Dealing With Him
"So you want to move in with me?" said my teacher as he swung his blade down with the fucking force of God against my rapier that I held out to horizontally block the attack, sending sparks flying everywhere from the collision.
I winced as I grunted while pushing back. I was just a girl for crying out loud!
Regardless, I responded to him, "Yes! Forget my father, you actually care about me!"
"You hardly know me - I could be a serial killer when you aren't looking."
He pulled back, reared his blade up to strike again, and slammed down hard enough to leave a crater in the ground before I dodged to the side as I thought how that was a deathblow if it connected.
"That sounds better than my father!"
"Trust me when I say it ain't. Ask yourself what type of man fights against someone your age like I am now?"
"A trainer, that's who!"
I lunged forward, surging my rapier forward with a pointed edge like a bee stinger as I screamed with rage I conjured up after one simple image of my father popped up in my mind.
My teacher just smirked, readying himself into a countering position as he also leapt forward with the speed of the wind, meeting me halfway and blocking with his blade's flat side.
"So you think that's what I am? You don't second-guess me?"
"Oh, shut up!"
I pulled my rapier back, aiming more to the side, and stabbed again.
He merely moved a little to avoid in time.
I pulled back again.
Stabbed again.
He pulled the same maneuver.
My eyes widening with rage, I pulled back yet again, this time blindly stabbing multiple times in a flurry to where I did not know his fate until I heard an equal number of collisions.
And he dashed to my side, facing me before palm-thrusting my shoulder so hard, you could probably hear the smack outside of the room as I was sent flying headfirst into the dojo's wall, crashing into it with the loudest thud anyone has ever heard.
I swore I could feel my brain moving around in my skull as my ears rang.
Thank God my aura-just depleted, actually-protected me.
"Your trust is too easily gained," he said from afar as I hit the floor, resting there a few seconds before I slowly pushed myself up. "I almost want to crush it."
"Would you can it?"
"Not on my word, I won't."
I finally stood all the way up, pain still coursing through me as I cringed and winced, dusting off whatever I could that would not cause an ache if I bent over towards it.
"You're blind, Schnee."
That made me still myself and stand straight up.
I looked at him as he threw his blade over his shoulder where he rested it, disappointedly looking at me.
At first, I thought he thought my combat prowess was lacking.
But I soon learned.
"You're just flat out quitting on your old man."
"I've given him all the chances in the world!"
"I don't think you have."
"Then what the fuck do you know?!"
"That you know nothing."
He smoothly walked over towards me where I was still visibly in pain, where I stared at him in growing fury for his remarks.
"It's almost as if you wanted to axe him before you ever knew he was a piece of shit."
I glared even more intensely before yelling, "All he does is curse me out!"
"So all you two do is yell without meaningful conversation. Hmmm," he trailed off, as I could tell he was losing himself in thought. "At least you're getting therapy; that's a start. But no, you can't move in with me, Quitter."
I growled, snarled even.
"Family is naturally difficult, and you wanna throw the towel in early? You're starting, if you haven't already from the beginning, to not care, as if you have a cold heart."
He stopped right in front of me as I looked up at him.
He continued, "Maybe I should just call you 'The Ice Queen,' from now on, if you'll keep on like this."
"Ice Queen," I mumbled, looking away in disgust as he seemed even further dismayed. "If that's the case, my father's the king."
"Now, now," he said, leaning down to meet me at eye level, "This sort of thing takes time, but I am still willing to train you."
"Are you willing to train me on how to be on my own then?!" My eyes darting towards his with the same rage. "Because if I can't find someone to live with, I'll live on my own out there!"
"Where you live off of ice cream made frozen off of yourself, gotcha."
"I'm serious!"
"And at this point, I don't really care."
He turned around to fold his arms.
"Sure, if I find you out on the corner, dying, I'll help you, emphasis on helping. But you need to play with the cards you're dealt and deal yourself, and you're only okay with the latter half of that statement."
"Because it's how I've lived my life!"
"Sadly."
I screamed, lunging with my rapier out at him again with the most force behind it I have ever summoned up.
He disappeared, and I could feel him reappearing behind me, then choke holding me as I stopped where I am and dropped my weapon, it clanging against the ground a few times before there was pure silence.
"You need to learn how to persevere, Schnee," he said as I struggled for freedom, cursing wildly. "You need to see the light at the end of the tunnel instead of just the tunnel itself; you've learned to only sense and smell that without looking beyond."
"Oh fuck you," I yelled as he released me and I clumsily fell forward, landing on my knees. "I can't win against him."
"Keep trying, never surrender, especially now that you've got therapy helping things out."
"Honestly, I can't stand another day of him."
Then his gaze sharpened.
"Then perhaps you can't stand another day of my training."
And I silently gasped, turning around to look at him depressedly.
He maintained the stare.
"I thought that might get through to you, Schnee."
I looked down, only looking that way for what felt like the longest time as he eventually kneeled down to my level.
"You're strong in there, but you don't want to acknowledge how strong you can be, we can all be. I know if you keep going, you'll find yourself in a position most would envy, but you just gotta find a way around your old man. I hated mine for a long time, too, for leaving my mother and me and never seeing him again, but I eventually found permanent resentment only held me back; I'm hoping you can find out the same earlier than I did."
He stood back up.
"I wasted years that you don't have to waste; I'm advocating for you to turn out better than I did, which I guess makes me a second father or an uncle or something along those lines."
"Which is why I'd rather be with you!"
"But I'm actually neither - blood decides who's who. I think that's enough for today."
He turned around, walking towards the exit and leaving me be.
"You really believe in me, don't you?"
"Winter," he said, pausing momentarily, "the truth is, everyone around you does, whether you see it or not. Some are just worse at showing it than others."
Then he continued on his way, turning the corner and leaving the door open as I stood alone, processing every word he had ever said today and what it all meant.
"I'll show my dad who I can really be by putting up with him all the fucking time, huh?" I said, slowly shaking my head. "I don't know if I can do this… But for teacher's sake, I have to, I suppose."
I looked up again at the empty dojo, seeing and sensing nothing but my own presence.
"Clyde is probably here already."
Clyde and I exchanged only a few words, him asking me how my day went and myself coldly responding that I did not wish to talk about anything.
He acknowledged my will for silence and continued on with the drive.
So we made it home, Clyde parked the car, and I hopped out and walked towards the front door to unlock it.
Just to see Weiss innocently standing there on the other side, her face looking down and her hands clasped in front of her waist.
She was nervous, likely hoping for cheerful words.
I sighed, wondering what exactly was on her mind.
You see, I was the one with enough intelligence to know my way around Jacques and how to get away from him while Weiss was still too young to know how to do that; while I heard father yelling at something in the background as I was in another part of the house, there was a good chance she was at the forefront, not possessing the wherewithal to know how to get out of the situation.
She witnessed him drinking until alcohol poisoning should have gotten and killed him.
He would slam down the glass, curse wildly about the day in his drunken state, and look at whatever child was nearby devilishly, scheming how he would verbally exact his anger on them.
And by the look on her face, I could tell she was just recently that child.
I kneeled down to her level.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said in a way that implied so much pain underneath. "I just wanted to see you again - you're hardly around, so we don't get to do things together much."
And I looked down in my own pain, realizing how right she was.
Before I committed my life to sidestepping our father, I gave myself to being the best sister there ever was, and Weiss was always a large part of that.
I made her sad days happy as she did mine by both of us saying something that proved the day and any coming ones would get better, that we did not need Mother to be our own strong girls, and one day women.
I would pat and pet her on the head, and she would reach her arms around my waist, crying into it as whatever dad said repeatedly played in her mind and she shared aloud.
If I was ever in a bad day, looking out the window, she would come up behind me to rest her hands on my shoulder, reminding me of all the uplifting things I told her and even the little good things that happened that day (Whitley shutting the fuck up whenever he needed to was always one).
We bonded, and in our minds, swore we would always be there for each other whenever we needed the other one to be.
And I suppose that time has ended ever since I decided to be as independent as possible.
"Well, I am okay," I said, raising my head again to look her in the eye, "and with the way things have been going, I am more than 'okay.' It's just gonna take time before I can make everything better."
"When will 'everything' ever be better, Winter?" she asked in a near-crying tone as I could see tears welling up in her eyes.
I looked into them, trying to see within her irises and into her memories what exactly had happened.
Before herself trembling revealed everything.
She only did that when there were bruises to hide.
Then I saw, within my own mind, the imagery I was looking for: Jacques striking her in his drunken stupor as hard as I had only once seen him do so to me years ago.
And my entire body began tensing up in the darkest and most hate-filled rage I had ever felt.
I stood up and walked around Weiss, ignoring her for the time being, despite her cries for my sisterly reassurance as she reached a hand out for me I swatted away.
I did mean to abuse her, but that bastard and absolute motherfucking joke of a worthless father, Jacques, had driven me to considering murder.
Every word my teacher had said played in my mind, and I pushed them aside as I drew my rapier, stomping the entire way towards his room, and slamming my fist repeatedly on the door instead of knocking.
"Well excu-use me," he cursed, clearly upset, going over emotions I had no sympathy towards while I could hear him walking towards the door before twisting the knob to open it.
I reared my sword back and thrusted it forward into his stomach region, to which he did not have enough time to dodge and took it right through his body, sword's tip visibly sticking out on the other side.
He was dripping enough blood to somewhat fill a children's pool.
