A/N: Thank you to everyone has read my story and especially to those who reviewed!! I am currently in the market for a Beta, so if anyone knows of a good one (or is a good one) for Bella-Jacob stories, please let me know!

I promise the drama will pick up soon, but right now I'm enjoying Bella getting to know Jake.


Chapter 4- Misgivings

BPOV:

"Bella, come on!"

I hurried down the steps, careful to miss the squeaky step that always startled me and caused me to trip about half the time. Charlie was starting to sound a little impatient. We were supposed to go to Jake's for dinner with Billy and I think some other people too, and Charlie didn't want to miss the food. Apparently if you show up late to the Black's family dinners, you leave with an empty belly.

I had been spending a lot of time with Jacob Black. It had been a week since he asked me if he could help with the motorcycles, and I had gone down to his house almost every day. The only time I missed was because Newton's had me working an 8 hour shift after school.

The time spent with Jacob was always pleasant. Actually, pleasant wasn't a strong enough word. It was downright fun.

Jake always seemed to understand what to talk about and what to avoid. For a sixteen year old boy, he was mighty perceptive. Whether we were talking in his garage or wading through old parts in a junkyard to find ones that work, I almost always had a smile on my face. It made it so much easier to stop thinking about-- what happened last fall. The time had its repercussions, however.

I think I was in a state of shock the first few months after my boyfriend left. I expected him to eventually come back, hat in hand, and begging for my forgiveness. Or at least show up at school again and allow me to be awkward and win him over a second time. After 4 or 5 months, however, I started to realize that this wasn't going to happen.

Hanging out with Jake was great, but it made me think so much more than I needed to. Every warm touch reminded me of a cold one. Every sideways glance reminded me that I was once loved. Sometimes when Jake would flash his breathtaking smile, it was almost too much for me to bear. I would remember the kisses that would take my breath away.

Poor Jake had to know something was going on inside of my head; after all, sometimes my eyes would well up with tears for no reason, or I would sit in silent contemplation for a half hour. He never said anything about it though, or pressed the subject.

I cleared my head and smiled at Charlie.

"Ready to go, Dad?"

The Blacks' small kitchen was jam-packed. Sue Clearwater was orchestrating much of the cooking, with her daughter Leah helping.

Leah was my year in school, but somehow seemed so much older. Her thick, black hair and dark skin put my pasty complexion to shame. She had large, dark eyes with a thick fringe of eyelashes framing them. She was beautiful. As I watched her, Jacob came over to help with the kitchen. Seeing them side-by-side looked like an ad for Native American modeling. They looked perfect together.

That thought caused a little squirm in my intestines. Man, I'm greedy.

Jake glanced over at the table and saw me sitting there. Flashing a huge smile, he came over to sit down between me and Sue's other child, Seth. Seth stared at Jacob with adoring eyes from the moment he sat down, and occasionally interjected into the conversation, always supporting Jake.

"Leave that boy alone, Seth, you're gonna give him a rash from rubbing up against him so close."

Harry, Seth's dad, threw a balled-up napkin across the table at his son to get his attention. Seth blushed and hastily attempted to engage Billy in conversation.

"Dinner's ready!" Sue called into the room. She brought over the massive pot of spaghetti, and almost lost both of her hands as the men dug into the pot.

Jeez, maybe Charlie was right about being late and going home hungry. Within seconds, the pot was half empty.

Eating dinner at the Blacks felt so homey. I wasn't required to talk, and I mostly just watched, but the interaction between everyone there was like that of family that actually enjoys each other's company. Charlie, Billy and Harry talked animatedly about their latest fishing escapade, while Seth and Leah bickered. Once in a while, Seth would turn to Jake for support with an idolizing hopefulness. Leah would then roll her eyes and start talking to her mother again.

Whenever Jake felt like I needed to be more included, he would turn to me and engage me in conversation in a low voice about our plans for the motorcycles. I kind of got the feeling that he liked the idea of us having an intimate conversation.

I didn't particularly mind; it felt nice having a friend that genuinely cared about whether or not I was happy. I looked up to see how Charlie was doing, but instead of meeting his eyes, I was immediately met with Leah's disgusted glare. I started and turned red.

Jacob glanced up, rolled his eyes, and turned back to me.

"Don't worry about her, Bella. She just plain doesn't like girls. She's really bitter from her ex breaking up with her, and she always prefers when she's the only female in the room." He considered this for a second. "I guess she feels like it gives her a better chance.

I nodded, but still felt a little out of place. I mean, I hadn't done anything to her except be born without a Y chromosome. Why do I get so much unbridled dislike?

As all of the men filed out of the kitchen to build a fire, I stayed inside to help clean up the dishes. Sue and Leah both seemed to find it to be their automatic responsibility, and I figured if I'm going to be spending more time around here, I needed pitch in.

"So Bella, what brings you down to the Blacks' so often? From what Billy's told Harry, you pretty much live here anymore." I looked up into Sue's good-natured eyes.

"Well, I guess I just missed Jake. We always hung out when I was younger and Charlie and Billy would go fishing, or watch the game. I'm lucky he's such a good friend and still wants to see me after all this time."

Sue nodded and returned to the dishes, but I heard a small scoff from the other side of the kitchen. I turned around to see Leah looking at me with her lip curled slightly. Man, this girl did not like me at all.

After finishing the dishes, we wandered outside to find the men. Sure enough, they were around a bonfire with some beers listening to Billy and Harry retell (and possibly fabricate) stories about hunting and fishing.

I sat down on the log next to Jacob. The long day, coupled with Leah's unwarranted but unrepentant dislike, had wearied me. Things were so easy with the Cullens…

Alice loved me, Esme wanted me to be a part of the family, as did Carlisle. Emmet saw me as a kid sister, and Jasper didn't mind me either. Rosalie hated me, but from what E—her brother had been hinting at, this was some sort of jealousy. I fit into that family like I belonged there.

And look at me here—Jacob obviously loved spending time around me, but sometimes I felt that Billy was a little suspicious and protective of his son. The Clearwaters as a whole didn't seem to have an awful opinion of me, but Leah would never like me. She had made that clear in an instant.

Oh, Edward! Thinking the name caused me to break. I realized there were tears on my face before I could do anything about it, and the next thing I knew I was being led away from the bonfire by a large, warm hand.

We ended up on the dark beach of La Push. Once away from the party, I broke down entirely. Jacob pressed me to his broad chest and just allowed me to cry.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

I sniffled and nuzzled further into his chest. His terms of endearment were really starting to grow on me.

"Bells, come on. You can tell me. Is it about.. him?"

I dissolved into new sobs. Jacob rubbed my back and listened to me cry, occasionally whispering that it was going to be okay.

When I finally felt strong enough, I looked up into Jake's worried eyes.

God, he's gotten handsome. Look at his face… it's absolutely perfect.

I brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes. An unfathomable current passed through his face. He started to lean in…

My stomach jumped into my throat as I gasped and pushed him away. "No, Jake!" How could he have gotten that idea? I was crying my eyes out, for God's sake.

He let go of me and turned to the side. In the absence of his embrace I suddenly felt cold. I touched his arm. Maybe I had led him on a little bit. After all, the poor kid used to have the biggest crush on me. Something clicked in my brain.

He still does.

The night was very still around us. A few feet away on the beach, the waves were lapping at the shore, the water shining a vivid orange. The sun was going down quickly, and I already missed its warmth. How I used to revel in the night, and the absence of the sun. Now I would do anything to avoid the night and the dark, cruel coldness it brings.

Jake turned back to me, with an expression that almost caused me to throw myself crying into his arms again. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to freak you out. I was just going to kiss you on the forehead to make you feel better. I'm sorry if that's too far. I understand."

Well, I'm an asshole for sure.

"Oh, Jake, I'm sorry." I looked down at my hands. "It's just with everything that happened with Edw--" I forced myself to say the name. "Edward, my emotions are just a mess. I don't know up from down anymore, and I'm so afraid of our friendship getting hurt. It's the one thing keeping me going."

I looked up earnestly into his eyes. Please let him understand.

His mouth grew into a gentle smile. "Bella, you know you can talk to me about anything. It's only been a week, but we have something here. You're already like my best friend."

His innocent honesty caused me to lose the light grip I still had on my sanity. The next thing I knew, I was spilling the whole story. Edward telling me he wanted to be with me "forever", and convincing me that I was already part of his family, and then leaving me in the woods. Sam finding me, my absolute lack of a will to flourish and survive, and my relentless pursuit of distracting myself through schoolwork. I told him how I was making it through, but just barely. I even told him about all the things Edward had promised me, and failed to deliver.

"I just don't think I can ever get close to someone like that again, Jake. Tonight I got upset because I was looking around at your family and friends, and I realized how poorly I fit in. I know you love spending time with me, but I'm broken and everyone can see it. Leah hated me on sight." My lower lip trembled, giving away how truly upset I was about the situation.

Jake grabbed my hands and held them fast, even though I flinched from the contact.

"Bella, listen. I don't just love spending time with you because you're the only one available, or because you listen to my rambling." He looked away for a moment, running his hands through his hair, and then looked back with determination in his eyes. "I love who you are. You're the sweetest person I've ever met, and you're also hilarious. Maybe you don't realize it, or you just think I laugh at everything, but you crack me up."

He lifted my chin so I would look into his eyes. "I hate to see you like this, Bells. You're an amazing girl, everyone knows it. Leah hates everyone, but my dad loves you, and Harry Clearwater winked at me across the table during dinner." He cleared his throat looked away for a second. "I guess he thinks there's something going on here."

He looked back at me. "But for me, all I care about is making you happy. If that means leaving you alone to cry on the beach, I'll do it. I hope it doesn't though."

I stared at Jacob like I'd never seen anything like him before. Is this really my little Jacob that chased me around when I was little? He had grown up so much! I felt a warmth in my heart at his words.

"Thank you so much, Jake. I always feel better when I'm around you. It's just.." I trailed off, not knowing what I was going to say.

"Not enough?" Jake looked at me with a resigned understanding.

We sat in quiet thoughtfulness for a while. "Come on, Bella. They're going to wonder about us if we don't get back soon." Jake finally got up, stretching his hand out to me. "I don't want you to get lost or trip over anything, so if it's alright with you, I'll lead you."

I looked up at him, towering over me on the dark beach. "Wait, Jake."

I timidly approached him and put my arms around his neck. "Thank you for everything. You might not know it, but you're saving my life." His warm arms encircled my waist, drawing me closer. I breathed in his earthy scent, and suddenly felt like I had returned home after a year-long journey.

"I'd do anything for you, Bells." Almost too quiet to hear, he added, "I always will."

I broke the embrace and offered my hand to him.

"Let's go back to the party, shall we?"

He took my hand gently, and led me away from the beach. I walked behind him, watching his strong back disappear into the darkness, feeling the heat from his hand.

Could it be enough?



JPOV:

"JACOB BLACK!!"

"OUCH!" I scrambled out from underneath my car. Rubbing my head, I silently cursed Billy.

Damn old man, I'm not his dog. Couldn't he wheel himself out here or throw a pebble against the window instead of bellowing my name and scaring the shit out of me?

Truth was, I wasn't really mad at Billy. I knew his wheelchair couldn't make it across the uneven pavement to the garage. That's half the reason why Bella's motorcycle scheme worked out so well. There was no way Billy could get over here and see what we were doing.

Bella…

She had spent more time here in the last week than she had at home. I couldn't understand why she was so interested in being over here; I knew I was working on her motorcycle, but she just sat there and watched me work. Nothing exciting there.

Of course, in the back of my mind I had that little voice telling me that she was genuinely interested in me as a person. That voice was overshadowed by the chorus of voices telling me she and Fabio just broke up, and there's no way she'd have interest in a poor scruffy kid a year and some months younger than here.

I really don't like those voices.

As I trudged out of the garage, I wondered what tonight would bring. Bella and Charlie were coming over for dinner, but so were the Clearwaters. I vividly remembered my conversation with Leah Clearwater earlier in the week.

"Jake? What the hell are you doing with her? You were all 'buddy buddy' with her until she moved away, and then she forgot about you, only to come back and start dating that pasty-assed rich kid. Now you're gonna be her shoulder to cry on?" She looked at me expectantly, with a disgusted look in her eyes that didn't entirely hide the jealousy. I think Leah might have a little crush.

"Shut the hell up, Leah." My witty response obviously didn't impress her, so she yelled a little bit more, called me some really nasty names, and stalked off to go pout somewhere else.

I had heard stories about why Leah was so nasty, and I understood that having your boyfriend dump you for your cousin he'd met once could have some emotionally scarring consequences, but she was just such a bitch. And she wasn't one to hide her feelings. I was afraid Bella would get the sharp end of her bitch-stick.

I wandered through the front door, and was rewarded for all my hard work on my car by a dirty glare from my father.

"Listen, Jake. I know you have a thing for Bella, and I don't know what you two are doing in that shed all the time, but if you make such a mess that you need to spend 4 or 5 hours in there cleaning when she's not around, I'm going to install surveillance cameras. Either that or tell Charlie, he'd probably just shoot you." He pondered this for a moment. "And I'd have to spend a hell of a lot less on food."

I made a face and heaved a great sigh. "Sorry to disappoint, Dad, but she just watches me fix my car and we talk. Nothing is going on."

Definitely nothing, I thought moodily.

He looked at me critically for a second, and then shrugged. "Well if you expect to impress this girl, you'd better get dinner started. The Clearwaters will be here in an hour and Charlie and Bella will probably be down shortly afterwards."

Sure enough, the Clearwaters came busting through the door at about 5 that afternoon. Sue and Leah took over in the kitchen, and I decided to go freshen up a little before Bella showed up. She didn't always have to see me covered in grease.

By the time I got out of the shower and was dressed, I was hungry as a lion. Noticing that Leah was busier bossing her mother around than watching the meatballs, I snuck over and grabbed a couple, popping them in my mouth before she even noticed. Looking back at the table, I saw that Charlie and Bella were already there.

My face broke into an uncontrollably huge smile, and I went to sit next to her. Even feeling a little uncomfortable with strangers, she was so beautiful. Her hair was down and curling lightly at the bottom, and she had a button-up blouse on over dark jeans. I wondered briefly if she knew how beautiful she really was.

I started lightheartedly bantering with Billy and Charlie, and it certainly didn't escape my notice that Seth Clearwater was hanging onto my every word, occasionally piping up to agree with me. It made me feel good inside that this kid saw me as such a hero.

Maybe Bella will notice what a good influence I am..

"Dinner's ready!" Ahh, Sue. My two favorite words! She brought over the pot of spaghetti and meatballs and we immediately dug in. I chuckled a little when I saw Bella's expression; she looked like she was watching a special on Animal Planet featuring lions tackling gazelles.

The room was warm and filled with chatter. Bella didn't talk much, so sporadically I would start talking to her in a low voice about how the motorcycles were coming. I kind of liked the idea that we were having a private conversation in a room full of people.

On my way across the table to grab more meatballs, Harry Clearwater caught my eye and winked. I looked down quickly, feeling a little agitated.

Why does everyone think we're together? It just makes it harder when I have to think about how we're not.

I looked over at Bella to make sure she hadn't caught the exchange, and I saw that her face was red and she was looking down at her plate. I looked across the table, curious, and saw Leah staring at Bella as if Bella had committed some unpardonable offense. I rolled my eyes.

Stupid Leah.

"Don't worry about her, Bella." I couldn't believe how nasty Leah was being. Bella was my guest and she had no right to make her feel like she didn't belong.

Soon afterwards, all the men headed outside to build a fire and reminisce, while the women did the dishes. I felt a little bad about leaving Bella in there, but I figured she'd feel more awkward if she was outside with all the men when the rest of the women were inside.

Once outside, Harry sidled alongside of me. "So, what's going on with you and that cute brunette?" He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned.

Sigh. "Nothing, Harry. We've just been hanging out, working on my car. Just friends."

Just friends.

"If you say so. I saw Leah shooting daggers at that girl earlier, though." Harry looked around conspiratorially and lowered his voice. "Leah's my daughter and I love her, but look out for her. She loves taking what other girls want."

What other girls want.. I laughed humorlessly. "Bella doesn't want me, Harry. I would know."

He shrugged. "I guess. She probably doesn't even know it yet. But I do." He winked and sauntered off towards the rest of the men.

I sat down on a log, completely taken aback. I felt dazed, like someone had hit me with something hard. Maybe she doesn't even know it yet.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice Bella sitting down next to me, or anything else for that matter. When I finally pulled myself from my thoughts, I noticed she was crying.

Not here. Leah would eat this up.

I quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the group. We trudged through the trees to the beach, and sat down on a huge rock. She immediately collapsed into my arms, crying against my chest.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

She didn't say anything, but sort of nuzzled her way farther into my arms. She is so damn cute. I can't take it.

"Bells, come on. You can tell me." I took a deep breath. "Is it about… him?"

Whoops. She started crying all over again, soaking my shirt with her tears. I did the best I could to comfort her, rubbing her back and telling her it would be okay.

Her sobs gradually subsided, and she looked up into my face.

How can one girl be so gorgeous? And how could that creep leave her broken? I would never leave her.

I felt a rippling of anger at his stupidity. At that moment, she reached up and brushed my hair out of my eyes. That sweet gesture almost overwhelmed me, and I leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"No, Jake!" She pushed me away. What? I thought we were friends!

I turned away, feeling like an ass. Did she think I was trying to make a move on her? Wow, she must really have a low opinion of me if that's the kind of guy she thinks I am. I sighed heavily.

I just can't win.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to freak you out. I was just going to kiss you on the forehead to make you feel better." And I made you feel worse.

She looked shocked for a moment, and then her face crumpled. "Oh, Jake, I'm sorry. It's just with everything that happened with Edw--" She stopped, and then steeled herself. "Edward, my emotions are just a mess. I don't know up from down anymore, and I'm so afraid of our friendship getting hurt. It's the one thing keeping me going."

She looked up at me, and I could see it written all over her face. She needs me. She needs me to be there for her.

I smiled at her. "Bella, you know you can talk to me about anything. It's only been a week, but we have something here. You're already like my best friend." It was true. I felt closer to her than any of my friends on the rez.

She swayed for a second, and then suddenly started talking. She told me everything about Cullen, from the beginning. I didn't know why the rest of the rez hated them, but I was really growing an active dislike for that family. They promised her the world, and left her broken in the woods.

Something about the way she was talking caught my attention. She seemed to think she was the only one benefitting from this friendship; that I was just putting up with her. I had to put a stop to that.

I grabbed her hands so she would look me in the eyes. I felt her try to flinch away from my grasp, but I held on tight.

"Bella, listen. I don't just love spending time with you because you're the only one available, or because you listen to my rambling." I searched for the right words without seeming like a lovesick teenager. Ah, to hell with it. "I love who you are. You're the sweetest person I've ever met, and you're also hilarious. Maybe you don't realize it, or you just think I laugh at everything, but you crack me up."

I was speaking from the heart. I didn't think twice about what I was saying, because I didn't want it to seem forced. I wanted her to know that I was there for her, through thick and thin.

"All I care about is making you happy. If that means leaving you alone to cry on the beach, I'll do it. I hope it doesn't though." I really hope it doesn't mean that.

She gazed at me like she wasn't sure what she was seeing. I would have given anything to see into her mind right then, but I just sat still and waited.

"Thank you so much, Jake. I always feel better when I'm around you. It's just.." she stopped talking and looked out onto the sparkling water.

"Not enough." I finished for her halfheartedly. I know. I'm not perfect. I'm a little boy. And you want Cullen.

We sat on that rock for a while after that. She appeared to be deep in thought, and I was deep in self pity. I decided to be patient with her, in every aspect. Maybe someday she'd come around.

I finally decided it was time to leave, so I stood up and offered my hand to her. "Come on, Bells." I figured if I held her hand on the way back, she wouldn't trip over too much or get lost.

She stood up, and looked at me for a moment. "Wait, Jake".

She started towards me slowly, and my mind exploded. What is going on here? I felt her arms go around my neck, and I could smell the sweet fragrance of her shampoo. All was right in the world. She fit like a glove into my arms.

"Thank you for everything. You might not know it, but you're saving my life."

My heart swelled for her. "I would do anything for you, Bells, I always will." I said the last part so quietly she couldn't possibly hear it.

She released me from the embrace and took my hand. As I led her away from the beach, I felt her eyes on me and wondered what she felt when we were holding each other, what she was thinking. I couldn't dare to hope.

I would know.

Maybe she doesn't even know yet.

But I do.



A/N: There's chapter 4!! Please let me know if you're liking the story. It's taking a lot longer than I anticipated, and I love writing it, so if you want to see more, let me know!! I'm hoping to come out with chapter 5 in the next couple of days, but it's almost Christmas so we'll have to see.

Thanks for the reviews and for favoriting my story!