Last Time On Hia:
Transportation woes, self-preservation, and unwanted fathers.
Quote: "I don't want you here. Leave. Now."
Chapter Four: Blue Eyes
Time is relentless and undying
And we can't move on 'til we stop looking back
And I promise you I'm trying.
-McKenna Breinholt
It wasn't long before Ash regretted getting into the wagon so much earlier than the others. His legs had already gone stiff, cramped up in this space as they were. Despite the cold rain drumming the outside of the tarp, the air underneath it was stale and unpleasantly warm. That, and they could feel every single rock and bump that the wagon wheels rolled over. One small twig crunching under the back wheels would send the whole group bouncing up and down painfully. The hay wasn't cushioned enough to brace their falls.
Even Ash's ability to lose himself in his own mind was challenged by the discomfort of the space. It wasn't for lack of trying. But after his head was knocked against the floor slabs by a small bump in the road for the third time, Ash decided it was probably not going to be possible.
Team Rocket had taken up talking amongst themselves for a while. Meowth pulled out a deck of cards. They played a couple of rounds of some classics: old maid, go fish, crazy eights until even the distraction of a card game lost its appeal. After an hour or two, their games had tapered off into soft snoring. Or rather loud, muffled snoring in Jessie's case.
Ash was jealous of their ability to sleep so soundly even while being knocked around like they were in here. Ash felt like a metal ball being rattled about a tin can. Although Ash supposed that, like him, Team Rocket had gotten used to getting their forty winks in wherever their bodies dropped.
Since Giovanni was hardly wanted on his son's side of their accommodations, he had taken up a place closer to where Team Rocket nestled. He leaned against the tarp covered wall, his eyes falling closed as soon as they had started off. But Ash knew better than to think the man was asleep. He was simply being true to his word and staying out of the way.
Just as Ash was giving up on rest, he suddenly noticed that Misty had crawled over to his side. She waited patiently, mistaking his half-lidded eyes as being closed. Unable to stand her sitting there and staring at him for long, Ash finally glanced over at her.
"What is it?" Ash whispered up at her.
"Do you have your pokedexter?"
"Yes. Why?"
Misty smiled sheepishly at him. "I can't fall asleep without music. Can I borrow it for a while?"
Misty had become rather well-acquainted with the functions of Ash's rare pokedexter during their childhood journeys. Not actually ever taking up the official mantle of pokemon trainer herself, Misty had never earned one. Not that she needed it. Whenever it was brought up, she would loudly announce how much more about pokemon she knew than Ash. She saw the pokedexter as a badly-needed handicap that Ash needed when the rest of the world actually went to pokemon educational schools.
Misty's family had been able to afford her education into pokemon at a very young age. They also had to, if she were to become the future gym leader that Cerulean expected her to be. Ash was just lucky he was able to sneak downstairs at night to watch pokemon matches late on TV without his mom noticing. Not that he hadn't often begged his mother to take him to those schools. He desperately wanted the years of experience that most trainers had before they even started off on their journeys. But his mom couldn't afford it, and she said he didn't need it. Although, if she'd seen how he bumbled his way through the first year of his pokemon journey, she might have rethought her opinion on those private schools.
A pokedexter was simply meant to supplement the knowledge of pokemon they, as trainers, were already supposed to have. Ash certainly did rely on it a bit too much when he was younger. It was the teacher he had never gotten from a fancy pokemon training school.
Despite Misty's haughty attitude about the pokedexter, she'd still borrow it from him all the time. To look up certain aspects of a water pokemon she was thinking of. To search the area features for any pokemon nearby she might be interested in hunting for. She borrowed it even more frequently when Ash had it upgraded in Johto. She loved to plug her headphones in and listen to the radio as they walked. He'd had a really hard time getting it back from her back then.
His current version of pokedexter couldn't play the radio anymore, but that was more due to radios being rather outdated now. Streaming music was the new thing, and Professor Oak and his team were sure to include such functionality in the latest versions.
Ash frowned. "Why don't you just use your phone?"
"Battery's dead," She clapped her hands together and gave Ash her biggest puppy dog stare. "Please, Ash. Just for a little while. Pretty please."
Ash let out a deep sigh. Misty's expression instantly brightened, knowing she'd finally worn him down. He rolled over, reaching into his front pocket to extract the slim pokedex.
"Here," Ash said, tossing it into her waiting hands. "Don't break it."
"Thank you. I won't."
Ash rolled back over to stare at the wall. But even this change of position wasn't helping him rest. After a few minutes, he rolled back over. Without even meaning to, his eyes rested on Misty again. She was curled up in the corner, earbuds in her ears, smiling and nodding along to the music with her eyes closed. A soft light started to glow from her pack. By the time Ash had noticed it, Misty was almost certainly asleep. Ash scooted closer and shook her by the shoulder- but nothing. The music was still puttering from her headphones but her breathing was deep.
Feeling a little guilty about it, but worrying that it could be something important, Ash reached into her bag to pull out her smartphone—fully charged. Ash smiled wryly at the green bar. It was just like her to take his pokedex even when her own device was available. Just like when they were kids. Although it was a lot harder to know when a CD player was out of power than a smartphone.
Her phone was unlocked, to Ash's surprise. He had only meant to see the quick notification display of who was calling, but the phone immediately went to her main screen. And there, tucked behind all the apps, was a picture of the three of them. Misty had chosen a picture of them as her backdrop. The sight made his heart skip a beat or two.
It was taken shortly after they had entered the Indigo League stadium for Ash's first big match. He remembered being so horribly nervous then. His smile was more of a grimace. Both Brock and Misty looked more far more comfortable, her arm draped over his shoulder and Brock sporting a playful victory sign. Ash knew now that they'd both worried about him more than they ever let on. The truth came out in time, during leagues where he was more prepared. They'd talk about that time, and how much less nervous for him they had become over the years. They knew he wasn't prepared back then, but they still wanted to support him the best way they could, staying optimistic and cheering him on with all their hearts. Ash smiled softly at the memory. He really had some great friends.
If they hadn't been there for him then, would he had even competed? Ash couldn't be sure. Even then, he had a habit of wanting to run away from unpleasant things. He had some confidence, but it'd been the sort of confidence that came from ignorance. It wasn't a lot and it was braced by the faith of his friends and pokemon. Without them, he would have been just a cardboard cut-out trying to hold back a breaking dam.
Misty had kept the picture all this time. And despite the pain looking at it had to cause her, she kept it as her backdrop. It caused him pain too, a sweet sort of pain. The ten-year-old boy in that picture grew up to be such a jerk.
He probably shouldn't have, but Ash found himself opening her picture gallery. Inside, there unfolded a life that had carried on without him in it. She didn't often take pictures of herself. Having three beautiful older sisters sporting extreme levels of vanity stole what little self-confidence she might have had without them. If she managed to pop into her own photographs, it seemed it was only to prove she had been there, at that location, with those people, around those pokemon. None of the photos focused centrally on her, even if that was all that Ash himself could focus on.
For him, time had passed quickly. He flashed through those four years in the span of a few breaths. There were moments of pain and loneliness; that's when things slowed down. He'd been pulled back towards home then, terrified of facing them all. But somehow, fate had intervened and his journey carried him far away again. Ash hadn't realized how long it had actually been until he stared at her photographs. There were so many stories in here that he hadn't been a part of. That used to be okay with him. But now, seeing her holding Gary's hand, Ash realized he had been kidding himself.
Gary was in here too. An interloper who'd pop into a few photographs, mugging for the camera. They liked to jump into photo booths, it was the only photos Gary seemed to be able to drag Misty into. At first, they were just friendly, then they were overly so—Gary touching her and Misty leaning into his embrace. Until finally, they kissed. Ash put his thumb over the faces in the photo as if he could erase the subjects by simply covering them up. So much for hoping that Misty and Gary hadn't actually been dating.
"Not the most gentlemanly behavior," a sudden voice interrupted, giving Ash a terrible start. Ash whirled about, surprised to find that not everyone had been asleep like he had thought. James was looking at him with a certain mix of amusement and disapproval on his face. "Pretty sure she wouldn't appreciate you snooping through her phone, Ash."
"I was just—I mean, it was unlocked and I—" His protests fell flat in his mouth. He quickly closed the phone and shoved it back into her backpack. He feared that James might have woken her, but Misty slept on, heedless of Ash's actions. Ash stared guiltily down at her sleeping face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"That's right. And you should apologize to her when she wakes up."
Once more, James had given him a start. Ash sent him a wide-eyed look. "What? She'd hate me!"
"Then you shouldn't have looked in the first place," James replied coolly. Ash quickly realized he didn't have a leg to stand on here. Under James' judging stare, Ash surrendered.
"You're right, of course. I'll talk to her when she wakes up… and apologize."
They sat in guilty silence for a bit. Until James decided to close the distance between them and scoot closer. He still kept a careful distance from Ash's sleeping pikachu. He knew better than to trust Pikachu would immediately tell friend from foe upon waking.
"Instead of creepily spying on her, you could just tell her your feelings."
Ash's face cracked. Not this again!
"No offense, James. But I'm not much in the mood for love advice from Team Rocket."
"Not necessarily love advice. She could turn you down flat."
Ash rolled his eyes. "Thanks for that."
"No seriously. I'm only suggesting it because well, it's clearly bothering you. I can see the way you look at her." He scooted closer still, coming close enough to touch. But James wasn't Gary or Brock. They weren't friends in that way. He wouldn't be offering a comforting hug or a playful slap on the back. He was simply going to sit close and leave a careful comfort of air between them.
Ash tried to stare at the floor and betray nothing else. He was really getting sick and tired of how easy it was for everyone to read his feelings. Everyone except Misty, of course. "You guys have been with each other since you were kids. It's only natural. Jessie and I even put bets on who would confess first… kinda forgot who I was pulling for though. It's been years. When you took off and left them all behind, well. Figured that was probably the end of it."
"I actually didn't like her… for a long time," Ash muttered, twisted his hands in his lap as he spoke. "When people would tease, it would make me so angry. She was just a friend and I didn't know why everyone kept trying to make things weird. And then—one day, I'm not sure when—things were different. Not all at once. Just bit by bit, I started to notice things that I didn't hate. Like how her hair was a nice color and how not many other girls I knew had hair like that. Then it was the way she'd walk, so tall, like how nothing bothered her. And then it was how she'd freak around bug pokemon. I always thought that was pretty funny. I liked—I liked to watch her. I found myself watching her more and more often. The more I tried to find things to dislike about her face or her way of speaking, the more everything just seemed to become less awful, more pleasant." Ash swallowed, his mouth feeling suddenly uncomfortably dry. His eyes darted around the wagon, suddenly anxious that he had been speaking too frankly and too loudly in the enclosed space. But no one else seemed to be stirring. Misty still slept with music playing in her ears. Jessie and Meowth snored loudly in the far corner. And even Giovanni had stooped a little forward in his sleep.
James smiled at him. "I guess I win the bet."
"Huh?"
"Well, you didn't confess to her but that was certainly a confession."
"What, no!" Ash felt his face growing hot. "I thought you said you didn't remember who bet on who."
"I lied," He pointed at his face playfully. "Team Rocket."
"I hate you."
"Aw, don't be like that. I promise I won't tell a soul."
"Except Jessie."
"Nah. I'll wait until it's more official. She wouldn't believe me, anyway."
Ash sighed, sinking into his knees. "I'm really bad at this whole letting her go thing."
"Well, letting her go would require you getting some conclusion. And you aren't going to get any of that unless you talk to her."
"You make it sound easy."
"It's not. Probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But trust me, you won't start to feel better until you do." Ash peeked over at James suspiciously. He acknowledged Ash's glance. "Yeah, I've been in your place before."
Ash frowned, his eyes instantly zeroing in on the other redhead in the wagon. Jessie's head was thrown back in the throes of sleep, her snores echoing around the space. "Jessie?"
To James' credit, he laughed. "Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah. It was her."
Jessie was snoring so violently that Ash was finding it really difficult to see what James saw in her. There was even a bit of drool pooling at the corner of her mouth. Not exactly the picture of beauty. But then again, Ash hadn't thought Misty beautiful at first either.
"So… did she—?"
"Rejected me. Stone cold flat. Several times."
Ash looked at James incredulously. "Seriously?"
"Yup."
"Geezus… Why do you seem so okay with it?"
"I told you. Because you'll feel better, once she knows." James shuffled in his seat, his shoulder knocking against Ash's arm as he did so. Perhaps it was intentional. Perhaps not. Ash didn't look up from the floor. "Jessie knows and eventually we did start dating. It's not perfect. Off and on a lot. But we're honest with each other. You should be honest with Misty."
Easier said than done. Ash worried on his bottom lip. He could feel the warmth of Mew's presence rising in his chest again. She wouldn't say anything, but she was clearly agreeing with James' assessment.
"What Misty and I have… it could change if I tell her my feelings."
"The thing is, Ash, it already has changed. You can't ignore it by keeping your true feelings bottled up. It will eventually eat you up."
"She's dating Gary."
"Who?"
"Gary," Ash nodded his head towards the front cabin. "My other friend."
"Oh, spikey-haired guy?" James made a face. Ash had to admit that he liked the disapproval on James' face. "Too bad."
"So you see why I just can't—"
"You should still let her decide. Not going to lie, if she's in a relationship right now, she probably won't choose you. That's just the way it goes." Again, he knocked against Ash's arm. "But you should still tell her. Let her make the choice."
"I just don't know," Ash covered his face with his hands.
"Just sleep on it. You'll see. You'll feel much better once you tell her."
And with that, James left Ash. He went back to his corner and fell asleep far too easily. Ash was up for many hours after, staring at a spot in the ceiling and hating that he just couldn't do it.
Time would have passed easier if there were windows for Ash to look out of. Instead, he was forced to stare at nothing and feel only the roughness of the road they bounced over. He might have nodded off a few times. But with nothing to properly gauge the time (Misty still had his pokedexter hugged tight to her chest) he had no way of knowing for how long. Eventually, their speed seemed to slow. Ash could feel them turning down roads with more curves and bends; they were off the main roads, then. When they rolled to a stop at last, most of their party woke instantly. Giovanni had a hand on his pokebelt. Jessie had shot up with a surprising alacrity, yanking both Meowth and James awake with her. Ash could even spot Pikachu's bright eyes blinking in the dark. Only Misty remained still where she was curled up on the floor.
Ash crawled closer to her, protectively. If they were just about to be discovered, Ash wanted to be sure he stayed as close to Misty as possible. So that he could wake her. So that he could carry her if need be. If he had to run, Gary never said that he couldn't have anyone else running with him. And he thought his chances would be infinitely better with another fierce pokemon trainer at his side.
It turned out their worry was unfounded. Three sharp knocks against the cabin relaxed the group. This time, Ash was the one to knock back. His knocks were answered by Gary's head slipping through open ties of the tarp.
"Hey, how are you all doing?"
"Terrible. How are you?" Jessie snarked back. Gary only smiled.
"Good good. Look, we're at a truck stop. There's a store. I'm gonna get us something to eat. We should be coming to our first campsite in an hour. Think you all can hold on until then?" Before Jessie could reply in the negative, Gary continued with. "Good! Smell you later!"
As soon as Gary was gone, Jessie's tense anger deflated. She fell back onto the floor with a large moan.
"I seriously can't take much more of this."
"We just started, Jessie," said James. Jessie just waved him off.
"Shut up, James. Don't remind me."
Ash appraised their squabbling from a new perspective. He supposed it wasn't all that different from the way he and Misty used to talk to each other, back before this awkwardness had walled up between them. Maybe James was right. Maybe things had already changed and he just hadn't wanted to notice it.
Ash didn't watch them long. His gaze crossed path with that of Giovanni's, instantly killing his pleasant mood. Crossing both arms and legs, Ash about-faced and went back to staring at his blank spot on the tarp.
They weren't at the truck stop for long. Gary had tossed in a few snacks into the back before climbing back into the truck's cabin. The group poured over the small selection of multi-flavored potato chips and dry trail mix. It was a meager selection but more than enough to tide them over until the evening.
Although Ash was kinda wishing Gary had thought to grab them a few cans of soda pop or something. After the potato chips, his mouth was rather dry. He had a bottle of lukewarm water in his pack but Ash was really in the mood for something cold.
Misty eventually woke. Ash, who had saved some of the convenience store food for her, was eager to pass it to her. Perhaps a little too eager. She had barely wiped the sleep from her eyes before Ash was there, pushing a half-eaten bag of potato chips on her. To her credit, she took it with good humor. It wasn't until they had reached their campsite that evening that Ash got up the nerve to actually talk to her.
The truck had come to stop again. Gary popped in to give them the all clear. Team Rocket was quick to scramble for the exit. And before Misty could jump out of the wagon herself, Ash had caught her arm.
"Hang on a second, Mist."
"Hm? What is it?" She pulled an earbud out of her ear. Ash was still finding it near impossible to meet her eye. So instead, he focused on a spot just above her left shoulder.
"I… I—um… I accidentally looked at your phone."
Ash couldn't see the whole of her face. But from the corner of his eye, he spotted her lips dip into a frown.
"I hadn't meant to look. But I did. And you deserve to know. I apologize."
"I see…" She was hugging his pokedexter tight to her chest. Still, Ash couldn't bear to look her in the eye. "Did you see something you weren't supposed to?"
Ash felt his face go hot. "N—no. I just—I just looked at your photo gallery, I swear."
"Ah." Misty was silent. She was probably trying to remember what photos he had possibly come across, and whether she should be more furious with him or not. "Ash… I appreciate you telling me."
"Are you angry with me?"
"Yes, a little," She shrugged, then held the pokedex out for him. "Just don't do it again."
Ash grabbed the dexter without thinking about it. His hands brushed hers. He ignored the feeling, quickly pulling the device back and shoving it unceremoniously into his back pocket. "Yes, ma'am."
She arched an eyebrow at him but said nothing. Instead, after a pause, she asked, "Was that all you wanted to talk about?"
And once more Ash found himself in a moment. The tarp was hanging open but no one was coming in to interrupt. In his head, all Ash could see were the happy pictures Misty had with Gary; holding him and kissing him. It held his tongue down. Or at least, he thought it did.
Before Ash could stop it, Ash felt the familiar feeling of numbness taking over his mouth. Mew had stepped forward to speak when Ash had failed.
"There is something else. Misty, I am deeply in love with-"
He still had function over his hands. And it was these that he slapped over his own traitorous mouth. Ash had gone a brilliant shade of pink. His embarrassment wasn't the sole cause for the color change, he had also tried to suffocate himself to keep from spitting out the words that Mew thought he needed help saying. Luckily, or perhaps not quite so lucky, Misty didn't seem to pay attention to Ash's words. Instead, her eyes were fixed on Ash's face; specifically on his eyes that had suddenly switched from their familiar shade of brown to a bewitching shade of blue.
She was at a loss, touching at her own face. As if by gesturing to her own eyes she could find the words for what she had just witnessed. Just as suddenly as they had changed, Ash's eyes had melted back into brown. And then his strange behavior followed as if he were fighting with himself. It was alarming in a way that Misty couldn't even begin to articulate.
Ash misunderstood her reaction completely.
"These potato chips!" Ash spat out at last, desperately snatching up the bag of chips Misty had not yet finished. "I love them! Can I please have the rest?"
Misty nodded numbly.
"All… alright then. I'll just be… going."
Ash quickly scrambled out of the wagon, not even giving his legs a chance to adjust from sitting to standing. He stumbled out into the sunshine, fighting the strong urge to vomit.
She knew. Mew had just blurted it out. She knew.
And Misty, she was left sitting in shock. Pikachu had observed the whole course of events at a distance. And now, as he pulled himself up to follow his master outside, he carefully watched Misty's face.
Misty had noticed him staring and quickly pulled herself together.
"Goodness, what was that about? Do you know, Pikachu?" She asked playfully scratching the pokemon under his chin.
"Nope," Pikachu replied, knowing full well that this particular human didn't understand. "But it certainly couldn't have gone much worse."
That feeling she'd had, her nagging intuition that something had changed in Ash since he returned from his kidnapping: all her suspicions were suddenly and violently confirmed. And now that she had confirmation, Misty had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.
She was raging within herself, unable to sit still. While the others had struck out to make camp alongside this lonely stretch of road that Gary had settled upon, Misty had paced. She hid her anxiety under the guise of hunting for firewood. Anyone with a careful eye would have seen how often Misty stomped past a perfectly good piece of wood. She went around in circles, hardly noticing, finding it incredibly difficult to even focus on the path in front of her. Ash would have laughed at her if he had noticed how many tree branches she had walked into.
She had seen Ash's eyes change colors. That alone seemed such a small thing to be freaking out about. It wasn't just that. His posture and his voice had transformed too. He had straightened his usual casual slouch and his voice sounded as if someone had just ironed out all the wrinkles. It was as if in those few words he had become a completely different person.
And Misty had no idea how that could be possible. In a fitful web-search aided by the spotty wifi service they had out in the middle of nowhere, Misty had web MDed too many possibilities, all of them just as horrible as the first. She had heard of people having multiple personalities before. But how would that cause someone to change their eye color at will? Giovanni said that Ash had been tortured. Was it possible to be tortured into becoming two people? And yet, the eye color. Again, Misty couldn't explain away how magic seemed to be playing some weird sort of factor.
She'd seen Ash's eyes change color before when he was being hypnotized. It was a truly frightening experience, the empty shade his eyes had become. His pupils had dilated to a frightening depth and seemed to look right through Brock and herself. Ash hadn't really believed in hypnosis himself. He hadn't believed in ghosts or psychics, either. Or at least, he would always loudly proclaim that he didn't, right until they walked smack dab into one.
It was only after they discovered how easy he was to hypnotize that Ash started to come around. That and it seemed to happen to them ridiculously often. Brock had been hypnotized by a ghost pokemon to fall in love with a statue. Misty had nearly been kidnapped when she was hypnotized by a traveling sideshow. Could it be possible that this was yet another case of hypnosis?
But what pokemon could be performing the hypnosis?
Misty's mind flew to the only psychic antagonist she knew they were facing: Mewtwo. But she quickly dismissed that as being absurd. Mewtwo didn't know they were coming yet. And even if he did, he was thousands of miles away, way out of range. Even supposing he somehow simultaneously knew they were coming and were a threat, and supposing he could project his thoughts this far, what possible use could Mewtwo have for making Ash act a little out of the ordinary? Wouldn't he have made Ash violent or have simply caused the boy to fall unconscious? Or better yet, have Ash convince the rest of them to give up this journey?
Misty kicked a wayward acorn in frustration, watching it bounce away into the undergrowth. None of it made any sense. Just what in the world was going on?
The evening was growing cold. As she stood at the edge of the treeline, Misty could see how the low-hanging clouds settled on the horizon in a pinkish-blue haze. The summer had died away. Once they reached the mountain, they'd be well on their way through autumn. Misty didn't much look forward to the snow they'd inevitably encounter. This wasn't exactly the smartest time to be starting an expedition into the mountains, but they had little choice. Ash was spurred into action and they just had to hold on so they didn't get left behind.
Misty's eyes drifted back to where the others were. They were mostly arguing about the merits of setting up camp next to the road and closer to their getaway vehicle or further into the woods where they were least likely to be seen. Gary, of course, stood in the thick of the argument. Ash, however, sat away from the others. He had perched himself on a fallen log, muttering softly to the pikachu at his side.
A thought came to her. It wasn't exactly one she hadn't already considered; she'd tried to push it away because of what it implied. But now, after having witnessed a certain magic about Ash, she had a harder time disregarding it.
It was very possible that this had everything to do with Ash's duty as a Chosen One. Wasn't that usually the case whenever the strange or unexplained happened around him? Why couldn't it also be the case this time? Although admittedly, Misty had a hard time seeing what could possibly be needed from Ash in this instance. What did Ash need from Mewtwo? Or rather, what did Mewtwo need from the Chosen One?
Gary had broken away from the Team Rocket members to join Ash. Misty watched as the two greeted each other with far more warmth than she had seen between them in a while. At least since Ash had reached Elm's laboratory. They were smiling and talking, almost back to normal. Misty couldn't help but stare at Ash's face, willing for the change to happen again.
It didn't.
Eventually, Misty realized she should get back to the task she had only been pretending to do before. She abandoned the boys to their conversations and returned to her own troubled thoughts.
"That was a huge dick move!" Ash hissed, his anger making it difficult to keep his volume down. He had pulled back from the others, careful to keep from a repeat of what had occurred between him and Misty. He didn't need Mew blurting out his dark secrets to any other passerby. "How could you do that? I told you not to!"
"I'm terribly sorry, Ash. You were exhibiting all the signs that you wanted to tell her those words. I only thought of helping you. I shouldn't have assumed."
"You're right! You shouldn't have!"
"In my defense—"
"No, no defense!"
"In my defense, I don't believe she fully comprehended what I was trying to say."
"How could she have not understood. You said I am deeply in love—I mean, you only left out one word, Mew! She knew I wasn't talking about potato chips!"
"Are you sure? I thought that was pretty convincing."
Ash couldn't tell if Mew was being sarcastic or not. He realized though that it hardly mattered one way or the other. The damage was done. Now he just had to figure out how to avoid both Misty and Gary for the rest of their journey, until Mewtwo could kindly put him out of his misery.
"I am sorry, Ash. I'm just… I get so frustrated seeing you struggling with this when I know I could help you."
Ash let out a dry laugh. "No, Mew. You can't. You absolutely can't help me with this. You need to stay out of it."
"You simply do not understand how it feels to be sitting in the sidelines to this." Mew continued, heedlessly, gripping Ash's own hair, a decidedly Ash-like gesture. "I can feel it causing you pain, distraction, anger; I feel it all. I want to just stay silent but it's almost physically painful. And I just can't help but think if I just told Misty how I felt, we could just put this all behind us."
The sudden change of pronouns wasn't lost on either occupying soul. Ash didn't even try to fight for control as Mew quickly corrected her mistake. Slip of the tongue, she said breathlessly, eager to push the experience away. Except it wasn't. Ash was present for that moment just as much as Mew had been. In that split second, Ash had felt something slip. Just for a second, the two of them had briefly slid into one single being. He was both Ash and Mew for the passing of a breath, taking ownership of both Mew's frustration and his own. It felt just as uncomfortable as a swallowed hiccup; a trapped pocket in his chest, that for one brief moment, was too full.
Ash knew why Mew didn't want to talk about it. He had just been her for the briefest of moments. He could somehow understand her as perfectly as he understood himself. The experience was like a balm to his burning anger. He wasn't willing to let go of his anger completely. Ash still felt like he had been the injured party. But it was hard to stay furious at another being who had just very unexpectedly become himself. It was still possible to hate himself, of course. Just… more confusing.
Had Mew confessed out of concern for a friend she had seen struggling or was she already becoming him? And in that moment of their dual existence, had she taken the side of his thoughts that had wanted to take action?
He didn't dare dwell on speculation too long. After all, Ash wasn't sure how much his own thoughts were his own any longer. So instead, Ash dug his pokedex out of his back pocket.
On his journey, Ash had found many an evening where, when left with nothing better to do, Ash simply flipped through the entries on his pokedex. Ash wasn't a scholar by any means. He continually needed to be reminded about basic type match-ups. In his defense, who could really remember that fighting was weak to flying? That one didn't even make sense. So this habit was really the only way Ash could profess any sort of pokemon knowledge. He didn't learn through reading or studying. His grades from the mandatory years of public school certainly attest to that. He learned through action. By battling a pokemon, Ash seemed to intuitize a Pokémon's strength and weaknesses. And reviewing his Pokédex in the evening afterward, he could try to set in the knowledge he'd just acquired.
It shouldn't have surprised him. When he powered his Pokédex on, he was met with the familiar copy of his pokemon license, digitally acquired when he turned ten years old. It was stamped over in red with the words SUSPENSION: UNDER REVIEW.
Ash knew he couldn't have expected the League not to act. They simply couldn't remain neutral when a trainer had seemingly gone rogue against pokemon law enforcement, even if the league and White Ice were usually at odds. It was probably due to the League's egalitarian view of pokemon and humans, which White Ice certainly didn't share. Much as they wouldn't want to take action, it would be negligent of them to ignore the potential threat that Ash posed. His previous record would certainly work against him, too.
They wouldn't be able to expel Ash from the league without a thorough review. And for the review, they would need to apprehend him and seize his pokemon. Ash didn't intend for them to come anywhere near him. This suspension meant very little. He had already functioned well as a trainer under suspension before. Theoretically, suspended trainers weren't allowed to possess, battle or enter tournaments with pokemon. But it wasn't exactly like Ash planned to enter into any legitimate pokemon matches out here in the middle of nowhere.
Still, having the suspension tag back over his license gave him a twinge of pain. Unwanted memories of shame and guilt were tied with such an ugly boldfaced tag. He really wished he could manage to clear this up, if only for the sake of what was left of his pokemon career.
"And that's why I go with the paper license."
Ash started when a chocolate bar dropped heavily into his lap. He looked up into Gary's grinning face. "Happy birthday, buddy."
"Birthday?"
"Well, technically it was two weeks ago. Back when those Icy bastards still had you in their clutches. Still, you don't turn eighteen everyday." Gary plopped down on the log next to Ash, casually stretching out and taking up way more room than Ash would have liked. He pushed Gary's shoulder, not able to knock the interloper off his log but also not trying all that hard either. "Misty and your mom didn't want us to make a big deal about it. You know, with all that happened. Thought we should wait to celebrate once everything was back to normal. But I still figured, with how you were about birthdays, you could use some cheering up."
Ash clutched at the wrapped chocolate bar numbly. He didn't want to admit that he had completely forgotten about his own birthday. And now that he knew, Ash wasn't sure how to feel about it. He was eighteen. A couple of months ago, he would have been looking forward to this birthday. It would have officially earned him veteran status as a pokemon trainer and all the perks that came with such a title. And yet, now Ash just couldn't find it in himself to care.
Why care about pokemon trainer statuses when you literally have another ancient soul inhabiting your body and forcing you to go face down a cloned pokemon god? Becoming a veteran trainer felt about as hollow a gesture as the candy bar when you looked at it in context.
"Better eat that up quick. The others are just heating up a can of spaghetti-os for dinner. And I think Jessie has a serious sweet tooth. Saw her eying it earlier. She'll be wanting that if you don't."
"Thanks," Ash said, twirling the candy bar idly in his hands but showing no sign of unwrapping it any time soon. It wasn't that Ash was ungrateful, but he'd found it hard to feel anything but panic and anxiety lately. Ash tore his attention from the pity present to the man sitting at his side. There were many questions that Ash had been wanting to ask Gary, but either from accident or design, Ash had never gotten the chance to talk to him alone. Now was the perfect time. He had wanted to know how Gary had even been roped into this situation in the first place. How had he gotten hurt? But more pressing than them all was the status of his relationship with Misty. That was, of course, one question he couldn't ask. He wouldn't like the answer either way.
So instead, Ash asked, "Aren't you scared?"
"Scared?" Gary had been staring absentmindedly towards the campfire. Perhaps daydreaming of a better dinner than the one that awaited them. "Scared about what?"
"You ran into Mewtwo before. It was the pokemon that attacked you in Viridian back then. Back when I found you… You used to tell me not to go looking for it."
"Well, yeah. Knowing you—what with you having dreams about it—I figured you would try to go searching for the damn thing eventually. You're kinda stupid like that." He had meant the barb playfully, Ash knew that. But it still stung.
"You didn't answer my question."
"Oh well," Gary looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah, I guess so. A little. I'm definitely not looking forward to meeting it again. Although… I'd like to think I'm a bit stronger of a trainer now."
Ash smiled at that. Leaned back with his arms crossed, that cocky grin plastered across his face, was a young man that a younger Ash would have believed implicitly. Ash had no reason to doubt the confidence that Gary exuded on a daily basis. Endlessly irritating, but Ash had never questioned it. Until the day Ash had found the young man sprawled out on the Viridian Gym floor.
When Ash had shaken the boy awake, Gary came back to himself in a sudden violence. Grabbing onto Ash's tee, he'd pulled the smaller boy in. His grip was so hard and tight that it hurt. Gary's face and lips were completely bloodless as he trembled and shook his way through his harrowing encounter with the world's only evil pokemon. Ash would never forget that. Gary, at his lowest moment: a scene he had always hoped to relish in. But no, that memory chilled his blood.
With Mew's memories combined with his faulty own, Ash knew that there would be no taking Mewtwo on. They'd stand no better a chance than Gary had the first time he had tried. If they were going to get through to Mewtwo at all, it would have to be through words. That certainly wasn't Ash or Gary's strong suit.
"Besides," Gary continued, startling Ash out of his reverie. "We have a trump card."
Taking a moment to bask in Ash's confused stare, Gary then procured a familiar purple-capped pokeball from his jacket pocket. With one tap, he had enlarged it from its original marble size. Ash stared into his own reflection on its polished surface, a sudden thrill making his stomach take a frightened flip. Mew's influence, undoubtedly. After all, it was the very pokeball that had put Mew into the state she was in now.
"I thought I handed this over to Professor Oak," Ash said, gingerly taking it out of Gary's hands. It felt as loaded as a grenade, as though it could go off at any moment. With as little as Ash knew about it, it was probably best to air on the side of caution.
"You did. Gramps did some tests. This little guy," Gary tapped on the ball. "Probably the most powerful pokeball in the world."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. The magnets in this thing, Gramps said he hadn't seen anything like it. He thinks it could catch anything. One shot. Boom. Pokemon captured."
Gary grinned at him but Ash couldn't return the smile. His face felt frozen. He could barely stand touching the ball. How could such an object feel so completely wrong?
"Hey, I know that look." Gary knocked Ash lightly on the shoulder. "Come on. What's wrong? You aren't seriously going to feel guilty about it? You're not that much of a bleeding heart, are you?"
Ash didn't answer. Gary pressed on, giving his friend a small shake as if it might shake the stoicism from his face. "Ash, it's Mewtwo. The world's most evil pokemon. There's no telling if even normal pokeballs would work on such a powerful psychic pokemon. This is our only recourse." He grabbed onto the pokeball, squeezing Ash's hands underneath his own until it hurt. Ash winced but he didn't pull away. "This is our best chance."
"It feels… cruel. Not giving it a chance to fight back."
"If we give Mewtwo a chance to fight back, it'll kill us. You'll see, Ash." He gave Ash's hands around the pokeball one last shake. "You'll see that I'm right."
And with that, Gary left Ash alone. Ash didn't watch him leave, focused too hard on the powerful pokeball laid to his disposal. It gleamed darkly in the campfire light, a seductive glow. Ash clicked the button to minimize and then stuff the pokeball into his back pocket. He could only hope that when the time came, he would just forget to use it.
To Be Continued…
Please Read and Review!
Special thanks to my wonderful beta reader HarunaRei. She was able to help me with this chapter so it's thanks to her that you all are getting this chapter earlier than I said you would.
I'm really excited to release the both this and the following chapter for you guys. I think they are some of the more fun and action-packed ones I've been able to write for a while.
Also, we are coming up on Mewtwo's entrance. I've been waiting years to write it. I hope you all will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed daydreaming about it. It's been the work of years after all.
Thank you to all my reviewers, Ronnie R15, YumeTakato, Ashora and others who left reviews anonymously. I really appreciate each and every one of you. You are my encouragement to keep writing even after all this time.
You all can expect the next chapter either in late February or early March. It is already written and is just waiting to be edited. So you won't have to wait long, I promise!
Next time, strange happenings start up around our intrepid heroes. Can they make it through or will their journey dead end here? Stay tuned!
