**** Authors Note

Okay I'm sorry I haven't written in a while I've been kinda busy with graduation and cousin visiting ,oh and irritating mother, and job hunts but here is chapter four. Oh and this dream for L is split in to two parts and it's kind of a long dream. Oh and a warning, this dream is kind of intense and bizarre so sorry if I offend anyone okay. Oh and I have this new AU Fic about Aiber being a Psychologist called 'How does that make you feel' so please checks it out 3

The sky was red, the sun was blurple and was sporting a Salvador Dali style mustache, the clouds were made of cotton candy, It was truly a beautiful day. L was woken up by girl with short black hair wearing hello kitty ears.

" Ryusaki wake up!"

"…..huh….?"

" I'll give you a cookie if you wake up "

"COOKIE?" L asked.

He got up immediately and took the cookie from the cat girls hands. He devoured the cookie but was quick to realize…. Holy fuck where was he? Why did the sun have a Salvador Dali Mustache? But most importantly, who was this girl and how did she know his name?

" Ryusaki, the world needs you, It has been taken over by an evil pubic hair monster that is controlled by an evil warlock who goes by the name of Osama bin Laden. He uses his magic for evil and he eats cats and dogs and witches, and ferrets, and tigers, and babies, and even ferrets, and children, but most importantly ferrets, and even cat girls like me!"

"Who are you and how do you know my name" Asked L with a puzzled look!

" That's not important" replied the cat girl " You must help us change the world, Osama bin Laden will eat me if you don't. Did I mention he keeps a harem and that he is making it illegal to get Brazilian bikini waxes so that now everyone is going to have to have landing-strips, and I don't like that cause they remind me of Hitler's mustache. I don't want a Hitler va-jay-jay!"

"…. Okay….." replied a horrified L, but then a question popped in to his head " Cat girl do you have any idea who Light Yagami is, or where he may be?"

"Ah, that guy. You mean Osama's new pet? Him well he's always naked and he wears a collar and all this bondage stuff. Yeah, he's never out of his sight. Osama keeps him on a leash" This fact really did seem to amuse her.

"I mean is he okay?" Now L was incredibly concerned for light he had to save him.

" Well I have no idea, I mean Osama is an evil warlock. So if someone disobeys him, he will unleash the evil pubic hair monster on them and they will become ugly and hairy." She paused for a second" so probably he's not okay."

Poor Light now he really had to save him !

" Where can I find Osama bin Laden?"

"'It seems that he has moved from his usual cave to that big castle over there" She pointed at this gynormous castle rearing in the horizon, It seemed to be enveloped by gray clouds and thunder. She handed him a bag of gold and told him he would need this for his journey and then she disappeared.

So he bid his farewell to the cat girl with a feeling that he would be seeing her again. And he set of to the nearest village to prepare for his journey. He looked for the closest Inn he could find until he found the Mama Mello's Bed and Breakfast. He was greeted at the front doors by a man that looked a lot like him, same shade of black hair except his was straighter and his eyes had a hint of red at a certain angle.

"Hello welcome to Mama Mello's Bed and Breakfast! How may I help you?" exclaimed Beyond Birth day in an incredibly out of character way.

" I would like a single suite for the night." L replied casually. He glanced at Beyond's ridiculous uniform which considered of tight leather shorts, fishnet tights, high heels, and a frilly pink apron tied at his waist.

" Would you like for me to join you?" He asked in his most seductive tone of voice

" Um….." L was not used to strange men hitting on him before.

" B, stop hitting on the customers again, you'll scare them away and they'll go straight to the 'Jai Dormi Avec Ta Mere', and that would piss Mello off and that's the last thing we need" Matt yelled at B as he smacked him with a whip on the buttocks. Matt was dressed in a French maid outfit, really what was up with this fetish themed hotel.

L paused to think for a second while Matt continued to whip BB, why did all of these French places have such weird names. We eat cats and dogs; I slept with your mother. Damn this was getting old. What was next a Mexican restaurant called 'El Culo' with a sign below that said ' le servimos comida vieja y otras mierdas". (If you want to know what that means just look it up)

" Matt! Why are you whipping B?" Mello popped practically out of nowhere? He was also decked out in costume, a sexy nurse costume to be exact.

" He was harassing the costumer, and we don't want to loose all our costumers to the "Jai Dormi Avec ta Mere" Mello's mouth drop.

" I am so sorry please stay, I'll give you a discount and a free breakfast !" Mello apologized as B was always scaring costumers away.

"I guess, the 'Jai Dormi Avec ta Mere' sounds kind of scary anyways." L replied.

"Matt, take the bags up to his room and don't do anything stupid that would make leave to the 'Jai Dormi Avec ta Mere!" Mello ordered." Oh and give me a call if you need anything at all what so ever."

"So what brings you to this part of town?" asked, a very curious Matt.

"Well you know the evil wizard named Osama bin Laden_"

"Why, yes in fact these days it seems that everyone knows who Osama bin Laden is. In fact I would stay away from him. As if you come close to him you will get attacked by an evil pubic hair monster."

"Yes, yes, I know"

"So what do you want from him?"

So L went on to tell Matt how his beloved Light had been forced to become Osama's new pet and that he was determined to save him.

"Dude, that's nuts!' Matt replied followed by a " Can I help?"
"Sure why not" L decided that it was best to get help "So what's your grudge against Osama?"

"He is making gay sex illegal and soon cross dressing will be forbidden too, leaving me without a job, and then everyone would have to go to the 'Jai Dormi avec Ta Mere' "

"I see, so now we just have to find a way of how to defeat the evil pubic hair monster, let's start brainstorming"

"Well, we could set it on fire and then it could become a fire crotch" BB suggested, trying to taunt Matt

"B it is rude to barge in on conversations like that!" Matt yelled and pulled the whip out again. "And for the last time I'm not a fire crotch!"

"Matt forget about it and now back to the brainstorming!" L grumbled

"Well now thinking about hair removal methods we could either wax it or shave it which way would we want to go?" Matt replied

"Well we would need a lot of wax or many razors." BB said

"I know we could build a giant razor I just don't know how" L said, and just then Mello barged in.

"Well, Matt is a great mechanic so me and Matt can build a giant electronically powered, automatic razor." Wow Mello was really getting in to it." Now the other issue is how to protect ourselves from the pubes"

That was a duh " We'll just have to sow ourselves some form of giant suit with a masks to protect our beautiful faces" L stated " I guess me and B could sow, now by when do you think this will be ready?"

"In a day if I get all of the employees to help"

"That's not good enough" L replied

" Well Mello I guess we could get Near and his employees at the 'Jai Dormi Avec ta Mere' to help"

"But Matty, he is our greatest rival!" Mello protested

"FOR GODS SAKE IT CANT BE THAT HARD, WE JUST HAVE TO BRIBE HIM WITH A NEW FUCKING LEGO SET OR SOMETHING!" BB screamed

"You know he has a point." Matt stated.

"UGH, FINE, but Matty if this doesn't work out its no sex for a week" Mello yelled

And so they made their way over down to the 'Jai Dormi avec Ta Mere'