I don't own any of the bands, songs, or characters featured in this fanfic except for myself (Hannah Zacharchuk). Oh, and I don't own the name Gurney (the bed on wheels you see paramedics wheel people away on) but I do own my own body bag with toe tags. LMFAO No, seriously.
Repercussions
Part Four: Perfect
I'm sick of circling the same road,
I'm sick of burying the guilt
So open the windows to cool off,
And heat pours in instead
Perfect in weakness,
Perfect in just your strength alone
All my efforts to clean me
Leave me putrid
And filthy
And how can you look at me
When I can't stand myself?
(Perfect by Flyleaf)
I slowly came floated back into consciousness. I heard voices.
"Alice! Call Carlisle! And somebody get an ambulance!" Edward shouted.
I felt them crowded around me. A man—heavyset, I could tell, from the vibrations he gave off through the cold, hard linoleum floor beneath me.
"Is she okay?" The man asked in a gruff voice.
No, I just decided to take a nap right here and now on the floor of the mall. I'm really tired. Here's your sign, buddy.
"I'll call an ambulance." He said quickly. His footsteps hurried off in search of a phone.
Just then, I felt a throbbing, searing pain running through my core from my stomach, and lingering in my lungs. My stomach flipped, and I rolled onto my side, curled up in the fetal position. I managed to steady myself with my elbows as my stomach gave another massive, tearing heave. The circle that consisted of Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and Bella tightened around me, fearfully attentive. I began coughing violently from the last shift of my stomach, spitting up blood. Even more than before at the Cullens' house.
'Oh, please, not this again, not here, not now! Why is this happening! —So often!?' I thought vehemently as the pool of my blood widened and spattered on the white, tiled floor.
I became aware that a crowd of concerned onlookers had gathered.
Alice, Edward, and Rosalie recoiled slightly from me, and Bella as well, when she caught the smell of the blood.
I heard the faint wail of ambulancesirens in the distance. By the paramedics came and strapped me to the Gurney, I was already out cold again.
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I awoke to the feeling of lying on my back, the bleeping of electronic devices, and rushed, concerned voices.
I heard a gasp. "It can't be that bad, can it?"
Alice. Or was it Rosalie? Heck, it could have been Edward, I was still loopy from the painkillers. At least, that's what I assumed they had me on an intravenous drip with. If not, I was in trouble.
"I'm afraid so... it was tricky to catch...by the looks of it, she was battling it for years, nearly her whole life. It's amazing she made it this far already."
"She's awake." Now, I'm sure that was Edward.
"I have to go attend to another patient. It might be the time to tell her, Mr. Cullen." The doctor said, leaving the room.
"I will." Carlisle replied, sounding quiet, and sad—subdued.
"What's wrong with me?" I rasped. My throat was still raw from coughing. I saw that Jasper wasn't there; he was sitting out of this hospital visit because of the chance I might cough up blood, I knew.
"You have a legion in your lungs. It's malign cancer. They said you must have had it since you were very young—"
"I heard." I interjected.
"Well, it's a mystery why your previous doctors didn't find it earlier, is was practically undetectable, it's spread all through your lungs. And—it's—you're...it's terminal."
"Oh." I blinked. "How long do I have to live?"
"That's all you can say? 'Oh. How long do I live' ?" Edward asked, unsettled.
He was ignored, and Carlisle stepped back up to the plate.
"They summed it up to about a month. Or less." The atmosphere of the room pitched into sadness.
...But things can't be perfect
all the time. That I know.
Sometime you just have to let some things go.
(Almost Perfect by The Academy Is)
"Perfect!" I said, clasping my hands together. "That's just enough time."
"Just enough time to live the rest of your life?" Edward asked, "I don't think you understand this."
I turned to him, my expression deadly serious. "No, Edward, I think you don't get this."
"What do you mean?" Carlisle Edward asked at once as the others looked on curiously.
"What I mean, is that I have plenty of time, too much, really, or at least, I will." I shrugged.
Carlisle and the others seemed to catch on, and it was then that Edward understood.
"You can't possibly...you really do mean that!" Edward exclaimed.
I nodded. "It's not like I have many other choices besides."
Carlisle nodded as well. "It may very well be the only way."
Edward was struggling for a response, but never spoke.
I turned to Carlisle, who was speaking again. "We should call your mother, and tell her...the news."
"I'll tell her. Does anyone have a phone?" I asked.
Alice produced my phone from her bag, she loped to my bedside and handed it to me. I punched in the numbers and waited several seconds for my mother to pick up?"
"Hello?" Daphne's voice came through the phone.
"Hi, Mom, it's me."
"Honey? What's wrong?" My mother could tell something was wrong; I don't think I gave anything away with my voice...
"Mom, you know my illness? Well, it's because of my illness that I have cancer in my lungs, or because of the cancer I have my illness—either way, I have cancer, and—I'm terminal." It all came out in a rush.
"Hannah?" My mother asked weakly,
"Yes, mom, it's true." I told her. "I only have about a month to live, and the doctors say its incurable. My friends are going to help me. I won't see you for a while, but when I can, I'll come visit, if you're still around."
"So that means they are going to make you a vampire?" My mother asked.
"You never miss a beat, mom." I smiled.
"Never did. And neither do you." I heard her laugh softly on the other end.
"I always wondered how you'd know things without me telling you," I mused.
"It's just what I do, I'm you're mother, after all."
"Too true." I replied easily.
The Cullens (and Bella) watched me curiously as the conversation carried on so casually. They were expecting it to be difficult and heart wrenching. They should have known better by now about my mother and me.
"So much for heart wrenching goodbyes." I laughed.
"You said it, hon." Daphne laughed back.
Our laughter died down into sighs, as we said what would be our last goodbyes for a long while. Suddenly, my mother spoke again.
"There's something I need to tell you, now, Hannah." She paused. "I'm not exactly human."
Supernatural patience
graces her face
and her voice never raises
all because, of a love, never let go of.
Never let go of...
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"Oh. Really? I always knew something wasn't quite normal with us." I said.
My mother's laughter rang from the receiver so loudly that someone across the room would need vampire hearing to hear her. I had to hold the phone away from my ear.
"Not human?" The Cullens murmured collectively.
"So, if I'm not human, what am I?"
"I—I'm not exactly sure, I don't know—we just... aren't completely human."
"How long have you lived?" I asked on impulse.
"A long time."
"What year?" I pressed.
"I was born in the year 1824." Daphne replied reluctantly. "I...aged—very slowly."
I could almost see the wry smile on my mother's face. I took the news better than the Cullens would have assumed, I guessed from their expressions. I nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me. "Alright. Well, goodbye mom. Love you."
"Love you too, hon."
The line went dead and I clicked off the phone. I sighed, and put it down on the bedside table.
"That's interesting." Carlisle mused.
"Oh, what? The fact that I'm not human—neither is my mother for that matter—and I don't even know what I am? Yeah, that is interesting."
I sighed, my little sarcasm rant over. "Ok. It's time for a review: the Volturi either want me dead, or un-dead, and if I do become a vampire, they'll want me on their guard or something like that, I've just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, and I ALSO just learned that I'm not human—but surprise, surprise, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM! What the hell is WRONG with my life these days?!"
"Are you sure she has terminal cancer? She's pretty...spry for someone who's on their deathbed..." Emmet mumbled to Carlisle.
We all shot him a reproving look. He shrugged and backed into a corner, curbed.
"We're pretty sure, Emmet." I said. "I'm going to die."
"Unless we turn you." I couldn't quite tell who had said that.
"But what will happen if I'm changed?" I wasn't sure who I was answering, so I just threw the question into open water. Now it's time to see if I sink or swim. "I mean, if I'm this strong just as a human, what will I be capable of once I'm a vampire?"
The Cullens seemed reluctant to answer, they were pondering what I had said.
"The Volturi would stop at nothing to have me, if—well, how strong would I be? Would I be able to incapacitate vampires from using their powers, destroy them with a whim? Steal the energy right from their bodies? Bend reality? If I was able to do that, what could happen if they got their claws on me? An alternate world where vampires rule over and humans are their livestock for the feeding?" I could see that hit them hard; they flinched infinitesimally.
"I'm just saying—thinking—what if it would be better if I died?"
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigateAnd say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
(Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park)
GASP! What will happen to me now? I will I choose to die and spare the world from the horror my powers could cause in the hands of the Volturi? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!!!!! AND REVIEW!!!! PLEASE!
