Chapter 4


The island was beautiful.

Green grass, tall palms, towering sheer cliffs and unmarred white sand. But that was nothing. Nothing compared to the woman who resided there, the one that stole her heart.

Elyza was surrounded by the beauty of the island, surrounded by the sun, the spray of salt, the smell of mangoes. But somehow she just couldn't take her eyes off of the brunette before her. She was in love, and she could finally admit it. Not to Alicia, no. But to herself… yes.

As they got out of the boat and onto the small wooden dock area of the island they looked around, but Elyza did not, she looked only at Alicia, who turned around and smiled a grand smile. "Shall I give you a tour?" Alicia asked with a smile spread across her face, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Yes please." Elyza said, with a face of joy but eyes of quiet hunger.

"First, we can go to the house, get your stuff settled in, and then we go to the beach." Alicia said, taking Elyza's hand. Elyza adjusted the duffle on her shoulder, following the brunette along a dirt path that led from the docks to a mid-sized colonial house. It looked fancily furnished but not huge. Alicia opened the door and Elyza tried to remember the last time she found someone who didn't have to lock their doors out of fear. Alicia practically pulled Elyza up the stairs in utter glee. She ran into a room, but stopped short when she saw who was standing there. There was a moment of hesitation before Elyza felt Alicia's hand being ripped from her own. She looked up and saw Alicia hugging an older woman, presumably Alicia's mother. They separated and the woman looked at Elyza, up and down.

"Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Madison, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Alicia's mother. Bob told me on the radio how you helped out Alicia to get her back to me. I don't think I could thank you enough." The woman –Madison—said with sincerity and a smile before continuing. "As you can see, this isn't a mansion but you're welcome to stay, you would just have to sleep with Alicia."

Elyza froze for a moment and swallowed before she realized the woman was referring to just sharing a room. "Oh, uh yeah I can do that. Not a problem." Elyza said after regaining her senses, but Madison didn't seem to notice her falter.

"Well, looks like you have a roommate, Alicia!" Madison said before leaving the room.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Alycia said with a smirk to Elyza, waggling her eyebrows once her mother had left. Elyza knew Alicia would be the death of her.

Elyza dropped her duffle of death onto the floor and sat on the made bed, looking out the window, before turning her eyes back to Alicia, who sat close beside her.

"This is my room, a little empty, but you can't take much in the move when it's the end of earth." Alicia said with slight humor.

Elyza looked around the room, it had a desk in the corner with a chair and a cabinet against the wall which was open, with a couple shirts and pairs of pants folded neatly inside. The bed wasn't a queen size, instead it was a full. Which gave them enough room to sleep comfortably together, but not quite enough to not be really close. Alicia followed Elyza's eyes scanning the room, checking for facial ques in what she was thinking. Knowing Elyza and her thought process; she was probably deciding what surfaces were and weren't good places for sex. Not that Alicia mentioned her theory.

"It's nice." Elyza said finally, turning her attention back to Alicia, who was staring at her. Elyza got up and walked over to the desk which had pens, pencils and paper scattered across its surface. "Do you mind?" Elyza asked, holding up a paper and pencil. Alicia shook her head no, curious.

Elyza sat down on the chair at the desk, twiddling with the pencil in her hand. "Before all of it happened, I liked to draw. Mostly just sketches of landmarks nature. Stuff that reminded me of Australia. Sometimes I would draw people." Elyza said, looking up at Alicia. Alicia smiled at the confession. "Would you mind if I drew you?" Elyza asked quietly, nervous and solemn at the desk.

"Not at all, but… what do I do?" Alicia asked, unsure of where to put her hands or how to position herself.

"Nothing, Just, maybe look out the window and put your hands wherever feels comfortable." Elyza instructed as Alicia looked to the left, staring outside the window, while Elyza scribbled away on the paper, making defined lines first and then slowly attributing details.

"How many people have you drawn before?" Alycia asked, trying not to move.

"Not many, mostly they don't know I draw them. Usually I only draw them if they are a part of a scenery that I like, not the main focus you know?" Elyza said, glancing up at Alycia now and then.

"Quite a scenic view in my bedroom, huh?" Alycia said, joking about the emptiness of the room. She didn't understand why Elyza would want to paint her room.

"Actually yes, since this time the person is the focus." Elyza said with a grin, her eyes still flipping between the paper and Alycia. Alycia laughed, a smile now on her face. Elyza had thought of the titanic, the movie, and how she would kill to draw Alicia naked.

"Well, if you like scenery then you should paint the cliffs, at high tide the waves bash up against them and it's just beautiful how powerful they are." Alicia said, picturing the image in her mind.

"No, no." Elyza said slowly before taking in a breath. "I don't think water crashing against rocks can beat your beauty, darling. You're flawless… perfect." Elyza found herself rambling quietly, too consumed in rendering the girl onto paper to realize what she had said. The next time her eyes flitted up to Alicia, she realized the girl was turning red.

Alicia was turning red because she had never received a more genuine compliment. But it was more than just that. She realized that she felt the same way about Elyza as she did for Matt. And she loved Matt. She didn't know if this meant she was falling in love with Elyza, but it meant something.

"Sorry." Elyza said finally, hoping that it would compensate for the awkwardness sitting the room.

"For what? Complementing me? No one should apologize for complements, not when they come from someone who deserves to be complemented themselves." Alicia said with a smirk. Elyza cleared her throat, leaning back in her chair.

"All done." Elyza said. And Alicia got up to look at the paper. Elyza hesitated to show her for a moment, embarrassed. But she relented, and Alicia took in the drawing with curiosity.

"Elyza, you're talented." Alicia said finally. She looked at the drawing, not only had Elyza captured the way that the light fell into the room, but also the details of her face, her cheekbones, lips, nose and eyes looked like they had been traced onto the paper directly.

Elyza laughed, brushing off the compliment. "That's not the first time someone has told me that."

Alicia rolled her eyes, but she was still looking at the details of her profile that together gave off a thoughtful, almost wistful look. The drawing was beautiful, crafted with care and elegance.

"Do you mind if I keep it?" Alicia asked, looking hopefully at Elyza.

"Sure." Elyza said, smiling. "So you like it?" Elyza asked.

Alicia smiled. "Yes. I like your style, realistic but simplistic as well. Hard edges and soft shading." Alicia said, not taking her eyes off of the drawing.

Elyza beamed, no one had complemented her drawing skills before, she usually never allowed people to see it. "It's been a while since I've drawn, but I'm glad you like it." Elyza said. "So you mentioned the beach?" Elyza asked.

"Oh! Yeah." Alicia said, looking out the window. "we can go if we hurry, even watch the sunset."

"Romantic." Elyza commented, and Alicia rolled her eyes with a smile.

Alicia went to the drawers and pawed through some of the clothing before retrieving a bathing suit. She told Elyza she could look for something she could wear in the water or just go in her bra. Elyza looked through the drawers and didn't find anything of Alicia's that would fit her bust size. But she did find a pair of black, short, women's board shorts that would probably fit. Alicia came out of the bathroom with a silk robe and a towel across her neck, and let Elyza through. Elyza changed in the bathroom, striping down to just her bra, underwear and the board shorts. She grabbed a towel and left, left the bathroom, and Alicia speechless, again. Alicia had to peel her eyes away from Elyza's bust and toned midriff yet again, and they walked down the stairs and out the door. They walked along another dirt path to the beach, which usually would have the sand in dunes from all the people, but here the sand was flat, an expanse rarely touched by the human population, not like on the mainland. Elyza had made sure not to release the wrap of her rowel around her body until she knew they were alone, she didn't want anybody seeing her scars, even in the fading light.

Elyza was the first to wade into the water, waiting while Alicia set down her towel and took off the robe. Elyza gasped. She was wearing a black bikini that showed off quite a lot of skin. Elyza saw toned legs, abs and upper arms. The girl may have been thin but she clearly wasn't weak, though, in the moment, Elyza was. Elyza had to rip her eyes away from Alicia and looked out into the ocean trying to ignore how fast her heart was beating. She was already waist deep in the water but decided to go deeper, dunking her head under, coming up and slicking back her hair. The water was cold, but it was bearable. Elyza heard a scream and turned around. She was relieved to see it was just Alicia sticking her toe in the water.

"It's cold!" She screamed, and Elyza laughed at her.

"It's not so bad once you're in!" Elyza yelled back, smiling at Alicia. She started walking towards the brunette, trying her best not to make fast movements that would splash her.

"How do I know you aren't lying?" Alicia asked, eyebrows raised. Elyza even closer to Alicia, only a few feet away now.

"I guess you just have to trust me." Elyza said and offered a hand. Alicia took her hand slowly but without hesitation. Elyza held out her other hand and Alicia took that one as well. Elyza then slowly waded back into the water backwards. Within seconds Alicia was hissing at the temperature of the water, looking down. Elyza smiled and laughed softly.

Soon they were waist deep and Elyza stopped, waiting for Alicia to stop huffing and puffing and look up at her.

"See? That wasn't so hard now was it?" Elyza asked, letting go of Alicia and running a hand through her wet hair. "But honestly I wouldn't blame you if you didn't trust me. I did splash you earlier, and I definitely thought about pulling you in. But I decided against it." Elyza mused.

"And that makes all the difference to me." Alicia said back, before dipping lower into the water and swimming. "I would rather be wet on my own terms." Alicia said, and Elyza busted out laughing.

Alicia sighed, rolled her eyes and splashed Elyza in the face. Elyza froze, the water had caught her off guard. Alicia laughed at Elyza, and Elyza still held her place, glaring at Alicia.

"I just thought that maybe you needed some water to wash your dirty mind." Alicia said, still laughing.

"You're the one that said it!" Elyza laughed, splashing Alicia back. This started yet another water war between them, the second one that day. Elyza won yet again, by attacking and then lifting Alicia over her shoulder, Alicia kicked, screamed and laughed her ass off. Elyza enjoyed every moment, she carried Alicia to the sand then she set her down on the sand, before falling onto her back beside her. They both were breathless and smiling up to the dark sky, the sun was gone. Alicia had propped her head up on her hand, rolled onto her stomach, looking at Elyza with a ghost of a smile on her lips. Elyza looked up at her, smirking.

"It's getting dark you know." Elyza said pointedly at Alicia, who just rolled her eyes.

"But I'm not ready to go in yet." Alicia complained, dropping her head against her hands.

"Neither am I, but it would suck if your mother suspects something happened out here this late." Elyza said. "They would probably send a search party and then I would get in trouble."

"Since when are you afraid of getting into trouble?" The brunette asked accusingly.

"Since it might affect what your mother thinks of me. If she thinks I'm a bad influence on you she might not want me hanging around you, or even send me back to shore." Elyza said softly.

"My mother shouldn't control who I want to be friends with." Alicia said softly, depressed.

"Hey, it's alright." Elyza said, lovingly brushing back a wet strand of hair from Alicia's face. Elyza wondered if that's all they'll ever be, friends. That's not what she wanted Alicia to be to her, but she didn't want to give her any reason to pull away either. "Let's go, alright?"

"Ok." Alicia said finally, pushing herself up off the ground before dusting off sand. She watched as Elyza walked over to her towel and wrapped it around herself. Alicia felt that Elyza was too sober, and she was feeling far too playful to let the Australian sulk. Elyza started walking on the path, faster and ahead of Alicia. So, Alicia quickly put on her robe and ran after Elyza, trying to be quiet. When Alicia got close she brought up a hand and smacked Elyza's ass while she ran past her. Elyza yelped a little and froze again but not for long, she ran after the laughing brunette. Alicia beat Elyza to the house and locked Elyza outside of the house until Elyza had promised not to retaliate. Elyza had done so and kept her promise. But she planned to get Alicia back when she least expected it.

They went upstairs and changed into their regular clothes. Elyza had to borrow some clothes while hers dried and she decided to sleep without a bra, much to Alicia's conflicting emotions of horror and arousal. But mostly it was just horror because of her arousal.

She had no idea what she was, she was pretty sure she had felt sexual attraction towards Matt, they even had gotten pretty close to sex, although they never did actually commit to the act. But she also felt definite sexual attraction for Elyza, she couldn't keep her eyes off of her. She just couldn't deny her feelings for the blonde any longer. She had tried to, but it just caused pain and embarrassment. She wasn't completely gay, or completely straight. "Bisexual?" Alicia considered in her head for a moment. But she felt like she needed more time to think things through.


They got into bed. As soon as Alicia knew that Elyza was asleep, she got out of bed and retrieved Elyza's leather jacket, honestly she no longer knew if she could sleep without it. She retrieved her prized possession and crawled back into bed. Elyza was asleep; but in her sleep she instinctively wrapped an arm around Alicia's waist. Alicia froze, at first she was thinking of the best possible way to get her off without waking her up. But then, she thought 'why?'. She only snuggled closer to Elyza with the jacket still tight in her grasp. They slept peacefully, both having pleasant dreams of the other.


Elyza was the first to wake up. She breathed in and smelled the slight lavender scent of Alicia's shampoo and opened her eyes to see the back of Alicia's head right in front of her own. She knotted her eyebrows together, trying to remember how the night ended well enough for them to fall asleep spooning. But when she couldn't remember after several seconds she gave up, just allowing herself to enjoy the moment. She snuggled against the back of Alicia's neck and fell back to sleep.


Madison knew Alicia was always independent, strong willed, and a powerful woman. woman, huh, that seemed like an inaccurate description of her daughter who to her; still seemed like a little girl. Even though she had proven time and time again that she was much, much more. In fact, her eighteenth birthday was coming up soon. And then legally she would be an adult, not that the legality of anything mattered much these days.

She just wanted back her little girl. She recently was faced with her daughter's disappearance and it was one of the hardest things for her to ever go through. So here she was. Making eggs, bacon, and toast for her and her Australian friend upstairs, hoping that it would bring back just a piece of her little girl.

She walked up the stairs with her tray of food and stood before Alicia's door. She was so excited to spend time with her daughter and she had heard her pure laughter inside that she had forgotten to knock.


Elyza nudged Alicia with her nose, trying to wake her up. They had stuff to do and she wanted to get on Alicia's parents good side by offering to help with whatever she could. Alicia groaned but refused to open her eyes. Surprisingly, by now both girls knew of their closeness on the bed, but neither made a move to separate. In fact, Alicia had just snuggled closer when she first realized it.

"Pumpkin." Elyza drawled out, hoping to get Alicia's attention. "We have to get up so I can help out your parents."

"Why?" Alicia whined.

"Because I want to stay a while, and I can't do that if they hate me." Elyza said.

"They don't hate you." Alicia said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" Alicia laughed. It was genuine and full, that is, before her mother barged into their room unannounced.

There was no hiding the fact that they were spooning. Even after Alicia shot out of bed and Elyza rolled over to get as far away as possible, it was too late. It might've been innocent in their eyes before, but not to Madison, especially the way they reacted which only made it more suspicious. The food was gone, it was on the floor right after Madison gasped and dropped it. They were all wide eyed for several seconds staring at each other before Madison mumbled something about paper towels and cleaning up the mess before she practically ran out the door to go downstairs. That only left Alicia and Elyza.

"Well fuck." Elyza said finally, breaking the tense silence. "If they didn't hate me before, they certainly do now."

"Elyza please, this isn't funny." Alicia said slowly, she had no idea what to tell her mother. It really was innocent but the way they reacted to Madison coming in, that didn't exactly scream innocent. She could say she was cold, but that was kind of lame. She could say that they had just gotten to be super close best friends, but that was doubtful too. Alicia let out an angry sigh, why was it so hard to defend something that wasn't even bad?

Elyza knew this look, she knew the terror on Alicia's face, the terror on Madison's face. She knew it from girls she had dated, but also from her own past. She felt for Alicia and wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but she knew that would only further confuse things for Alicia, so she kept quiet, willing to listen to whatever Alicia had to vent.

Alicia considered telling the truth, that they were in a thing together. But the problem was it was just a thing, they just flirted and snuggled and Alicia had never wanted to confront the fact that it was so close to an actual relationship so they never did. They weren't nothing, but they weren't actually something either. It would've been way easier to be able to chase down her mother and explain that she was guilty of snuggling with her girlfriend, but she couldn't even do that.

"I need to talk to her, please, just stay here." Alicia said finally. Elyza nodded violently in response, clearly willing to do things her way.

Alicia took in a deep breath, before walking around the food on the floor to get out of the door. When she left she ran into her mother again who froze, with cleaning supplies in her hands, luckily she didn't drop them as well. Alicia took the supplies without a word, and tossed them into her room. "Elyza could you please try to clean up while I talk with my mother?" Alicia yelled, and she got an immediate affirmative yes from the Australian.

"Alicia-."Madison had started to say before Alicia cut her off.

"Lets go outside to talk, alright?" Alicia offered and her mother nodded. They walked down the stairs in a tense silence before leaving the house.

"Can we talk now?" Alicia's mom had asked, she had a deeply concerned look.

"Yeah, go ahead, ask away." Alicia said, thinking it would be easier to answer questions than explain it. She took in a deep breath for the oncoming interrogation.

"How long has this gone on?"

"A couple days? I'm not sure."

"Are you two dating?"

"Not exactly, its complicated."

"Have you had sex?"

"Mom, oh my god, no."

"Are you gay?"

"… I don't know."

"Alright."

"Alright? What does that mean?"

"It means alright, you can keep doing whatever you're doing. As long as you promise to let me know if you've figured out your identity, let me know if and when you two officially date and talk to me about your relationship with her before you have sex. No exceptions, and no more secrets." Madison deadpanned.

Alicia felt tears roll down her cheek as she nodded. This was a way better reaction then she would've ever expected from her mother. She was overfilled with happiness from her mother's generous display of compassion and understanding. She pulled her mother into a tight hug and Madison just hugged her back just as tightly, wiping away her daughter's tears when they separated.


"How'd it go? Is she mad?" Elyza asked when she saw Alicia walk back into the room that she spent ten minutes cleaning tirelessly.

"No, she supports me. But I just didn't know how to-." Alicia paused.

"how to what?" Elyza enquired.

"…how to explain what we were. Because we aren't really anything" Alicia said finally. Relieved from getting the issue out in the open.

"What?" Elyza asked, her face melting to sadness. "We, we aren't anything to you?"

Alicia stopped, she had not expected that reaction from Elyza. Her head tilted to the side. "You think we're in a relationship?"

"No! Yes? I don't know!" Elyza said, starting to pace. "I just thought that after all of this that you wouldn't think that we are nothing. That after all of that flirting, innuendo, and the sharing of my life that we aren't anything to you. No. We aren't dating, but we aren't nothing either." Elyza sighed, "At least not to me."

"Elyza," Alicia said slowly, coming closer to her. "I don't even know if I'm gay. Alright? These feelings are too complicated and confusing for me to consider dating. I like you Elyza, I really do. But I can't be in a relationship. Maybe someday, but not yet."

Elyza tried her best not to cry. She loved her, she really did, it took forever for her to admit it to herself, but for some reason she had fallen in love with this girl who probably didn't feel the same way. It hurt, but she nodded in understanding.

Alicia wanted to be with her, she really did, she had been slowly accepting the fact that she was attracted to Elyza, both sexually and romantically. She wanted to be Elyza's girlfriend, and she wanted Elyza to be hers. but she couldn't do that if she didn't even know for sure what her sexuality was. Their thing, whatever it was, would have to wait.

"I get it, you need time to figure out what you are, to find out for yourself. Just, please let me know when you do." Elyza said softly, tears brimming her eyes. "I'm gonna, I'm gonna take this to the trash and go for a walk. ok?" Elyza said pointing to the mess of breakfast. Her voice cracked at ok and she hated herself for it. How could she be so naïve as to think that they were something.


She went on her walk after throwing away the trash, it was such a beautiful day but Elyza didn't care, she walked away from the house and to the beach were they had gone before. She checked to make sure that she was alone before collapsing into the sand and crying. She had never felt this heartbroken over anybody and they hadn't even been in a relationship. That was the point, they never had, she had managed to fall head over heels in love with this girl, without so much as a kiss on the lips. How? She had no idea, but it was painful. She knew Alicia was being honest and did the right thing, she didn't blame Alicia for anything; only herself for falling in love too easily. She cried into the sand for several more minutes.


Alicia was no better. She started crying into her pillow as soon as Elyza had left. She had a perfectly good chance with an amazing, beautiful girl but she threw it away. She threw it away because she was afraid. Afraid that she might be imagining her attraction to Elyza, it had only happened in the last few days. That was way too fast to fall in love with someone, right? Wait. Love? Did she love Elyza? Her first instinct was to say no but something inside her knew that wasn't true. Not completely anyway. There were so many times she had felt a deep and pure emotion that couldn't be anything but love. She treated her like a loved one, looked at her with love, even snuggled her with nothing except love. It wasn't lust, although she felt that too, it was love. Shit.


A/N: Sorry for the update speed, it just took me a while to plan out how I wanted this to go. I know. This chapter is kind of sad and angsty. But have no fear, it gets better from here.