October Sixteenth
Dear Gilbert,
I think things are finally smoothing out at school. I've been attending there for three days now and it's getting a lot easier to get to class and generally exist now. And, like he said he would, Feliciano sat with me at lunch today! He had a lot more to say today than he did previously. He seems to really be investing in our friendship which I think is great. We compared interests and found that, like I suspected, we have a lot in common in weird way. That is to say, we may not like all the same things but what we like and don't like tends to harmonize, if that sounds correct.
Let me provide an example. He enjoys to sing and dance. I do not like to sing and dance but I find it pleasurable to watch someone else sing and dance. I like to play sports. He does not like to play sports but, rather, likes to watch others physically exert themselves. Okay, when I put it that way it sounds strange but you know what I mean. One sport he does like, however, is football. And I mean real football not the American game where they don't even use their feet on the ball! Did you know they call our football "soccer" in America? It's odd, I know.
Anyhow, there are a few things that Feliciano and I both enjoy, though. One is cooking. I love cooking and you know I do. I especially love baking. I could bake every day and not get tired of it. Unfortunately, Roderich usually gets around to the baking before I do and the house is full of pastries before I even get home. That bastard likes baking just as much as I do.
Feliciano, though, likes to cook. He's great at making Italian food, so I hear, which makes sense considering his heritage.
"I don't like to brag," he said, "but I'm probably the best cook ever."
"Is that so?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
Feliciano stretched like he had just completed some huge feat. "Yeah, I'm pretty great at it."
He offered to cook for me sometime which I happily obliged. Friends are so kind and nifty. I'm so glad I finally have one.
I feel as if I shouldn't be this excited over having a friend. I don't think that's what normal people do, is it? I'm just not sure how to react. You know? One one hand, I've never had a friend in the world before and it's kind of a momentous occasion to me. But, contrarily, people make friends all the time and I'm sure if I stressed my enthusiasm for this sudden fraternity I would be almost sort of shunned and labeled as... Oh, I don't know... A freak?
And, off topic here, but I know this is a very casual letter but do you think I'm a little too verbose? Well, I suppose using the word "verbose" is something that an overly verbose person would do. Hm. I guess that's settled, then.
But, anyhow, I was already considered a freak at the old school and I'd really prefer if I wasn't seen in that light here. I like this school. I really do, Gilbert. I thought I was going to hate it but it's really growing on me.
Yet, about these living arrangements I could say otherwise.
See, I'm fine living with Roderich and Elisabeta. They're nice people, really. And they're the only family I have left (aside from you, of course, Gilbert! But you're not really present at the moment). And, still, though. There's just something about sharing a home with these two that is beginning to rub me the wrong way.
Elisabeta is so motherly. I'm not used to it! I'm used to masculinity and paternal figures watching over me and now I'm living with the sissiest man alive and his doting wife. Please help me, Gilbert. There are so many scented candles in this house I think I might go mad if I have to sit here in this haze of lavender and "warm vanilla sugar cookie" for any longer. I'm literally about to cry right now, it's that bad.
Even these walls that I picked out myself seem like they're closing in on me. It's so frustrating. On the inside I'm bitterly cold and alone but on the outside I'm being smothered to death. Why can I not find a medium? Why isn't there a middle ground? Can't there be a way for me to have space but also be loved? Why is it always either one or the other? I guess you can't have both, can you? Oh well. I guess I'll survive for now. But I can't tell you how long I'll be able to keep this up.
Maybe I just wasn't meant to be happy. Maybe that's it.
I think I'm going to have to wrap this up, prematurely. I kind of bummed myself out just now and I think I'm going to go lie down for a bit. I'm not feeling so well anymore. Thank you for listening again, though, Gilbert. Write back soon, okay? So I know you care. Just to make sure. Yeah. Okay, I'll write you again tomorrow!
Your Brother,
Ludwig
