Fault
Raven
I should have known better than to take Beast Boy to the library. I really should have. But I was in a good mood today and Beast Boy was looking all sad with nobody to hang out with, and my empathic sensors are more open right now because of the whole thing with Cyborg and Beast Boy going into my mind, and THEN switching bodies with Starfire, so I could feel how lonely he was, and couldn't block it out...so I let him come with me. Ugh. SUCH a mistake.
"Heh heh, DUDE, Raven, look at these books on "girls growing up." They are so totally funny, yet so totally HOT! OW!"
I had just smacked him in the back of the head, making him drop the book. "Keep your voice down. And if you want porn, go to the Internet, not the library."
"But there's SO much here! Whhhhoooah…big words…."
"Beast Boy, if you don't shut up, we're going to get kicked out."
"C'mon, Raven, we're SUPERHEROES, they can't kick us out…HOLY FUDGESICKLES! They have MANGA here! I didn't know they had MANGA at the library!"
I grabbed his shoulder tightly, hissing through my teeth, "If you don't want me to forcibly extract you from this library, you will be quiet or you will never see the manga again!"
Beast Boy grunted in pain. "Okay! Geez!" I let go of his arm and watched him suspiciously go to the brightly colored comics/manga shelf, beaming at the picture of himself, taped on the wall beside the comics section, along with the rest of us and other various superheroes. He got out a pile of manga and started reading it relatively silently, except for the occasional outburst of racous laughter, and "DUDE!" It's the best I can hope for, I suppose. I turn away and start looking for my books. I'll read anything, as long as it's serious and thought provoking. I do have a preference for fantasy, though I think of it more as realistic fiction, considering what I deal with every day. I browse through, carefully checking and rechecking books to make sure they're good. My fingers brushed the thick spines, and somehow I finally feel calm…without meditating or chanting, walking down the endless rows of knowledge. I allow myself a smile.
Then I see it.
Book of Demons.
Is…
I opened it. He is on the first page.
Azar above, if Beast Boy and Cyborg ever see this…
"Hey, Raven, whatcha doin'?"
I slammed the book shut and spun around to face Beast Boy. "Uh…nothing…nothing…"
"Hey, what's wrong? What's that book you're reading?"
"I said nothing. Let's get out of here!"
"Oh, come on, something's got you upset. Let me see the book…" Beast Boy dodged under my arm. "Book of Demon's?" He picked it up, weighing it's heaviness and began to open it. Panicked I sent a bolt of telekinesis in his face knocking him back about two yards and making him drop the tome.
"What the-OW!" he yells and I grab him by the arms and dragging him forcibly out of the library. "Ow, get off me!"
I grant his wish and drop him on the sidewalk, where he hits the concrete with a smack. I started to walk down the street, breathing heavily. My whole body is shaking.
"Raven, what the heck?" Beast Boy has caught up with me. "Why-?"
I spun around to face him. "I TOLD you not to grab that book! I told you to leave me alone! But you just can't respect my privacy, can you? You went ahead and took it anyway!"
"Raven, what is UP? Why don't you want me to see that book?"
"That is none of your business! Now leave me alone!" My fear has quickly turned to rage, so close was he to finding out my secret. I can imagine the expression of fear on his face if he discovered the red demon in my head was Trigon. I can imagine his hatred, his rage. Why did he have to poke into my business? What gave him the right? Why couldn't he leave me alone? He'd hate me, he's HATE me, even if I do deserve it…
"I thought we'd already been through this Raven! I thought we'd already dealt with this mystery girl stuff!" Great, now he's mad. "But we're doing it all over again. You don't talk to us about anything, and you shut us out and act like a jerk!"
"Leave me alone, Beast Boy…" I walk briskly to keep up with him.
"Why don't you ever talk to us, huh? Are we not good enough for you? You don't trust us or something? Why don't you ever talk about your past? I mean, we watch you roast Dr. Light, and all you can say is "I have issues with my father?" Who was that guy anyway? You never told us about your parents, like a freakin-"
I turn sharply on him, my anger overtaking my senses. "And what about your parents, Beast Boy? How come you never talk about THEM? Let me guess. They were the best mommy and daddy you could ever ask for, but alas, they died when you were a little kid and you feel all guilty about it and think it's all your fault. People like you always do."
Beast Boy inhales sharply and backs away from me. His eyes shine brightly and I feel a pang of guilt. Why did he have to go poking around? Azar, now I can feel his emotional pain like a bad stomachache. He's really hurting, I must've been right. Great, now he's about to cry.
"R-Raven…why did…did you…" he rubs his face with his glove, and suddenly I feel my eyes filling up too. I turn away from him, but he sees that I am about to cry, I can tell by the way his eyes widen and he looks like he's about to have a heart attack.
"We all have secrets, Beast Boy. You don't ask about my family, I won't ask about yours." And I take off into the air, fast enough so the cold wind dissolves the tears streaming down my face.
Later I sneak into the library and destroy the book. I cover it with power and crush it into confetti. Then I sense someone coming…and who it is. I teleport behind a shelf and watch Beast Boy enter. He scours the shelf endlessly and doesn't find my book. Then he sees one of the pieces of paper littered on the ground. He sighs softly and holds the piece of paper in his palm.
"All my fault," he says, and lets it drift to the floor. He tries to shove his hands in his pockets, then remembers he doesn't have any, then turns into a condor and flies off, leaving me, still hidden in the shadows.
I stay there for a very long time
