I would first like to say that I am so grateful for all your comments once again, and especially all the great feedback on the last chapter! So we're almost done with this little story, the next and final chapter should be up on Friday. Please tell me what you think of this and have a great week!
Her head buzzing with exam questions, April was walking towards Richard's room on her way to see Catherine. She was on her very short lunch break, but she felt an urge to see how both of them were doing. It meant a chance she would run into Jackson, but she worried about Catherine in spite of being perfectly assured that she was handling the whole thing much better than April ever could. Besides, she had been one of the doctors on Richard's case and she hadn't had a chance to check in on him yet.
As she approached the room, she saw Jackson standing at the nurses' station outside, charting. His arm was out of the sling, but the way he moved his left arm suggested he was still in some pain. April was about to turn back the other way when he caught her eye, and so she promptly moved forward instead. She felt a little silly for wanting to run away but tried to shake it off and smiled.
'Hey, I was just coming up to say hi to your mother,' she said too brightly.
'Oh, that's nice of you.' He straightened up and joined her where she was standing right outside the door of Richard's room. There was something different in his expression since the last time they'd run into each other, but she could not tell what it was.
'It's nothing, I am one of the doctors on his case, after all.' She didn't want him to think she was doing it out of a sense of duty, that she didn't really want to be there.
When he didn't answer, she grasped for some topic to start conversing about. After a while of deliberating, her thoughts landed on something.
'Hey, do you know why Stephanie seems so down lately? I'm starting to think she's trying to avoid me, which makes things difficult, considering that she is on my service today.' As soon as the words were out April wished she'd held her tongue. She really did not want to talk about his girlfriend with him. Awkward silence would be infinitely preferrable.
Jackson was about to answer when Catherine suddenly swept out of the room. She was a bit teary-eyed, but otherwise she seemed quite as usual.
'April! How lovely to see you!' She beamed and hugged April.
'You too, Dr Avery,' April said, returning the hug, 'how are you?'
'I'm fine, it's still early days, and you've all taken care of him well.' Catherine swept a stroke of hair from her face as she assessed April. 'And you're feeling good about your boards this time, I hope?
'Oh, I am, studying hard, I am going to pass this time,' April assured her, forcing the worry out of her voice. Maybe not successfully.
Catherine raised an eyebrow.
'I can hear you haven't listened to my other piece of advice yet.'
April blushed, flustered, stuttered something inaudible, casting her eyes around, avoiding looking at either of the Averys before her. Catherine sighed, shaking her head.
'Maybe, we could, uh, dicuss that another time?' April finally managed to get out. When she dared look up, Jackson was clearly embarrassed as well, and when nobody said anything in response a heavy, awkward feeling seemed to descend on them.
'Did you know April is getting married, Mom?' Jackson blurted out very abruptly, possibly in an attempt to scatter the tension of the situation.
'What? You're getting married? How did I not know this?' Catherine exclaimed, looking pointedly at Jackson.
Was there a note of concern there, too? April couldn't tell. Before she could react, her pager went off. 'Thank God, she thought before she checked it.
'Oh, God! My hernia patient is coding, I have to run!' Without a second look at either of them, she rushed off, full of guilt over her gratitude.
-
Jackson had quickly excused himself from his mother, not wanting to endure her questioning right then. He had not been able to get April out of his mind ever since he'd connected those screams with her. And even though he only wanted to feel angry or indifferent, there was a nagging feeling at the back of his head that just wouldn't go away.
Sitting in the attendings' lounge a couple of hours later he was oncemore so preoccupied Alex had to throw a pen at him to catch his attention. Roused from his reverie with a start, he asked blearily:
'Huh? Did you say something?'
'Yes, I was asking why Kepner is looking like she failed her boards again or something?'
Jackson scowled.
'That's not cool. Don't joke about that.'
Fair enough.' Alex raised his eyebrows. 'Just figured you might know something about it.'
'No, I don't. But she is probably worried about failing them again. Then again, maybe she's already started freaking out about her wedding. Maybe her favorite pastor is allergic to mint, maybe...' He went on, without knowing where the hostility came from. He really couldn't get his thoughts to fit together.
'Where the hell have you been? You don't know that she broke up with that paramedic?' Alex said loudly, interrupting what would probably have turned into a tirade.
Jacskon's eyes widened in complete shock.
'What are you talking about?'
His mind was reeling. Minutes before, he'd been deep in going over what he'd already gone over countless times before: her impending marriage. Ever since the entire turn of events during the storm had become clear to him he'd gone over and over it in his head. He'd been so angry with her for getting married and messing with his head like that. Telling him she wanted him like that was not fair, not when she had a back-up plan. He could not believe the audacity of her being afraid of losing him while she was engaged to another man. But now they were over anyway? Had Matthew been the one to end things, or had April? And why hadn't she told him about it?
'I need to go talk to someone.' He shot up from his chair and was about to whirl away when Alex yelled at him.
'Dude, wait!' He turned around, urging him to speak quickly.
'Just... Try not to screw it up this time. As much as I don't care, it's really annoying when Kepner's ticked off. Besides, there must've been a reason she didn't tell you.'
Processing this, Jackson nodded mutely and then whisked away, spurred on by an intense desire to... He didn't precisely know what. First of all, he needed to get the story straight and he needed to hear it from April.
-
Walking briskly through the hospital, he passed the Richard's hospital room again. His eyes landed on his mother who was sitting at Webber's bedside, holding his hand and smiling slightly in spite of everything. Squinting a bit, she saw that she was stroking his hand.
Figuring he couldn't just skip past without speaking to his mother, he went inside, fearing an onslaught of questions.
'Any changes?' he asked, not expecting any meaningful answer.
'It is looking better, actually, he might come off the ventilator soon' she answered. 'And I am keeping an eye on him, you don't have to keep checking in. Don't you have anywhere you should be? Important meetings to be in charge of, groundbreaking surgeries to perform?'
He chuckled at his misinterpretation of the importance of regular visits. 'My arm may be out of this sling, but I'm still not operating for a while, so I've got all the time in the world.'
'Telling April how you feel about her?' She said, eyebrows raised. He looked away.
'No idea what you're talking about.'
'Oh, please, I can read you like a book, sweetheart. And her, too! If she's getting married she's not that excited a bride, and that's just suspicious, considering it is April Kepner we're talking about.' She was looking at him earnestly now, a small smile barely visible.
It startled him but he gathered himself enough to just roll his eyes. From what he knew now, it had seemed strange. How come he hadn't thought of that before? But since his mother didn't seem to want him there, it was all the more reason to find April.
'I'll see you later, Mom,' he said and ignored her amused expression as he turned to leave.
As he'd left the room and was about to continue walking in his previous swift pace, he halted and turned around to look upon them once more. Suddenly, he was no longer her son and all he saw was a woman sitting beside the man she loved.
The heart monitor at the bed flashed, showing a regular heart beat and the scene reminded him of Mark again. He remembered what he'd said on that last day.
If you love someone, you say it, and you say it loud.
Having tried to live by them at least once, he'd run into Joe's to look for April but she had been nowhere to be seen. After he'd found out she'd gone, he told himself he felt too tired of it all to care.
And then she had come back, wanting to act like it never happened. Again and again she seemed to tell him it didn't mean anything to her. With her words she kept pushing him away and with her actions kept pulling him back in. Hot and cold, something that could never last in the long run. But as he looked at his mother and Richard, the recollections flooded his mind and it all started to come together.
The anquished cries through the smoke, how she'd run at him in the ER, the confession. There obstacle that had been there ever since he'd first heard her declaration had finally disappeared. He'd heard her fear and now he understood it. He started walking again, now even faster, almost running through the busy corridors. He weaved past people, so impatient to see the subject of his thoughts again, speak to her, eager to know what she was thinking.
Leaping down the stairs, he felt he could see clearer and clearer. He remembered how she'd accepted his proposal with such joy, how he'd hidden behind anger and fear to protect himself and how she'd always been honest with him in all her confusion.
During the aftermath of the proposal it had all been hurt feelings and fights but also civilized conversations and most of all the friendship that ran so deep even broken hearts couldn't stir it. The pure desire always evident in the air between them, the hidden yet clear messages, the almost-kiss. The pattern had continued, they'd bantered, they'd been apparently happy for each other, and he'd still done everything not to get hurt.
As he reached the doors of the ER, the final piece drifted into place. It didn't matter anymore who had broken up with who, and he finally realized what had been going on in his head for the past few days. He'd hidden behind her words, instead of seeing what those words actually meant. Against hope he'd hoped she would fight back when he pulled away. But he realized now what had been wrong ever since the storm.
Ultimately April, the woman he loves, the woman who had always been perfect for him, had stood in front of him telling him she wanted him. And he'd said nothing.
