AN: This got longer than I intended. Oops. Umm…Angst warning… Very angsty.
Fading Slowly
Stiles was getting really sick and tired of being shoved into lockers by the Alpha Pack twins. He was also tired of being shoved into desks or into doors. He knew that they were just doing it to start fights with his werewolves but he was a bit annoyed at the seemingly permanent bruise on his shoulder. It had been three months since the Alpha Pack had done any actual fighting with them but their little daily annoyances persisted unabated. Still, it made Stiles a little bit happy to know that the Alpha Pack considered him to be pack to the werewolves despite his distinctly human body. A part of him was glad they didn't just ignore him.
It had been two months and three weeks since he last cut. It has also been two and a half months since Stiles had last touched a blade. The day after he had let slip to Derek that he had a razor still Stiles had carefully removed the blade from underneath his soap and placed it instead into the glove box of his Jeep. Stiles knew that Derek would look for the blade, but he wouldn't think to look outside of the house. Stiles was reasonably certain that Derek continued to search whenever Stiles wasn't home. Good thing that is Stiles wasn't home it meant neither was his razor.
He would be lying if he said that his eyes weren't drawn to his glove box on occasion but so far he hadn't even opened the compartment since putting the razor inside. Seeing the pride in Derek's eyes every day he didn't cut was enough to convince him not to cave into the pressure. The pressure was less now anyway, he no longer hungered for the pain the way he had at first. It was less of a burning desire and more of a dull ache in the back of his mind. He could ignore it for the most part and for those moments when he couldn't he had Derek.
Today though all he could think about was how angry he was at Derek.
Two days ago Derek had finally had enough of finding bruises on Stiles' body. He had given Scott and Isaac the task of following the alpha twins discreetly in an attempt to figure out where they lived. It was the final step before all the forced calm between the two packs would burst. Derek wanted to break the fake image of peace and deliver a warning to the alphas. He wanted them to know that everyone in his pack, humans included, was to be left alone.
Stiles had been fine with this idea. In fact he had supported it whole heartedly because in theory it would lead to much less face time between him and the various hard surfaces of the school. Then Scott and Isaac had returned the next day with the news of the pack's location and it had all gone south. The planning was fine at first, basic break in and threaten pack with bodily harm strategy, and then Derek had looked Stiles in the eye and said, "We'll let you know how everything goes."
For a second Stiles just stared blankly, not quite processing the words. Then he felt the slow build of anger inside him. "Why am I not going to be there?" He demanded. "If I'm pack, then I should be at pack events. Fights included. I'm not helpless you know. You don't get to be sheriff's son and not learn a few things about self-defense."
Derek sighed and started to reach out to Stiles' hand. "I know you're not helpless." He responded as he tried not to react to the way Stiles had shoved his hand away. "Stiles, I don't want you there because I don't want you getting hurt. You may be able to defend yourself but I don't want to risk it."
"What about the rest of the pack? What about Allison and Lydia? They're human and you're not outlawing them from going. Do you not care if they get hurt?"
"They're different, Stiles. Allison has been trained by hunters and Lydia can protect herself far better with her magic than you can with basic human defenses."
Stiles heard his voice raising as he fought to get control of his feelings. "Shouldn't it be up to me if I am willing to risk my life? Do you think I'm okay with just watching you all head towards a fight without knowing if you'll come back? Derek, I need to be there. This should be my choice."
"Well it's not!" Derek roared. "You are not welcome to come. I won't have you getting in the way of the fight."
It was then that Stiles stood up and walked out of the room. He was furious at Derek and pissed off at everyone else for not standing up for him. 'Getting in the way,' Derek had called it. Stiles laughed humorlessly. He hadn't gotten in the way all the times he'd saved all their asses.
Derek snuck in his window later that night. Stiles didn't even look at Derek, he just stated, "I've been through a hell of a lot worse with this pack than one stupid fight. I'm not so fragile that I would break as easily as you act like I will."
Derek's voice was soft and pleading, "Stiles, I wish you would realize just how fragile you really are. I know you're not weak. You are stronger than I am in some ways, but against an alpha werewolf you're no stronger than a piece of paper." There was silence for a few moments. "Stiles, I'm not telling you you can't go because I think you're going to get hurt. I'm saying you can't go because I'm not strong enough to face the thought of losing you. It's not you that's too weak, it's me. If you're there by my side I won't be able to think or fight properly because every moment I'll be afraid that the next second could be the one where I watch an alpha tear you apart. I can't lose you. It would kill me."
Stiles swallowed past the emotion that welled up in his throat at Derek's words. Quietly he asked, "Don't you realize that losing you would kill me too? I want to be there fighting by your side because that's where I belong. I belong with you; helping you and doing everything in my power to make sure we both come out alive."
"I'll see you after the fight." Was the only response he got.
After a minute of silence behind him Stiles finally turned around to look at Derek only to find him already gone.
The next day at school he stubbornly avoided the entire pack despite their attempts to reason with him. Lydia even volunteered to stay with him instead of going with the pack. Stiles had responded briefly only to tell her that he didn't need her pity. When the final bell rang Stiles watched as four werewolves and one well-trained human piled into Derek's Camaro and drove off. Lydia was suspiciously absent.
Stiles waited long enough for the Camaro to be out of sight and then he dashed for his Jeep. Throwing his backpack across the seat and practically diving into the vehicle he quickly started the car and sped out of the parking lot towards the Alpha Pack fight. In his rearview mirror he thought he saw Lydia running after him telling him to stop but he kept going. As he drove, Stiles reached for the gun he had stored under the seat the night before. It was loaded with wolfs bane bullets that he had stolen from Allison back when Allison had been actively trying to kill Derek.
The gun felt heavy in his hand but Stiles had been raised knowing how to shoot and he knew that when it came down to it he could easily shoot someone to protect his own pack. He arrived at the abandoned warehouse that the alphas were supposedly living in only to hear a very angry sounding Derek.
"Where the hell are they? Are you sure this is where the twins came?"
"Yes." Isaac's voice piped in. "There was no mistaking it. Besides, the whole place smells like them. They've obviously been here."
Stiles crept closer until he could look through the large door at the members of his pack all standing around in confusion. Something was clearly wrong and Stiles didn't like the sound of things at all.
There was a small shift in the wind and Stiles thought nothing of it until he suddenly saw Derek's eyes narrow slightly in concentration as he took a deep breath through his nose. Derek's head snapped up quickly and his gaze met Stiles' horrified expression. 'Shit' Stiles thought as he quickly pulled his head away from the door and plastered himself to the outside wall pretending to be invisible. Derek growled loud enough for even Stiles' weak human ears to hear and all Stiles could think about was what he would say when the angry alpha of his pack came around the corner.
Inside the warehouse Derek had only taken a single step towards him when he caught a glimpse of something much worse than Stiles. The gleam of claws and fangs nestled deep in the shadows of the room. When Derek caught Kali's eye she grinned viciously. From the other side of the room Derek heard a chilling laugh start up.
"Derek, Derek, Derek… You didn't really think that we would live somewhere so pathetic did you? I'm pretty sure the abandoned building is a little bit old fashioned for a werewolf den. However, it is a fantastic place for an attack." Derek growled again and turned towards Deucalion's voice. When he turned, he was met with the sight of the rest of the Alpha Pack creeping out of the shadows towards his pack. Without hesitation, Derek threw himself at the nearest alpha and the fight began. Scott was at his side in an instant helping him fight the giant werewolf that the twins had become. Isaac and Allison fought Ennis while Boyd and Erica attacked Kali.
Stiles, alerted by the sounds of a fight, had returned to the door of the warehouse. He released the safety on his gun and waited patiently for a clear shot at someone. Every hit he saw his pack take had him crying out on the inside. He wished he could step fully into the fray and help them fight hand to hand but he knew his only chance was with the gun in his hand so he stayed put and out of danger. Just like Derek would have wanted.
Derek fairly quickly noticed that Stiles was back at the door. The look on Derek's face when he saw Stiles there was a perfect mix of fury and fear for Stiles but he swiftly covered the emotions and tore his gaze away from him. Looking at Stiles would only draw attention to him and that would make him a target. Derek just hoped that Stiles didn't do anything to draw attention to himself.
No sooner had that thought left his mind; he heard the crack of a gunshot reverberating through the warehouse. Derek cringed and risked another glance in Stiles direction to confirm that Stiles was in fact the one who had fired the shot. He couldn't tell who Stiles had shot at but he could tell that whoever it was had been hit. The growl of fury was proof of that.
Stiles watched Ennis fall as he rapidly prepared for another shot. Isaac and Allison were staring in shock down at Ennis as he clutched at the wolfs bane bullet imbedded in his side. Isaac was the first to snap out of it and he met eyes with Stiles. Stiles winked at him and leveled the gun at Kali who had completely stopped fighting Boyd and Erica in favor of trying to reach Stiles. She was halted in her tracks as Erica tackled her from behind and Boyd helped keep her pinned to the ground moments later.
Stiles shifted his attention to the twins now that Kali appeared taken care of. Derek and Scott were still fighting furiously. Derek caught Stiles eyes a few times and each time Stiles noticed the death glare coming from his alpha. Scott on the other hand merely looked impressed by Stiles and even flashed him a thumb's up at one point. Finally Stiles saw a clear shot at the twins and he took it. They broke apart into their separate bodies the instant the bullet hit and Stiles didn't bother paying attention to which twin actually had taken the bullet.
The reason he didn't pay attention to this seemingly important detail was that quite suddenly he noticed that someone else's breath was brushing against the back of his neck. "Well, I guess maybe there was a reason you were included in this pack. You seem to be more dangerous than I thought." Deucalion whispered from behind him.
Stiles gasped and Derek's eyes widened as he whipped his head around to look at Stiles. The twins were no longer a threat as one rushed to the aid of the other. Ennis was on the ground as he tried to dig the bullet out of his side and Kali was still pinned down with two betas sitting on top of her. Ethan ignored the tension around him as he struggled to pick up Aiden and he quickly left the warehouse without a second glance to the rest of his pack; caring only about his twin.
After that, no one in the warehouse moved. The silence permeated both packs as they all tried to process the stalemate they were at. Deucalion could kill Stiles in a heartbeat and everyone knew it but Deucalion also was smart enough to realize that his entire pack was down and if he killed the human he wouldn't stand much chance against five angry werewolves and a pissed off hunter. Instead, he slowly wrapped his hand around Stiles' throat, claws extended, and enjoyed the brief stutter in the boy's heart. He couldn't kill the boy, but he could use him as leverage to get out.
Deucalion started walking backwards slowly; Stiles forced to walk back with him to avoid the claws digging into his neck. As they neared the door Stiles was desperately trying to come up with an idea to get out of this mess. His eyes connected once again with Derek's and he saw nothing in them but panic and agony. 'At least he's not angry with me anymore.' Though Stiles bitterly.
"Let him go." threatened a high yet incredibly dangerous sounding voice from behind Deucalion. Stiles couldn't see her, but he would recognize Lydia's voice anywhere. Deucalion barely reacted but his claws did briefly tighten on Stiles' neck drawing a weak whimper from his throat and a low growl from Derek.
Everything happened very quickly after that. Derek gave a brief, almost unnoticeable nod to Lydia and the next thing Stiles knew he was standing on his own with a writhing Deucalion at his feet. Lydia was standing triumphantly holding up a syringe and she smiled as she told him, "I injected him with Mountain Ash."
Stiles' grin equaled hers and he turned back to the warehouse to soak in their victory only to be met with the sight of Kali finally tearing herself free from Erica and Boyd, throwing them to the ground, and charging towards Stiles with a furious cry. He stepped back involuntarily and tripped over Deucalion behind him. Out of nowhere, Derek, still not healed from his fight with the twins, was meeting Kali's attack head-on and Stiles watched in horror as Kali's claws plunged straight through Derek's abdomen. Derek slumped to the ground coughing up blood and Kali kicked him out of the way.
Scott and Isaac had reached Kali by then and were soon joined by Boyd and Erica. They got her back down and Lydia raced to their side to plunge the needle into Kali and incapacitate her.
Stiles was on his feet and running to Derek before he even consciously thought about it. Dropping to his knees beside the werewolf he gingerly rolled Derek onto his back and gasped at the damage that had been done. Derek groaned weakly and more blood came trickling out of his mouth.
"This is all my fault, Derek. I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you." Stiles could hear the hysteria in his own voice as he stumbled over his apologies. Derek weakly grasped Stiles' hand and squeezed, trying to assure the boy that he wasn't to blame. Then Derek passed out. The rest of the pack had arrived by then and they were carefully picking Derek up and carrying him to his car.
Allison hovered for a moment behind Stiles who was still kneeling on the ground mumbling apologies. "Stiles? We need to get him to Deaton. Are you coming?"
"Yeah." Stiles replied after a pause. "I've got my Jeep here; I'll meet you guys there."
Satisfied with his answer, Allison gave a quick look around to all of the fallen alphas to assure that they wouldn't be getting up soon, and then she followed after the pack and her badly wounded alpha.
Stiles was up and in his Jeep within five minutes and he drove slowly towards the vet office. As he drove his mind kept repeating, 'All your fault. All your fault. Derek is probably dying, maybe already dead, and you caused it.'
Stiles let out an angry yell and slammed his hand onto the steering wheel in frustration. He pressed his hands against his ears and tried to shut out the voice that told him Derek was dying because of him. If he hadn't shown up to that fight Derek might not have gotten hurt. Derek might not by dying.
Stiles yanked the wheel to the side and screeched to the edge of the deserted road. The car jerked to a stop as Stiles threw it into park and his hand was already tearing open the glove compartment. He froze for a second as the metallic glint of the razor stared back at him, then with shaking hands he reached just a little further and wrapped his fingers around the cool metal.
His hands ceased their trembling instantly as he made contact and he greedily pulled the blade to him. He tore off his sweatshirt and with a steady hand, and a voice reminding him of his guilt, he started to carve into his arm. He watched the blood start to run down and as he kept cutting he found that he could drown the voice with blood.
Derek jerked awake as he was laid down on Deaton's cold examination table. He snarled in fury for a moment before recognizing that his pack was around him. His eye faded from red to a pain stricken blue gray. He shuddered as Deaton cut open his shirt revealing the wound to the cold air around him. Derek's eyes darted around the room meeting each pair of frightened pack eyes but he couldn't find the pair of eyes he needed. "Stiles?" He managed to ask.
Scott stepped forward and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, careful to avoid any wounds. "He's fine. You saved him. He should be here soon."
Derek absorbed this information and seemed to process it for a second. Scott was surprised to see horror overwhelm the pain in Derek's eyes. For a terrifying moment Derek started to try to get up. He lurched halfway off the table before six pairs of hands managed to push him back down. "What the hell Derek?" Scott bit out. "You're half dead; you can't just get up and go. Stiles will be here soon."
"Let go!" Derek yelled, with a lot more energy than he thought he had. "You don't understand. None of you understand. You need to find Stiles now!"
"Derek, he just took a different car than us. It's not a big deal. Why are you so freaked out?" Boyd inquired.
Stiles stared in horror at what he'd done. Sticky blood coated his car and his body and for the first time he realized with terror that the bleeding wasn't stopping. He had been so desperate to drown out the voice that he hadn't realized the cuts he was making were deeper than he had ever dared cut before.
He reached for the sweatshirt that he had discarded and tried to staunch the blood flow but within minutes his once gray sweatshirt was as stained as red as the rest of him. He found that his fingers wouldn't respond properly anymore as he tried to grip the sweatshirt. They felt weak and brittle as he tried to press down on the bleeding wounds. Fuzzy gray spots started to dance in his vision and the dizziness made him lean against the coldness of the Jeep window in an attempt to stop the world from spinning.
'If Derek survived, he's going to kill me.' Stiles thought.
"The last think I remember," Derek ground out, "was Stiles beside me blaming himself for everything. Trust me when I say that is a very, very bad thing and Stiles does not have the time for me to explain it to you. Leave! Find Stiles!"
Erica was the first to pick up on the seriousness of the urgency Derek felt. Without a word she turned on her heel and walked out of the vet clinic. Scott followed quickly after with Isaac and Boyd trailing after him. Allison and Lydia stayed with Derek to assist Deaton in whatever way they could. Every few minutes Derek would try to lift himself off the table and get to the door but his energy kept giving out on him before he made it. If he wasn't busy trying to escape he was staring blankly at the ceiling above him and desperately begging any god who would listen to let his pack get to Stiles in time.
Erica and Boyd had split off from Isaac and Scott to go check Stiles' house. They arrived to find the sheriff home but he told them he hadn't seen Stiles since that morning.
Scott and Isaac retraced the path from the vet to the warehouse. About halfway between the two they rounded a curve in the road and saw Stiles' Jeep parked at a strange angle halfway off the road. Black skid marks and the still present smell of burnt rubber made the two young wolves realize that Derek may have been right about Stiles.
Scott assumed panic attack. He had been around enough in the days after Stiles' mom had passed to know that Stiles had them occasionally and Scott couldn't think of a better reason for Derek to have been so scared for Stiles. Clearly the alpha knew Stiles would be overwhelmed and unable to breathe through the attack. Scott found himself filled with the same fear Derek had. What if they hadn't made it in time?
Lydia was nearly in tears as she watched Deaton work on Derek's wounds. "I'm so sorry, Derek." She whispered. "The only thing you asked me to do was to keep Stiles safe and away from the fight. I tried to catch him in time but my teacher held me after class to talk about some stupid project and Stiles got away. I'm sorry. If you die it will be my fault."
"I'm not the one you should be worried about." Derek said quietly.
It was then that Scott realized that he had frozen in his tracks while staring at the Jeep. He had been broken out of his trance by the anguished cry tearing from Isaac's lips. Scott was at the Jeep in an instant and was met with a sight that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Stiles was leaning weakly on the door trying feebly to stop the flow of blood cascading down his arms. His hands shook violently as he pressed a dirty sweatshirt to the gaping wounds. Scott had never seen him so pale and his eyes were fluttering wildly as he clearly fought to stay conscious.
Scott tore his eyes away for a second as he took a deep and steadying breath, then he flew into action and took control of the situation. He tore open the door, catching Stiles as he fell against him. He quickly handed the half conscious boy to Isaac and motioned for Isaac to get in the back seat with Stiles. Isaac complied without hesitation and Scott threw himself into the driver's seat as he did his best to ignore the slowly cooling puddle of his best friend's blood that he was sitting in. He steered the car back onto the road and drove faster than he ever had before to the hospital.
Behind him, Scott heard Isaac typing out a text with shaking fingers.
Derek finally felt Deaton pull away with a satisfied smile. His work was done and Derek was healing on his own just fine now. Derek was off the table and out the door before Lydia, Allison or Deaton could react. He pulled out his phone as he ran and found that he had a text. His heart almost stopped when he read it.
"Found him. Meet at hospital. Hurry."
In the back Scott could hear Isaac begging Stiles to stay with them. Not to shut is eyes. Not to give up. Scott also heard the soft wheezing breaths that came from Stiles pale lips as his lungs fought to keep working despite the limited blood his heart was providing them with. Scott listened to each drop that fell from the still bleeding arms and he cursed every single one. He focused in on the faltering heart beat that was his only sign of his friend's continued life. Each pump pushed more blood out but also kept Stiles alive for another few seconds.
As he pulled in to the hospital emergency entrance Scott had to strain to hear the weak heart still fighting valiantly. As the doctors came rushing out pushing a gurney in front of them Scott heard the heart skip a beat. As Isaac placed the pale body on the gurney and the two wolves watched the doctors wheel Stiles away as fast as they could Scott realized that Stiles' heart had stopped.
Down the hall Scott heard a doctor calling a code blue and he heard the sound of paddles being charged with electricity. "Clear!" He heard the sharp sound of impact as hundreds of volts of electricity pulsed through the small and weak body of his closest friend. Scott and Isaac walked numbly through the hospital doors, trailing blood after them, and sank into the first two chairs they found.
Derek burst in and stared at them with wild eyes as he took in the blood covering them. He couldn't find the words to ask Scott where Stiles was so he was glad when Scott gave a half-hearted motion in the direction the doctors had gone. Derek strained his ears in that direction, trying to hear the heart-beat of his mate through all the chaos of the hospital. Instead he heard the high pitched sound of defibrillator paddles charging up. Derek sank to the ground as shock overtook him.
In the distance Scott heard a doctor yell, "Clear!" and he shuddered as he heard the jolt of power again and the slight jerk of Stiles' body.
AN: This got longer than I expected, so there will most likely be one last chapter. I'm not certain. Ending it this way would let me avoid having to choose whether to have a happy or sad ending. Hmm… Decisions.
