To: bluegreen118
From: frommywindow1
Date: Nov 21 8:57 AM
Subject: Face to Face
Blue,
I'm back at college on Monday (Obviously), so if you want to meet this week, I'll be free. Or later, if you don't want to do it right away. But I can't deny I'm really curious about you now - I keep wondering if I've seen you before. If I'd recognise your face.
I want to know you - in real life. Not just through these emails, which have meant the world to me.
Love,
Jacques
/
Simon read, and reread his email before he finally sent it. His heart felt like it was beating a million miles an hour - he still couldn't believe it. He was finally going to meet Blue and Blue liked him too! Simon felt like he was floating - how could his life be so perfect? He honestly couldn't have imagined a more perfect ending to this story. Or, perhaps it was a beginning.
The beginning of me and Blue in real life, he thought, and kind of wished he had a proper name to attach to Blue. But, he supposed, it could be worse.
As he walked downstairs to breakfast, Simon couldn't help the ridiculous grin on his face as he thought about finally meeting Blue. It was like Christmas and his birthday had come all at once.
"You're in a good mood this morning," his mom said when she walked in. Simon looked up from the toast he was buttering. She was smiling at him.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Simon asked. "It's a beautiful day."
"I take it you and Bram had a nice time last night," his mom said. "You were gone a while."
Simon blushed at the implication. He and Bram hadn't even been kissing - just talking away from his parent's curious ears. He'd been too excited not to tell Bram about the confession he'd gotten from Blue - it was a secret that was practically begging to be told. "We were just hanging out."
"You don't need to hide anymore, Simon," his mom said. "I don't want you to feel like you have to lie to us."
You don't know the half of it, Simon thought. He felt his good mood dampen just a little at the reminder of the fact he was actively lying about his relationship status to his parents. In light of this confession, he wasn't sure what the hell to do about their impending 'break up'. He realised in light of the confession from Blue, he might have had to accelerate that a bit.
"I know," Simon said.
"I was worried about you, I'll admit," his mom said. "When you first told us, I worried you might have been lonely out there, at your new school. But I suppose I shouldn't have been."
"I was fine being single," Simon said. "I mean - I like being with Bram, but I wasn't unhappy not dating."
"I know - god knows how many times I've told you relationships don't equal happy. But I guess every mother just wants her son to find love. You two look happy together, and that's all I ever wanted from you."
"I just want things to work out," Simon said. He felt even worse now - he hated letting his parents down and this would probably actually upset them. They'd probably try to check in on him every day and he'd have to fake being sad. He was a passable actor, but he had no idea how he'd keep that up. Especially if Blue was in the picture.
"I'm sure it will," his mom said. Simon suddenly couldn't finish the toast in front of him.
"I'm gonna go message Bram - see if he wants to hang out today," Simon said and got up from his seat. He left the plate of toast where it was, too busy to really think about it in the moment.
His mom smiled at him. "Have fun, Simon."
As soon as he got to his room, he called Abby.
"Abby, I fucked up," he said when she picked up the phone.
"What did you fuck up this time, Simon?" Abby asked. "Did your parents decide they hated Bram after all?"
"No, it's the opposite," Simon said. "They love him too much - I can't fake break up with him now."
"Then why not wait it out?" Abby said.
"I can't - I'm meeting Blue when I get back from break," Simon said. "I can't tell them about that after all of this. They'll hate me and then refuse to let me use the internet at home ever again. I'll have to go to the library. In Public."
"You're overthinking this," Abby said.
"My mom gave me an entire speech this morning about how happy she was to see me happy," he said. "If they find out I lied, they'll hate me."
"Okay, now you're really overthinking everything," Abby said. "They're not going to hate you just because you didn't want to be set up with a stranger."
"I lied to them about it, that's what will make them mad. They hate lying."
"Then why did you bother with this in the first place?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time and now they like him and and I'm starting to think I might like him too and ugh. I can't do this."
"Did you just say you might like Bram too?"
"No," Simon said.
"You so did. I knew you'd get along with him," Abby said. "Don't deny it."
Simon thought back to the conversation he'd had with Leah just before they'd left for break - You can have more than one crush, Simon. So, maybe he did have a bit of a crush on Bram. But there was Blue - if there was anything he was sure about, it was that he liked Blue. That wasn't in dispute.
However, he couldn't deny there was also something about Bram that made him want to get closer, to really know the guy and probably, maybe, kiss him. Bram was just attractive, that was all. Just because they also really got along and Simon might have wanted to kiss him didn't have to mean anything.
Besides, Bram liked someone else. Someone long distance. It didn't matter Simon maybe had a tiny, small crush on him. Not to mention the fact Simon had assured Bram there wasn't any chance of him developing any sort of crush on him when they'd first met.
He wanted to slap his past self, in hindsight.
"Only if you won't tell Leah. She'll never stop laughing at me," Simon said. He didn't think he could take how smug Leah would be about this. He loved her, but she definitely wouldn't miss and I told you so moment.
"Are you going to tell Bram?"
"There's no point - he's into someone else, and I've got Blue. It'd just make everything weird," Simon said.
"But what if that was a lie?" Abby said. "Maybe he likes you too."
"No. It's not like that," Simon said. "And I like Blue. Whatever I'm feeling for Bram is gonna pass - it's just because I haven't been around many other gay guys before."
"If you're sure, go for it. But don't make any mistakes just because you think you owe someone else something," Abby said.
"I'm not," Simon said. If there was anything he was sure about, it was that he liked Blue. Blue, who'd been there for him for years, funny, smart and brilliant Blue who always seemed to downplay how smart he was. Blue, who knew all the right things to say.
How could Simon not fall for a guy like that?
/
To: frommywindow1
From: bluegreen118
Date: Nov 21 10:21 AM
Subject: RE: Face to Face
I want to see you too. I will admit I am worried about meeting. Will things change too much when we finally see each other face to face?
I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to lose you, Jacques. You're so important to me and I'd hate to ruin things between us. I will meet you, I promise, but I can't help my anxiety.
Love,
Blue
/
"So, how's your romantic vacation going?" Garrett asked when Bram arrived at the Waffle House.
Bram looked down at the table. "Um."
"Oh," Garrett said with a suggestive tone to his voice. "Give me all the details, bro."
"Simon is the email guy," Bram said all in a rush. He looked up to Garrett's shocked expression.
"What?" Garrett said. "Why didn't you text me last night?"
"I didn't find out until after dinner."
"That's pretty fucking incredible, bro. Simon being your online soulmate."
"Yeah," Bram said with a smile.
"So, you two together now? Do I have to give him a Talk?"
"He doesn't know yet," Bram replied.
"Wait, how?" Garrett asked.
"He said something at dinner last night - a story I recognised from his emails. It added up."
"So why haven't you said anything?"
Bram looked away again. "I didn't want to make things weird."
"Didn't you say you were going to meet him?"
"Yeah, before I knew who he was."
"So you don't like him now?"
"No - I mean, what if he's disappointed it's me?" Bram confessed.
"He'd be a pretty big idiot to be disappointed in you," Garrett said confidently. Bram wished he had that sort of confidence in himself.
"What if he thinks it was all done sort of ploy?"
"It'd be a pretty big leap," Garrett said.
"I don't want him to hate me," Bram said with a sigh. "He means so much to me and I can't lose that."
"You won't," Garrett said. "Simon's a good dude. He'll understand."
"I don't want to risk it, but he wanted to meet and I already said yes before I figured it out."
"Well doesn't that help?"
"It's only going to be weirder."
Garrett leaned over the table and placed a hand on Bram's shoulder. "Dude. Just stolen doubting yourself. Besides he's said multiple times he likes this email guy. Which is you, by the way."
Bram felt his cheeks heat up. "Yeah. But what if he only likes the emails? It's not like he has a crush on me anyway. I mean, the real me."
"You've talked basically everything with this dude haven't you? Then he knows the real you anyway," Garrett said. He patted Bram's shoulder once more and leaned back in his seat.
"I guess you're right," Bram said.
"I always am," Garrett replied. "You should call him now and say something."
"I don't know," Bram said. "I feel like that'd be too much."
"If you did, then you'd probably have a real boyfriend right now."
"You're awfully optimistic about this."
"Look at it this way - this is a guy who's already said he liked you, and you clearly like him. What have you got to lose?"
"Maybe I shouldn't meet him. Give myself time."
"Bro, you're absolutely not going to do that," Garrett declared. "You, Bram Greenfeld, will absolutely meet Simon Spier and date the hell out of him."
"But, worst case, what if he hates me afterwards?"
"Worst Case? You get sad about it for a while, but you'll move on. I'm sure there's plenty of hot gay guys out there that would love you. But, for the record, I think you're being a dumbass."
"I'm just considering all my options," Bram argued.
"No, you're trying to talk yourself out of a good thing," Garrett said. "This is absolutely going to end in a gay fairytale happily ever after that fucking Disney is gonna want to get the rights to."
"Then would you talk to Leah?" Bram said.
"I already did," he replied.
"Oh?" Bram said, surprised.
"It didn't go well," Garrett said. "It didn't go well, but it's fine."
"Sorry, that's rough," Bram said. "When did you do it?"
"Last night. She said she had feelings for someone else," Garrett said.
"That's kind of rough."
Garrett shrugged. "Yeah, it sucks, but I mean, at least I tried, y'know? Which, is what you should do now. Take your shot, Bram."
"Getting rejected has made you wise," Bram said with a smile.
"I've always given you good advice," Garrett said. "Especially when it comes to dating."
"Sure," Bram said. "But, I mean, I do appreciate it man."
"You're welcome," Garrett said. "Although if you hadn't, I'd have half a mind to tell Spier myself."
"Why?"
"Because you wouldn't, and I'm not gonna let my best bro miss out on a chance at love just because of this."
Bram had no idea what he'd do without Garrett.
"Come on, let's go order," Bram said. "I'll buy you waffles for your advice."
"Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate you lately?"
/
To: bluegreen118
From: frommywindow1
Date: Nov 27 8:57 AM
Subject: You
Blue,
I can't believe I'm going to meet you tomorrow. I can barely sleep, honestly. I know I should get some rest, but I can't stop thinking about when we're gonna meet.
I almost never thought I'd get to see you in real life, but here we are. I know you're nervous about it, but I want you to know you could never be a letdown.
I'll be at the coffee shop we agreed on at 3pm, and you'll find me in a blue denim jacket and a dark green hoodie underneath (okay, I couldn't resist). I'll probably be the only person there not desperately drinking coffee or typing away at a laptop.
I can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Jacques
/
Simon felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any moment. He glanced around nervously at the coffee shop, looking for a sign of Blue. But everyone else around him were either talking to someone else or engrossed a laptop.
He wondered again what Blue might look like. Tall? Short? Dark haired or light? But, he resolved, it didn't really matter. Blue was Blue, and Simon wasn't going to reject him based on anything as superficial as looks.
Simon glanced out the window for the hundredth time and spotted Bram outside, and he gave him a quick polite wave when they locked eyes. But Bram didn't pass by, instead he walked into the coffee shop and directly toward Simon's table.
Simon looked at the clock. He wondered when Blue would get here. They'd agreed to meet soon, and how would it look if he was there with some other guy? Sure, he'd normally never turn down an opportunity to hang out with Bram, he didn't know how he felt about having his fake boyfriend meet his hopefully real boyfriend.
"Hey," Bram said. There was a weirdly nervous quality to his voice. Simon glanced at the clock again. When would Blue get here, and what would he think, Simon being here with? Would he think he'd been led on?
He really didn't want to give Blue the wrong impression.
"Hi," Simon said. There was an awkward pause and Bram looked like he wanted to say something. He seemed to take a deep breath and sat down. Simon almost wanted to object, but he didn't know how to say it. It felt kind of rude, and he didn't want to snap at Bram.
"So, how are you?" Bram said finally.
"I'm good," Simon said and wondered where this was going. "You?"
"I'm fine," Bram said. "But better now I'm here."
There was something about the tone of his voice that suggested something else.
Oh, Simon thought. He kind of hated himself for the little thrill he felt at the idea of Bram liking him. But the moment didn't last. What would Blue say if he walked in on another guy confessing his feelings for Simon?
"I almost didn't come," Bram continued, oblivious to Simon's thoughts.
"What?" Simon said, confused. Had Bram been following him or something? He'd never thought of Bram as the stalker type, but then again it wasn't like he knew Bram that well. He glanced at the clock again. When would Blue get here?
"I was nervous, I guess," Bram said. "It's stupid, I know."
"I, um. Bram," Simon said. He had no idea what to say. He'd never had to reject someone before. Especially someone he might not have if circumstances were different. He really hoped Blue wouldn't walk in right at this moment.
Bram didn't seem to catch on to what Simon was saying. "I thought if I told you, you'd think it was weird."
"I'm waiting for someone," Simon blurted out. He couldn't let this go on any longer, even if part of him wanted to listen to everything Bram said, Blue be damned.
Bram blinked. "Oh," he said and blinked.
"Yeah, um, it's kind of a date?" Simon said. He hated how it came out like a question.
"Simon," Bram said, a whole different tone to his voice.
"What?" Simon asked.
"You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" Bram asked.
Simon shook his head. "No, I do," he said.
Bram looked relieved. "I didn't want to disappoint you. Not after all this time," he said.
"What?" Simon said, totally caught off-guard. "Disappoint me?"
"I know I'm probably not what you expected," Bram replied. "I mean, it's a little weird, isn't it?"
"Wait - expected?" Simon asked. Suddenly, he realised he had no idea what Bram meant.
Bram looked at him. "I can't believe you're this dense."
"What? I don't know what you're talking about," Simon said.
"Jacques a dit, right? I didn't get this wrong?" Bram asked.
Simon froze. "Wait," he said. "How did you know - you."
Simon nearly fell out of his chair. No freaking way, he thought.
"Hi," Bram said again.
"You?" Simon said. His head was spinning. Of all the people, he thought.
Bram looked away. "Yeah." He looked a little like he was about to throw up.
"You. Blue. Bram. Blue," Simon said. "You're Blue."
"That's me," Bram said, he looked like he was about to laugh. If Simon had been less shocked, he probably would've taken mild offence. "Bluegreen118 - Bram Louis Greenfeld, Birthday January eighteenth."
Simon blinked. "No."
"No?" Bram echoed, his smile fell off his face. "Well, I guess I should go."
Bram started to stand up. Simon's bran suddenly caught up to him and he reached out before Bram - Blue, his mind supplied, freaking Blue - could get away. He couldn't let him leave after he dropped a bomb like this.
"Please don't go," Simon said.
Bram didn't move any further out of his seat.
"Sorry that didn't come out right," Simon said apologetically. "I guess this is a lot to take in."
"Are you disappointed?" Bram asked again, he seemed a little less excited now, but not as hurt as he'd sounded before.
"Disappoint - why would I - No, I'm really not," Simon said firmly. "That's the last thing I feel right now."
"Oh," Bram said and blushed. He sat back down.
Simon shook his head. Get a grip Spier, he told himself. "I guess I didn't think I already knew you. It's a bit of a shock."
"Me either," Bram said. "I almost didn't come."
Simon reached out his hand. "Well I'm glad you did," he said. He almost couldn't believe it. Bram, sweet, wonderful (and incredibly hot) Bram was Blue.
Bram started to smile again. "I thought you'd stop liking me if you found out who I was."
"Why would I be disappointed with someone like you?" Simon said with a frown. Bram was basically perfect, so what was there to be disappointed about?
"Because I'm just me," Bram said and looked down shyly.
"But - you - you're hot." Simon inelegantly spluttered, and turned bright red when he realised what he'd just said. He was probably being stared at by every other patron in the coffee shop.
"So are you," Bram said, but he was definitely blushing.
"Why weren't you surprised it was me?" Simon asked, suddenly recalling how calm Bram had been up to this point.
"I um, already knew?" Bram said.
"Wait - when?" Simon asked, caught off guard.
"That dinner at your parent's house - the oreo story," Bram said. "After that, I realised there were a lot of things that made sense."
Simon blinked. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked. Had Bram really known all that time and not said a word?
Bram shook his head. "I don't know how to say it," he admitted. "I thought it might be weird."
"It wouldn't have been weird at all," Simon said. He still couldn't believe it. "We wasted that entire week."
"I still worried," Bram said. "You mean a lot to me."
Simon felt his cheeks heat up again. It was one thing to read the words on screen, but it was a whole other to hear them said out loud.
"You mean a lot to me too, Bram," Simon said honestly. He meant it - all their emails had been such a lifeline in high school, and gave him the confidence Simon never thought he'd achieve.
Bram smiled shyly. "I'm glad it was you," he said.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, I did sort of have a crush on you before I knew who you were," Bram said. "I used to wish you were the same person."
Simon blushed. "I did think you were pretty hot too, but I didn't want to think about it because I was sort of in love with the guy I'd been emailing."
Bram laughed. "It's kind of insane how it's worked out."
"You're telling me. I can't freaking believe I got so lucky," Simon said and reached out to hold Bram's hand. His hand was warm and soft. Simon almost couldn't quite believe how good it felt to be holding Bram's hand. He'd never thought it could feel like this.
Simon really wanted to kiss him now, but there were too many other people around. Though with the way Bram was looking, he didn't know if he could wait. "Let's get out of here - go for a walk," he said.
"Sure," Bram said. He seemed to catch on to what Simon was saying. "Let's go."
They held hands as they walked out of the coffee shop. Simon felt like he could die happy right then and there.
"I want to kiss you right now." Bram said once they were away from the crowds around the coffee shop - they'd ended up in a relatively empty street. There was nobody else around.
Simon turned to him. "I want to kiss you too."
"So do it," Bram said. His eyes dropped to focus on Simon's mouth. It made Simon feel brave. He took a step closer to Bram. They were barely inches apart now, and everything in Simon screamed to get even closer.
"Bram," Simon said, barely a whisper.
"Simon," Bram replied and put is hands on Simon's wasit, fingered curling into the fabric of his jacket. Simon placed a hand on Bram's shoulder, and pulled him closer so their bodies were basically presses against each other. His heart rate picked up.
And then they were kissing. Simon felt like he was going to explode. He'd kissed girls before, sure, but nothing had felt like this. He practically saw fireworks.
"So," Simon said when they pulled apart. He felt light-headed and giddy, just like christmas morning.
"Yeah," Bram said, resting his forehead against Simon's, his mouth curved into a smile. Simon paused for a moment just to take the sight of Bram in.
He's so freaking perfect, Simon thought and leaned in to kiss Bram again.
/
To: frommywindow1
From: bluegreen118
Date: Nov 28 3:35 PM
Subject: RE: You
Simon,
I know you're not gonna read this until you see me, because I scheduled this to arrive after this is over.
I just want to say, even if you're disappointed. I'm not. I'm glad I met you - both as Blue and the real me. It's been an experience - like I've fallen in love with you twice.
Maybe you'll reject me and hate me forever. If so, I guess I understand. But, I like to hope that might not happen.
Love,
Bram
/
Bram wanted to pinch himself, just to prove what was happening was real. He rested his forehead against Simon's and closed his eyes for a second longer after their second kiss. He'd kissed girls before, sure, but he'd never kissed a guy. It felt electric and real in a way he'd never gotten with any of the girls who'd kissed him in high school.
"Wow," he said breathlessly when Simon pulled away for the second time.
"Wow?" Simon said.
"Yeah, wow," Bram repeated.
"I can't believe I haven't done that sooner," Simon said.
"Well, I guess you can make it up to me now," Bram said. He couldn't believe he was so confident now. Maybe it was something about Simon that made him brave. As Jacques, Simon had inspired him to come out.
"And how should I do that?" Simon asked, already leaning closer.
Bram kissed him. "Like that," he said.
"Oh, well in that case," Simon replied. "I guess I don't mind."
Bram didn't know how long they stood there, in their own corner, kissing and touching each other. It was probably the best moment of Bram's life.
"So, uh, I should ask, what should we do now?" Simon asked. "I mean, what are we?"
"Well, I'm all in if you are," Bram said, his heart beating a million miles an hour in his chest. He almost couldn't believe he was asking this. He'd daydreamed about this moment for so long the reality felt alien, but no less wonderful. Perhaps even better, because it wasn't just an elaborate fantasy.
Simon's smile was almost blindingly bright. "Really?"
"Of course," Bram said.
"Then I guess you're my boyfriend," Simon said, his grin impossibly wider.
"Boyfriend," Bram repeated with a smile that was probably just as ridiculously huge as Simon's. "I can definitely get used to that."
"Good," Simon said, and gave Bram another kiss. This one lasted a little longer than the others and Bram had to pull away just so he didn't start getting a boner in public.
"We should probably go somewhere more private," Simon said, a little breathless. It made Bram's heart skip a few beats when he realised that meant Simon was just as affected by their kissing.
"Your dorm?" Bram suggested and immediately blushed. "I mean, not that I wanna rush things but Garrett's probably in my dorm and I know you've got a single."
"That I do," Simon said. "Let's go."
They didn't let go of each other the entire walk there.
Once Simon shut the door to his dorm, he moved right into Bram's space and pushed him gently up against the wall before kissing him again. This time, it was deeper and more intimate than the kisses outside.
This time, Simon took his time. Bram kissed him back just as slow and sure. It made his blood feel like it was on fire - a flame heating him from the inside out.
He felt himself getting harder and pulled back for a moment. "We might need to go a little slower. Just for now."
"Oh, sure," Simon said, blinking. "I don't want to pressure you. I mean, we're both new at this."
"Not that I don't want to, but I don't have a change of clothes and I'm not walking back to my dorm like that," Bram said, blushing. He felt like he'd been doing that all day.
"Oh - yeah, that," Simon said, his face bright red. "Wanna watch something on my laptop?"
"Sure," Bram said.
Simon moved over to his desk and grabbed the laptop off it. There was an empty oreo packet beside the computer.
"Is that where you used to email me from?" Bram asked.
"Oh, yeah. Or on the bed on my phone," Simon said.
Bram could picture it easily - Simon sitting at that desk composing a witty email about a grand Oreo adventure, or something insightful about being gay.
"I've got Netflix, if there's something you want to watch, or YouTube. Not to mention my download collection."
"How about something with a happy ending?" Bram suggested.
"I'll see what I can do," Simon said. "Oh, and I've got Oreos too. What flavour? I've got them all"
"The Halloween ones are my favourite," Bram said.
Simon walked over to his cupboard and pulled out a packet of Halloween Oreos. "I'm glad I've got Underhill's for stock."
"I take it you've raided their Oreo display thoroughly?" Bram said, noting the several other packets of Oreos in the cupboard stacked haphazardly on top of each other. It was such a Simon thing to do.
"Of course," Simon said. He handed the packet to Bram. Bram took it and grabbed a cookie out of the package.
Simon sat down on the bed and gestured for Bram to sit beside him. It made Bram think about the last time he was in here, sitting beside Simon and faking being his boyfriend. Now, here he was, Simon's actual boyfriend.
Instead of just sitting awkwardly close like last time, Bram shuffled as close to Simon as he could get, and leaned his head against Simon's shoulder.
"This is nice," he said softly. Bram couldn't have imagined a more perfect moment - finally meeting the guy behind the emails and not only that, becoming his boyfriend. He knew he'd remember this moment for the rest of his life.
Simon turned his and kissed the top of Bram's head.
"Alright, something happy and gay coming right up," Simon said and pulled up Netflix on his laptop . "So, how do you feel about Harry Potter?"
Bram smiled. "Sounds good to me."
A/N: Wow, so here we are! The fic is over - well, almost. The main story is done but there's an epilogue to follow, which I'll have done soon (shouldn't be too long bc it'll be shorter than these chapters).
find me on tumblr agentalien
PS. I've also got another fic for these two coming up that'll be a standalone magical realism thing. So, keep an eye out for that soon.
