"I couldn't be with people, and I didn't want to be alone.

Suddenly my perspective whooshed and I was far out in space,

watching the world. I could see millions and millions of people

All slotted into their lives; then I could see me- Id lost my place in

The universe, it had closed up and there was nowhere for me to be.

And I was more lost than I thought it possible for any human being to be,"

Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There

4

Emilia rolled over on the old bed, unable to sleep. There was no clock in the small room upstairs, (which had previously belonged to Roach who had not so graciously given it up to go sleep on a cot in Ghosts room) and there was no telling what time it was but she assumed it was getting close to 4 by what time shed gone to bed.

And Emilia felt drained, like her insides had been scraped out.. Painfully hallow, and she wanted to run, to climb out the window and just hide in the wilderness, just to get away from everything again, from everyone. People are a sad and depressing species, doomed by our inability to just coexist, doomed by what makes us "human". Emilia could stay, and help the British fight for maybe the last thing worth fighting for…. Or she could just say fuck it, slip out and leave it be, after telling them all she had, giving them the wifi stick she owed them nothing.

"Fuck it" Emilia whispered under breath, and very quietly slipped out from the covers on the bed and stood up, she began to dress, pulling on each layer of stressed and dirty clothing, her worn jeans, a shawl and all her scarves, then bent over and pulled on her knee high leather boots, the brown material was rubbing off and cracked now, but it seemed to hold. Then, as quietly as possible, hugging one side of the wall to avoid the spots that would creak and grown, descended the stairs and made her way into the kitchen looking for her weapons. With a great sigh of relief Emilia saw then sitting on the counter still in their 'potato sacks' though Emilia realized with dismay that the assholes had left her tote with the food in it back at the factory. Grunting angrily Emilia started opening cupboards, and a feeling of immense irritation grew as each one she opened was as empty as the one before, not a can or package of anything. How the hell did all these huge guys feed themselves! And to top it all off all the fridge contained was a variety of beer…BEER!

"Craving a late night snack"

Emilia squeaked and turned quickly in surprise, she had been so preoccupied with the damned food situation that she didn't here the old man with the funny mustash come into the room.

"Fuck you scared me" she says then glances back at all the open cupboards behind her " not much into eating are you guys" she says this with blatant sarcasm and shuts the fridge door.

"Going somewhere" the old Britt says ignoring her comments and nodding to her clothing, Emilia just staring back, like a challenge, daring him to try and stop her.

He walks a little further into the room and sits down at the kitchen table and pulls out of a breast pocket a cut cigar, the sudden glow of light when he flicks the silver Zippo illuminates his face and Emilia gets a good look at him for the first time, he looks tough, is tough, it's the same strength that Soap and his skull clad friend ghost have, when you've been fighting gruelling wars for so long that you cant remember anything else.. They are soldiers right to the core. Roach isn't quit there yet, hasn't fought as many battles, hasn't been beaten down and rebuilt as something else. But he'll get there.

He beckons to her, waving a hand to the chair opposite him, and Emilia eyes it suspiciously, she shouldn't even be contemplating sitting down, he's not armed at the moment, just grab your shit and go, but she doesn't, against the screaming in her head she sits down, her chapped and pealing pink lips drawn into a hard line.

"By the way, I'm Captain Price"

Emilia's eyes widen almost comically when his name hits her ears… Captain price…

"You know me?" it was more a statement then a question but Emilia nodded anyway.

"Yes.. Well I've heard, of you, Vla- Makarov, has mentioned you often and a- a Task Force, 12, no a 141 or something but I never heard anymore than that, "she says and her eyes grow even wider as the pieces fit, and she couldn't believe she hadn't figured it out sooner, it was so obvious now, "well fuck me" and she laughs a little.

"he never went into detail, but I know he fears you " Emilia says this with a smile in her voice.

Prices looks her over a moment, and its his turn to take her in.

You wouldn't be able to tell, just looking at her face, her almost ragged clothing aside, she looks young, like she could be going to the movies instead of sitting where she is now. But its Emilia's eyes, the large hazel orbs are narrowed with distrust, but they're tired eyes, trying hard to hide a deep well of sadness, but he can see it, her pain flashing out like a beacon,.

"What's your proposition Captain" Emilia says braking the silence, there's panic welling up in her chest, and her feet itching for her to get up and leave.

"If you help us, find and kill Makarov, you'll be granted amnesty, and you'll have personal protection, food a place to stay"

Emilia flinched, shed known it would be something like this.

"I don't need your protection" she says bitterly, still seated in her chair.

"Clearly.. But if you refuse, Ill arrest you right now for war crimes, being apart of his little brigade, technically lass you the bad guy, and you'll stand trial before the American Military courts, after they interrogate you" Price wasn't sure how much of that would actually happen, but by the way Emilia just hissed at him, she believed every word.

Emilia couldn't believe this was happening, try to help these guys out and they black mail her, her pulse racing with anger now, she wanted out but how, she'd have to fight this guy, and shed never reach her gun in time. Her brain stumbling over plans of escape that would never work, one after the other as her eyes searched for something she could use. Price watched with amusement when her body tensed, raised a little off her chair like she was going to pounce. After a few moments the grip her hands had on the table edge loosened a little, and she sat back again. Defeated, Emilia sighed, refusing to meet his eyes, she felt so weak now.

"Fine, Ill play along, but I have a few of my own conditions" she barked at him, " I want to be paid, and I want new cloths"

Price chuckled, deciding that he liked the girl, and they really needed all the help they could right now.

"You have a deal" he extended his own worn hand towards her. Emilia took one deep breath and shook it.

Emilia slept on the sofa for the last few hours of darkness till dawn crept over the sky, and was woken by the sounds of heavy boots moving about above her. She followed the sound with her eyes as whoever was up walked down the stairs. Soon Ghost and Soap came into view, both men groggy from the restless sleep they'd gotten.

Emilia felt instantly embarrassed for the way she had just spilled her guts the other to Soap, true shed left some things out, but that didn't take away the shame of just spewing your sob story to the first hunk who said he listen. No, he had demanded it, she really had no choice, .. Ya well, at least that made her feel a little better.

Soap and his friend eyed her as they walked into the kitchen, Soap giving her a good morning I'm an asshole nod, Ghost just looked away, no expression, nothing more, nothing less. Emilia just rolled her eyes and fished for her smokes, which were despairingly almost gone, her carton rotting away with the rest of her stuff, might as well have been on another planet for all the good it did her now.

"Hey..uh, Scottish guy.. Come here a sec" she barked, groggily trying and failing to sound nice.

Soap rather disgruntled, poked his head through the door way waiting for her to go on.

"Aside from beer, is there anything like.. Coffee"

The way Soap just stared blankly at her had Emilia thinking he hadn't heard her.

"Yup, but you have to put the kettle on… its instant"

Emilia groaned, pulling her sore body up off the couch, feeling sweaty and dirty from sleeping in her cloths.

***********************Later that day*********************************************** ********

"Is this a good idea Price" Soap asked, Ghost standing stoically beside him, his arms crossing his chest, "we don't know her, not really, what if-"

Price put his hand up, silencing the younger man.

"We need all the help we can get mate, she could be very useful, I've sent command the data from the memory stick but its encrypted, said it was a safety measure on Makarovs hard drive, its good, but it could take a while, that also tells us that whatever's on there is worth protecting, but until that happens we use the girl, any problems" the two men before him shook there heads and walked off. Soap only hoped the old man knew what he was doing. Sure he had believed what she had told him, but he could tell she was with holding things back, not to mention, what if they came up against Makarov and she had second thoughts.

Nicoli, a large Russian with a surprisingly cheery demeanour arrived a short time later, bearing the supplies Price had requested early this morning.

He and the other men all grabbed boxes carrying them inside, getting the job done quickly. Price, reading a few labels, picked up one box in particular and dropped it at Emilia's feet.

"Hope these fit lass, they were the smallest our friend could find -"it was like looking to dress a fucking midget" Nicoli added colourfully.

"FOOD, Finally!" Roach cried out with joy as the three younger men began opening the boxes stacked on the table, about 5 in all, most contained various packaged and canned food items, the others stored ammo, grenades and other gear. "Were pretty new to this field base, so we haven't had a chance to properly supply it yet" Roach doesn't see the look Soaps giving him either. Fucking wanker, they don't know her, she doesn't, shouldn't hear these things, even something trivial like that made him uncomfortable.

With out a word, Emilia picked up her box of goodies and left for the privacy of her up stairs room. After showering quickly she went to see what surprises her box contained, she would never admit it, but it was exiting.

Deciding to keep her jeans on, after changing into new underwear, she stripped her self right down to her bra, and pulled on a black racer back tank top, then a loose fitting cream shirt, rolling the long sleeves up to her elbows. After that she shrugged into a grey fleece sweater, then put a military winter jacket down on the bed, and picked up an armoured vest, it was much smaller than what she had used before, but it seemed well made and flexible, which was good, this she set aside and began strapping one leg holster when the door opened, and Soap stood there, his face void of expression.

"Were having lunch in a minute, your welcome to join us"

"Thank you"

Soap hesitated at the door, like he was going to say something else, but it was the look he just gave her that really bothered Emilia, had her straightening her back and frowning as he turned and left. 'What the hell was that' she thought, for a split second she thought he might be checking her out, till it changed and was threatening. Emilia new this wasn't going to be easy, hanging around, practically living with a bunch of guys who really don't trust her, don't even like her. But she understands and its not something she holds against them, sighing, Emilia held the new pistol in her hands before sliding it into the holster on her thigh, then wrapped a rather lovely looking chequered scarf around her neck and she could swear shed never felt better then right there, people aside, it felt so damned good to be clean.

"So it all fits" Price comments when she walks into the kitchen, finding them all seated at the table, including the Russian pilot from earlier.

Emilia nodded and smiled as she sat down in the one remaining chair, a little squished between Roach and Nicoli, she looked at the meal, if you could call it that, it was made up of rations, protein bars, canned orange juice and beer, and Emilia was beyond grateful for this. She began to eat, or really was just picking at her food, the rations were dry, but had to admit that the British made much better ones then the Russians, that had been a foul and unpleasant experience.

Soap watched her as they all ate, from his spot across from her. Emilia kept her head down , didn't engage the others no matter how much Roach tried to start conversations with her, the most he'd get was a one word answer or a smile and nod, then her head would duck back down, eyes down, back to her food, which she ate funny. It reminded him of bird, or she's just savouring it, like she doesn't know when she'll be able to eat again. Emilia was interesting, and Soap would be lying if he didn't admit that he noticed immediately how beautiful she was, but he couldn't trust her, not just because of her affiliations, but also of this bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like his instincts where trying to worn him of impending disaster but couldn't form the words.

Ghost suddenly elbowed him in the ribs, " stare much" he mouthed silently. He actually blushed at being caught, he hadn't meant to do more than just glance, but got lost in his own thoughts.

Soap brushed is friend of with a shake of his head, the whole ordeal going unnoticed. He went back to eating, forcing the dry tasteless food down his throat after loosing his appetite.

After everyone had finished and the table was cleaned, the soldiers of the 141 went about doing there own things, Price said they'd have a meeting soon to discus whets happening next and give him and Nicoli a chance to check their own sources. Emilia took this 'meeting' as them wanting some more information from her, so shed see what she could give that she hasn't already, but later, now she was going to sit down, out of the way and wait. Not much else to do, maybe doodle a little if there's a pen and paper lying around somewhere. So that's what she did, searching around haphazardly till she found a black pen and a note pad.

Emilia curled up on the sofa, trying not to look at its head ache inducing pattern as she lit a smoke and began to draw unimportant things on her borrowed paper, she was zoning out, the tip of the pen slowly stopped its motion, the beginning of a little cherry blossom went unfinished as her mind turned in on its self, the ashes from her cigarette falling to her lap.

The mind can be a dark place, depending on what you have stored away in there, like Emilia and her constant tug-of-war between letting go and running away. Running is always easiest, to not have to face what your afraid of seems like such a sweet thing, until one day you realize that you've spent your whole life running, and all its gotten you is alone, and lost with absolutely no one beside you, it's a scary and sad place to be in, and she should know, its what's on her mind right now, how alone she is, truly alone, no family, no friends, no job, no home… expect something's changed, she went and got herself tangled up with the very men the brother she hates fears. This thought again made her smile, but it was faltering, almost crooked, making her look more in need of help than before. All that, and just the plain fear of working with the Task Force soldiers, she wasn't really the buddy up to random strangers type, she didn't trust them as obviously as they don't trust her, but that's good, and that's the way it will stay, she was a means to an end and was ok with that. Maybe after, if Price is true to his words, she can start over, somewhere brand new, with fields and meadows and lush green trees.

Emilia sat there, curled up like a five year and day dreamed, her thoughts jumping from one thing to the next, from all the things she wanted so badly but could never have, to all the horror that's passed before her eyes, and it all made her realize how tired she had really become, or was her journey coming to a stop here that made that apparent. Either way, she's stuck here, good or bad.

" Kitchen in five" Ghost says from the doorway and he's gone again before Emilia even sees him, but she stretches feeling the old familiar string of pops up her spine, then lights another smoke and wanders over to the kitchen door. The three Task Force soldiers were seated at the table, Price remained standing just leaning against the countertops, and with out a word took the seat beside Ghost, who smirked and quirked an eyebrow at Soap, Soap just glowered and shook his head, why Ghost thought he was crushing on the new girl was beyond him, but the man poked fun anyway.

"Ok Lass, what can you tell us" Price started, Emilia looking up from her spot at the table, the strong expression her face help was a little surprising to Soap who expected something, weaker, or more mouse like. But this girl was all over the map it seemed, but at least, she is willingly giving them information.

Emilia pulled the pen and paper pad shed been drawing on before out of her sweater pocket, tore off a few pages and began to write. Her hand scribbling down words quickly, it took a few minutes and everyone sat in silence, waiting with interest.

"Here" Emilia said, sliding the piece of paper across the table to where Soap sat. The man took the ofering and read it over..names, and locations, not a lot but it was more than theyd had in months, he glanced up with an exited glint in his eye, if she was telling the trueth, and this was all real shit, this could mean an ending was insight. Soap nodded and handed the paper off to Price.

"Ok good, Ill run the names through, see what comes up, but we should check each of these places out right away if they're all recently used hideouts for Makarov himself" Price said this last part as he glanced at Emilia who nodded back,

"Ya I've been to a lot of them, and I've met all of those people on there, briefly, and I hardly know them enough to even call them an acquaintances but Id recognize their faces anyway" Emilia's spirit lifted a little at the thought of actually going on a mission with the task Force, and the fucking irony of it all made her grin.