hands.
I dropped the roll I had been about to take a bite out of.
"Alice!" I squealed as she presented the guitar to me. There was a dainty red bow wrapped around it. She was vibrating with excitement and happiness seeing my reaction.
"Esme and I thought you should have a new one… It's the only way I can make up for what happened. If you hadn't changed cabins with me none of this would have happened," she frowned slightly. The world didn't actually stop spinning, but as she set the shiny new acoustic guitar on my lap it seemed like she zoned out for a moment.
Holding the guitar I strummed the strings lightly before smiling to the two women, Esme helped me set it next to the bed and I thanked both of them.
.~.
The days were passing slowly. Esme and Alice both warned me that were busy with various things, and wouldn't be able to visit over the next few days. It was a little disappointing, but they had already been generous with their time.
I was alone the vast majority of my time, and I started craving any type of conversation. I slept a lot when there was nothing else to do. Watching movies alone in my room grew tedious. Practicing my guitar took a lot more energy than I was willing to spare.
I was walking steadily on my own the next time I saw Esme. She came alone, and looked slightly troubled and distracted as we played rummy. Not wanting to pry into her life I didn't ask.
After I had finished my lunch Becky one of my day nurses came in with two other people, Mrs. Jordan looked stressed but smiled widely when she saw me. The man was introduced as Mr. Gerwin, he was the county prosecutor. When it dawned on me what they were both doing here I felt anxious and stressed.
Esme made to leave and I grabbed her sleeve.
"Please… stay," I asked weakly, I didn't want her to know how much better I would feel if she was here for whatever they had to tell me.
"Evangeline you are looking loads better than the last time I saw you," Mrs. Jordan said. She hugged me before sitting down in the two chairs Becky brought over. After she left Dr. Keys, my main doctor came in and took the last chair.
"Ms. Knight, we have a few items we need to go over with you. Now that you are well on your way to recovery, your doctor's feel it's time we update you on some important matters." Mr. Gerwin stated, pulling out some papers from his briefcase. His handshake to me before he sat down seemed hurried and feeble.
Not feeling like I needed to say anything I nodded before sweeping my eyes over the other adults.
"Firstly, the matter of the hospital bill," Mrs. Jordan began, "You were originally taken to the hospital in Ashland. Where, once you were stable they air lifted you to this hospital, your medical bills are being covered by an anonymous donor, the donor wanted you to be given the very best of care," my case worker paused to take a breath. It puzzled me why anyone would take it upon themselves to pay for some TOTD kids medical bills, but I couldn't exactly ask.
"Your doctors say that you will need at least another 10 days of observation and therapy on site," Mrs. Jordan paused and sighed here. "The second matter is concerning where you will live after you are released. Your 18th birthday is four months away, but you will be going into your senior year-"
"What do you mean where I'm going to live? What about the Conner's?" I interrupted.
Mrs. Jordan grimaced and shifted a bit in her seat.
"The Conner's have no room anymore to take in foster children. Shortly after your accident, Julie's mom was able to regain custody of her. The Jenson children's father signed over his custody to the State. Mr. and Mrs. Conner are now going through the process to adopt the children…" Processing this I looked to Esme, she squeezed my hand reassuringly, but it the feeling didn't reach her slightly dark amber eyes.
"What about my things? My boxes?" starting to worry that maybe the Conner's wanting more room in their basement had thrown them out.
"Well when the changes started to happen, the Whitlock's stepped up to pay for a storage unit, rather than keep them at the county offices." Mr. Gerwin answered.
Quickly I turned to look at Esme again.
"When I found out, my husband and I talked it over. We didn't want your things in some public storage area where anyone could get to them." This time when she smiled it reached her eyes, and I relaxed a little.
"You will be 18 and inheriting your trust, the money that was set aside after the sale of the house to lived with your mother in," I winced when Mr. Gerwin he said it so casually.
"We are still in the process of finding a good placement for you Eva," Mrs. Jordan stepped in.
I sighed, and realized this was really a depressing conversation. The way she phrased it was the way adults always covered up the fact no one wanted me.
Good placement, there weren't enough foster parents for the amount of children that needed them in this State. Not since the end of the war at any rate. Priority went to the younger kids, older kids could be taken to the Independent Living Center in Milwaukee.
Putting my head in my hands I sighed. I had been struggling for so long to behave like my mum had taught me. Hoping that one day it might help get adopted. But aside from the Thorps not a single family that had taken care of me had a household or attitude that I wanted to stay near.
The first house I stayed at was the home of a lazy couple. The Johnson's, they were neglectful, they had at any given time four to seven foster children in their home. Mrs. Johnson didn't work and would watch TV for the majority of the day. She'd make us do "Chores" which was basically the only reason that house looked decent. The six months I lived there I never saw either Johnson lift a finger to keep the house clean. Once my complaints to Mr. Thoms finally convinced him I was moved to the Foxs'.
The best way to describe the Fox's was to say that they were addicts. They were an older couple, with one grown son who lived out of state. Mrs. Fox was addicted to prescription pills, which she would steal from the kids.
She would take us in to the doctor and claim we were showing signs of ADHD or something similar, and we would get prescriptions. Most of us at the time didn't understand what was going on but liked it when Mrs. Fox would buy us ice cream and treat us to a movie when we acted well to fool the doctor to getting us prescriptions. I always tried my best to fool the doctors so that I would stay on Mrs. Fox's good side. I thought that the Fox's were a nice couple, compared to the Johnson's anyway. Mr. Fox was addicted to gambling. He would sell whatever drugs Mrs. Fox wasn't using to get high and go out for hours on end. But between the gambling and drugs they always seemed to run out of the money the State provided. I lived there for almost one year before the State caught on what was going on.
I had turned eleven at the Fox's. The next place was probably the weirdest house I had been placed at.
Gloria Mew's, was a widow in her mid thirties. She was a decent person, and the State allowed her to have a couple of foster children, she was the only adult in the household and they wouldn't allow her to have any more than two at a time.
Gloria was an artist, it was really fun to watch her paint, or take pictures. I never understood the art. I wasn't allowed to eat meat while I lived with her, which I hated.
With the freedom she let me have I used it to be rather reckless. I met up with neighborhood kids and caused trouble. What else was I to do? It was fun, and I couldn't eat meat, so I figured it evened things out.
I was removed from her house after the FBI found what they considered child pornography, on her computers and in her art. Looking back I don't think Gloria really was a pornographer, as she had never taken any pictures of me, but the FBI thought she was and so after nine months with her I was moved to the Herman's.
I had been moved around so much at that point I wondered if I would ever find a place to call home. Like many of the foster children I lived with or met, I was depressed, and had horrible grades. I didn't care about much, and that's when I turned to rebelling.
I suppose the Herman's were actually a nice couple, but I stole liquor out of their cabinets. And stole from the gas station, so when I got in trouble I acted out and I blamed them or anyone else for my actions. Then I was medicated.
Mrs. Jordan had been assigned to me after I had been arrested for shoplifting, she managed to get the charges dropped, and she was the first adult to call me out on my shit. I would always thank her for that.
So when I looked into her eyes I knew she felt guilty for not being able to find a foster family for me.
"The third matter," Mr. Gerwin cleared his throat, "The sentencing hearing for Sophila Telk."
My eyes bulged and I swallowed hard, "Wh-what? Hearing?"
"Yes. The State filed charges against Ms. Telk after you were admitted."
"But how?" I remembered that Sophila and I had been alone, no one had been around, how they would know I had been hurt at all, let alone that Sophila had done it?
"A Mr-" the lawyer opened the folder in his lap to look at something, "Edward Whitlock witnessed the attack."
A breath caught in my throat and I coughed. My eyes went back to Esme and she gave me another sad smile.
"Edward had seen everything; he was the one who called 911. But he took it upon himself to drive you to the hospital rather than wait for it. His actions most certainly saved your life," Mrs. Jordan explained, while I was still in shock.
"Edward… did?" The question escaped before I could stop it. Esme nodded but didn't say anything.
"After Edward explained to the police what he saw happen, Sophila was taken into custody and after a few days of claiming innocence she confessed to pushing you and accidently stabbing you with the scissors."
Mrs. Jordan had visited me a few days after I woke up with a police officer to take my statement of what had happened, things at that point were a little fuzzy but I did remember Sophila had pushed me after I had been impaled.
"The sentencing hearing is on the 8th of July, you don't have to be there unless you want to, she has already signed the confession," Mr. Gerwin closed his folders as made eye contact with me, waiting for my decision on the matter. He looked impatient.
"I don't want to see her again," I stated flatly.
After Mrs. Jordan and Mr. Gerwin left, Dr. Keys stayed to take my blood pressure and generally hover.
Both Esme and Dr. Keys kept glancing at me as I sat there silently thinking about my future and what had happened to me. When the doctor left Esme cleared her throat to get my attention.
"Did you want to talk about it Evangeline?" Internally I smiled when Esme called me by my full name, even though I told her to call me Eva.
Deciding I wasn't ready I shook my head, "I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back," I slowly got out of bed, found my balance and made my way to the in suite bathroom.
Taking my time I came out quite a bit later to see Esme standing across the room by the window arranging the lily's again. My toe caught on the lip of the door and I tripped forward, I threw my arms out to catch myself, on to have strong arms catch me by the arm and shoulder. Esme's cold hand had a firm and gentle grip on my arm, and she helped steady me.
We talked for a little bit about nothing in particular. She gave me an update on Alice's trip to Chicago with Rose, and Bella. I considered asking for her number so I could text her, but I wasn't allowed a cell phone in the hospital. Even if I was, mine had gone missing with my bag when the cabin had been vandalized.
Feeling much more exhausted than I usually did for the time of day Esme tucked me into bed and said her goodbyes. I reveled in the feel of her giving me a kiss on the top of my head, and I wondered that if anyone else tried to do it if it would make me feel as safe as I did when she did it.
"Thank you for today Esme… and tell Edward… thanks too, I guess," I yawned out.
"You're welcome Evangeline," she said sweetly.
I grinned and wiggled deeper into my bed, my smile faded when I saw the lost look on her face. Before I could ask if she was okay she picked up her purse and smiled at me, and for the first time since meeting her I felt it wasn't genuine, the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"Get some rest and have a good nap," she said before she headed off.
Something about her walking away hurt and I felt like she was running away. The way she left, and her attitude, it seemed like she was trying to say something else. I looked towards the window and the lily's and sighed.
"I don't want you to leave me too…" I whispered to the empty room, and wiped the single tear that started to form.
Since my mum had left, I had been half hopeful I could find somebody to care for me and half worried. If I let somebody care about me… one day they would leave. I was jaded, I knew, but it really was the truth. Nothing lasts forever. And I felt empty as I ever had, wondering what there really was for me to live for.
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As always thank you for reading! Please review!
