A/N: Thank you all for the reviews!
Hope Reawakened
-4-
"What?" she hissed. "You were in Azkaban?"
He shook his head. "I honestly don't know where I was. There was a small window in my… cell, but it certainly didn't look out on the North Sea."
"But there wasn't any trial!" Hermione protested, grabbing hold of the chair in front of her. "No indication from anyone that you were even alive! The entire Wizarding World mourned the death of a hero, and you're telling me that the Ministry had you locked away and didn't say a damn thing?"
"I suppose I am."
"My gods," she gasped while covering her cheeks with her hands. "How could they do that? And you didn't murder him, for Merlin's sake!"
"I cast the Killing Curse," he replied.
"On his orders!"
"Which is why I am standing here and not still sitting in that room."
"But you shouldn't have been there in the first place," she argued.
Severus let out a sigh as he leaned his weight onto his cane. "Casting the Killing Curse carries a mandatory sentence."
"They lifted that mandate during the War," Hermione stated crossly. "Otherwise, half of the Order would be in prison right now. Arthur Weasley would be in prison right now. As would Kingsley."
He merely shrugged. "If you were to ask the Ministry, I'm quite certain they'll define the War as having started after I killed him."
"But Kingsley's the Minister," the witch grumbled. "He should have…"
She trailed off when he snorted sadly and shook his head. Rubbing her forehead, she let out a deep breath and grimaced upon noticing his stance. "Merlin, Severus, I'm sorry. You just came back from the dead as far as I'm concerned, and here I am arguing with you over something that wasn't even remotely your fault."
The wizard said nothing as she slowly approached him, but immediately held her tightly when she wrapped her arms around him. After a minute, he rested his face in her soft curls and sucked in a deep breath. "Hermione, I would never have willingly left you. Especially not if I had even considered for one moment that you could be carrying my child."
"Really?" she whispered.
"Gods, yes," Snape replied. "I love you, Hermione. I thought I was never going to get the chance to tell you."
The witch smiled brightly as she squeezed his midsection. "I so wanted to believe that you did."
"Yet you didn't?" he asked in surprise.
Hermione took in a slow breath and pulled back from him. "I know about Lily."
He closed his eyes briefly and ducked his head. "I meant to tell you everything. I just… I knew that if you knew the truth about why I was protecting Potter, that it would be too much to ask you not to tell him anything. I didn't want you dealing with any more stress than you had to, and if Potter discovered the truth before all of the Horcruxes had been found, it was too great a risk –"
"I know, Severus," she whispered, reaching up to touch his cheek. "I know. I'm not upset that you didn't tell me. I just… I loved you so much, and it hurt a bit to know that I wasn't the one you were thinking about at… at the end."
There was a clattering as the wizard dropped his cane to the floor and used both hands to cup her face. "Hermione, there wasn't one moment since you first kissed me that I haven't thought about you."
"But it was Harry you wanted to see," the woman exclaimed. "You wanted him to look at you, and you talked about her eyes."
"Merlin," Snape whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead. "I'm sorry it appeared that way."
"How should it have appeared?"
"I was dying, Hermione, and there were so many regrets," he stated softly. "That I would never wake up with you in my arms… that I could never kiss you again… that I would never be able to see you happy… that you would never know how much I loved you. I knew that I had to tell Potter everything he needed to know, and while he was there, I kept thinking about all the times you told me I should be kinder to him or that you wished that the two of us would eventually become friends. I thought I would have had a bit more time to say good-bye to you, so I wanted him to know that I had never hated him and that his mother had been my best friend. I just... I ran out of time, and I'm so very sorry that I wasn't able to fight it longer."
There were thick tears slipping down her cheeks as she pulled his head down and desperately sought his mouth with her own. Moving his hands from her face to her waist, he drew her frame more tightly against his as he deepened the kiss. When she shifted her knee against the outside of his leg, however, he groaned in pain.
Hermione immediately pulled away in concern. "Oh, Merlin… I've hurt you."
"It's… it's fine," the man claimed as he reached down to squeeze the flesh just above his knee.
"Severus, I'm so sorry," she whimpered, covering her mouth with her hands.
"Don't." He shook his head as he straightened back to his full height. "It's not something I've never done to myself before."
The witch sucked in a quick breath before grabbing hold of his hand and gently tugging him in the direction of the sofa. "Come sit down. Is there anything I can –"
"No, it's alright," Severus muttered, sinking onto the cushion. "The pain's already diminished."
She nodded hesitantly as she claimed a seat beside him and then gingerly touched his left knee. When he did not flinch at the contact, she exhaled slowly. "What's wrong with it?"
"Side effect of the venom," he explained. "I suppose I should be grateful for the pain since it means it must be improving. Until two years ago, I had no sensation in that leg at all."
"Have you seen a Healer?" Hermione questioned.
The wizard gave a shrug. "As far as I know… no."
"As far as you know?" she repeated. "What do you mean?"
He took in an uncomfortable breath and rubbed his forehead. "I wasn't quite conscious for the first six months or so of my incarceration. There were brief flashes, but nothing much. I couldn't see or speak, but I remember hearing the three of you leave, and then at some point there was a woman's voice. I thought for a moment it might have been you, but it didn't seem right."
"I'm so sorry," the woman whispered, hanging her head. "I didn't… I didn't know. I should have –"
"Hermione," Snape interrupted while lifting her chin. "You didn't do anything wrong. You did the only thing I wanted you to do – you kept yourself alive. You kept…you kept our son alive. I would not have wanted you to further jeopardize your safety for me. If you had… if you had died, I would have had nothing to live for."
Tears again rolled down her cheeks as she leaned into him and buried her face against his chest. As he squeezed her shoulder, she snuggled deeper into his side. "Who was it?"
"Narcissa Malfoy," he replied. "I assume she felt she owed me for protecting Draco. I don't know how long I was under her care before the Aurors came. I don't remember any of that. I only know what Shacklebolt told me at the time."
"So Kingsley visited you?"
"Oh, yes. The esteemed Minister graced me with his presence," the wizard sneered. "It was one of the first few days I was fully aware. Before he showed up, I didn't know where the fuck I was. I couldn't speak or do anything more than move my head, and the only living thing I had seen was the mute house elf who popped in to shove potions down my throat and to clean me and the soiled linens. I woke up one morning – Christmas Eve, I guess it was – to see Shacklebolt sitting beside me. He explained that he was fully aware of the nature of my service, that he was exceptionally grateful for everything I had done, and that he regretted the necessity of my imprisonment. Because of that, he assured me that he would strive for the minimum time served and that he had spared me the humiliation of Azkaban. He told me that Potter had dispatched of the – of Voldemort, and that the Aurors who were in charge of rounding up the escaped Death Eaters had been surprised to find me stashed away at one of the Malfoy cottages."
Hermione sniffled quietly as she slipped her fingers in between his.
"I was relieved to hear that Potter survived, of course, but I kept waiting for him to mention you." Severus sighed and lifted their joined hands to his mouth, briefly pressing his lips against her knuckles. "He never did, though, and I was so angry with myself for being unable to ask him. It took nearly a year before I could manage anything intelligible, but I never had the chance again."
"He never came back?" she gasped.
The wizard shook his head. "He sent cards on Christmas with the generic yuletide greetings - and on the memorial anniversaries - but I didn't see him again until two days ago when he came to release me."
"Didn't anyone visit you?"
"Besides the elf who didn't speak?" he snorted sadly. "No. I didn't have any means of contacting anyone, either. The only thing there was to do besides contemplate the meaning of life was to read the very limited supply of Muggle literature provided. If I never hear of Shakespeare or Dickens again, it will be entirely too soon."
The woman took in a slow breath. "If only I had known, or if Harry had… I would have made Kingsley take me there."
The corners of his mouth turned upward as he ran his hand over her shoulder. "I would have liked to see him try to persuade you otherwise."
She gave a soft giggle and then peered up at him. "Why didn't you ask him about me when you were released? He knows where I live. He bloody well offered me a job last week."
The man swallowed uncomfortably as he looked toward the wall. "I considered it, but then I thought… that perhaps if you were alive, you would not appreciate having our prior association brought to light."
"Severus!" the witch cried, pushing into an upright position. "How could you think such a thing?"
He shrugged and placed his hands in his lap. "I'm the Death Eater who murdered the bearer of the Light. I spent nearly seven years locked in a room with nothing better to do than hope that your life had become everything you had wanted it to be. I thought you could have married, started a family, or achieved some prominent position. I had no wish to bring you scandal by showing too much interest in you."
"No," she whispered as she touched his face and forced him to look at her.
"I tried to send you a short note after I was released, just to see if you would respond," Snape murmured. "But when it came back undelivered, I started to fear that you… hadn't… that you were gone. I sat in the Leaky Cauldron for hours on end, hoping to hear some mention of your name, and nicked abandoned copies of the Prophet, but there was no trace of you. When I saw the advertisement for the museum, I thought I could at least find out whether or not you had lived. I never expected to find you there… and I never expected to find that I had fathered a child."
"I'm sorry about the letter," Hermione replied, stroking her thumb over the rough stubble on his jaw. "I've… I'm still a bit paranoid, I guess… especially with Brendan. The wards are strong enough that the house is basically Unplottable. The only post that gets through has to specify Roseling Cottage in the address."
He nodded. "Probably wise."
The witch grabbed hold of his hand again. "Severus, I would not have minded in the least to have people know about us. Anyone who matters to me already knows."
His dark eyes sought hers. "They do?"
She gave a quick nod and squeezed his hand. "I was an absolute wreck at your funeral. Given I was already ten weeks pregnant, I knew I couldn't do it alone. Obviously they would have asked about the identity of the father, and I would never have lied about you. Harry had told everyone what you had done for us, and I was proud to carry your child. Absolutely terrified, but proud."
"I'm sure they were all thrilled to find out."
Hermione smirked while ducking her head. "Well, of course I had to do some explaining. They weren't thrilled about it, no, but no one ever abandoned me. And they all love Brendan so much. He has so many people who care about him, but he's always missed having you in his life. He's just as proud of you as I am, and he tells anyone willing to listen to him about how heroic his father was."
Turning his head away, the wizard blinked rapidly to dispel the tears attempting to form in his eyes.
"Severus… very few people think of you as anything less than a hero, and most of those are serving sentences in Azkaban." She sighed and then reached out to stroke his face once more. "You saw the stall in the Hall of Heroes. Harry and Minerva made certain that your portrait hangs in the Headmaster's Office – though they happened to think you were being obstinate and pretending to sleep – and I have yet to visit your grave marker to find it unadorned with flowers and notes of gratitude. You, sir, even have your very own Chocolate Frog card."
A small laugh escaped her as he suddenly looked to her with the same expression of disbelief that frequented her son's face.
"Brendan has at least a half-dozen of you, I'm sure," the woman explained. "In fact, whenever his friends find you in their frogs, he immediately attempts to trade them. I came across his stash the other day while I was tidying up his room. Do you know how disconcerting it is to have six of you staring back at you?"
Severus snorted softly and leaned his head against the back of the sofa. "I find it disconcerting just to see one copy of myself."
His witch smiled as she pushed forward and kissed the bristly underside of his jaw. "I don't."
"I've had seven years to reflect on that particular fact, and still have yet to understand it."
"Perhaps you should just accept it and move on?" she suggested.
Smirking, he glanced out of the corner of his eye. "I see you're still the Brightest Witch of the Age."
Hermione wrinkled her nose and sighed. "You know I hate that title."
"If I'm to face the onslaught of 'The Bravest Man' tripe, I refuse to be the only one with a ridiculous title."
"Well, you and Harry could keep company." At his dark look, she laughed.
"He's the twerp who gave it to me," Snape grumbled.
The witch exhaled loudly and propped up her head as she leaned against the backrest. "Fine. If I must."
