A/N: Yes! I'm back folks! Okay, first of all I would like to apologise for the delay. Work's been full on lately so yep, I had to take a step back from FF (IKR?! How DARE RL take over? :)) Secondly, I am blown away by your comments, the follows, and the favourites! Seriously. Its so cool to see other TTP fans out there taking time to give their thoughts on the direction of my story, and share how they feel about the show. My fave character is actually Astrid and in my unashamedly biased opinion, I reckon she gels well with everyone on the show. I do ship Stephrid BUT (do not maim me please), I also love John so yes, I do also root for Jostrid. However, rest assured, the pairing is crystal clear in my fic, and I will do my best to give this pairing the love they deserve to the bitter end. Flashback titles are in italics so hope it doesn't get too confusing between the present and past.
Disclaimer: I don't own a jot of TTP, the lyrics here are from Duncan Sheik's track 'Half-Life', and the title of this chapter is inspired by the old Eagles classic of the same name :)
"Lately, something here don't feel right
This is just a half-life
Is there really no escape?
No escape from time
Of any kind..."
Chapter Three: The Girl from Yesterday
Thinking about her nowadays is different. It's not like that moment. Those years ago, standing in the darkness overlooking the twinkling city lights across the harbor. This was that deeper, raw and scary as hell thinking. Though, if he was really honest with himself now – something he'd never had a chance to do since he found out whom he was, he had probably felt remnants of it already. God knows there'd been many instances, he muses, as he thinks back.
"My mind is off limits right?"…
Sitting on the bleachers he remembers smiling back at her reassuringly, meaning it but then only later realizing how difficult it was to actually mean it mean it. Her advice that he needed to enjoy his powers more had been sound and welcomed. It was too bad that he had taken it a tad too far. The 'baller lifestyle', while it had sounded awesome (for five minutes) actually reminded him later why he was never cut out for that kind of life. He had all that bothersome 'end of the world' stuff to worry about, who the hell gave a shit if they would make the quarter finals or if his hamstring would be up to the away game next weekend? No wonder he felt burnt out. Which in itself was fucking ridiculous. What eighteen year old in a Western country went around complaining they were 'stressed out'? Well, he reasoned with himself at the time, I have a valid excuse. I am not human. I have super powers. I am an agent for a secret government agency who kills my species and I supposedly help them but I am really a (sort of) good guy working for an underground group who are just like me. Lying, beating people up, spying…well that's all in a day's work for me. So yeah, I guess you could say I am under the gun a bit.
When Astrid had called him on his crap – again, he had let his powers get through his 'Astrid' barrier. The lines he'd placed mentally to stop him from accessing her thoughts. He'd promised after all. Then he broke it. Standing on the steps looking up at her, confusion and annoyance because she was not happy with him although he wasn't sure what he'd exactly done, had been enough to allow that barrier to slip. Just a fraction enough for him to hear her loudest thought. To say that he was shocked was a bit of an understatement. He'd always known Astrid loved him. Was almost like a sister to him. Would do anything for him or his family if he'd asked her to. And even if he hadn't. But like that? As in that other way? He had never been the best of actors. The look on his face was enough for Astrid to guess what he'd just done. He remembered feeling like someone had kicked him in the stomach when she walked away from him. It had been a busy, and sucky week – not to say the least hearing Cara say their night together had meant nothing, and John kicking his ass (yes, that shit had hurt some). The guilt. The confusion. And pain that it was something that was doomed. Not to mention the tension he had no created between John and himself. Another Dr. Phil high chair moment waiting to happen. When it was time for him to break out the white flag he had already hoped (and prayed secretly) that she would forgive him. She being Astrid. The one person he felt he owed an explanation to above all others. At least he had had the sense to recognise that and act on it.
When she did, it had been a more reserved reunion. Stephen had been relieved but, the tiniest bit disappointed too. That this was them. That what he had 'heard' was done and dusted. He hadn't wanted to read too much into it at the time. He convinced himself that it was due to his Cara pining period, but was it? He remembered how Luka would often tease him about how awesome it would be one day if he and Astrid got married, and then he would finally get a sister. At the time he had simply pounded Luka and told him to get lost. That would never happen. Astrid was family. She was more important than…Than…? The fact that he now knew how deeply she felt had shifted something in their relationship. Something that they would never be able to recover again. And this realization was not lost (or not felt) by Stephen. That night, sitting in the restaurant watching Astrid cut a still steaming pork bun perfectly in half – how they always ate them together, he tried to return her smile and swallow down such thoughts.
The way things have gone down over the years have taught Stephen many things. Least of all, to appreciate people in the now. Before it's too late. He had spent ten years of his life wondering what had happened to his father. To their family unit. Then thinking he was crazy. Then that he was stuck in some modern, more trippy, adaptation of Wonderland when he'd discovered what he was. Family and Astrid. The only two constant, dare he say 'normal' things in his life. Well, with the exception of his mom being a Lara Croft type of Tomorrow Person, you could almost say she was a regular parent. It was when things started to collide that everything went pear-shaped.
"I came as soon as I heard!"…
He can still recall the nausea in his stomach as he rushed down the street, to the alley so he could teleport. He felt guilty about Peter. About ruining his mother's chance of being happy with a decent guy. It was yet another thing he'd managed to screw up badly, however, the main thing was Luka and his mom were safe and that was more than he could say for Astrid. God. Astrid…Why had he..? Teleporting had taken a while. He'd been so distracted he'd ended up in a (thankfully) empty car not far from the Lair 'stop'. He had to take a moment to breathe before being able to finally arrive at HQ, rushing away from an uncharacteristically concerned Cara and equally disturbing – a quiet, sympathetic Russell to find Astrid.
She was pacing and fingering another of her homemade creations. Tugging at it nervously. Something she only did when she was on the verge of tears.
"Stephen! Can you take me home now?!" she had almost sobbed as she buried her face in his chest. Enveloping her body and tightening his grip on her, he took a moment to breathe in her lavender shampoo, feeling her warmth. Thankful she was unhurt. Physically. He finally had the presence of mind to pull away slowly.
He had tried to break it to her gently. The realities of the situation. That painful silence when he couldn't even bring himself to explain it to her. Cara had done that. Firmly, but not unkindly. The look on Astrid's face had told him all that he needed to know.
"You're the reason I need protecting in the first place!" Astrid Finch could still dish it out good. Even if her most fragile moments. Watching her walk off, Cara the one following her. Being her support. Not him. The one person she's always had around. When it was just the two of them against the world. Before he got a whole new species and 'family'.
The fact that the one time she had actually needed him, he hadn't been there. Yes, he had been protecting his family. They were important too no? He had been grateful to John. Eternally so. He had expressed this wholeheartedly to John. Several times. Did it bother him at the time that John had been more than modest about the whole thing? Maybe. No. Yes. No. It hadn't. John was a leader. He was a survivor of the nightmare that Ultra had forced the Tomorrow People to live in. He was helping a friend. Doing his bit. He had gone through the same thing with a friend in his past. That was it. He had sensed John felt protective towards his best friend after that. Who wouldn't after sharing a life and death experience? Maybe. Perhaps it was a harmless attraction. He wasn't really shocked. Astrid always brought out the best in people. She was the friendly, lovely friend of that tall, dark, brooding, recently de-medicated Stephen Jamieson. Why wouldn't a member of a whole other species also fall for her charms?
Hearing Cara and Russell try to comfort him later that evening, saying he had done the right thing – protecting his mom, and that John had saved her. That things may work out. They would find a way. That in the meantime, Astrid would have to toughen up if she was going to make it down here.
Stephen couldn't listen any longer. He thought back to that look on Astrid's face. The one time he'd ever heard anger and blame towards him in her voice. He wished he had been strong enough to grab her hand. To make her stand still and face him while he told her that she was not fragile. She was sixty different things all in one lean, curly haired package. That she didn't need to prove herself to anyone. She had pulled a bullet out of John's freaking stomach for Christ's sake! That he would do whatever it took to get her home safe. To stop Ultra from getting to her.
He had wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her that she had never needed him to be strong for her.
Because, in hindsight, it had always been the other way around.
"I don't want my other life to ever come between us.."
Even now the words had seemed so…hypocritical. His 'other' life already had. He had chosen his species time and time again. Cara, his inner voice corrected him. Not just her. Ultra. Almost killing himself in the process to find his father. The lies. The double crossing. The missions. Hilary. The worst thing about it was his attraction to Hilary. His partner. An agent hell-bent on making her way to the top of the food chain with no regard for anyone else. They were…good together. In a physical sense. Working together. It was fine. It was fucked up. It made him question his actions. His ability to operate between the two sides. Cara in his head (literally) didn't help.
All the shit happening and of course he hadn't realized how hard it was for Astrid. Adjusting to being a regular Joe again after almost dying a few times more in the last two days than say…never. He hadn't realized how much it had affected her until that day he'd rocked up in the pouring rain and she had told him to go away in polite language. At a loss, he left. Something he had taken to doing in order to 'deal' with all things Astrid and family life. It sucked. It didn't work out long term as a strategy but at the time he thought he could handle it by…not handling it. Wrong.
Was he thrilled when she'd shown up the next day refreshed and chipper, ready for school? Short answer yes. Long answer, maybe. No, it was yes. When Astrid was happy, everything was good. It always had been. Like the other day, today was because of John of course. Not him…Again with that stupid feeling for a split second! What was wrong with it though?! At that point he'd realized he couldn't be ten places at once. He had responsibilities that went way above and beyond what the average high school senior had to combat each day. Surely he was entitled to share the load? Surely…
Her evasive answer and the slight smile on her face when he'd teased her about John that morning hadn't been lost on him. So he had backed off. He had no right to ask anyway. Not this time. Something had changed.
This was a new Astrid Finch. Different and perhaps with secrets of her own.
And she most definitely was not his – or anyone's 'load' now.
A/N: Done! If this one seemed a bit more angsty than the others, my apologies. It may just be the mid week slump coming out, but hopefully it did the storyline and style justice. Once again, thank you all of you for the support and the interest in my story. I do have a bit of a way to go with it so please stick around and if you have the time please do drop me a line and let me know what you think. Next one up soon. Yay! Public holiday here tomorrow. IslandGem x
