Working title - Colors 4
"I'll be your regular driver from now on." He declared. "Ennis asked to transfer to a larger route. Said he needs to make more money. He's getting married, you know."
Jack turned blindly toward the side of the building, and puked up his guts while hanging over the railing. When he had nothing else to purge, he wiped his mouth with his clean handkerchief, folded it over, and wiped the tear drops from beneath his eyes.
"Hey man, you getting the flu? You want me to get someone for you?"
Jack thanked the man, but declined help. Said he would be fine now.
"You can do one thing for me though. Remind me when that wedding is set for? You know, Ennis' and . . . "
"Sure thing, Ennis and Alma will be getting married in November. Its six months away, but folks can never save too much money when starting off married life. They are as perfectly matched as any couple I've ever seen. Have you met her?"
"Uh, no, I haven't. But I'm sure she's wonderful."
"According to Ennis, she is. And his opinion is all that matters, right?"
offered the man, as he smiled contentedly.
The driver checked his watch, and looked up startled. "Gotta get a move on. They time every single action and transaction you know. It's all about improving on what you did yesterday. Sign here, please. See you tomorrow." And he was gone.
Jack stayed outside, hoping to pull himself together but his stomach was in knots and his eyes threatened to spill over again. He stood there, staring up into the sky that had held so much promise just a few days ago, and a sob escaped from his open mouth. He quickly clamped down on his body and his emotions. He could not do this at work, and he could not work like this.
Finally, he gave up and went in to gather his things from his desk and tell his planner-scheduler that he was coming down with something, and would be going home to bed. He refused the chicken soup she offered to bring him and he left. Lureen was an older lady, skilled in her profession, and she took no shit off anyone, younger or older. But she tended to dote on Jack, and would mother him if he allowed her to. Sometimes he allowed her to; but not often.
Jack stayed in bed all of ten minutes. He prowled his house and yard, pacing and replaying the last scene with Ennis in his head. He regretted saying some things, but more importantly, he regretted not saying the words that he had held back. Jack searched the phone book but Ennis was not listed. He didn't know where he lived, specifically. He knew the area, but that was all.
The only thing Jack knew for sure was that he wanted to be with Ennis. He had to be with Ennis, had to at least talk to him, see if he could fix what was broken. Jack decided to go to the freight hub, find him, and tell him everything. Of course, he did not know when to expect that Ennis would have completed his daily deliveries. He'd wait. That was all there was to it. He couldn't go on otherwise.
He found the employees parking lot without any problem. Feeling like a stalker, Jack drove up and down the rows of vehicles until he spotted Ennis' truck. He then found a shady spot where he could watch and wait for its owner to come out of the building. Around a quarter to three, second shift employees began to arrive for work. They drove up and down the rows searching for a parking spot. Nothing much was open.
Jack tried to settle on a plan of action. But Ennis might not even intend to go straight home, he could end up at his girl friend's house, or have a shopping trip planned. Since there were so many variables, he thought it best to confront Ennis here, before he could drive off. Jack didn't want to leave it to chance, so he went to Ennis' truck and sat on his running board. waiting. Sitting was hard, pacing was easier . . but people stared at him, no matter what he did. "Damn, I hope Ennis doesn't get upset about me waiting out here by his truck!"
Jack had a sudden fearful thought; what if Ennis went out for a beer with his work buddies, and never even came back to his truck till hours later?
He decided that he could not control everything. Well, actually, he could control nothing. So he determined to put all the "what ifs" out of his mind and just wait quietly. He sat again.
After another half hour, Jack heard Ennis talking to someone. Just hearing that voice that had become so dear to him in a few short days, made his stomach lurch wildly and his hands began to sweat.
The Voice said, "Yeah, it'll be alright, Charlie. I didn't like it today, but I'll get used to it. It was. It was a rough day. . . actually for several reasons."
Jack couldn't hear the other person's side of the conversation. "Who? Who asked about me? How did he look? Oh. He did? Yeah, he is. He is a nice guy. Well, I'll see you tomorrow Charlie, have a good one."
Jack heard boots scraping the gravel in front of Ennis' truck, and also behind the truck. So he didn't really know which direction Ennis would be coming from, so he just stood up.
Shock registered on Ennis' face. Not fear. Not joy. Just surprise. Jack was hoping for more. He was hoping for an opening, but he knew now that if he wanted a second chance, he'd have to do it himself. Ennis wouldn't make it easy for him. His first words were, "The hell you doing here, Jack?" and he didn't sound happy.
Jack had determined not to cry or beg, but looking upon Ennis' unwelcoming face almost did him in. "I came to talk to you. Can we talk, Ennis?"
"We ain't got nothin' to . . "
"Please Ennis, give me ten minutes, okay? Please?"
Ennis felt his resolve crumbling in the face of this man who he had given his heart to, in the space of a moment. Not for the first time, he thought of that silly movie . .. "You had me at Hello." And Jack did, for sure, have him at hello.
"Okay, ten minutes. No more. But we can't talk here, it's too public. Where's your truck? Okay, just follow me."
As Jack walked back to his truck, and Ennis unlocked his and climbed in, he already felt the effects of seeing Jack. His arms ached to hold him, his traitor dick was twitching happily, and his chest felt like one half a magnet, pulling towards its complement, its other half. "Shit." Ennis knew he was a lost cause.
Ennis drove about three miles, stopped at a convenience store and bought some cold beer. Then he signaled Jack to turn left and follow him again. He knew of a construction site that was still rather rough. Had trees, brush and grass. Sure, there were survey stakes, as well as orange paint lines on the ground, plus a pile of rebar rusting away while it waited to go into the foundation of the building. But at this time of day, it just might offer them some privacy.
When Ennis finally pulled onto the site and parked, Jack parked behind him, heart and pulse thudding in time, in his throat. Ennis pulled two cans loose from the plastic rings and tossed one expertly to Jack. "Might as well wet your whistle, if ya got something you wanta say. Not saying I'm gonna listen."
Jack nodded his understanding of that statement. He had rehearsed. Don't think he hadn't. He was going to be so open and honest and loving that Ennis would have to recognize how deeply he cared for him. . .and take him back.
He took one long swallow of the cold beer, and let some of the condensation run down his neck into his shirt collar. Ennis watched it all the way.
"You're getting married." That was not a question, but a statement of fact.
Ennis shifted his weight to his other foot. "That's the plan."
"You son of a bitch! You fuckin "I play no games" bastard! Why did you lie to me?" Jack's voice broke on that last bit, and he swallowed hard, trying to keep it together.
Ennis was rocked by surprise and fear. Driving over here, he thought they were a done deal. They would talk and work it out. He was not expecting this anger from Jack. . . or was it hurt?
"You let me flirt with you, wine you, dine you, love you, fuck you . . and all the while you were engaged to be married in a few months!!!"
"Fuck me? Love me? Wait, Jack, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that you are a lowdown, two-timing ass-hole and I love you!" That was definitely not what Jack had meant to say. He dropped to the ground and sat in the grass, just staring at the tips of his own boots.
Ennis dropped his beer can and let it slosh out on the ground. He knelt and put his arms around Jack, kissing his neck, murmuring something unintelligible.
"Jack! Baby, don't you see? That's why I was pushing so hard to define what we have. I can't let Alma swing in the breeze while I fall in love with someone else. That's what I was doing - asking you - Saturday morning!"
Jack looked into those brown eyes he already was in over his head for . . and said "You coulda said."
"I know, I should have. I didn't know how to . . Jack I was already in too deep with you to be casual about it, and to tell you the truth, I was afraid."
"Afraid? Afraid of what?"
"Afraid to tell you I was engaged. Afraid you'd walk away. I didn't know how committed you were to us. It'd only been less than 48 hours since the first time I ever laid eyes on you."
'And what incredibly amazing eyes they are.' thought Jack.
"But when you resisted, or backed off when I said I was falling for you, the alarm bells went off in my head, and I knew I had to escape, stay away from you forever . . . cause I wasn't kidding around. I fell for you hard, Jack."
"Speaking of hard . . "
"No, don't do that. Don't joke around. We know the sex is fantastic, we know the chemistry is outa this world exciting, but there is more to life, I think, and Jack, I think we have that too! I think we genuinely like each other, like spending time together. But I can't take weeks and months to find out. Don't you see, Jack? Every day I try to find out if "we" are going forward, I'm leaving Alma to think everything is okay between her and I . . . that we are going forward to our wedding and our life together. It's not fair to her, Jack."
"Why haven't you just ended it with her before now, Ennis? She's not your future."
"You shut up about Alma. This ain't her fault. She's done nothing wrong."
"Neither have you, Ennis. Unless you count wanting to have your cake and eat it too!"
"I have not! Why would you say something like that?"
"Okay, you deny it. Answer me this: When you marry, don't you promise to forsake all others, and to love and cherish the one you're making your vows to?"
"Yes."
"And don't you ALREADY know, that you have strong feelings for someone else, even before your marriage, and that you cannot possibly in all honesty, make those promises and vows to her?"
"I would be a good husband to Alma. I would be faithful."
"And your heart, Ennis? Would your heart be faithful, and love only her?"
Dejectedly, Ennis whispered. "No."
The silence hung heavy, Ennis was scrambling to make sense of the conflicting emotions raging through his body.
"But in all the time we been engaged, I've never looked at anyone else, Jack. That must mean something."
"Yeah, it would seem to. How long you been engaged to her, anyway?"
"Six years."
"Six fuckin years? Jesus Christ, Ennis! Why haven't you married her long before this?"
"I'm not a man who jumps into anything quickly. Have to make sure I'm doing the right thing. "
"Yeah, it took you almost 36 hours before making love to me, Ennis."
"That's different!"
"It must be, friend. I don't know whether to laugh or cry now. And I don't know how to compete with your six years with Alma."
Ennis made no reply to that comment.
Jack shook his head, stood there looking down at the ground, hands on his hips. His eyes were open but he was not seeing the grass, the trees, the construction equipment; he was remembering how they came together body and soul at the airport back when he was sure of everything. Now he was feeling lost and bewildered. He wanted Ennis. That part had not changed.
Silence stood between them like a brick wall. Eventually, Jack pulled the blanket out of the tool box and spread it under the tree where there was at least a patch of shade. He lay down on it, his face on his crossed arms, so as to give Ennis some privacy . . without Jack's eyes on him. Jack tried to demand nothing from Ennis, no answers, no commitment, but to let him work it out alone. He was very afraid, but Ennis had to come to this decision without Jack's interference.
After several minutes, Jack heard the swoosh of a beer can, and then another. Ennis held one out to Jack. He sat up and leaned against the tree, rolling the cold can across his heated forehead. He still did not look at Ennis, did not intrude on his eyes, but left him to his thinking in private.
Jack took a long swallow of beer, it was losing its cold crispness already.
He couldn't help relating this situation to a book he had read, Clan of the Cave Bears. The premise was that whole clans lived in the huge caves together. Sometimes four or more generations in one cave. Every bit of family life was lived out in the open, in the cave; mating, giving birth, dying. To keep this life style viable, the custom was that each household was divided from its neighbors by a ring of rocks. One did not look into someone else's space, it was considered rude. Children were taught at an early age to keep their eyes in their own camp. Jack reasoned that was why he felt comfortable giving Ennis privacy without leaving him alone entirely. Or maybe it's just instinctive in humans to know how to do this. He wasn't sure at all.
Jack had hardly slept a wink last night. It wasn't long before the quiet and the sun lulled him to sleep. When he awoke, the sun had moved, and was going down in the west. He felt the need to pee, and got up and went into the brush to relieve himself. Zipping back up, he scanned the area, but he did not see Ennis, anywhere, though his truck was still there. Thankfully. Maybe that was a good sign? Jack hoped so.
Jack walked back to his tree and blanket, looked up and there was Ennis sitting atop some boulders, arms around his knees. He noticed Jack was stirring, and called out to him, "Hey look, it's Sleeping Beauty."
"Yeah, well, Sleeping Beauty is getting hungry. You?"
"No. I mean yes I'm hungry, but I cannot go eat. I have to see Alma tonight. I have to clear this up . . . ."
"You're leaving? Now?"
"Yes. Right away."
"Ennis, all day I suffered because I didn't know how to get hold of you. Can I at least have a phone number or something? Would that be alright?"
"Of course, and I need yours too." They quickly scribbled down and exchanged numbers. At last, a tiny link had formed.
Jack bent to retrieve the blanket and fold it up. Ennis walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders and held him securely, lovingly. He nuzzled Jack's neck just below his ear. "Hmmm" he said, appreciating this man's scent…. this man who had become so dear to him, so quickly.
Gingerly, like he expected he might be rebuffed, he turned Jack around. Ennis put his hands on both sides of Jack's face and pulled him into a tender kiss, a loving, sweet kiss full of promise, or sorrow. Jack couldn't tell which.
Jack loved the kiss, but he swallowed and hesitantly asked. "So was that a goodbye kiss, Ennis?"
"No, my love, it was not. Gotta go, see you later." He took one step toward his truck.
"Promise?"
Ennis turned back around toward Jack. Looking directly into his eyes he said, "I promise I'll see you later, Jack. I swear."
End of chapter 4
tbc
