Different yet the same
The place was dark and quiet. Only the low hum of the air-conditioning could be heard. Slowly, he walked on tiptoes, afraid to make even the slightest sound. His dark-socked feet continued moving in a calculated manner, while his hands groped his way by the walls. And then he stopped at the front of a certain door.
Emerald eyes blinked hard into the darkness, trying to feel if the person inside was still awake or not. Of course that person wouldn't be awake at this time of the night. Could he really be that desperate to think that his brother was even the slightest worried about him?
Shio smiled to himself. That would never happen.
"Nii-san...I...you know..." changing his mind about something, the brunette sighed. "...I'm home..."
Just the same as a breeze, Shio walked away. He walked towards his room at the farthest side of the hall.
As soon as Shio was gone, the space under Shin's door and the floor glinted with a golden light. And the person inside sitting on a dark-brown couch closed his eyes, the eyes that were staring at the digital clock for more than hours. And then he stood. The sleepiness that was not coming to him no matter what he did, strangely, finally, came to him.
The morning in Umi Gari wasn't at all busy. Usually the peak would be around lunch and dinner time. Given this, most employees were having a bit of a lighter time, compared to those who had to work behind office doors.
Shio, was as usual doing some inventory. His table was very untidy. His office was a mess. He was really the opposite of someone he looks up to who could do everything right. Even so, he was trying his hardest. Hoping someday, that he'd somehow be able to stand proudly beside that outstanding brother of his.
"...I'm getting obsessed about this..." Shio whispered, seeing his calculations getting wrong again. "...I'm acting like a deprived child...am I not?"
The brunette rubbed his eyes with his hand and sighed. Maybe he should get his eyes checked one of these days. Lately they just get blury on their own. Something cloudy mixed with a feeling of discomfort at random instances, especially when the headaches kick right after.
"What am I really working so very hard for again...?"
Clutching the pen tighter, he darted his gaze at the family photo he had placed on top of a steel cabinet. There was a man aging gracefully with a shy smile, an old woman doing a 'peace sign' while sitting on a wheel chair, him smiling awkwardly, and Shin, who wasn't even looking at the camera. A picture of a family barbecue just outside their mansion in Osaka not too long ago.
"Nii-san...would look better if he smiled a bit..."
The emerald eyes continued gazing at that cold face in the photo. Everything in it had been casted aside. As if Shio found it weird too that he was staring so much at his brother's face, he looked away, face hot. It seemed like Haitani Shio, wasn't really aware of himself yet.
"I need to compute this again...where I am doing wrong...mou-"
His concentration was broken by the phone at the corner of his table. Irritably, Shio picked the receiver and placed it against his ear. He almost fell from his seat when he heard the other line.
"This is Takano of KATAI. May I speak to the owner?"
"Director Takano-san!" Shio blurted, standing abruptly from his chair. It must be urgent for the director himself to call instead of his able secretary. "Thank you very much for last night! About the money-"
"May I speak to the owner?"
"..." the brunette found himself falling back on his seat. He was brushed off just like that. It felt embarrassing and kind of hurtful, to be honest. "Uhm-he's currently having a meeting with the people who'd set-up the-"
"That's why I need to talk to him right now," the voice was calm, but the sound of urgency was crystal clear.
"I know you might not think I am reliable, after all the things you saw about me...but my job is to assist my brother...and relaying important message is one of those..."
"..."
"So-"
"Alright, alright," the impatient voice now, somehow on edge cut in. "Tell him this...and I need an urgent reply."
The whole message only lasted for about three minutes. But the phone was still stuck against Shio's ear even after the call, listening blankly at the continuous beeping sound. Just hearing that word already could make him shiver. Just thinking about it, he could already hear it in his ears. Waves. Wind. Deep waters.
He placed the receiver down and for long just looked at his unfinished inventory.
"The sea...huh?"
He may have forgotten so many things about himself. Even so, his fear with large bodies of water was very clear to him. It was as if his link to his lost self, but also the barricade he didn't want to pass.
"Sensei...can I just develop a phobia out of nowhere?" the him some nine years ago asked during a general check up in his high school. It happened that the doctor doing the check-ups was one of the new Haitani family doctors too.
"Hmm...well...Phobia is a psychological phenomenon you know? It might be the result of something that happened when you were younger...but you can't remember anything right?" the old doctor pulled his glasses down. "You suffered amnesia at 15 right? Must be hard for you..."
"Granmy and Otou-san said I probably got it when I was four...they said I nearly drowned in a swimming pool...but my records burned down together with our previous house..."
"I see...I heard you and your brother are pretty close...why not ask him for the details?"
Shio smiled while whispering. "Nii-san thinks I am just making up my phobia to get more sympathy from the people around me..."
"Haitani-kun?"
"Ah! N-nothing sensei..."
The two sides of his brother was already evident that time. The loving one and the stone-cold one. The hard to pin treatment from that young man was adding to his bafflement.
That time, he was still adjusting to all the new things around him. The new faces, the new house, the new school, the new world ahead of him without a past to turn back to. He didn't voice out what was in his mind because he felt he was already being too much of a trouble for his family. His father and grandmother were nothing but considerate of his situation. Since then, he never brought up this matter to anyone again as if he had already moved forward and done with it.
However, back then up until now, sometimes Shio would ask himself. Why was he at a yacht ten years ago, preparing for a scuba diving, when he was already afraid of the waters since he was very young?
Haitani Shin, sleeves rolled to his elbows, his tie a bit loose, looked from what he was reading towards Shio shortly before going back to what he was doing.
"It's not really a big problem if the venue changed," the man said. "It's actually better for us...it's going to be a free advertisement to the other people in that cruise ship..."
Keen eyes, busy reading other stuff looked up. Shin looked at his 'brother' who had been staring at the floor for a long while now.
"You look so uninterested. You can just stay away from this event if you want."
Shio looked up immediately. "Eh...?"
"I said, you don't have to bother if you don't feel like it," Shin said with a stern face. "I don't want half-assed determination in an opportunity as big as this."
The brunette stepped forward with an oddly calm expression. "Then I'll inform the director that we'll come with him to see the suite where their reception would be."
Without waiting for a word from Shin, Shio turned his back and walked out the door. The owner of Umi Gari went back to what he was reading. A certain article about their competitors that were already in the business far longer than they did. However, he realized he had been staring at a line for long now. He frowned.
The calm face, the odd green eyes, the monotonous voice, they all combined into a one big annoyance. Shin slammed the article close and rested his back against the backrest.
"The sea...huh?"
He didn't hate it. But that didn't mean he liked it too.
If it'd have to be put into words, it would be breathtaking. It really should be around summer if one would visit the sea. The blue of the sky, and the blue of the waters were meeting in a darkblue horizon which was somehow glittering from afar. A few birds could be seen flying freely in the sky, singing the songs of nature and summer.
"..."
Emerald eyes looked to his left and right. Everyone was in business attires, all whispering their appreciation at the huge cruise ship before them. They were at a small private port, ready boarding the ship for initial viewing.
"It's awesome ne?" one man with glasses said to the other beside him. "That hotel owner was very satisfied with the outcome of his new building that he even rented the whole third floor of this ship exclusively as a thanks for KATAI."
"I know right?" the other replied, grinning proudly. "I so love our job for these privileges."
Almost all of them were males, except the secretary of one eccentric director. She must be really an awesome woman to be able to work along these elite men. She was very elegant and efficient. And as for Shio, he might be already being pegged as weird and vain. For no one except him, was hiding under the shade of his black umbrella.
Haitani Shin was walking along the old men of KATAI, smiling charmingly as he listened to their food requests and old time jokes. They weren't even funny at all, but he laughed when they laughed nevertheless.
"What are you still standing here for?" a familiar voice asked. "Everyone's going in."
Shio turned to his side and looked ahead again.
"Just looking how huge the ship is...doesn't it have its own catering services?"
Takano Masamune looked at the white ship before them. It was really a big one, with all the necessities probably present.
"Should you really be asking that? Aren't you supposed to be happy that we stuck with your services?"
Shio pursed his lips, his grip with his umbrella tightening. "Yeah...I'm happy...for Nii-san..."
Hazel eyes that were more lighter because of the sun looked deeply at the man under the black umbrella. The person looked too gloomy for him despite the glowing summer sea as their scenery.
"Are you one of those guys who're afraid to get dark or something?"
"Eh?!" Shio looked up abruptly, his gaze meeting with an unfathomable pair of penetrating eyes. "N-no...I am just...bad with the heat..."
"Oh..."
Takano narrowed his eyes. Somewhere somehow, he felt that he already had this kind of similar conversation. And then the man fell silent.
"..."
Right. He asked his stupid stalker the same thing too, the noon before 'Onodera Ritsu' vanished ten years ago. Funny that it has been really this long, but his anger towards the sea, the sea who took Ritsu, the sea who caused a trauma that wouldn't go away, was resurfacing just like it happened yesterday.
Without waiting for Haitani Shio, Takano Masamune advanced towards the entrance. He left the weird guy alone under the sun, feeling disturbed. He need not to be reminded of things like these, especially that they'd be spending a week in this work of metal for their anniversary coming very, very soon.
"How can I dislike something as pretty as this..." Shio murmured as he looked down. He walked towards the ship's ladder fixing his eyes at his shoes. He never once glanced at the sides, never once glanced at the sea again. He almost closed his eyes. Otherwise, he'd not be able to hold the scream in his throat that was threatening to come out.
"It's alright as long as I don't look...it's alright..."
In that ship which was named "Mehitabel" after a foreign folklore of a beautiful maiden waiting for the return of her lover from a lighthouse, men, hostage of a vague past and an uncertain future was already getting carried by the troubled waves. They were different in all aspects, but all were similar in the sense that they carry unhappy memories when it came to the sea.
The entire hall where the party would be held was extremely spacious. At the farthest end was already a group of old people practicing the songs and the little dances they'd perform during the anniversary. Since this was an anniversary thought by the higher ups, all of advanced age, one couldn't deny that this whole celebration was turning into a 1970's style. The old people's youth they try to reminisce.
"So...at the last night of the anniversary, the bosses would like to have it on the sun deck..." the woman secretary of Takano said with a pretty smile. She was guiding Haitani Shin, along with a taking down notes Shio around the Suite. "They'd like it if it could have a sort of a retro feel though..."
Shin looked around. It was going to be a tough work but he was getting excited. The bare light yellow colored walls and the stark-deep brown color of the floor would be such a great canvas.
"Shio, don't forget to take down any details...alright?"
The brunette looked at the profile of his smiling brother who looked like he was really enjoying himself. And he inwardly sighed. That secretary of Takano and his brother somehow was getting too close in a very short period of time. So close to the point that Shin was even allowing the woman to rest her hand on his shoulder far too long for an encouraging pat.
"Oh...may we go see the sun deck then?" Shin asked, turning to look at Shio who had been awfully silent the entire time. "Shio...are you alright?"
"Ah...yeah...Nii-san. Let's see the deck..."
Following the two, Shio remained silent, the memo pad where he was writing important matters was starting to get crumpled by his tight grip. He had been clenching his jaw tight to stop his teeth from chattering. And his eyes, they were starting to cloud very badly from tears he was holding back with all his might.
Their walk was like a stupid fairy tale. The red colored carpet extending almost endlessly was being drowned by a very bright light at the end side. The opening leading to the deck was blinding bright, the scent of the sea entering the ship, its sound a melody to its passengers.
Step by step, Shio maintained his eyes at his shoes, going up the remaining steps towards the deck. And when he reached the top, the wind blew harshly at his face, almost drowning him.
"It's pretty here..." the woman said, walking a little ahead. She seemed to be not at all bothered that her skirt, was slightly getting swayed up by the wind, exposing a portion of her well formed thighs. "Must be better at night...oh right...this entire portion, together with that pool will be reserved for KATAI at the last night..."
Shin followed, looking around the 360 degree view of the sea. The mountains from a far, the buildings reminding him of his independence, and then at Shio. Shio, who was as pale as the white wad of paper he was holding.
"Shio...you're not good with the heat...go take a shade."
The brunette shook his head, still following along. He didn't want to leave the two alone for some reason.
"I'm really alright Nii-san."
Shin who looked like he was thinking about something, suddenly walked over to Shio. The emerald eyes looked surprised, but he held his gaze at the unreadable gaze thrown at him by Shin. Almost like Shin was about to hold his brother, the older one just leaned a bit closer to Shio's ear. And whispered through gritted teeth.
"I don't know what's with you Shio. But don't make me lose face here, you understand?"
"..."
"You keep on saying 'alright', 'alright' with that sorry face as if I am forcing you here...pull yourself together."
"Sorry..."
Shin moved a little away and pinched Shio's cheek playfully. The other mask was again perfectly on that handsome face. "Stupid, don't force yourself too much alright? I can handle things from here."
The woman watching the two laughed genuinely. "Ah...I wish I had such a caring brother like you, Shio-kun."
Drawing a deep breath, Shio closed his eyes a bit. The sound of the waves was pounding against his ears. It was blowing harshly towards him, as if about to push him off from a high cliff.
"...!"
When he opened his eyes, there were others loitering above the deck, but the woman secretary and Shin was nowhere to be seen.
"..."
An unsteady step backwards was what Shio made. And then another, and another. And then he felt as though he was about to throw up. He ran. He ran away, looking for a place to throw up the product of his fear and anxiety somewhere no one could see.
Behind the cluster of emergency boats piled one after another, Shio groped for support. He was perspiring a lot, his breathing pained. He kept on drawing deep breaths but he could feel his lungs shouting for deprivation. Until he fell on his knees, his hands still against the boat's body.
"...pull yourself together..." he scolded himself.
He opened his eyes down to the white surface below him where he was leaning. They said that there were emotions that come and go. Something that appears and just vanishes. However, the one that came to him was showing no lessening. If anything, it kept on piling and piling until it has come to this point. He was being suffocated by these unfathonable emotions towards this older brother of his. Anyone would have been full of wrath towards Haitani Shin, yet there he was getting extremely jealous over a woman.
"...you're sick..." Shio whispered. "...you're really sick..."
"Oi...if you're sick, don't throw up here."
Shio didn't have to look who it was. That voice carrying the same cold tone of his brother was damn familiar.
The scent of smoke wafted through the salty air. The heat, the sound of the sea, the birds, finally got to Shio that he threw up a yellowish liquid almost dirtying the pair of black shoes that just stood beside him.
"Argh...You...what the hell..." Takano gritted, stepping away.
Shio kept on coughing. His fingers already pale from trying to grip the side of the emergency boat. the cough sounded so bad, as if it was rattling his lungs hard. He was throwing up that liquid on the floor that it even looked painful.
"Oi..." Takano called, deciding to take a step closer again, reaching out to the shaking shoulder. "What's wrong with you..."
Shio sobbed while still throwing up. Takano could only resort to stubbing his cigarette against a darkcolored metal, patting the brunette's back in a steady manner.
"Come on, don't look at the floor. If you're getting dizzy, the trick is to look faraway..."
Firm hands tried to grip the shaking shoulders to hoist the limp man upwards, but Ritsu tried to slap the hands away, still fixing his gaze at the floor where he dirtied.
"Tsk. I am trying to be considerate here, alright?"
"I am scared..."
That came too soft that Takano couldn't even hear it properly. The man nearing his impatience finally bent his knees to look at the brunette at eye level.
"You are what?"
"I hate the sea..." Shio whispered, shaking like a leaf. "I am scared of waters as big as this..."
Takano Masamune fell silent. He just watched the trembling crouched form of the man before him with him feeling a little chill himself. Those words were still as clear to him, they never faded no matter how long the time passed. The words that if he just took seriously, things would probably have turned out differently.
"I have only been in pools senpai...can't swim straight either. A water as big as this...scares me..."
When Shio finally stopped throwing up, he again felt the huge hands gripping his shoulders. He tried to fight it, but they were more forceful this time.
"I'll walk you to the lounge. It's still far from here," Takano said softly. "Keep on looking down."
"Eh...?"
Takano lifted his gaze. The place they were was the most elevated. It was a mystery how this brunette ended up here. If he so much glanced around, it would just be the waters, an endless amount of it.
Shio threw up the last of the tea he drank this morning, soaking a portion of the KATAI director's slacks and black shoes, but he heard not a word of complaint from Takano Masamune.
During their walk in the deserted hallway, Shio could feel the grip to his shoulder getting tighter. The silence was getting thick and awkward.
"If you're scared this much...why even go near it?"
Shio licked his lips that tasted a sickening bitter while remembering his brother as the answer to the question.
"..."
The brunette dared to look a bit up to the person supporting his walk. He only saw a glimpse of angry hazel eyes.
"You'll die following someone so mindlessly...you'll surely end up like him..."
"...like him...?"
Takano Masamune looked towards the emerald eyes, as if he was looking at his own reflection in those orbs. But that only lasted for a fleeting second. And he didn't say anything anymore after that.
chapter end notes:
hello! thanks for your time reading! please share your thoughts and keep warm! XD
-shuusetsu/シュウせつ
