Walking through the deserted streets of Magnolia, Laxus tried to ignore the sound of the parade behind him. He was confused. Having all his guild mates make that gesture had touched him more than all else that had happened these last days.
He had not bothered to say goodbye to anyone except his Thunder god tribe. He knew he had done the right thing by keeping them from joining him. They did not deserve to get into more trouble than they already were. He could not make them leave the only home they had ever known.
The conversation had not gone entirely as planned though. While Evergreen and Bickslow had reacted as he had predicted, Freed's utter silence had made him feel uneasy.
He had brushed away their arguments with his usual flair and he had ignored his own growing unease, but as he now walked under a starlit sky, there was a nagging voice at the back of his head. Maybe he had owned Freed some sort of an apology.
The rune mage had been the only one who had dared speak his mind. Only he had dared stand up against him, only he had tried to tell him how wrong he had been and Laxus had rewarded him by attacking. He grimaced as he remembered how he had narrowly missed Freed with his lightning. He had never intended to hurt his friend, but as ever, he had ignored his rational brain and had let his anger control him. What a fool he had been.
He could have killed Freed.
He held his breath at the thought.
Yes, he could have. While he had half-expected him to jump aside, stubborn Freed had not moved. He had underestimated the rune mage's cool. Or perhaps it was something else, something worse. Perhaps Freed had trusted him not to hurt him.
He was not worthy of that trust and Freed should know that by now.
It was unsettling that Freed had perfectly understood what he was getting himself into during the battle, and still had chosen to stay by his side. "I will follow you even to hell", he had said and Laxus had not taken him seriously. Now he knew that Freed had meant it. He should have remembered how careful the rune mage usually was when making promises. It made him realise that it had been he who had opened the gates to darkness. Yes, his friend had very good reasons to be mad at him now.
He put one foot in front of the other, ever walking further, replaying the scenes of the days past over and over again.
When the sun rose, he tiredly sat himself down near a small bush, stretching his long legs before him. Maybe Freed indeed was angry with him.
Or maybe not. He had heard his friend's choked voice behind him when he had left, calling out his name. It had almost sounded like a plea. Would he have sounded so desperate when he would have been mad? Perhaps Freed had been just too shocked to say anything?
Or maybe he was mad. Maybe he had gone too far this time. The gods knew that he would not easily forgive a friend who had tricked him into doing something he did not want.
Actually, "did not want" was too weak an expression. He had trapped Freed, abusing his loyalty without any further consideration.
Sitting underneath the tree, staring at the greenness of the leaves above, he saw Freed's face in front of him. Freed's scathed, bandaged, smiling face, as the wounded rune mage leant against the pillars of Kardia Cathedral and told him that his Fairy Law had not hurt a single person.
His fury had been so great that he had not even listened.
No, that was not true. He had heard the truth in those words and that had enraged him even further.
The shame he felt ever since he had gained consciousness again after his fight increased with each fleeting minute. He had been such a fool.
Once he had overheard Gildarts preaching to some of the younger brats that true courage was found when a man learned how to sheath his sword again once it was out. He had arrogantly sniggered at the comment, but had not said anything in return. However strong he was, he did still fear Gildarts.
Now he thought he started to get the point. He could see for the first time how difficult it truly was to stop in your tracks, look back, see what you had done wrong and change course.
Perhaps it was time for him to discover if he was now tough enough to admit how wrong he had been, to see where he wanted to go next. He needed some time on his own to find out. Perhaps it was no different for Freed. He too might have to change his course.
During the years past, he ever had stayed close to him. Laxus was not blind, he had seen how Freed idolised him and it had flattered his ego.
But he did realise that Freed had no other friends left anymore. There literally was no one else whom the rune mage trusted, with whom he really talked. Ever and Bix did not truly count. Freed would take care of them, but he hardly shared his thoughts with them. It was not for naught that he called himself their captain.
Even Laxus no longer knew what was going on in his friend's mind but he remembered a time when things had been different.
One day, only a few years ago, he had taken the team with him on a job. They had quite effortlessly defeated the dark mage, but he had walked away from the fight struck by grief.
It had been a tragic case really. The mage had tried to apply his magic to his son. The little boy had not been very smart, and the man had started to research all he could about magic that would improve his son's abilities.
He had encountered some serious memory-altering spells on the way, and had tried them out on the boy. Discovering how useful they could be, he had started to use them as well to increase his wealth and influence in the village and by the time Laxus and the team were sent to capture him, he held the whole town captive, always changing their memories to his own advantage.
However the little boy for whom he had started to learn magic, was no better off than before. His father had learned how to put the memories in his head, but he did not understand all the things he remembered. Laxus had pitied him, but it had been the boy's pleading for his father that had hurt him most. "It's not his fault," The kid had said, "If I would just been a little smarter, if I just had listened a little better, this would not have happened!"
He had gritted his teeth and had walked away, leaving the child to Evergreen.
That evening Freed had insisted on keeping watch and Laxus had laid himself down to sleep. As he heard Ever and Bix's breathing calm down, he had grown ever more restless.
When Freed softly had called his name, he did not hesitate but threw off his covers and went to sit next to him by the fire.
For at least an hour, they had remained quiet, staring at the ever moving flames. It was weird, but he had not felt the need to speak, and neither had his companion apparently. They both found it hard to talk about what was bothering them.
The little that he knew about Freed's childhood had made it clear that he had as much of a troublesome relation with his father as he did. And somehow they both understood how unsettled the other was by the events of the day.
"You know, I always defended my old man." Laxus had whispered in the end. "When Gramps tried to help me when I was sick, I told him that it was my own fault for not being stronger. He grumbled at my father for that, but I did all I could to convince him that my old man had been right, that I indeed was too weak."
Freed had stared in the flames, "It was the same for me. Whenever I lost control, whenever I let the demon surface, I apologised for not being strong enough to keep myself in check. I never realised that someone could have helped me, that it was my parent's duty to look after me."
"At least no one can call me weak now." Laxus had grimly said then, "I've left that part of my life far behind me."
It was funny, he still remembered the exact words Freed had spoken in reply.
"You know Laxus, I thought the same when I joined Fairy Tail. I thought I had left it all behind. But to be honest, I do not think I ever will."
He had failed to understand what Freed had meant back then, but now he saw the true meaning of those words. His friend always had kept himself in check, never letting anyone close, making a rare exception for him. And now he had betrayed him by his foolish actions. He could only guess how this had impacted Freed, perhaps it would finally convince him to open up a little to the other people in the guild. Yes, the more he thought about it, the more he got convinced that Freed too would need time to put what had happened into the right perspective.
He would never be able to do so if Laxus had stayed with him and perhaps, just perhaps, his friend had realised this too. It had to be that. Otherwise he would have come running behind him by now.
"I'll see you again my friend. When we are both ready, we'll meet again." Laxus whispered to the dancing leaves above and closed his eyes, finally letting sleep claim him.
When I first started this one, I thought it was going to be only a one shot, but then it seemed like rushing things and I decided to spend a little more time on the story that initially intended :-) Thank you for bearing with me for four chapters and hope you enjoyed it!
