A/N: And here we go.
Now Playing / Unkle Bob : Swans
By my side, you'll never be…
Aunt Cass' bone-crushing hug squeezed a small, surprised gasp from Elsa, her back straightening like a rod, rigid as can be as shorter arms coiled themselves around her. The overly excited woman was oblivious of the awkwardness and obvious lack of social skills the blonde exuded, unaware of Elsa's initial shock and her round blue eyes threatening to pop out of her skull. The moment Elsa entered the Hamada home, Aunt Cass immediately ambushed her with arms wide open, ready and eager to meet the girl her nephew had been yapping about endlessly for months. Tadashi stood behind his aunt, grabbing the plate of Krumkake Elsa had on her hand just in case she dropped it as she stood trapped in the older woman's embrace.
It was Christmas Eve, and the scent of fresh pastries and Cass' unorthodox spicy chicken wings filled the room, causing Elsa's stomach to twist and turn with hunger. Since it was her first time—in thirteen years—celebrating Christmas with other people apart from her mom and dad, she was quite vexed and nervous as to how the night would play out. She had wanted to celebrate with Anna all those years, but Agdar would make it a point to send Anna away after Christmas breakfast to spend the day with Idun and her grandparents. Young Anna would always wait for Elsa's arrival but would always end up being disappointed until she was convinced that Elsa hated Christmas—and her.
Memories of her holidays threatened to sour her mood, so Elsa forced herself to smile and gave Cass' a cautious tap on the shoulder as she desperately prayed for the older woman to release her from her grasp. Aunt Cass beamed. "I'm so glad you came, Elsa! Welcome to our home!" Elsa was ushered to the small dining room, Tadashi behind her, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and unable to contain the goofy smirk he was trying to suppress. He couldn't quite believe that the girl of his dreams had finally agreed to go on a date with him. Well, not really since it was a family dinner—but it meant the world to him and the excitement radiating from within was only mere seconds away from bursting out of his face in a form of a gigantic smile or a happy dance.
It didn't really help that Elsa was wearing a simple, light blue dress that magnified the brilliant blue of her eyes.
Clouds. Tadashi felt like he was walking on Cloud Nine with Elsa being the sole angel, the most wonderfully made being in all of creation, standing before him.
Before Elsa could try to excuse herself from the awkward yet passionate introduction, a loud ding sounded off from the kitchen and Aunt Cass bounded off to continue preparing the meal as if nothing happened. Elsa's jaw continued to slack, her eyes glazed with emotion and her cheeks and shoulders warm and tense.
Well, at least this night can't possibly get any more stressful than it already has, she tried to convince herself, though she knew she was already wrong as soon as she looked to her left.
Tadashi's smirk quickly shifted to a wide-cheeked grin the moment Elsa's eyes connected with his. One part elated by the surprising turn of events, one turn trying to hold back from laughing so hard that he would fall to the floor.
Her blood started pumping even faster and her cheeks even redder. Despite it all, the instinct to run suddenly seemed to fade. Even fighting wasn't an option that Elsa considered anymore… simply embracing the embarrassment and succumbing to whatever mess she got herself in would be good enough for now.
At least he's happy about it. She thought as her muscles started to loosen and she felt in control once more.
"…Hi." Elsa spoke timidly and with a gentle, elegant wave of her hand.
"I can tell that you're worried and I guarantee that I won't hug you like that right now. At least not until you have some time to recover." Tadashi replied tentatively.
She held back a chuckle and turned her head away as if to wave him off, but before she knew it he was already walking towards her with a smile still in place.
Elsa stilled again as Tadashi stopped just a couple of feet away from her, keeping himself close yet giving Elsa her space as he promised. "I'm so, so glad that you're here. Thank you for coming, Elsa." He said in the most soft and sincere voice he could muster.
"Of course, it's… Thank you. I'm happy to be here too, I think." She replied equally as honest, still trying to cool her boiling skin down.
Tadashi gave a light chuckle and started to lead her down the hallway. "I promise that the rest of the night won't be this intense…come join us in the dining room."
Elsa took one deep breath, and began following the dark haired boy through his festive apartment.
This is going to be a long night…
Hiro spent half the time rolling his eyes at Tadashi, exasperated and unimpressed by his brother's puppy dog eyes that never seemed to leave Elsa's face. While Aunt Cass interviewed Elsa—asking her about Norway, what she was studying, and how her classes were, Tadashi sat across from them, listening intently and hardly trying to pry his gaze away from the blonde. The mesmerized young man was unaware of the mess he was making on his plate as he twirled his spaghetti aimlessly with his fork, all attention directed to Elsa. Hiro could no longer stand watching Tadashi, so he quietly excused himself and proceeded to make his way to the kitchen.
Luckily, Tadashi and Cass did not mind. They didn't even notice him leave since both of them were being regaled by Elsa's stories about her snowboarding adventures back in the Southern Isles last winter. It took a good half an hour for the blonde to warm up to Aunt Cass, but thanks to Tadashi's reassuring smiles accompanied by Hiro's occasional thumbs up, Elsa finally felt calm and comfortable enough to actually let out a soft chuckle here and there.
Hiro was glad for the improvement in the atmosphere, but he had some pressing business to attend to. He hastily made his way to the kitchen, leaned against the wall next to the entryway, and pulled his phone from his pocket. With dexterous hands, he hastily typed a quick message and pressed "send."
To: Anna A. Where are you?
Three minutes passed by. Hiro poked his head out of the entrance to the kitchen to make sure Cass, Elsa, and Tadashi remained situated right where they were. When he was completely sure that none of them were suspicious of his whereabouts and what he was up to, he sighed in relief and smiled to himself.
That smile grew wider when his phone vibrated on his palm, delivering a message that pleased him greatly.
From: Anna A.
I'm outside, I think…Lucky Cat Café, right? Hiro ran to the backdoor.
After succeeding in pleading with Aunt Cass to not feed her any more hot wings, Elsa uncharacteristically slouched in her seat, obvious contentment drawn all over her face as she placed a hand over her belly. She felt like she had eaten a whole week's worth of food, and she cringed at the thought of the calories and carbohydrates invading her body. But tonight was not the right time to fret. She could always do her routine morning jog the next day and eat her usual healthy foods—but it was Christmas Eve, and she decided that she wanted to enjoy herself. Tadashi glanced at her and smiled, unable to hide his happiness as his eyes shone with gratitude. Elsa returned the gesture, her lip easily curving up into a lop-sided grin.
The two stared at each other for a while, oblivious to Aunt Cass' knowing smirk.
"So did my nephew ask you to be his girlfriend yet?"
Tadashi choked on his water, the remaining contents of his glass splattering on the table after knocking it over by accident. He looked like a gasping fish that had jumped out of its aquarium as he coughed and struggled to hack up air from his lungs.
Elsa folded her hands over her lap, her head hanging low to hide the angry and relentless bright shade of red creeping up to her face. Aunt Cass' simply smirked, turning her gaze back and forth toward the two and enjoying their reactions. When neither of them said a word, she glanced to the far end of the table and noticed Hiro's absence. She pursed her lip and raised a brow, this time looking at Tadashi questioningly.
"Where did your brother go?"
After surreptitiously attempting to clean up the mess he made, Tadashi looked up from his now-dissolved puddle of water and met his aunt's eyes. "I don't know," he replied with a shrug. "He told me a friend of his is coming over. I don't know who it is, he won't tell me. He said it's a girl…maybe he's meeting up with her now?"
Aunt Cass let out a hearty chuckle. "I'm glad he's finally making friends! And it's a girl! We need more girls in this house. You boys are growing up way too fast," she exclaimed before standing up from her seat and patting Tadashi's head. "I'm gonna go back to the kitchen and grab a few drinks. Elsa, wine or beer?"
Elsa shook her head vigorously. "Thank you for the offer, but I don't drink," she replied shyly. "I'm what they call a…lightweight." Aunt Cass pursed her lip and looked at the blonde adoringly before disappearing into the kitchen. "Okay, so bubble tea for Elsa and a beer for Tadashi!" Aunt Cass called out while waving a hand without looking back. Tadashi simply grinned and shook his head slowly, half amused and half embarrassed by his aunt's unwavering energy and ability to make Elsa feel right at home. He made sure to remember to thank her later.
"…So…are you okay?" Elsa looked up from her plate and her gaze fell on Tadashi. "I'm great," she whispered, trying her very best to conceal the gigantic smile that was ready to erupt from her face from the joy she was feeling for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I wish it can be like this all the time." Tadashi quirked a brow, folding his arms across the table, his distance merely inches apart from Elsa who was sitting in front of him. "What do you mean?" Being with a family… Tadashi found his answer when Elsa's eyes darkened by the slightest bit, her lip twitching as if she wanted to say something but chose not to the last minute, head dipping ever so slowly. Concerned by the sudden change in his friend's behavior, Tadashi reached over and gently placed his hand over hers—a pale, slender hand that was gripping a fork like she was about to snap it in half. "Hey, you don't have to answer that. It's okay. And it can be like this all the time. You're part of the family now and don't be surprised if Aunt Cass calls you every week to come over for dinner." Tadashi offered a reassuring smile which Elsa returned, the warmth of his skin against hers prompting her heart to perform several somersaults.
Another moment was interrupted when the excited squealing of Aunt Cass filled the room indicating that another guest had arrived. Tadashi sighed and pulled his hand away from Elsa, then turned his back to the direction of the kitchen. As a distant commotion took place a few feet away, Elsa straightened her back and poked at her spaghetti, face still flushed from her momentary private time with Tadashi. She couldn't help but strain her ear a bit as the distracting noise from the other room tore her attention away from her food.
"You have the most beautiful eyes! Are they blue or blue green?" Elsa heard Aunt Cass gush over the girl she guessed as Hiro's friend. The description of the anonymous newcomer stopped Elsa mid-way from putting her fork inside her mouth as she remembered a certain blue-green eyed girl that occupied her thoughts incessantly. She shook her head once, ridding her mind of the memories as she concentrated on devouring her food.
Tadashi nodded absentmindedly. "I guess Hiro has a thing for girls with blue eyes, too," he murmured to himself.
"Excuse me?"
"N-nothing! Maybe we should go introduce ourselves to Hiro's friend?" a very flustered Tadashi suggested, the tip of his ears searing with heat as he staggered out of his seat in an attempt to stand up. As he fumbled about ungraciously, Elsa dug her teeth into her bottom lip to suppress her laughter, allowing Tadashi to giggle and shrug his shoulders in surrender. "I really don't mind falling flat on my face as long as I see you laughing. Even at me. Nerd." He scrunched up his face and stuck his tongue out at the blonde who was taken a back for a moment before returning the gesture.
'Cause I'm fake at the seams, I'm lost in my dreams, And I want you to know that I can't let you go…
While Elsa and Tadashi, two scientists and seemingly matured adults blew raspberries at each other, Aunt Cass, Hiro, and a wide-eyed red head came into view. Aunt Cass had her hands glued on the ocean-eyed girl's shoulders, maneuvering her to the dining room, her grin so wide it was about to split her face apart. Hiro rolled his eyes at Elsa and Tadashi, nudging his friend on the side with his elbow.
"You see that? That's how Tadashi gets all the girls. Through lame jokes and cliché flirting," he pointed out, unimpressed by the duo's playful banter. "It was cute at first, but now it's just nauseating." Hiro looked up when he didn't hear a chuckle or some sort of acknowledgement indicating that his friend had heard her. He furrowed his brows, his smug expression immediately wiped away and replaced by a look of worry and concern.
"Are you okay?"
Aunt Cass was just as perplexed when she felt resistance build up from the girl's body as she stiffened in her touch, stopping them both dead in their tracks. "Honey, are you okay?"
The residues of Elsa and Tadashi's laughter dissipated immediately, overshadowed by silence that hung heavily in the air. Elsa could've sworn her soul leapt as every single fiber and molecule and cell in her body sparked with recognition—every neuron, every nerve, every single thing within her very core and being jumped with life the moment her mind registered the face of the person that held the same genetic code she had.
She dared to speak her name, the very name containing four letters that haunted her in her sleep, gave hope to her in her times of distress, and glued her broken pieces together when everything was falling apart. The only name the echoed in the deepest and most private recesses of her mind. The only name attached to the person, the very being that kept her alive all these years.
The only person that she had truly ever loved more than herself and anything else in this world and beyond the vast cosmos and indescribable galaxies far beyond her reach—her anchor, her best friend, a girl with her own constellation of freckles dotting her kind face, a girl filled with so much goodness and love that Elsa could not believe they were of the same blood. A girl that rivaled the sun's warmth and splendor, giving life and meaning to everything she touched and graced with her presence.
A girl that looked her deep in the eyes, pleading for her attention. For her love.
For her. Her sister.
Anna.
And you're never coming home again…
The fork Elsa was holding made a quiet clank as it landed flat on the floor, her hands folding into fists, the knuckles attached to them visibly white from the applied pressure. She blinked once, inhaled, and unavailingly tried to control the pounding of her heart, her breaths reduced to staccato beats.
Her first instinct was to run to her sister. Embrace her. Never let go. Pepper her cheeks with kisses. Embrace her again. Never, ever, ever, ever let go. Not anymore. Never again.
But she stood still. Unwavering, stoic, guarded.
Scared.
Anna had the same thoughts flashing across her mind, daring to step forward to breach an invisible barrier that stood between her and her sister. She raised her hand as if to reach out—folded it into a fist when she saw Elsa take a step back— a picture of someone about to knock on a door that refused to be opened.
But Anna was already knee-deep into this, she was already here and she didn't plan on leaving any time soon. Anna was not about to back out without a fight. Without a hug. Without a single "hello". Anything. Anything at all that her sister can muster to give her.
Step. Step. Step.
"Elsa?" Anna said in a broken whisper, in a voice that burned deep within Elsa's heart—another addition to her seemingly endless collection of scars and bruises. Elsa noted the change in her sister's voice: Anna didn't have that annoying baby squeak that she secretly loved anymore. She sounded more refined, lady-like…grown-up. Her hair was a lot longer, too. And she has grown a bit taller, slender—those sword-fighting lessons paid off, Elsa thought as she noticed her sister's athletic built. And her freckles were more noticeable now, an array of light-colored specks splattered across her nose. She was beautiful and everything Elsa imagined her to be in her dreams.
But one thing remained: those eyes were still pleading with her. Pleading, questioning, wondering—
"Elsa, please say something," Anna prodded gently, beseechingly, holding herself from running to her sister and crushing her in a bear hug. She felt the first hint of tears burn from back of her eyes, threatening to stream down her cheeks.
Elsa stilled, oblivious of Tadashi and Hiro bickering and arguing in the background, oblivious of Aunt Cass clutching at her chest, watching the whole encounter play out in front of her like a tragic scene from an equally tragic movie. Elsa struggled for words, her lexicon suddenly running empty, and her eloquence in speech that was barely even there to begin with completely eluding her.
Elsa swallowed hard, her throat dry as can be and aching from suppressing the tears that were long overdue. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone unstable and cracked, the venom she intended to inject into those words fell flat and ineffective in Anna's ears.
Anna mustered a wobbly smile, adding more salt to Elsa's wounds as she struggled to keep her composure. "I'm here for you. I miss you so much. Merry Christmas, Elsa." Anna took another step, Elsa took another one back. An endless cat and mouse chase, except both were so exhausted from running. So exhausted from fighting. So exhausted from hurting and hurting one another.
I wanted to tell you I changed, I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time I see you, you see me differently…
Elsa took a deep, controlled breath in, pressing the bridge of her nose with her fingers. "I….I…." I love you, Anna. I miss you, too. More than you'll ever know.
"…I think you should go."
"But I just got here," Anna replied quietly, shaking away the sting that poked at her heart upon hearing those words. Again. "Can we at least talk? Even for just a few minutes?"
Elsa shook her head and released a low, hollow chuckle. "Anna, this is…."
This is all I have ever wanted. To see you. To hug you. To be with you. But I can't. I can't hurt you again. You're not safe here. I love you. Please listen to me.
"….Anna this is very irresponsible of you. Kai must be so worried—I'm gonna call him right now and have him arrange the next flight to Norway for you. It's not safe for you to be here."
Still such a bossy stinker. Some things will never change, I suppose. Anna thought, surprised by the irony of her musings in the middle of a very intense confrontation.
"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me," Anna said coolly, daring to raise an eyebrow at her older, taller sister. Aunt Cass took in a sharp intake of breath, silently cheering Anna on and praying for Elsa to let go of her resistance and hug her sister already. For a moment, Anna thought something gave way—that she finally got through the unyielding blonde. Elsa's features softened, her shoulders dropping by the slightest bit and—
She stormed off. Elsa made a quick pivot and darted towards the front door, not bothering to look back or listen to the voices calling after her and disregarding the pouring rain that immediately drenched her the moment she stepped foot outside. She needed to leave. She needed to leave now.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again…
But Anna followed after her, stubborn footsteps padding against the cold gravel, mindless of her water-soaked socks. She had been so used to running, chasing, trailing after her sister that she knew how to keep up with Elsa's pace—it was instinct for her to follow Elsa wherever she went until Elsa told her to stop.
"Elsa!"
The distressed blonde stopped dead in her tracks, tears finally streaming down and blending with the rain falling from the darkened skies. Momentary relief made Anna's heart skipped a beat: for once, Elsa stopped. For once, Elsa heard her—listened to her. Not that she never did—because every time she walked away, Anna's voice followed after her: in her dreams, in her nightmares, and even in her idle thoughts. For once, Anna allowed herself to be angry. For once, she allowed the pent up emotions of agitation, and pain, and anger, and disappointment, and despair engulf her.
"I buried mom and dad by myself, Elsa!" Anna blurted out, the anguish in her voice evident and tangible—and loud enough to rattle the unseen wall standing in between her and her long-lost best friend. "What did I ever do to you? Why did you leave? Why do you hate me so much? What did I do—tell me, so I'll never do it again," Anna pleaded, her weakened knees finally giving in surrender as they dug themselves into the ground. She was tired, she was so, so tired.
Elsa's mask of apathy melted into something resembling a grimace. Her heart ached with longing, her weary mind rewinding all those dreary nights of being accompanied by no one but the images of her parents' and her sister's faces. All her frustration and all her mistakes crashed into her, trampling what little defense she had left.
She took in a deep, shuddering breath—blue eyes blurred completely from the mixture of rain, tears, and the storm within that started to drown her.
Anna...
Battle-weary and broken, she let herself yield to the voice that lulled her to sleep so many years ago; years that were filled with laughter and innocence. Years that were nothing more but a reminder of what she had lost. But there was so much at risk. There was so much to lose if she gave into this false hope that everything could be easy and normal. She was a monster, and she knew it. A monster with indescribable ice powers that science or logic could not explain—powers that can end life for all eternity. She would never forgive herself, can never live with herself if something were to happen to Anna again.
Elsa turned around, the sight of Anna kneeling knocking the air out of her lungs, her heart shattering and breaking and grinding into small and unrecognizable pieces as she witnessed her sister crying softly while Aunt Cass and Tadashi hovered over her, her hands glued to the ground, those eyes—those perfect ocean eyes—begging, begging, begging Elsa to just stop. Stop running away. Stop doing this. Stop breaking her heart. Stop destroying what little they had left. Elsa swallowed back a sniffle and turned away, ready to run again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again…
Nothing could have prepared Elsa for what happened next. She did not realize that Anna got up and continued to chase after her. She did not see the drunk driver that took a swift turn, careening his car onto Anna's frame. In her desperation to get away, she was a few seconds—a little bit too late in saving her sister. The earsplitting sound of brakes raking into the ground and the echo of Anna's screams silenced the pouring rain as her body flew a few meters away from the impact of her collision with the car. The moment Elsa heard her sister's voice, she turned around and sprinted to the opposite direction, ice already trailing after her footsteps. Hiro, Tadashi and Cass' screams replaced Anna's as they rushed to her side, Cass immediately pulling her phone to call an ambulance. When Elsa spotted her sister, everything within her and around her stilled. Droplets of rain hung in suspension, freezing in place like little bulbs of crystals. There was only blur and a faint hint of a beeping sound ringing in her ears. Her feet, suddenly having a life of their own, made their way to Anna—her precious, darling, perfect sister soaked in her own blood, her eyes closed as she quietly broke free of this painful and lonely and unfair world they lived in. Oh, how Elsa missed those eyes. She collapsed on her knees, reaching out her hand to touch her sister's face for the first time in thirteen years. She ran her trembling fingers across her cheek, careful not to move her and add more injury. And longingly, ever gently, she placed her ear over Anna's blood-soaked chest to listen to her heart.
There was a faint, numbered, and struggling sound of her sister's heart fighting for life.
And then, Elsa lost control. Elsa began to sob hysterically, unaware of Tadashi's strong arms that wrapped themselves around her. Tadashi gasped in wonder when he saw the shards of ice that rose unceremoniously from the ground as he held on to her tightly. He pulled her away from the wreckage while a group of medical personnel rushed to the scene to assess and collect Anna before moving her on a stretcher. But before they can put her away in the ambulance, Elsa broke free of Tadashi's grip and fought her way to reach Anna, her hands depositing frost on the metallic bar of the stretcher.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again…
She leaned in on her sister's ear, hoping and begging and praying that she was heard. "Don't leave me, Anna, okay? We're gonna fix this, okay? You said you love me, right? I love you. I love you so much—please don't leave me," she begged desperately, eyes glazed and bloodshot like a frantic, mad woman. "Anna, please?"
Finally, after a few, excruciating minutes, with the adrenaline seeping slowly out of her system, Elsa allowed herself to be restrained and led away by Tadashi as the ambulance left with her sister, Hiro, and Aunt Cass in tow. She knew fully well that being contained in a tight space with her special circumstance would not be the brightest and safest action to take especially with her sister and everyone involved. Tadashi, now fully aware of Elsa's secret, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face on her shoulder, diminishing her fruitless attempts to break free by tightening his embrace even more.
With all of her defenses down, Elsa melted into Tadashi's arms and allowed herself to weep once more while she stared off into the the ambulance that grew smaller and smaller as it drove away into the night.
You're okay, Anna. I've got you.
