- Push Past Your Limits -
Its night now and Tatsuki passed out long before she had hit the pillow. In the end she had stayed and watched my training but it had become too much for her. She had collapsed and I had carried her up here. Now she was panting excessively and was having cold sweats.
I remained in her room not because Orihime had returned home or because we still can't sense any threat to her or because of her current condition. It wasn't impulse or a sense of duty that made me stay by her side. She had called out in her sleep; 'Don't go.'
Tatsuki's words were pleading. As if she doesn't want to be alone. The fear of what was after her still clung to her. It was threatening her very existence. It was challenging her, a challenge she would have to face alone. Something no one could help her with. All we could do is encourage her to face it.
I glanced over at her. She showed sign of troubled dreams. Perhaps it was a nightmare of what was after her. A dream of a faceless enemy, the only knowledge you have of them is a name that is long forgotten. I shiver crawls down my spine. There is truly no worse of a nightmare then that, where the dream realm itself is your enemy. It was those dreams that made pain feel so real even after the dreamer has awoken.
I could feel her reiatsu begin to spike as she cried out in pain. I was by her side in an instant shaking her awake. She mutters uncomfortably before her eyes shoot open. She shoots up clutching her chest in pain. She couldn't get any words out.
"Are you alright, Tatsuki?" I'm surprised by the worry my voice holds. She looks over and offers a slow nod. I smile as kindly as possible despite my worry.
She begins to look better as I start to rub her back. I can see tears begin to form in her eyes. She wasn't ready to face her fears yet and won't be for a long time. What can I say to her now that will help? Is there anything I could even do?
"I'm fine now, thank you." Tatsuki muttered as she placed a shaking hand on her forehead.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask trying to be as kind as possible.
"It was horrible. Everything was dark." Fear rattled her voice like chains. "It was like the darkness itself spoke to me. It was calling to me. 'Come back, come back'. That's all it said. Over and over again it wouldn't stop. I've never been so afraid in my life. Then she was there. The girl I like was standing right in front of me. I asked her to help me. But she turned away and told me I was too weak for her. She left me there. That's when the darkness attacked me. It was screaming at me because I left them behind. I abandoned them."
She remained silent as tears fell down her face. I couldn't say anything to her. Nothing I could say would really help her right now. I continued to rub her back in hopes that it helped her. Finally her tears stopped. "Am I too weak?"
"Do you think you're weak?" She nodded. "Then let's go."
I got up and walked to the door before she called out; "Where are we going?"
I turn and look at her with a determined look. "We're going to overcome any weakness you think you may have."
I walked out of the room and could hear her scrambling to her feet to follow close behind me. She was so close to me she was practically clinging as we made our way down the hallway. It was quiet since no one was awake at this time of night.
I was wrong before. There is something we can do to help her face her fear. We can make her stronger. I'm going to make her ready for it. She will face her fears and she will destroy them. I will make her stronger.
"I'll say this right now." I start as we approach the trapdoor that leads to the underground area. "I won't hold back. Your training will be very intense. If you can't handle it you will forever be a slave to your fear. You will always think you are as weak as your fear tells you."
She nodded in agreement before we went down the ladder. It was a long trip down but we eventually made it to the bottom. Why Urahara built this area so deep and why he didn't include stairs was a mystery. We walked quite a ways in before stopping. I left my gigai in silence and dragged it to the side so it won't get in the way.
"What's after you isn't human. So it wouldn't make sense for me to do this in a gigai." I explained as I set my Zanpakutou beside my gigai. "In this form I have abilities that you do not. However when I am in my gigai I can't properly prepare you to defend yourself from something that doesn't have a physical body."
I paused to let it sink in or for her to ask any questions. When none came I continued. "The enemy will not give you a handicap so I won't either. I am not expecting you to have the ability to dodge or block my Zanpakutou. Therefore we will start with hand to hand combat. Do you have any questions?"
"No. Give me your best shot." She said picking up a fighting pose.
I know hand to hand combat isn't my style. But growing up in the Rukongai I have some knowledge of this style. It won't be enough against Tatsuki's knowledge but I know I'm faster. But the point of this exercise is for her to become faster and to be able to read attacks better. If she can do that then she'll have a better chance to dodge any attack.
I charge at her knowing if this were a serious fight it would be one of the biggest mistakes. She brings up her guard as I throw an open hand punch at her face. She predictably catches my wrist. I smirk as my other hand makes contact with her side.
She barely reacts as she turns me around and pushes me away. I stumble a few feet before regaining myself. How naïve, she thinks I won't actually hurt her. Her naïve thinking won't last long. I won't let it last past my next attack.
I turn and charge at her again. I threw many punches and pulled kicks at her not giving her the chance to catch me, nor did I give her the chance to counter. Every now and then I would get a hit in. Tatsuki had resorted in falling back. Soon her back would be against a wall and her defenses would be limited.
Tatsuki must have known her position because she jumped to the side to dodge an attack before she launched her own attack on me. I had her now. She threw a punch aimed at my face. I countered it easily. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward making her lose her balance. I smashed the palm of my hand into her chin as I released her arm.
She went flying back but didn't fall nor did her eyes leave me. She has good concentration at least. She caught herself and went on the attack this time. I dodged as many attacks as I could. Most I had to block but she got a lot through. Her punches were still pulled. I smiled as I found an opening.
I swung my leg at her side. She noticed and caught it before I made contact. She delivered a hard punch to my face. There was no restraint in that attack. She released my leg and let me stumble backwards before she came after me again. Her attacks had picked up in speed and strength. She was no longer holding back. This is good.
I throw in a punch to the face which she blocks giving me the chance to jump back and put some distance between us. I motioned her forward as she wiped sweat from her face. Blood began to trickle down my lip from her attack. She came at me but was once again holding back her attacks. They were slow and almost seemed to be forced.
I threw a light punch and it connected easily with her face. She stumbled back and stopped. Her guard was dropped and she looked as if she was in pain. I dropped my guard. She was done. "I didn't hurt you too much did I?"
She shook her head. "I don't think this will work."
"What do you mean?" I asked angered at her change of heart.
"I can't do this." She answered. "I'd rather be weak then do this. I'd rather be hated then fight you."
"I thought you wanted to be stronger but its okay. You can hide behind me whenever you get scared." I said a bit sarcastically.
"You'd still do that? You would still protect me even if I am this pathetic?" She asked.
"Of course, but your strong enough so that you don't need me to do that." I said reassuringly even though it was a lie.
"The problem doesn't lie with her strength, Rukia. It lies deeper then that." A deep voice said.
I looked over and saw a black cat sitting on a rock watching us. "Yoruichi, I didn't know you were back already."
"Yes, I'm afraid there isn't much in the records on Anemone." Yoruichi said. "However, I did find out that there leader went on her own to fight Soul Society during the night and was slain. It was shortly after this that the rest of the clan was publicly executed."
"Did that cat just talk?" Tatsuki asked.
"Does that surprise you?" Yoruichi said calmly.
"Yoruichi about Tatsuki's training. What did you mean the problem doesn't lie in her strength?" I asked though I had a good feeling I knew what the problem was. Tatsuki is the one that needs to hear it.
"It's simple, her resolve is weak. She cannot hurt anyone close to her." Yoruichi said bluntly.
I could almost feel Tatsuki's anger build up. To call her weak is a major insult. Though the truth is she is far from weak. She just needs some time and more confidence in her abilities and she will be ready to face almost anything. Already she could take on an average hollow and probably win if she were only a bit faster.
"What can I do?" Tatsuki said.
I looked over at her. How often does she change her mind? "I'll train you."
"Wait, Yoruichi. Is that wise?" I asked with growing concern. "She might not be able-"
"I want to do it." Tatsuki said cutting me off. "I don't know how a cat could train me but I'm ready for anything."
I could hear Yoruichi chuckle. I watched as the cat jumped off the rock and transformed into the dark beauty that she was. Tatsuki made a startled noise which may have been more from the fact that Yoruichi was not wearing clothes then from the transformation itself.
"Could you at least put some clothes on first?" I asked placing my hand on my face.
"Why? Clothes are so restricting. Beside we're all girls' right." Yoruichi complained. "Or is it your jealous of my figure. You certainly lack in bust Rukia, not to mention height and figure."
My face flushes with anger. "What's wrong with not having a perfect figure?" Tatsuki snapped. "Rukia's fine the way she is."
I look over at Tatsuki to see her face become bright red with embarrassment. Yoruichi laughed loudly at Tatsuki's reaction. "I'll return shortly."
I could sense Yoruichi take her leave. Tatsuki looked over at me with a horrified look on her face. I offered a slight chuckle "Thank you for sticking up for me. You're a good friend, Tatsuki."
Tatsuki smiled yet she seemed distant. "It doesn't bother you?"
"Why would something like that bother me?" I asked.
"Well," She started. "Never mind it's nothing."
I let out a sigh. "You know, you need to be more honest with yourself."
She looked away as her blush deepened. "Well, I-"
I gave her an odd look. "Yes?"
"I-uh" She stuttered. "I…"
"Just spit it out!" I snapped.
She winced at my tone before looking back over at me. Our eyes met. "I like you, Rukia."
"I like you too, Tatsuki." I say kindly.
She shook her head. "Not like that, like I love you. That kind of 'like'. I think you're beautiful, graceful, and strong. I want to be with you. I want to get strong with you. I don't want you to protect me anymore. I want to fight along side you not behind you."
"That's enough." I said quickly. "Yoruichi will be here any moment. We'll discuss this later. I promise, alright?"
She nodded with a hurt look on her face. Her confession shocked me. I didn't know what to say to her. How could I even respond to that? I barely even know her. Do I even harbor feeling for her? No, I couldn't she's just a human.
Just a human, that's not quite right. She is human yes, but she has some spiritual awareness and she is a skilled fighter. But that won't change the fact that I am a soul reaper and she is a human. I could relate to the pain she felt though. She held a love that couldn't be returned. A sad situation to be in especially if you believe something could happen.
I could sense Yoruichi's return. I turned and walked back to my gigai. My lip had stopped bleeding and the blood had become sludgy. I wiped it off with my hand as Yoruichi discussed with Tatsuki about how her training would go. It would be far more intense then my training would have been.
I know this will start bad Tatsuki is distracted even more now then before. She had confessed and I didn't even give her an answer. I told her to stop talking. This must be hard for her. No answer is even worse then a rejection. This gave her a glimmer of hope. A hope that will be extinguished harshly when we talk about this.
I sat against a rock. Perhaps I should think of a way to tell her nicely. Though a nice conclusion is probably not possible even if I could return her feelings, we could never be. She is alive, I am dead. There is no way we could be.
I let out a sigh and close my eyes. Sleep falls onto me and I dream of a time long past. I dream of a love I had mercifully almost forgotten. Shiba Kaien. He was married when I met him and loved him and he was married still when I killed him. He had thanked me for it even though it was something I wish more then anything that I could take back. That it were me that the hollow possessed. That it were me that had died on that fateful night. That horrible painful night when I closed my heart to the emotion called 'love'.
- End Part 4 -
