Hi again! Okay, this chappie is the first of a three-part story. At first, chapters 4 to 6 was suppose to be just one chappie, but it was just too long, so I had to divide it. Part 2 will be "Victoria Changes Bella, while Part 3 is "Bella goes to Volturi/becomes a singer". Hope you enjoy Part One of this spin on a crappy plot!

Disclaimer: Please refer to the previous chapter for the disclaimer.

Plot No.4 – Edward leaves

Time: 3pm, Saturday

Setting: The forest at the back of Charlie's house

Edward: Bella, we're leaving.

Bella: Oh…I love you…

Edward: -without emotion- Well…you're a fucking bitch who is not worth crying over! I hate the fact that I have to save you every single day, and hearing Mike thinking about raping you in your sleep is pissing me off, which is the reason why I'm in your stinking bedroom every freaking night! –Pants-

Bella: -close to tears- So…you don't love me?

TDIB: -appears on a tree branch above them- He's lying, Bella! LYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING!!!

Edward: -looks up- WHAT?! YOU AGAIN!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM?!

TDIB: -shouts- EDWARD!!! BITE ME!!! BITE ME!!!

Edward: -climbs on tree branch- SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!

TDIB: -after being momentarily dazzled- Um…BELLA!!! HE'S LYING, BELLA! HE'S L- Disappears when Edward tries to punch her-

Edward: -jumps off tree- So where were we…

TDIB: -appears next to Bella- You were talking about CHEESE!!!

Bella: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND CHEESE?!

TDIB: Cheese is AWESOME! Do you know there are different types of cheese? There's cheddar, parmesan, mozzarella, blue cheese, Swiss cheese, feta, brie, camem-something…

Edward: Can you shut up with the cheese?!

TDIB: Not unless you bite me!

Edward: -after lunging at TDIB (who disappeared)- Okay, so Bella, I don't give a damn about y-

TDIB: -reappears next to Edward- Gouda, Edam, cottage cheese, cream cheese, Kraft Singles...

Edward: -after unsuccessfully trying to kill TDIB- So yeah…Bella…I hate y-

TDIB: -reappears again- You know Edward…it's not gonna work…

Edward: Yes it will! –Lunges at TDIB, who escapes again-

TDIB: -pops back into the world- Don't kid yourself Edward…when you're gone, she's gonna be all depressed and suicidal, you're gonna be all depressed and suicidal, your family's gonna be all depressed and suicidal, and, when you come back, some random werewolf is gonna mouth rape her soon.

Bella: -looks confused- What? Werewolf? Mouth rape?

TDIB: Don't go Edward…you're gonna come back anyway, and in that space of time, she would've met a werewolf, gone motorbike riding, and almost drowned after cliff-diving.

Bella: -looks even more confused- What? Really?

Edward: And how would you know all this?

TDIB: -shrugs- I'm God…

Edward: YOU ARE NOT FREAKING GOD!!! –Pounces on TDIB, who disappears- Okay, so where were we…Oh yes, I don't care about you anymore! You hear me?! I DON'T CARE!!! –Runs off-

Bella: -sniffs- Oh why…WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! –Falls on floor and started wailing-

TDIB: -suddenly appears next to her- Don't worry, he'll come back in about a few months time. Trust me.

Bella: -looks up- Re-re-really? How do you know that?

TDIB: -grins- I told you, I'm God…

Bella: If you're God, then can you make Edward come back and fall in love with me again?

TDIB: -smiles- Why should I? He already loves y- -Disappears again after Edward ran back and tried to kill TDIB-

Bella: -whimpers- Edward?

Edward: …Fuck you. –Runs off-

Bella: -sniffs- …Awww…

TDIB: -appears and tries to go after Edward- Come back Edward!!! COME BACK!!! FOR THE SAKE OF THE TWILIGHT FANDOM AND FANFICTION READERS, COME BACK!!! EDWARD, GOD ORDERS YOU TO COME BACK!!!

Haha, yeah...

Remember when I said that I'll announce the beta in this chapter? ...Me neither, but if I did, then sorry, but I still haven't decided yet -___-'. Sorry!

Stay tuned for Part Two of this suckish plot!!!

Next Up: Part Two (Victoria Changes Bella)