Felicity didn't know what time it was, but eventually the house seemed to be heading towards bedtime. It was weird for Felicity since she didn't plan on staying there, she wanted to go home. The doctor had come by and checked her out and proclaimed that she had a mild concussion. Raisa and Walter had both fussed over her. No one else had been up to see her. Walter had assured her that he and Moira were going to talk to Oliver…but that felt like hours ago…and she'd been alone since then.
She was fairly sure that she mostly felt sick because her mind kept spinning on the hard to take fact that Oliver had a son out there. All she knew was that Oliver had a son, a son that was somewhere between four and eight. Walter didn't seem to know his exact age. He really didn't seem to know much except the facts that Felicity had overheard. Moira paid off the mother, who lived in Central City with the boy, and now she was dead and the boy was all alone in the world.
Things needed to be set in motion and Felicity needed to see what was going on. She needed to make sure that Oliver was actually being told the truth and she needed to be there to support him. Felicity was thankful that she still had things there because Raisa had helped her change from her formal dress and into a pair of practical pajamas. As she sat up, she let out a groan. Felicity's head pounded, more so now that she was sitting up. No matter, she needed to find Oliver. She also really wanted her phone.
Curling her legs back towards her, she pulled off the socks once they were in reach, she was going to go look for Oliver and didn't want to risk slipping and possibly falling. Since she'd already fallen, she really didn't want to try for a repeat. Felicity turned, her legs slipping over the side of the bed. Sliding forward, the bottoms of her feet hit the floor. She paused for a moment, then shifted weight on it as she got to her feet. She grabbed the nightstand, her button bracelet that she wore on most days slid to the floor a few feet from her.
Sighing, Felicity took a moment to steady herself before she took steps towards the bracelet. Bending down, she scooped up the bracelet and slipped it back onto her wrist. She fingered one of the buttons for a moment. Drawing in a breath, she took a moment to try to relax…to focus…before she headed out of the bedroom.
"Ms. Felicity…you should be in bed," Raisa said gently. She intercepted Felicity only upon one step out of the bedroom. "You are lucky that you didn't even require stitches…or a visit to the hospital. Mr. Oliver is so worried about you…"
"That's who I was looking for, Raisa," Felicity said with a small smile and hoped that that would allow her to pass. Raisa was so kind, she had been the one member of that house staff who had always been especially kind to her. "I was hoping to go home…"
"It's so late…and your dress isn't wrapped to be taken home," Raisa told her as she took Felicity's arm. Instead of turning her around and sending her back to bed, though, Raisa started to accompany her down the hallway. "I am sure Mrs. Queen would be more than happy for you and Mr. Oliver to stay here tonight."
Felicity patted Raisa's hand where it rested on her arm. "I'm sure she would…but there's just something so much better…and more healing…about sleeping in your own bed."
"Ah, yes…" Raisa smiled at her as they walked. "You know, I have worked for the Queen family for some time… Working here requires me to keep secrets and believe me, Ms. Felicity…there are MANY secrets when it comes to this family." Her words paused for a moment before she finally continued. "I know that you understand the abundance of secrets that comes with this family. So many secrets and so much loss…" Her voice got sadder. "Mr. Oliver has been through so much… I was so happy when you two finally got married… I am certain that you two will start your own family soon."
Felicity just stared at her for a long moment. There was just something about the way Raisa said the last sentence that caught her off guard and like Raisa knew something…or something. Felicity couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was the tone, for sure, but maybe it was just how Raisa was. "Uh, Oliver and I are discussing things…"
"Of course, of course," Raisa told her. Now Raisa was the one patting Felicity's hand. As they neared where Moira, Walter, and Oliver were (you knew they were there because their voices were all loud). "This is where I leave you. Will you be okay?"
Smiling at her, she nodded. "I'll make it okay," she assured. Felicity's arm was unwrapped from Raisa. "Thank you."
"It is always a pleasure for you, Ms. Felicity."
Felicity watched as Raisa went for a moment and wondered all of the secrets that Raisa must know, all of the ones that she'd heard during her time there at the house. She didn't know how Raisa could live with all of those secrets, Felicity had a hard enough time not telling Oliver something right away…let alone hold onto it for decades…
From the loud 'discussion' that seemed to be going on, Felicity was fairly certain that Moira had told Oliver about the son that she'd hidden away from him. She sucked in a deep breath and took a step forward, her fingers rubbing the buttons on the bracelet. This news affected her, too, and she knew that Oliver needed the support. Her support. In all honesty, she needed him, too. They needed each other.
"Felicity," Walter announced her as she stepped into the room.
Oliver was pacing near the fire place while Walter and Moira both sat in elegant wingback chairs. Moira looked heartbroken and desperate while Walter looked like he was trying to keep calm. Oliver, however, looked like he was about every emotion possible. He stopped when his eyes met hers. "Hey," he breathed as he crossed the room to her. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," she lied as his arms wrapped around her. Felicity clung to him and didn't want to let go. Her eyes closed and she tried to keep the tears at bay. She was so scared and worried about him…about them…about everything.
"You know," he barely whispered.
She didn't even vocalize her response and instead, she just nodded against him. Felicity heard him pull in a deep breath and his hand went to her hair. "How are YOU?" she questioned as she took a step back.
His eyes…they almost looked broken to her and that hurt. Felicity wanted to make it better for him. She knew that she could tell him that it would be fine, that everything would work out, and that they could just take in this child…that it wouldn't change anything. That was a lie though. It was going to change everything. "I…I don't know…"
It was honest.
An honest response.
"We can't do anything tonight, right?" she asked him and then looked towards Moira and Walter.
"No," Moira simply responded.
A beat passed before Walter spoke up. "The boy is being looked after in Central City tonight. We are supposed to call in the morning, though."
"So," Felicity said as she turned her attention back to Oliver, taking his hands in hers. "For tonight. Let's go home."
"Felicity—"
"I can't drive…concussion…" Felicity told him and pointed to her head to illustrate her point. "Remember?"
Oliver nodded after a moment and hugged her again for another minute. "Okay," he finally spoke up. "Let's go home."
"We will talk to you in the morning then?" Walter asked.
"We will call you," Felicity said as she turned to where Walter and Moira were seated. That way, they wouldn't feel pressured to give a response at any moment. Felicity knew that this decision was important and that, of course, they had to think of the grieving child involved, but she also knew that this was a lot for Oliver…and her…to take in and process. With that, Felicity guided Oliver away from his mother and Walter, headed towards the front door. They knew the way out and Felicity knew that they just needed to go.
Tomorrow would be a new day.
Normally, their home was their sanctuary. Tonight, it was just a place to figure out how their future was going to be affected by a secret. There was tension and anger and tears and questions and… There was so much… Too much…
"We don't have to talk about this tonight," Felicity told him.
They had changed for bed and Oliver's head was in Felicity's lap as she sat in bed. Her fingers ran through his short hair and against his scalp as she stared down at him while he stared off at the wall or something else. "It's not fair…to you…"
Felicity sighed. "Oliver, you have a son…"
"I know, I can't—It doesn't seem real…"
"You're all he has, Oliver—"
"That's not true—"
"Oliver—"
"I just… We JUST got married, Felicity… We were just discussing starting a family and now—"
Felicity frowned as she stared down at him. "Do you want my opinion on this?"
Oliver's eyes turned to hers. He looked scared. "Yes."
Biting her lip, she thought for a moment. She wanted to say the right things, but more than that…she wanted to speak thoughtfully. "It—this child—YOUR son…he's going to change everything. Our lives are going to be different." She paused for a moment. "He's going to mean that you're going to have to focus more on him than on me…than on being the Arrow…than running Queen International." Felicity ran her fingers along the side of his face. "But he's your son and you've missed so much time with you already… He's lost his mother… And if anyone knows what it's like to lose a parent, it's you…"
"I wasn't so young—"
Felicity shook her head. "It doesn't matter. You understand how precious it is. You understand that no matter how old you are, it hurts…" She sighed. "Am I ready to be a mother? I don't know. Is it going to change things? Yes… I don't even know how we're going to juggle everything AND a child. But Oliver, we have the space… We have that other room and we haven't even done anything to it, yet…" Felicity had a feeling that Oliver had been hoping that they'd turn it into a nursery…but that wasn't going to happen now. She wasn't sure how they'd be raising this boy, but they'd do it. It was the right thing to do. It was far more than just for the poor boy or that he was Oliver's son, it was because he was family…even if they hadn't met him yet.
"I just don't know if—"
"You asked me about having a baby, Oliver—"
"This is different."
"I know," Felicity argued quietly.
"You don't have to—"
"He's your son, Oliver, which makes him my family, too…"
Oliver just stared at her for a long while. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
He was quiet again for some time. "We should call my mom—"
"Tomorrow…"
"But—"
"It's late, Oliver," Felicity told him as she leaned down and kissed him. "We can tell her in the morning."
So much was about to change.
"Sleep now."
"I don't know if I can."
"Neither do I," Felicity mumbled as she reached out to switch off the light. She set her glasses on the nightstand and settled down in bed, Oliver now pulling her into his arms. "But tomorrow is going to be a long day."
Possibly the longest day of their lives.
Tomorrow.
Everything changed.
She didn't know how long she'd been asleep, the first thing that had hit her was that Oliver wasn't in bed next to her. Even though she felt like she was being held down by sleep, Felicity pushed herself up into a sitting position. "Oliver?"
Silence.
The room was still dark and she looked over at the clock to see that it was nearly four. She'd just fallen asleep about an hour before. She wondered if Oliver even slept. "Oliver?!" she shouted as she looked around. Felicity was so exhausted, she felt like it might be dangerous for her to even get to her feet, like she wouldn't be able to keep herself upright.
Silence.
Tears ran down her face and she started to panic. "Oliver?!"
"Felicity?" Oliver's voice came back.
It was then that she realized that the shower had been running. He turned it off and he was wrapping himself in a towel and hurrying to the bedside before she could open her mouth to say anything else. Felicity sucked in a breath and then wiped the tears away. The night before had just been so much. They'd gotten home late, nearly midnight…and then they'd stayed up for hours talking about what to do. What was right to do. What needed to be done. She'd even brought out her tablet and looked up Oliver's once girlfriend and had been able to find pictures of her with the boy, the boy that was Oliver's son. It had hit home a little more then.
"I—I just woke up and you—you weren't here…" she tried to get out as best as she could.
Oliver sighed. "I couldn't sleep."
Obviously.
She didn't know how she COULD.
Concussion.
It was that vase's fault.
It obviously wasn't as mild as the doctor claimed it was.
"I'm surprised I fell asleep."
"I think it was more like passed out."
And he was right.
Discarding the towel, Oliver crawled in under the sheets with Felicity and pulled her close. She didn't argue and practically melted into him. Felicity's arms wrapped around him as his enveloped her. He was so warm and smelled so clean. Felicity's forehead pressed against his chest, she closed her eyes, and just breathed in the smell of him. His fingers moved through her hair and it was just so relaxing.
"You need to sleep," Oliver told her after a few minutes.
"We both do," she countered.
Oliver pulled the blankets tight around them, making it like they were in such a nice warm cocoon. "Sleep for a little longer, I hadn't meant to wake you…" he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.
Felicity made a pleased sound, cuddling until she was in the most comfortable position in Oliver's arms. "Only if you sleep with me…"
"I'm here…" he whispered. "I'm always here."
The two of them had slept for about another hour and a half. It was a lousy amount of sleep, but they'd gotten up and prepared for the day by showing together and then getting dressed. Oliver had put on coffee and once he'd gotten her her cup, he'd gone to stand by the window. He'd stared out that window for so long. Felicity hadn't questioned it though as she sat curled up on the couch.
"Felicity, there's still time…" Oliver spoke up quietly, his gaze still firmly fixed out the window.
She twisted her position on the couch for a moment to check on him. He hadn't moved. He almost seemed like he might be a statue. "I'm not changing my mind," Felicity told him. She had a feeling that he wanted to give her every 'out' possible, every chance. The thing was, Felicity was fairly sure he was doing it because HE was scared. She didn't blame him, she was scared too.
A big change was coming.
"Do you want me to look up more information?" Felicity asked. She didn't want to just do it. She wanted it to be Oliver's choice. It was a lot for her, but she knew that it impacted him differently. He needed to process and cope and figure out how he was going to handle it all…and before they called and talked to his mother. So, Felicity didn't want to push.
Oliver sighed. "This is all so hard…"
"I know," she whispered.
He looked over at her and she knew that all he'd been doing was thinking about the same thing. "I know WHY my mother did it…and let's be honest, it was PROBABLY the smart thing to do at the time, but…" Oliver said and his voice trailed off.
"Maybe you would have been different?" Felicity supplied. She could see that. She didn't know that much personally about Oliver's past, but she did know that there was change in him… So, it was definitely possible.
"I don't know," he whispered. "And I probably would have been a horrible father—"
Felicity had thought of all kinds of possibilities IF Oliver had known about his son. If he'd known about the woman he'd gotten pregnant, if he'd known that she hadn't lost the baby. The biggest thing that had stuck out to her was that he likely wouldn't have gotten on the Queen's Gambit and he would have never been missing for those five years.
He would be a completely different person.
She would have never have met him.
He would have never been the Arrow.
Times like these were when she believed in fate.
There had to be a reason for this.
There had to be.
"Oliver, no matter if you were there his whole life or not, you WILL be a great father," Felicity told him. "I have faith in you."
Oliver made his way towards her. "How do I explain this to him? He's little. What if he doesn't understand?"
"What he WILL understand is that he's going to have a home and he's going to be somewhere safe," Felicity told him. And she hoped that it was true. They had no idea if this boy would accept them or what his mother had told him about his father.
"I want to believe that."
"Then believe it," Felicity told him as he sat down on the couch next to her. She moved to wrap herself around him. All she wanted to do was be his support and to hopefully ease what would come later. Felicity moved and kissed his forehead before pressing hers against his. Eyes closed, she whispered to him. "Believe ME."
Since neither one of them had slept much at all, though Felicity had slept an extra hour on the couch in Oliver's arms. She was still blaming the concussion. She and Oliver had decided that this was all going to be a lot better if they just headed to Queen Mansion. Why make the phone call when they knew what they were going to do? The ride over, Oliver drove and Felicity could barely keep her eyes open.
"You're exhausted," Oliver stated as he stared at her as they sat out in front of the mansion in the car.
Felicity nodded. "But I can catch up on sleep later."
"I'm sorr—"
"Don't apologize for this…"
"Felicity—"
"I love you," she told him as she reached across and squeezed his hand. "We're going to be okay. I want you to know that."
Oliver nodded and squeezed her hand back as he stared at her. "If we're together."
"We're together," she confirmed. "We're always going to be together. ALWAYS."
"You ready?"
"As ready as either of us can be," Felicity told him and unhooked her seat belt. She had a feeling that he would wait for her to make the first move. So, she made the first move. It was hard because in all truth, she didn't want to go into that house. She didn't want to push forward just yet, it was still so scary…but at the same time, she thought it was silly to be scared of a little boy who wasn't even there yet.
They walked together, hand in hand up to the front door of the mansion. Moira had always told them that they were always welcome, Oliver still had a key, but this time…it felt like they needed to knock. It wasn't like they had to wait long before they were greeted by one of the members of the house staff.
"Don't you have a key still?" Moira asked.
Walter was in tow as Moira walked towards them, meeting them just after they entered the door. Felicity had texted Moira that they were on their way when they were halfway there, so it wasn't like they were completely showing up unannounced. Felicity had noted that Moira had sounded worried and her face certainly conveyed the same emotion. They had all worked so hard to bring their family together…and now, it would be so hard if this was what ripped it apart.
Moira had a grandson.
A grandson that she'd never met.
It had to be hard on her too.
"I think I left it at home," Oliver lied.
"I assume that you two have talked things over," Walter said.
"We have." Oliver almost sounded angry as he responded. Maybe it was because this was a secret that Walter had kept as well.
Felicity squeezed Oliver's hand and looked up at him. "We've talked it over extensively and we came to a decision. One that we hope that you will both honor." She looked back to them, Walter seemed his normal calm self while Moira seemed nervous.
"Of course, we will, right, Moira?" Walter said confidently in his lovely British accent before looking over at Moira.
"Right… Yes, of course," Moira pushed out. It wasn't like Moira Queen not to know exactly what to say. It wasn't like her to seem unsure of her words. It was so weird for Felicity to see her like that. Uneasy.
"We want to go to Central City to pick him up and bring him home," Oliver announced. "He's going to live with Felicity and I…"
Moira nodded quickly as tears fell down her cheeks. "But you know, of course, that if you need more room—"
"We have two bedrooms," Felicity spoke up.
Their home really wasn't a place that Walter or Moira had been to. Everyone else had been to their house, but not them. Maybe it was because it was their sanctuary or maybe it was just because it wasn't as fancy…or maybe it as because Felicity had always felt like they needed to have some distance from Moira. It wasn't like it was a secret, she knew where they lived. They just always went out or went to the mansion for dinners and such things.
"You both work," Walter reminded.
"We'll work it out," Oliver told him. "It's not like we can come up with a perfect plan today…we have no idea about him yet…and we won't get a feel for that until he's had time to grieve…to get to know us…to get used to living with us… There's a lot… And we'll figure it out as we go."
"But if you need help, Oliver, I want you to know we're here. We're here for anything…" Moira insisted.
Oliver just nodded. They'd had a long talk about things the night before and Felicity had reminded him of it on the way over. He needed to keep his emotions even for right now, as much as he could do that. Felicity knew that that was going to be tricky and even challenging, but right now…that's what needed to be done.
"We just needed to have the call put into the lawyers and whoever is providing care for him in Central City…" Felicity told them.
"You want to go there NOW?" Moira asked a bit slowly.
Felicity nodded.
"It's just now eight, have you even had breakfast?"
"We had coffee," she responded. It was really all she could keep down and/or stomach at the time.
"Will you at least allow us to arrange for a car to take you?" Walter questioned. "Mr. Diggle and Ms. Lance perhaps could accompany you…"
"No," Oliver said quickly.
Felicity reached out and touched his shoulder. She stared at him and this was one of the times in their marriage that she was going to override him. He wasn't thinking clearly and they both needed sleep. The thing was, neither of them had told anyone. Diggle and Sara needed to know, but so did Tommy, Thea, and Roy. But if they were going to go and meet Oliver's son in Central City, it would be better done if they both had sleep beforehand.
"We were going to just take the train," Felicity told her. Her voice was gentle, quiet, and calm. "But it might be a better idea if we drove… It'll likely be just as quick, with the added benefit of privacy…"
Oliver started to argue. "But Digg—"
"John won't mind," Felicity pressed as she looked at Oliver. She turned to look at Moira and Walter. "Maybe if we could take a bigger vehicle, though?"
"I know that it's probably a bit…much, but if you took the limo…it would offer the additional space while allowing you the opportunity to have a conversation…if he's up to it," Walter offered gently.
"It IS a lot," Oliver said slowly.
"But Walter's right… And it would give us more opportunity to rest on the drive out there rather than on the train," Felicity reminded. "You NEED the rest…we both do…"
"Fine…okay…" Oliver whispered with a nod.
The fight, for once, was out of him. She knew that. He needed the sleep. He was emotionally and physically exhausted beyond any other time she'd known him to be. They needed that drive to recoup. "I'll make the phone calls, okay?" Felicity offered.
"And we can make arrangements from here for anything that needs to be moved or stored," Walter offered. "Furniture or the like."
Felicity moved her hand from Oliver's arm and moved away from them in order to make the right calls. She headed out of the house. First, she was going to call Sara…because she and John were likely together. After that, she'd put in calls to Thea and Tommy. Roy would find out through Thea, so really…it all worked out. She sucked in a breath and then put the phone up to her ear as it rang. "Hey Sara. I have a really big favor…"
TBC…
