Fourth Date

Disclaimer- Don't Own It. Hence, FAN-fiction.

Warnings: Indirect mentions of abuse. If you can stomach Law and Order you'll probably be ok with this. As fluffy as angst can get.

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..:Dedicated to Melitza:..

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"...But if I get by in my life I'd like to

Share my life with you

To grow beside you..."

Vagabond - Kiss Kiss

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Sasuke is just leaving another meeting with Anko at her cozy apartment and he curses the cold air that swirls around him, making his eyes sting and his nose burn.

He has on the coat Sakura bought for him, the high cowl neck collar in the usual Uchiha style hiding his mouth from view. His dark eyes water and he squints. He shoves his hands in the front pocket and is thankful, not for the first time, for his little pink haired friend.

"Rushing things will undo you, Sasuke. Take things at your own pace, its stupid to do otherwise," Anko said seriously, referring to Sasuke's budding relationship with Sakura.

"People who have been through what we have react to our... experiences... differently," she continues with a wry smile. She is fully aware that her numerous public sexual exploits are as imfamous as Kakashi's porn fetish.

Sasuke allows a smirk to stretch his mouth good-naturedly and he leans back in his chair, a steaming mug of black tea clutched loosely in his left hand.

"... She's doing alot for me," he admits.

Anko gives him a small smile.

"She would. That girl has been devoted to you from the moment she laid eyes on you."

Sasuke looks away, embarrassed, and tries to quell the blush rising on his cheeks.

"But Sakura isn't like us," Anko whispers warningly and the smile slides from her face. Sasuke's gaze is drawn back to the older woman at her tone of voice.

"She can do all she wants... but Sakura doesn't know... doesn't understand... what its like. Hasn't had to cut her nose off to spite her face-"

Sasuke's face hardens. Tired lines drawn themselves around Anko's fiercely beautiful features.

"-doesn't know what its like to look at the surface of ocean from the very bottom of the sea and dream of sunlight-"

Sasuke grinds his teeth.

"Stop," he hisses angrily. Anko's head jerks in his direction. Sasuke's eyes are hard slits of glittering obsidian as he glares at her.

"She's a ... good person. She understands, she knows- I don't know how... but she does."

Anko's eyes flicker mysteriously. A brief look of horrified comprehension dawns on her face and Sasuke knows the intelligent woman has figured something out.

"I need to go," he says, and rises.

Anko stands to show him to the door.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I didn't mean to offend. I didn't know-"

"It's fine," Sasuke bites out and closes the door behind him.

Sasuke has confirmed something Anko has suspected for a while. She closes her eyes and wishes the revelation away.

Sasuke arrives at his destination and slouches against a wall. He doesn't wait for long.

A moment later, a pink head emerges from the building he had been leaning against- the Konoha hospital. Sakura shivers against the biting cold as Sasuke comes to stand next to her. She turns around and is surprised to see him.

"Sasuke-kun!," she cries happily, and hugs him quickly.

Sasuke is grateful for the momentary warmth her embrace provides and feels strangely bereft after she pulls away.

"What are you doing here?," she asks with a dazzling smile.

"Hn. Nothing else to do," he replies.

"Waiting for you. Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a few days and I miss you."

"Oh good! I was going to call you tonight when I got home anyway. I wanted to know if you'd go out with me tonight."

Sasuke's heart skips a beat. Although this is certainly not the first time she's asked him out of late, he still reacts just as strongly as the first time.

"Hn."

"Yes, as long as I get to spend time with you. Don't ever do that to me again, its borderline cruelty."

"Oh good! Come on, I've had this horrible craving for shrimp tempura lately."

Sakura grabs his hand and drags him along behind her. He follows obediently, his face hidden partially by the high collar of his dark grey coat.

The stand they arrive at has a large variety of dishes and Sasuke is drawn immediately toward the soups. Its the perfect weather for soup. The stand is hot and humid under the draping overhang and warm steam rolls out of the kitchen periodically.

Sasuke chews the inside of his cheek as he reads the menu. Sakura has decided on shrimp tempura (no surpise there) and a small bowl of rice. Sasuke settles on miso soup. The two place their orders. He can't help but notice that Sakura is sitting closer to him that she usually allows herself to get out of respect for his personal space. Sasuke leans closer to her as well until their shoulders brush.

Sakura looks at him quizzically and Sasuke looks down, pretending to tug at a stray thread on his pants while a small amount of heat rises on his cheeks. Sakura grins impishly and puts her hand on his knee innocently. She leans up to whisper in his ear.

"If you want me to sit closer, all you have to do is ask Sasuke-kun."

She pulls back and giggles and Sasuke shoots her a half-hearted glare. Secretly the Uchiha heir is pleased at her attention and basks in it, a grin tugging the corners of his lips even as he sculpted his face into the opposite expression.

"I can tell you're faking," Sakura whispers to him.

Sasuke frowns more deeply.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you're not as surly as you look," she giggles and Sasuke's expression slips into a wry grin as he becomes unable to help himself any longer.

The proprieter approaches them with their orders steaming on a tray and he places it on the countertop between them. Sakura squeaks in delight and quickly unsnaps her chopsticks and digs into her tempura with gusto.

Sasuke follows, sipping his soup slowly as the soft steam blows in his face. Both of their faces are burned red by the chill of the wind and the sudden humid warmth of the stand, and Sasuke finds he quite likes a pink-cheeked Sakura. Sakura, of course, rattles on about something or other during their meal, and Sasuke tries to listen but isn't all that invested. Occasionally he "Hn's" his agreement or nods his disagreement, but can't quite remember what, exactly, they had been really talking about in the first place.

This is probably obvious to Sakura, but she says nothing.

Sasuke underhandedly motions for the check as they finish and the owner passes him the bill wordlessly. Sakura huffs indignantly as Sasuke pays the bill and hands it back to the owner.

"I can pay for my own food," she says. "It's the twenty-first century, you know. Feminism and women's rights and gender equality and all that."

Sasuke smirks at her. He loves her spirit, even in the smallest of things. This is new to him and it excites him- her stubbornness is a side to her he only experienced after he returned. Had they been younger, Sakura would have blushed and squeaked out a "Thank-you-very-much-Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn," he says.

Sakura grouches for a moment, but Sasuke knows it is because she is secretly flattered and he likes that she hides it. It makes things much easier to deal with if they can both pretend not to like each other as much as they do.

Sasuke thinks on this as they leave the stand walking a small distance away from each other and refusing to touch. Sometimes he likes it this way, needs his own space, and sometimes the distance drives him insane.

Sakura's body, which his knows is every bit as soft and curvaceous as it looks, moves silently beside his and she is wearing a contented smile on her face.

Sasuke finds, inexplicably, that he is fervently hoping he is the cause of that smile. How incredibly powerful it would be to give someone happiness. How incredible, he thinks, to be able to cause someone's face to light up and stretch, their eyes gleaming. He casts her a sideways glance and blushes slightly. He readjusts his coat nervously.

He inches closer to her as they walk and pretends it is accidental, staring all the while at anything but her.

"Isn't it just beautiful out here?," Sakura asks, gazing skyward and blowing out, watching as her breath froze in the air.

Sasuke stares at her and cannot answer. He has been dragged from the depths of contemplation and is out of sorts.

"Yes," he lies immediately, not wanting to disappoint her. Guilt washes over him. This is the first time he's lied in years. It felt strange to him, as though he had said something in a foreign language.

Sakura laughs loudly and leans close to him.

"You don't have to do that," she whispers. "I know you didn't even hear my question."

Sasuke is silent and looks away from her.

"What are you thinking about?," she asks. "You always look like you're thinking lately."

"I...," he starts and snaps his mouth shut. He glares at the ground. Sakura stops him with a gentle hand on his arm. He looks at her.

"Sasuke... don't be afraid."

Sasuke's world stops on its axis.

His eyes go blank.

...

...

...

He glances down and feels the poison shoot through his veins. It burns horribly and his breath is coming in short gasping pants.

'This is it,' he thinks in despair.

The man hovering over his prone form lands a kick and Sasuke is thrown to his side, doubling over in pain as a small spray of blood lands on the ground, coagulating in the dirt.

He rolls back over onto all fours despite the crippling blow to his side and breaths with his whole body, attempting to regain control of himself.

A cool hand slides through his hair in a cruel immitation of tenderness, before yanking it up violently. Sasuke's mouth falls open and he grunts.

"What are you going to do Sasuke-kun?," laughs Orochimaru.

"You need me," he whispers. "You're going to give me the antidote."

Orochimaru throws his head down and his forehead hits the ground. Stars burst in Sasuke's mind.

"You're more expendable than you think," the Snake Sanin says musically. "If you can't even hold your own for more than five minutes."

"You will give me the antidote."

Orochimaru laughed humorlessly.

"Why? What use have I for a weak vessel?"

The singular word 'weak' echoes loudly in his head, and for a moment, this is all Sasuke hears. His heart rate begins to speed up.

'Weak.'

Blood rushes in Sasuke's ears.

'Weak.'

He is suddenly filled with uncontrollable rage, stronger than anything he has felt ever before. He promised. He promised to avenge his clan. This is not his end. Not yet, not now when he had gotten so far... sacrificed so much. He will kill Itachi and die happily next to his burning body. He'll finally rest, even if just for a few moments before death, satisfied- his revenge completed.

His sharingan springs to life of its own accord and whirls blindingly. The curse seal leaks over his skin in a burst of inky black. He hisses angrily and is suddenly flying at Orochimaru, sparks flying as he loses control of his own chidori attack. The blue light dances across his skin and lights the madness twisting his face.

Orochimaru hisses in pleasure.

"There you go, Sasuke-kun. Don't fear death... focus on your anger ... come to me now, Sasuke-kun... come to me..."

Sasuke roars and flies with blinding speed at Orochimaru who blocks his attack with some effort.

"That's it Sasuke-kun..."

Orochimaru's skin burns where Sasuke lands blows and the voltage increases around the boy as he quickly loses more and more of his control. His seal leaps from first stage to third stage, wings ripping through his shirt violently, eyes bleeding completely black.

Orochimaru laughs and leaps back, beginning a jutsu as he flies through the air. He jaw dislocates and a snake emerges and lands heavily on the ground, sputtering and hissing in rage.

"Come to me Sasuke-kun, don't be afraid..."

Sasuke is lost to himself, it is as though there is something else controlling him altogether...

"...don't be afraid to die."

Sasuke almost wins this time.

...

...

...

Sasuke stares at Sakura in disbelief and cannot speak. Without his knowing his sharingan has activated and is spinning in irritation.

Sakura is shocked as swallows deeply. Sasuke's eyes become riveted to her horrified face and a quick progression of shame and rage take him.

She backs up, trembling.

Sasuke's hands clench and he desperately tries to control himself. His curse seal is burning insistently and he can feel the first tendrils leaking over his skin.

He chokes and drops to his knees holding his head and trying to regulate his breathing, just like Anko taught him. He counts his breaths and blocks out the image of Sakura's horrified face from his mind.

She falls to her knees in front of him and pulls him close. His entire body flinches violently at her touch, but she waits for the spasm to pass before hugging him and tenderly running a hand down his back.

He rests his burning forehead on her shoulder and gasps out a breath before beginning his counting again. His arms hang limply at his sides.

"It's ok, Sasuke, this will pass."

He shudders and coughs.

"Don't be afraid," she murmurs.

Sasuke goes still at her words and in a moment of sudden numbness an epiphany reaches him.

Both Sakura and Orochimaru had been asking the same thing of him.

Don't be afraid.

What was it to not be afraid? How did that feel, to not constantly feel the knot of anxiety building in every muscle structure through your body?

Sasuke thought back to his training sessions and remembered the power he found in feeling nothing, on repressing any and all reaction until nothing- no amount of blood or gore or pain- phased him. No act of depravity moved him, no act of selfishness gave him disgust.

It was kill or be killed. It was easier that way.

Now that he was a part of world that wasn't so black and white, Sasuke found himself having trouble adjusting for the first time he could ever remember. It was easy to become numb, it was harder to learn to feel again.

Was Sakura asking him to do the same things as Orochimaru?

No...

Somehow this felt different. It felt different in the warm hands holding him close, the soft thud of a small heart next to his own.

What did she want from him? What was he supposed to do now? How did he react to this closeness, her kindness? For years his natural reaction had been to lash out, how did he condition himself out of that?

"Sasuke, everything will be ok if you just breathe. Let your mind sort itself out on its own- don't fight yourself all the time."

Sasuke leans back in his chair in order to stare out the window next to him.

Anko placed a hand on his own. His knuckles were white. She turned his palm over and stroked the wrist lightly. Sasuke's muscles relxed and he stared, shocked, as his fingers loosened and his hand slipped open.

"Some people will ask you to close yourself off to fear...," Anko whispered. "It's so easy to do this, it feels so good. You're immortal, you can do anything..."

Anko stroked the inside of his palm and Sasuke continued to watch his hand relaxing against its will. The rough pads of Anko's fingers had easily subdued the hardened muscles in Sasuke's hand.

"...And others will ask you to face your fears, and this is so hard and hurts so much that it seems impossible..."

Anko closed her eyes.

"...but nothing worth having comes easily."

"Sasuke, it's ok. This will pass, I promise. Just tell me what's wrong- I can help you!"

He does just that. He is broken at her words. He is hers now.

"It hurts," he says throatily. "You-"

He coughs again.

"You have... have no idea-"

He raises his head suddenly.

"Please-," he begs. "Make it... make it stop."

Sakura stares at him. He is breaking slowly every second her eyes maintain that horrified glaze.

"...please..."

"How?," she chokes out, tears welling on the rim of her bottom lids. "Tell me, Sasuke, I'll do anything."

Sasuke coughs and gasps, breathing slowly.

Sakura sobs out once.

"Sasuke, how?"

And suddenly Sasuke's lips are on her own, his eyes shut tightly. Sakura's eyes widen in surprise. Her body melts bonelssly against him, her hand gripping the sleeves of his coat tightly for support. He cups her face tenderly and can feel the moisture on cheeks, and more slipping down over his fingers.

She was always crying.

Sakura's cheeks flush and her eyelids slide down. She presses herself more firmly against him and snakes her arms around his neck. The air around them is suddenly warm and Sasuke forcefully parts her mouth and slips his tongue inside. Sakura provides no resistance.

Sasuke's whole body is throbbing, humming with a very familiar feeling.

Possession.

He pulls away and both of them breathe heavily.

"Sasuke-kun," she whispers urgently. "I love you."

His eyes are wide and empty, but are back to the deep black-blue Sakura has always been entranced by.

His gaze flickers up to hers.

"Thank you," he says simply.

He presses another kiss to her lips.

"Thank you."

He kisses her again, longer. His hands slide down her down her arms and she shivers. His hands grip her hips and drag them closer to his. He breaks away to breathe deeply.

"Thank you."

His curse seal has completely receded and he has control again.

He kisses her forehead, her nose, her chin, and down her neck, nipping softly at her pulse point.

"Thank you," he murmurs against her moist skin.

Sakura is shaking in his arms. He feels powerful and completely submissive all at once.

This girl is his. Has always been his.

And without knowing it, he has always been hers. From the day he saw her, ridiculous pink hair and porcelain skin, glowing green eyes shining with tears as a crowd of older boys shoved her around...

"Leave her alone!," he shouted. The boys looked up from the target of their aggression and the panic was evident in their eyes.

"An Uchiha," one whispered.

Sasuke glared and crossed his arms imperiously.

"That's right," he said in his high, childish voice. "And if you don't leave her alone I'm going to tell my brother and you're going to be in a lot of trouble!"

"That's Uchiha Sasuke... his brother... Uchiha Itachi!," one said urgently.

They backed off the frightened girl slowly and then turned tail and ran.

Sasuke stood proudly as Sakura picked herself up and turned her gaze to him. He remembers she immediately turned red when she saw her savior. She was so shy she couldn't even speak.

Sasuke smirked triumphantly at her and she flushed harder.

Sakura whimpers as as he slips his hand under her shirt and skims up her stomach lightly. He presses his other hand into her lower back until her hips are flush against his.

"You're mine," he whispers urgently, almost pleadingly. "Say it. Say it, Sakura."

"I've always been yours, Sasuke-kun. I love you."

He hisses in satisfaction and grips her hip with an iron hand, resting his head against her neck and closing his eyes.

"Sakura, again."

"I'm yours, Sasuke-kun."

"Again."

"Sasuke-kun, what's -"

"Again!"

"I love you. Only you."

Sasuke feels his heart clenching and unclenching, his insides melting warmly. Feels his throat constricting then relaxing. Sakura's trembling body is hot against his own, and to his surprise, he is shaking too.

His. She was his. All his own. How long had it been since he had let anyone love him? Or hold him, like she was doing now? How had he not fallen over his own feet when she asked him to stay all those years ago? How had he stayed away this long?

He tightens his hold on her, his eyes open wide and his breathing harsh.

"I love you, Haruno Sakura," he whispers brokenly.

-

"...And I forget all those who bleed

Trapped inside all I have ever sought

And I wait for you to see

That I forget when on my knees

Tired and worn just like a vagabond

You're there to help me grieve."

-"Stay the Day" by Kiss Kiss

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Commentary: You may notice swings in point of view, and a definite change in stylistic approach throughout this fiction. This is because I'm allowing the creation of the third person omniscent point of view to happen through my characters, instead of around them. I'm not narrating, I'm allowing them to tell the story through their eyes.

Sakura's thoughts are clearer and more orderly, while Sasuke's interpretation is alternately intricately detailed and vague. Sakura's reality is more based in logic and she has a tighter rein of control on her impulses, while Sasuke is more of the emotional character and sometimes can't control his reactions- or lack thereof.

At several points Sasuke refers back to breathing exercises he has learned from Anko. He has even mentioned trying to clear his mind. These are common techniques for fighting flashbacks and panic attacks, both of which can be crippling for people suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (and really, if Sasuke doesn't have PTSD, no one does). Triggers in Sasuke's environment continually cause him to have violent flashbacks, which cause his panic attacks, and since Anko experienced much the same things that he did, it makes sense she would help him through this.

On a more personal note... I've never written a kiss scene so intense before, but Sasuke-Drama-King couldn't just let things happen fluffily. Seriously, though, it was really satisfying to write that out finally. I've been working towards it since the first chapter, but couldn't find a place where the kiss would have fit (is it obvious that this whole fic was written just for that moment to happen...? That it was imagined before I even had a plot...?). Thanks, 7LD, for making me wait to write that in. And thanks for the sporatic and, frankly, somewhat questionable Beta'ing you've done so far. I blame all my typos on you.

... I gotta admit, Sasuke does give one hell of a memorable first kiss, doesn't he?

Freebie Preview of Chapter Five:

"...Sasuke seemed blissfully oblivious to just how attracted Sakura really was to him- which would be nothing new, except that when they were children they had never dated. He was playfully affectionate and had a gentle side that surprised and delighted her to no end, but was reluctant to initiate more intimate contact. Sakura chalked this up to the time he spent with Orochimaru, and so she tried her best to not let him see just how deeply he affected her.

But sometimes- like now, for example- it was exceedingly difficult for her to tell herself to let Sasuke come to her when all she wanted to do was kiss him until they were both blue in the face..."

Stay tuned for next week's installment of 'Dates'!