Poison- Chapter 3

I wake with a start, taking a gasping breath as i frantically paw around under my pillow for my phone. Every single day, without fail, my alarm scares the crap out of me. But it's literally the only way to wake myself up. It's sad really; i have to give myself a heart attack just to force open my eyes every day. Calming down slightly, I shove my phone back under my pillow and lay down, closing my eyes. I heave a long, exasperated sigh, still exhausted. After Kenny left- he only stayed for about an hour, claiming that he had to get to work- I went back up to the attic and worked until dinner, then I had to finish the rest of my homework and an essay that I'd forgotten about. Naturally, some procrastination was thrown in there and I ended up staying up later than I wanted to.

By the time my second alarm goes off, I'm already drifting off. I repeat the process, my head falling into my pillow hard. I wake up kinda weirdly. I can never fall asleep completely after my alarm goes off, but I'm definitely not awake. I'm sort of just hovering between dreams and reality in the comfort of my bed. It's my favorite part of the day.

The blaring sound of my third alarm shatters this peacefulness.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, i crack my knuckles and yawn, my joints popping loudly with a satisfying snap. I shuffle over to my dresser and my hat over my head, grabbing the guinea pig food on my way. Smiling slightly, i crouch down so I'm eye-level with my pet, Dot, as i pour food into her bowl.

After Stripe died when i was fourteen, i got a new pig and named her Dot, just to be a little ironic. I'm glad i got her, too. She was the band aid that helped me heal from Stripe.

"Hello little girl," I coo quietly, my voice scratching its way out of my throat. She's used to my robot-like morning voice by now, so she doesn't freak out like a normal animal would. I stick my finger through the cage and scratch under her chin, earning a happy little squeak in return. If anyone saw the way I acted towards my Dot, they'd lock me away in an institution. I'm so completely different around my pets than people, and I have no clue as to why. And no, I'm not exactly a huge fan of all other animals. I don't hate them, don't get me wrong; they're cute and fun to be around, but I just like my own better.

I somehow make it downstairs for breakfast; fully clothed and everything. On the weekends this achievement doesn't go quite as far. My sister is already sitting at the table with my mom, running her mouth and shoveling oatmeal in at the same time. It's not a pretty sight to wake up to. I shoulder my backpack without a word and leave for school, grabbing a granola bar on my way out.

Thankfully, I have science first period today, not English. When Kenny left yesterday I had this weird feeling at the back of my head, and I don't like it. Maybe I can just pay him to write a poem or something. As I walk up to my locker, I vaguely wonder if Token or Tweek are any good at poetry.

My train of thought comes to a crashing stop when I see the little slip of paper on the outside of my locker. Squinting my eyes, I quickly make the connection between Kenny's messy handwriting and the print on this note.

It reads: "If you like The Scientist, I thought you'd like this too- Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls"

I rip it off the metal door, staring at it intently as my fingers trace over my lock absently. Should I look it up? It seems like a weird song. Isn't an iris part of your eye? Why would Kenny want me to look up a song about eyes? Seems a little creepy. Why would Kenny want me to look up any song at all?

Am I asking way too many questions over something as small as a song someone wants me to listen to?

I decide that yes, I really am asking too many useless questions and just pull up the song on YouTube. The moment it starts I recognize it, its easy guitar rhythm and soothing vocal patterns making me want to hum along. I never knew what this song was called.

Immediately, another song like this one comes to mind.

Almost as soon as I think of the song, I think of how much better it would sound if I listened to it with Kenny.

I scrunch up my nose, jamming my phone into my back pocket as I throw open my locker angrily. I hate Kenny. I fucking hate him. Now I have the amazing song he showed me stuck in my head, which will make me think of him all goddamn day.

I don't want to like Kenny. I don't want to like anyone. It would be too complicated if I liked someone. Plus, I'm sure my parents wouldn't exactly be thrilled to find out that their son is gay. Not only gay, but likes the poorest asshole in the whole town.

I sigh heavily, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead against the inside of my locker, replaying the song.

-x-x-x-

"What's up with Kenny?" Kyle peers at his friend over his thermos, an eyebrow raised.

"Dunno dude. He just sat down next to Butters and passed out." Stan says, tilting his head.

I unconsciously tune into Stan and Kyle's conversation once I hear Kenny's name. I glance up at the boy in question, his cream colored skin barely visible under the tangle of blonde hair and his bandana. Not to mention that he's pressed up against the table top, arms folded under him.

"I heard he had to pick up another job or something." Kyle says, scooping some more of his lunch out of the thermos.

Oh, ouch.

"Jesus dude. Do you know why?" Stan's expression sours into one of pity.

"Not a clue. I'll ask him." Kyle moves to poke the back of Kenny's head, his hand poised in the air.

The sound of skin on skin echoes through the cafeteria, though Kenny doesn't move an inch. It seems as though everyone in the room turns to me and all conversations stop simultaneously.

"Don't wake him up, asshole." I start, scowling down at Kyle. He shrinks away from me, face red and eyes flaming. "He looks freaking exhausted. If he's tired enough to fall asleep in a crowded cafeteria, he probably needs sleep more than you need an answer to your pointless question."

"He's got a point, Jew." Cartman says, shrugging. Kyle turns to him, shooting him a glare so icy I swear the temperature in the room plummeted. While Kyle is distracted, I refocus my attention to Kenny, who shifts slightly under my gaze. He looks so peaceful when he's asleep. His shoulders rise and fall at a steady pace, his hair falling over his eyes. I almost want to cover him with a blanket or something.

I sigh heavily, finishing my lunch in silence. I really don't want to like anyone. It always ends in disaster. I don't even know if Kenny is gay- which of course would complicate things more. The last time I had a crush, I found out he was strait. This, naturally, hurt like fucking hell. Not only did I have to get over someone I really didn't want to get over, but i still have to see his stupid face every single day.

I don't need that to happen again. I guess it was kinda my fault or falling for one of my closest friends, but that's beside the point, right? Who needs details anyway?

When the lunch bell rings I'm barely on my feet before I start walking. As I turn into the hallway, I see Cartman gently waking Kenny and my heart twitches slightly at the sight.

This is going to be hard.

-x-x-x-

On my way out of school, I grind my teeth as I smooth a sticky note on Kenny's locker door, mentally beating myself up over it.

Beating myself up over him.