"AAAAAAAAH!"
The ear-piercing shriek had Hurk rolling off the couch and sprinting into the bedroom that Sylas and Lynn shared within the span of three seconds.
What he did not expect was for Sylas to be the one screaming on the floor, while Lynn was mutely staring in horror at the spreading maroon stain on the bed sheets.
"Ah. Just. Wait. Don't move." Hurk slapped the back of Sylas' head to get him to shut his mouth. "Actually, no, Lynn go sit on the toilet, I'll get—"
Hurk barged into Arisha and Vella's room, ignoring the hisses from the naked women who were definitely in the middle of something on their Queen-sized bed, and headed straight for the adjoined bathroom. A quick rummage in the cabinet under the sink got him what he needed.
Hurk knocked on the only other bathroom's door. "Lynn? I have a thing that'll probably help."
He got a meek "Okay" in response. Hurk cracked open the door just enough to shove the box of tampons inside before slamming it shut again.
"Is she hurt? What's going on? That was so much blood. Is she going to die?" Sylas popped up by his elbow with a panicked look on his too-young face.
Hurk sighed. The brats were fourteen years old now. The Talk was something he'd been putting off for a while under the assumption of that they were still too young, but with Lynn's… predicament… it seemed like that was no longer an option.
"Kid, she's not gonna die. First things first, I'm getting those two women to talk to her about puberty while you go and bleach her bed. Make sure to open the windows when you're bleaching the sheets and the mattress. When I get back from the store, you and I are going out to have a little chat."
"Oh. Oh no. No, no, no I am not—" Sylas' expression went from disgust to horror and then back to disgust in about 0.2 seconds flat.
"You should know how to get blood stains out of clothing already, so it shouldn't be too hard." Hurk's tone brokered absolutely no chance for argument or dissent, and the boy slumped as he went to fetch the supplies.
Hurk barged back into Arisha and Vella's room. Thankfully, both women were in the process of dressing and thus were mildly decent.
"I need both of you to talk to Lynn about puberty. She started her… yeah."
"So that's what the ruckus was about." Vella snorted as she adjusted her tube top.
"Hmm. Well, alright. The girl does have a right to know these sorts of things, and not from a man. Where is she now?" Arisha buttoned up her mesh vest top with a raised eyebrow.
"Bathroom. I'm going out to get her some of her own stuff. The boy's cleaning up the sheets."
"Fine. Just don't go all berserk on us after we talk to her." Vella smirked as she waggled her finger in Hurk's direction.
"Keep your language PG-13, please. Arisha, make sure your girlfriend doesn't accidentally turn my kid into a pirate-prostitute."
Hurk ducked in time to avoid a flying shoe aimed at his head as he left the women's bedroom.
The 'feminine hygiene' aisle of the nearest drug store was rather small compared to a typical chain store, but at least Hurk recognized the brand of tampons and pads that his roommates used. He didn't quite know the difference between the absorbencies, so he just picked a few boxes that had a combination of everything and threw it into his shopping basket.
As an afterthought, Hurk grabbed a generic bag of wrapped chocolates. This particular bag was the last one on the sale shelf.
Someone had also grabbed the bag at the same time as he did.
Hurk glared at the other man.
The other man glared right back at him.
"I was here first." The other man's voice was low and harsh-sounding, as if he had a particularly bad smoking habit. The man himself, however, looked just around his own age, was dressed in all black, and had his hair swept back in a careful style that made sure the full force of his cold glare wouldn't be obscured in any way.
"I need this. It's a life-or-death situation." Hurk drew himself up straight; he was a good few inches taller than the other man, and hopefully that would work to his advantage.
"My friend is in a coma in the hospital and his wife is just about ready to annihilate me for suggesting that she go home and rest." The other man snorted. He didn't let go of the bag of chocolate.
Hurk noticed the bouquet of flowers and the 'Get Well' card sitting in the other man's basket. "My daughter started her period this morning."
The man blinked, his mouth open for a retort that didn't quite make it, and then let go of the bag of chocolate. "My condolences to you and your wife."
"I'm a single father." Hurk didn't really know why he felt the need to put that bit in, but he did and now he couldn't take it back.
The man took a slow look of Hurk from head to toe and then drawled a disbelieving, "…Really? You, a single father?"
"Yeah. Um. I'm older than I look." Hurk could feel his ears starting to burn. He needed to leave, right now, before he embarrassed himself even further. He shoved the bag of chocolate into his basket and headed to the cashier's desk.
It was only then that Hurk realized he'd forgotten his wallet back at the apartment and was short four dollars in cash.
Something brushed against his arm – Hurk barely kept himself from jumping a foot up in the air in surprise – and a crisp five-dollar bill slid across the counter. Hurk looked over his shoulder to see the man from earlier with an unimpressed look on his face.
"Thanks, man."
"…No problem."
The man returned to the aisles, presumably to continue shopping.
It was only until three hours later – after he'd arrived back at the apartment to find Sylas stuck underneath Lynn's mattress from where it'd fallen on top of him and Lynn bawling her eyes out at the 'wonders of womanhood' that Arisha and Vella were describing with evil smirks – that Hurk had a moment to take a breather away from the hectic whirlwind that was this particular Tuesday of their ragtag household.
At the moment, he was in the bathroom and giving the toilet a deep clean while he was waiting for the bleached sheets to dry. The apartment was silent, as the women had left to terrorize the city and Sylas had practically ran out of the apartment after the incredibly awkward 'Birds and the Bees' Talk that he'd given. Lynn was napping on the couch, on top of a pile of towels and surrounded by chocolate wrappers; the poor girl had pretty much demolished the entire bag of chocolate within half an hour.
Once the toilet was sparkling in cleanliness, Hurk hauled himself up to his feet, cracked his back a few times, and then set aside the cleaning supplies as he washed his hands. Then he went in search for his missing wallet. Where had he left it again?
Oh right, on the kitchen counter. Hurk picked it up and thumbed through the fold. It was as he suspected – someone (99.9% sure it was Vella) had swiped up all of his cash and the last non-expired coupon for a burger and shakes at a fast food joint. With a sigh, Hurk stuffed the wallet back into the pocket of his pants.
A crinkle of paper caught his attention. Taking out his wallet, he reached into the pocket and felt a scrap of paper that certainly hadn't been there before.
A string of hastily-scribbled numbers and one word scrawled in neat handwriting: DILF.
Hurk squinted at the note. What was a DILF? It looked and sounded like some kind of annoying teenager-speech, so he'd probably ask Vella later. However, he could feel a heat starting to burn at his ears and neck when he belatedly realized that oh Goddess, that man gave him his number?
