Hey, guys. Sorry for the delay but somehow, I got another writer's block. It's over now, though. To answer some of your comments: Yes, I intent on finishing this story, but sometimes it takes a little while before I can come up with a new update. And by the way, thank you for all your nice reviews.

I hope you like this on, and you are welcome to tell me what you think about this chapter.

Enjoy,

T73.

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I haven't spoken to Maura for almost a week and I was very good at avoiding her. Happily, there were no cases that would have required her experience as a ME. Don't get me wrong, all of us take a homicide serious and we all want to solve it as fast as possible to give the families some closure. But there are cases we can solve within a day, two days tops. And Maura isn't always the ME who gets called to the same crime scene than I am. I mean, I don't have the right to work all the time with her and these days I am really grateful for that.

I'm even not always working the same case with my brother or Korsak. Yeah, get that!

I know that deep down she's also relieved about that and that it hurts her in the same time. Normally I'd come down to her office as soon as I'd have time to check on her, to ask how her day's going or even having lunch with her. But this week I take my distance, asked Frankie to go down to the lab while I interviewed eye witnesses and suspects. I also volunteered to check out the backgrounds of the victims and the one of the suspects. I did everything so I wouldn't be in the closer area of the precinct.

Truth be told, I wanted to give Maura the space and the time to figure out what she really wants, to think about the thinks she said to me. I know that we both are really stubborn, even proud but at the end of the week I get the feeling that Maura isn't aware that she truly hurt me. It's not like that I'm touchy but at some point, I need my own space to wise up to the fact that she and I probably don't want the same thing.

And to be honest, even I'm not sure what I really want. Yeah, I want to be with Maura, I want us to work things out, I want us to specify what this is that's going on between Maura and me. And in the same time, I'm a coward, I'm afraid that she tells me that she wants nothing more than friendship, that our sexual relationship is over. I know that it sounds strange and like there's nothing more than Maura's body but I'm not sure that I could handle that. When I'm with Maura it's like I can let go. I don't have to hide my real personality, I can be who I am for real. I am not always the dominating, confident person I am at work. When I come home, I let down my guard, especially in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, Maura and I never practiced kinky sex games in there. We don't, but it's not easy for me to let down my guard, to let someone get close to me, to let someone else take charge in the bedroom. Most of the women I had been with were happy about that, some wanted to do something good for me but I refused and kicked them out at the end. And then there was Maura. She didn't argue with me about who's in control as soon as we hit the mattress naked, she let me explore me her body as many times as I wanted. It doesn't mean that she was laying in the bed like a dead, but she let me do as I pleased, perhaps because she knew that I would never hurt her or do things to her that she doesn't want to. I'm not that kind of person who likes to hurt people during sex, not in the S&M way. Sure, it can get a little rough but not the way that you can't sit on your butt for a week because I spanked you hard.

I had scratches on my back and even love bites on my neck which officially embarrassed me at work, silently I wear them with pride.

Anyway, I normally didn't give up control in bed, but then there was Maura. At some point she took charge for the first time and started to take the initiative and unbuttoned my shirt, pushing me with my back on the mattress. I remember that I tensed up the second she straddled my lap and the soft look in her eyes. She kissed me gently and told me that it's okay to let someone else take care of myself while she kissed my jaw, that it's okay to let the guard down at home, when you are with someone you love. That night I let down my guard and was lost. I mean, Maura had seen me at my best, and at my worse, but she never had seen me completely, exposed. I never allowed someone to see me on the edge of an orgasm and whisper sweet words while I fight it, which really made me lose control that night.

That night, I was doomed. I was falling so hard for Maura, I didn't even know that someone could fall so deep in love. As I already said, after that night I was doomed. I can't come up with other words. I was lost. Okay, different words.

But right now, I shouldn't think about it. Right now, I'm sitting at my desk in the bullpen and close my eyes, running my hand over my forehead, trying to banish those thoughts from my mind and focus on the paperwork I have to do.

"Hey." Frankie says as he enters the bullpen.

I turn my head to him and smile, I arrived only thirty minutes before him.

He sips his coffee and frowns. "I meet Maura in the entrance hall."

I scratch the back of my head and take a breath. "Okay."

"She asked me to tell you that she'd like to see you in her office."

Seriously? She has a phone, she has my cell number and she has my desk number. I keep a straight face, asking, "Why?" We don't work the same case, there is no reason why she'd have to see me.

Frankie's shrugging. "No idea. I'm just the messenger."

I nod and get up to my feet, taking my jacket from the back of my chair. "Thanks."

He rolls his eyes but smiles.

I don't smile back at him, I'm not really in the mood to, and I'm not really in the mood to go down to the lab and to face Maura. I'm not even sure why she asked Frankie to tell me to come down. I take a deep breath and push the button of the elevator impatiently. As soon as I entered the car I try to banish all thoughts out of my mind and tell myself to focus on being professional, I don't need us making a scene in front of the entire lab staff. So, focusing on whatever the Chief Medical Examiner is going to hand me over about whatever case has to do it. In and out in no time, I can do that.

My eyes snap up to the display and I frown a little. That sounded so wrong, in and out in no time. I groan and am happy that I don't have to share the car because other people would wonder what's wrong right now. I really can't explain why Maura is able to turn my thoughts dirty without being near me. Sometimes I really hate it, especially right now.

I take a deep breath and step out of the elevator as soon as it arrives at the lab and make my way in the direction of the morgue and stop dead when I see Maura standing with Kent in the lab, discussing something I'm sure that would drive me crazy because I wouldn't understand a word until I'd cut them off. How does the say go: Birds of a feather flock together? That describes them perfectly.

My heart skips a beat when she smiles at him. It doesn't skip a beat because I feel a twinge of jealousy. It skips a beat because it's the kind of smile that always makes me melt away when she's giving it to me. Actually, it's niggling and I have no idea why it always makes my heart beat harder. Perhaps it's not only the smile itself but the twinkle in her eyes when she smiles at me that way. Perhaps it's because I always presumed that this smile is only reserved for me. Such conceit knows no bounds.

I take another deep breath and push the door to the lab open, drawing the attention of the two doctors to me. I swallow hard the moment the smile on Maura's lips die and when she's looking down to the file in her hand.

Kent is glancing uncertainly at us both because he senses the shift of the atmosphere, unable to say something to lighten the mood.

I clear my throat and look a little longer at … my friend? I don't even know if I have the right to call her that anymore. "Dr. Isles, you asked for me to come down."

She's nodding and takes a moment before she looks at me. It seems like she needed a second to regain her composure. "Yes, I did."

A shiver runs down my spine. Not because I'm excited to see her, because her voice is clinical. She hands Kent the file and starts to make her way out of the lab. "Follow me, Detective."

I frown a little because she walks towards her office but I follow her slowly. I keep my distance because I don't want to brush accidently her arm or other parts of her body. I swallow hard and ask, "Why am I down here?"

She doesn't look at me and opens the door to her office. "I'd like you to bring an autopsy report to Detective Kerr. I've tried to call his desk phone and his cell phone but I can't reach him."

I blink a couple of times and furl my brows. She has to be kidding me. "That's it? You want me to bring this damn report to Kerr? That's why you told Frankie to send me down here? I'm a detective, Maura, no messenger. Why don't you send -" I trail off as soon as I see her confused look. "What?"

Maura's licking her lips and takes the file from her desk. "I didn't ask Frankie to send you down, Jane. I asked him if he could do me that favor but he told me that he would have no time because he was called to a crime scene, so I asked him to tell Detective Kerr that the autopsy report is ready." She shakes her head and frowns a little. "I didn't ask for you to come down."

I stare at her like she has spoken Greek to me before I blink a couple of times. Frankie, such a traitor. Note to me: Beat the shit out of my little brother. I snatch the file from Maura's hand and turn on my heels. "Fine, I'll bring that report to Kerr."

"Jane," Maura says and I stop dead. Maybe she'll tell me what's going on in her mind, that's why I am silent right now. "Thank you."

I clench my jaw and force myself to stay calm. "Whatever." I mumble under my breath and am about to make my way out of her office.

"That's it," she asks a little louder which makes me stop walking again and I tense up, clenching my jaw once more. So much about not making a scene in front of the lab staff. "All I get is a whatever?"

I close my eyes so I can count to ten in my head before I lose my temper. I don't turn to her, I don't look at her because that would mean that I'd give in. "What do you want me to say?" I growl dangerously low and it scares myself. "Thank you for demoting me to your messenger? I'm a Homicide Detective, Doctor. I have better things to do."

"Can't you even look at me?"

I take another deep breath and close the door slowly so the other people won't hear us flinging the things in our teeth.

I slowly turn to her and I know myself that my eyes are hard. "I don't have a reason to look at you right now, Maura." I hiss and she takes a step back like I threw a jab right to her jaw. "There's a reason why I'm avoiding you. I want you to figure out what you really want. What you really want from me."

Now she's avoiding my eyes by looking down at her feet and she's the one who's silent. But then she says, "I want you to look at me. Really look at me, not like I'm just a random stranger. We have a story, Jane."

I have to swallow down all the emotions I feel and the bad words I want to tell her right now. I take a deep breath and wiggle my brows. "And we all know that it didn't end well."

That's a liver shot. I can tell because she stumbles a little and it seems like that statement took her breath away. She's turning pale and I'm afraid that she's fainting any moment. Her reaction makes me taking a step toward her so I could catch Maura if she's passing out for real. Yeah, I'm an asshole but that doesn't mean that I let my ex fall straight to the ground.

Maura's bracing herself on her desk and she's asking quietly, "So it's over?"

Her question makes me stop and I frown, looking straight into her eyes. My anger is replaced by deep pain at the thought that Maura and I won't be the same anymore. That we won't be nothing more than colleagues, that she won't be my sanctuary anymore or that I won't be hers. I remember that this is what either of us feared most, that we can't act civil around each other anymore after our relationship failed. It's not completely true, though. We acted civil but that was because we kept this sexual relationship going. I still remember the first night we ended up in bed together. We hadn't been in a relationship back than but we had been very sober, and after the ecstasy died down, reality hit us hard and Maura suggested that we take some time so we could figure out what had happened to us. I didn't need that time, I knew what I wanted and I told Maura. I told her that I wanted her. And she was the one who told me that she was afraid, afraid that we'd end up right against the wall. Who knew that she'd be right?

She also told me that she was afraid that we'd lose everything. Our love for each other and our friendship, she told me that she was afraid that she could lose me as her best friend and I promised her that this would never happen. I told her that we have to give this a shot and see where it'd take us, but whatever would happen, I would never leave her side.

Liar!

I swallow down the lump in my throat and take the file into my right hand, holding Maura's gaze. I whisper my answer more, "Yes, I guess it's over."

Maura stops to breath and nods slowly, I can tell that she's trying to keep her tears at bay, almost successfully but they are glistening in her eyes or maybe I know that she's on the verge of tears because it wouldn't be the first time I see her cry. And seeing her crying makes my walls crumble, always.

I take another step forward and I want to reach out but clench my fist to keep me from doing so. "Maura -"

She drops her eyes back to her feet and tries to chuckle. "I'll be alright."

I finally step closer and place my hand on her arm, smiling softly. "After all those years you're still such a lousy liar."

She laughs and looks at me, taking a deep breath. "I hate that you know me so well."

I take heart and pull her into an embrace. I won't lie, it hurts me as much as it's hurting her, and it takes all my courage to stop this at all. I hold her close and take a deep breath, inhale her scent for one more time. "It's gonna be alright, Maura. We'll be alright." Am I believing that myself? I don't know but right now I need to comfort myself, too. I pull my head back and smile softly at her, sighing heavily.

Maura stares at me and smiles sadly, tracing my jaw with her fingertips.

I kiss her. Yeah, I kiss her, and I kiss her gently. It has nothing to mean, it's just a kiss. Okay, that's some bullshit, this kiss means goodbye, at least for now. It's the reset button. I can tell that Maura is aware of it too because she's clinging to my shirt like she's afraid that I step away any moment soon.

I break the kiss but doesn't step away from her, I lean my forehead against hers and try to look her in the eyes but she keeps them closed, a single tear is running down her cheek and I wipe it off with my thumb, she's leaning into my touch and whispers, "I love you."

I nod slowly and reply, "I know." I do, I really do but I'm not sure that she's loving me the way I love her, the way I need her to love me, the way I need her to get involved with me. I inhale shakily and hope that she finally opens her eyes but she doesn't. That's why I loosen her grip, kiss her once more and step slowly away from her. "I know, Maura, but this is the best for now."

Maura swallows hard, wraps her arms tightly around herself and nods, too. She says nothing, though.

I clench my jaw and leave the office with the file in my hand again, closing the door behind me to give Maura the privacy she probably needs right now.

I know that she's hurt right now, and probably doesn't know how to deal with the current situation, just like me. I'm not sure if I didn't just quit our affair but also our long-term friendship. I am aware that we have to figure out how to proceed everything.

I meet Kent's eyes and he went ridge that moment. I can tell that he knows that something bad going on because he's buggering about with some paperwork, his brows are furrowed.

I pretend I haven't seen him and push the button of the elevator with a heavy heart, suppressing another sigh.