Chapter 4
"You sure, you don't want to stay the night?"
Sasha, smiled and nodded "yes, but thank you. After I see Tom, I'm flying back to St. Louis"
"Not going to spend the night there, either?" Kara asked, trying hide a smirk.
Sasha, narrowed her eyes as she finished her cup of coffee "I'm picking up cloths. That's it"
"Mmhmm" Kara smiled "they don't have clothing stores in St. Louis?"
"I don't want to be wasteful" Sasha shrugged, putting her mug in the sink "and, you know, I...I have a lot of cloths that I like, and that I want, and their mine, and I like them, and I want them" she scoffed, shaking her head "and now we are completely off topic. We were talking about YOU, and Danny"
Kara laughed "alright, but there isn't much to share. On my end anyway. Right now, he's focusing on being a better father to Frankie. Maybe once that happens, we can work on him and I" she said softly.
"That's good. I know that's what he wants. All both of you can do, is try. Seems like your both willing to do that"
Kara nodded, looking down at her empty ring finger "I just worry, that he'll want to be out there, more then here, with Frankie and I"
"Kara" Sasha said, squeezing her shoulder gently "he wants nothing more, then to be here, be a family, with you guys" she said softly "he just... I think we have all, been fighting to survive for so long, it's hard to let go. But he is trying"
"I think I should be jealous, that he talks to you, more then me" Kara said, laughing a little "but it's oddly comforting. To know, that even though he can't tell me those things, he does want them"
Sasha smiled and grabbed her coat "don't be too jealous. I have to listen to an hour of whining, before we get to any substance"
Kara laughed, and hugged Sasha "that little pang of jealousy, is now replaced with sympathy" she smiled "thanks for stopping in. It was nice to catch up"
"It was" Sasha said, returning the hug "give Frankie a big kiss for me, and tell Danny, I said Hi. I, guess I'll see you guys next Month, for the big ceremony"
"Don't remind me" Kara sighed "I don't feel like I deserve a medal at all. Let alone a public ceremony for it. Too many people died"
"Now you sound like Tom" she smiled, as they walked to the door "but all of you, being recognized, shows that our friends and family, didn't die in vein"
"Perhaps" Kara nodded "so you'll be up there, with the rest of us?" She asked, with a small smile.
"Nope. One of the perks of not being in uniform" she smiled "I'll see you next month" Sasha, said before leaving.
"Get Everything you need?" Tom asked, as Sasha walked into the kitchen, placing a bundle of cloths on hangers, over the back of a chair.
"I think so. Hopefully I'll be done in St. Louis sooner, rather than later" she said sitting up on a stool. "Dinner smells good"
"Well" Tom smiled "Mike, likes a hot meal when he gets home from work"
Sasha laughed, shaking her head "you two are cute"
"Not what I was going for" Tom cringed, but laughed a little, as he put a casserole dish in the oven "So...have you decided if you're going to accept that job offer?" He asked, cautiously.
"I have" Sasha, nodded "it's what I've always wanted. Something I've worked very hard for. Made sacrifices for-" she trailed off, looking up to meet Tom's eyes.
"I see" he said softly, trying to hide his disappointment. Professionally, he could acknowledge that no one, deserved it more. Personally though, he knew they would be pulled in opposite directions, even if they both tried to fight it. "Congratulations"
"I turned it down" she said quickly. "I umm... that's just not who I am, anymore. Or what I want. To be honest, I don't even know what that is, right now. But I know, I don't want to be stuck in that life" she whispered, looking down at her hands.
Tom took a deep breath, watching her for a moment, before walking around the island and reaching for one of her hands "are you sure, that's what you want?"
Sasha nodded, thinking for a moment before squeezing his hand "Yeah. I am"
"Is it bad, if I'm a little bit happy?" He asked, with a small smirk.
Sasha laughed, smacking his arm gently, as Tom, pulled her into a hug "you can be so insensitive sometimes" she mumbled into his chest, wrapping her arms around his back.
"Part of my charm" he whispered, squeezing his arms around Sasha, before letting her go.
Sasha scoffed, straightening herself in the stool "let's not get carried away" she said grabbing a bottle of water, Tom had left out for her. She needed a barrier, even if it was a bottle of water. It had been an exercise in discipline, from the moment she had walked in the door, and feeling his arms wrapped around her body, wasn't helping. "I stopped by to see the kids, a couple days ago" she said clearing her throat "sounds like they are looking forward to visiting you next week"
Tom, smiled and nodded. He knew, she was reeling their conversation back into a safe zone. And perhaps it was for the best, even if slightly disappointing. "Good. I am too" he smiled "thought I might take them up to my dad's old cabin. They always loved it up there, when they were little"
"You're, going to take your teenaged daughter away from wifi and 24/7 contact with her friends?" Sasha asked, amused "brave man"
"It'll only be 2 or 3 days" Tom shrugged "I think she'll survive"
Sasha bit her lip and laughed, but didn't say anything.
"And again" Tom added "Thank you for keeping an eye on them. It means a lot to me" he said softly.
"You don't have to thank me" Sasha shook her head "if I didn't want to, I wouldn't. You know I love them, and would do anything for them. Besides, someone needs to make sure they are eating more then pizza, and Chinese take-out"
"That bad?" Tom chuckled
"Mmm" she nodded, raising an eyebrow "and if you ever need a gift idea for them. Get some sort of weekly cleaning service"
"It's a two bedroom apartment. How dirty can it get?"
"Picture Sam's, room and Ashley's, closet...but across the entire apartment" Sasha smiled "anyway, I brought them groceries...fruits, vegetables. Weather they eat them or not, is a different story"
Tom looked at her disapprovingly "I send them money for that"
"I know. Which they spend on pizza, Chinese take out, and in Sam's case, video games" Sasha said matter of factly "at the end of the day, they are still kids, Tom. Very mature, and responsible kids, but kids none the less" she shrugged.
"Do you think it was a bad idea. Letting them go?" He asked, a little concerned.
Sasha thought for a moment sighing softly "in Ashley's case, no. I don't. She knows who she is, what she wants. She's strong, assertive, self aware. She likes challenging herself. She's you" Sasha smiled "and from what I can see, she's doing really well, because she went there for herself. It's what she needed"
"And Sam?"
"I think he went for Ashley. His sister is the one person who's been around, his entire life. I think when she left, he felt...empty, abandoned" she said softly "he didn't go to St. Louis because he wanted too, he went because he missed his sister"
"He told you this?" Tom asked
"No. Not in so many words" Sasha shrugged "honestly, I think he's homesick, but is too afraid to tell you. Or Ashley, for that matter"
"Afraid? Of what. I would love for him, both of them, to come home. I would never say no" Tom said, almost hurt by the thought.
"I know that" she said reaching over and squeezing his arm "and next week will be an excellent opportunity, to make sure he, knows that too".
"You honestly think, he wants to come home?" He asked. As much as Tom, loved the idea, he also didn't want to get his hopes up.
"I do" she nodded "and if you guys talked about it, I think you'd find, he wanted to be back here, in time for the new school year"
"Alright, I'll make sure I talk with him" Tom said softly. He paused, before looking back up at Sasha "and what about you?"
As much as she had anticipated this subject, coming up, it still caught her off guard. and certainly didn't make talking about it, any easier. In truth, all she wanted was to be back here. Under one roof, with Tom. "I think we both, have a ways to go, before that happens" she said softly. "You seem, like you're doing a lot better. Almost, dare I say, happy. But Tom, let's be honest. We've been through hell and back. That doesn't just get fixed, overnight" she said sliding her hand down his arm, stopping when she got to his hand "I meant what I said, I love you, and I will be here, when...or if" she whispered "you decide that you can be happy, with yourself, and me, with you"
"Sasha" Tom said, almost shocked "what do you mean "if"? How could you think I wouldn't be happy with you"
Sasha sighed squaring her shoulders "the last three years, for starters"
"That...that had nothing to do with you" he said honestly "I do, love you. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know how, I would have made it without you"
"That's my whole point, Tom" she said sternly "I feel like more of a life raft for you, then a girlfriend, or...whatever" she said waving her hand. Sighing softly, she could see the hurt, and almost realization of what she'd said, in his eyes. "When...when I saw that plane, get blown out of the sky, knowing you were on it, and most likely dead it-it, tore me apart inside. All I wanted to do was lay down, curl up in a ball and never move again" she mumbled, wiping a few tears from her eyes "then when I heard your voice, I honestly can't remember the last time I was so, relieved and genuinely happy. But you weren't" she said disappointed "it was just another day at the office. Like you didn't care if you lived or died. Not once did you think about what it would do to me, or the kids, to lose you" Sasha wiped away a few more tears, before continuing "I don't want to live like that" she whispered "constantly worrying that you don't want to come home at the end of the day"
Tom sighed, looking down. He'd never thought of it, like that before "I think, I got myself too caught up, in the fight, and forgot what we were fighting for in the first place. I was living in the past, and trying to right, all the wrongs, with victories" he whispered looking back up, reaching his hand over to Sasha's cheek, catching a few stray tears with his thumb "and you're right. I didn't stop to think about what it would do, to you, or the kids if I died. But I want to be here. With them. With you" he said, looking into her eyes. "And I'm starting to realize, that you've bee right all along" he said with a little smile "I need to learn, to leave the past in the past. Learn how to be happy, with myself so that you and I, can have a future. I want that future, very much"
Sasha smiled a little and kissed the inside of his wrist "So Do I" she whispered "I didn't realize you were so insightful"
"I'm not. I'm stealing my therapists lines" Tom smiled.
Sasha coughed out a laugh, as she dried her cheeks with a piece of tissue "how's that going?"
"Okay I suppose. She's a little intimidating. Kind of like being in the principals office"
"You know what it's like to get hauled into the principals office?" Sasha scoffed.
"Alright, what I've heard it's like" Tom chuckled.
Sasha laughed and nodded "that's what I thought"
Tom smiled, tucking a few strands of hair, behind Sasha's, ear "I miss this" he whispered, staring at her for a few moments, before leaning in. His lips had just brushed against hers, when the front door could be heard opening.
"Hunny, I'm home" Mike, called out.
Both Sasha, and Tom pulled apart "perfect timing" Tom mumbled as Mike walked around the corner, into the kitchen.
"One week in, and you're stepping out on me, already" mike shook his head at Tom, but smiled at Sasha "it's good to see you" he said walking over and giving her a hug.
"You too, Mike" Sasha smiled, kissing his cheek "how are things here?"
"Busy. Lots to do, not a lot of bodies to do it with. But we'll get through. We have before, we will again". He smiled "plus, I've found myself the perfect housewife" he winked, nodding towards Tom.
Sasha laughed. She'd always admired, and been envious of Mikes, ability to always be positive. He'd lost more then most, yet he still did his job, and carried on with a smile on his face, and attitude to match it. "it seems you have him well trained. I should get going"
"You don't want to stay for dinner?" Tom asked, unimpressed with Mikes interruption.
"My flight leaves in a couple hours" she said looking at her watch "and I don't want to be a third wheel"
Tom, shot mike, a disapproving look "make yourself useful and set the table" then turned to look at Sasha "I'll walk you out"
Sasha nodded "bye Mike, it was good to see you" she said, grabbing the cloth's she had laid out earlier, before leaving.
"I thought we were having a great evening, right up until Mike, barging in" Tom mumbled, as he helped load Sasha's, things into her rental car.
Sasha smiled, and put her bag in the back seat "better him, then your kids"
Tom, laughed a little and opened the driver door for her "but still the same result" he smiled "you know, you could stay for dinner"
"I could" she nodded, stepping in front of him "but this is the part, where I'm supposed to be the voice of reason"
"Good memory" Tom smiled, closing the distance between them "I meant what I said earlier. I miss this. I miss you" he said trailing his fingers down her arm.
"Why don't you fly the kids home, after their visit" Sasha said softly "you could spend a couple days in St. Louis... I mean, if Mike, says it's okay, of course" she added, with a cheeky smile.
Tom laughed, shaking his head "I'd like that. Have a safe flight"
"And you" Sasha said pointing her finger at him "have fun with your kids. And don't forget to talk to Sam"
"Yes mam" Tom nodded.
"Good. And take care of yourself" she whispered, placing a kiss at the corner of his lips. "I'll see you in a couple weeks" she smiled, getting into her car and shutting the door.
Tom watched until the car was out of sight, before hearing back into the house. He stopped at the front door, laughing a little as he thought back to three years ago, when Sasha had left under similar circumstances.
"That wasn't a complete disaster" Tom smirked, handing Sasha a cup of coffee.
Sasha scoffed shaking her head "your daughter only spoke two words to me" she said taking a sip of coffee.
"But that's two more, then she says to me" he smiled.
Sasha couldn't help but laugh, as she pushed herself up on the countertop, letting out a sigh "I guess you're right. Not a complete disaster. Sam is very good, at keeping things light...and the conversation going"
"Yeah, that he is" Tom smiled "but he's always been an easy kid. Where as Ashley..."
"Likes to challenge you?" Sasha asked, looking at him as she took another sip of coffee.
"Me, and everyone else" he sighed.
"That's not necessarily a bad thing" Sasha shrugged "once she learns, to Channel it towards something more productive"
Tom smiled a little, and walked over to Sasha, setting his cup to the side as he stepped between her legs "I guess you're right" he nodded "next time, we can aim for a full sentence"
"Is that your way, of asking me over again?"
"Yes" Tom said, without hesitation.
"Alright" Sasha smiled, reaching her hand up to rest on his cheek "full sentence it is"
"It's an ambitious goal" he said, leaning his head into her hand, before slowly closing the distance, between their faces.
"I think I can handle it" Sasha whispered, slowly moving her hand from his cheek, to the back of Tom's, neck.
"I have no doubts" he mumbled, moving his hands up her thighs, coming to a stop at her hips. He dropped his eyes from hers, looking at her lips.
"You know, I should probably go" Sasha whispered, barely audible.
"I don't want you too", slowly moving one hand up her side. He smiled, hearing Sasha's breath, hitch in her throat, as he ducked his head to the side and moved his lips to her neck.
"I um" she mumbled, leaning into his body "I'm really trying to be the voice of reason, here"
Tom ignored her, and moved his lips up her neck, carefully making his way to her lips. He had just reached his intended target when Ashley stormed into the kitchen "seriously!"
They quickly separated, and for Sasha's part, she wished nothing more then, the ground to open up and swallow her whole.
"Ash" Tom sighed pulling himself away from Sasha, but kept his hand on her leg. "Is there something you need?"
"No. I've lost my appetite!" She said before storming off, back upstairs.
Tom, and Sasha, stayed quiet for a few moments before Sasha finally spoke up "on the plus side...that was a full sentence"
He looked up from the floor, a smile spreading across his lips "looks like we'll need to set another goal"
Sasha laughed and nodded "in the meantime" she said sliding off the counter "I'm gonna go. Thank you for tonight, and I'm sorry about...that" she said waving her hand.
"It's not your fault, and there is nothing to be sorry for" he said softly "Come on, I'll walk you out"
"Are you going to stare at that door all night, or are you going to come eat?" Mike, asked.
"Yeah, Sorry. Be right there" Tom said, finally closing the door.
