Hello everybody!
First of all, this chapter follows ''exodus'' so please read it if you don't want any major spoilers.
This episode was really hard on me and writing this chapter was even harder. If you saw exodus you are aware of what happened to Gabriel. I can't believe they did this. This episode broke my heart and turned it to ashes. I had to watch it twice to get this chapter done and I couldn't stop crying. I was also afraid because I really want this chapter to be as good as this episode. I hope I did it justice and that you will love it as much as I do.
Italic: Thoughts
Italic: prayers
Bold: Memories
Thank you again for all the love this fiction is given. Feel free to review or pm me for any comment or suggestions. Please remember that English isn't my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistake I might make.
I do not own Supernatural or it's characters.
Enjoy your reading!
Pavs.
God's most cruel joke IV
He was looking at them. Maybe going there had been a bad idea, but then again, he was finally meeting his son and it was about time too. The look Jack gave him did not impressed him, it disturbed him. His son didn't like him. Not that he expected him to, but it kind of hurt none the less.
Feelings. How the hell does she deal with that on a daily basis I have no idea.
He got closer to Jack to really look at him.
''Your name is Jack.'' He stated and he could see the others getting nervous.
''And yours if Lucifer.'' Jack answered.
''No. No, no. No.'' Said Dean and Lucifer could see the panic in his eyes. They didn't trust jack either…interesting. ''You don't talk to him and you don't listen to him!''
''Um, don't you think that's his choice?'' Asked Lucifer and he wasn't really surprised to hear that Castiel didn't agree with him. ''Are you trying to keep me from my son?''
''Well, this is Kelly Kline's son. He's nothing like you.'' Said Castiel and Lucifer started to be bothered by their attitude. Jack was his son.
''Don't say he's nothing like me, I am the only one who understands him. This power he has? I'm powerful, dangerous, ruthless.'' He started saying until he saw the look on Jack's face. ''In the…best sense, though. ''
''No. Kill him'' Said Dean and Lucifer did a double take.
Would he really ask a kid to kill his own father? Not that he was the best example but still. This was Dean Winchester, the righteous man and freaking savior of the earth…once or twice. It wasn't like him.
Since when do you care?! Fucking feelings I swear they're gonna kill me!
He could see Gabriel look at Dean with a questioning look on his face. Then he turned to him and looked like he was going to say something but never did.
''He can't. He's not strong enough.'' Said Lucifer.
''Dean.'' Tried to warn Gabriel.
''You've got the blade! He's the devil! Kill him!'' Said Dean with an angry voice and Lucifer looked at his brother.
He knew Gabriel couldn't do it. He knew he had felt bad when he killed his little brother at the hotel all those years ago. He raised Gabriel, showed him everything he knew before he was cast out. He could hear his brother crying for him when God threw him out of heaven, begging him to stop. Lucifer was looking at Gabriel and he felt like he was thrown back to that very moment.
''Stop it!'' Screamed Jack before vanishing.
[Her]
My whole body was hurting. I could hear the sound of my own heartbeat and my mouth was dry. I closed my eyes only to see my car crashing into a tree. I could still smell the fire and the blood. I could remember praying for Lucifer, but he never came.
I prayed to him again and again and he never came. I had a bad feeling about this. I refused to think he'd just left. I started to have this cold and empty feeling again. The pain was back and there was nothing I could do about it. Like I could somehow sense that he was gone.
When the doctors came to talk to me they asked me if there was anyone I wanted to call. I said I'd already tried. It took them one hour to figure out I hadn't use the phone and said I was probably hallucinating and that they needed to do more tests.
I was not hallucinating. I couldn't be. Then I looked at my arms and the scars were back. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. They were back, the pain, the emptiness, the scars…the cold. I closed my eyes to see his face. I didn't want my sanity, I wanted him.
[Lucifer]
He'd tried to convince them he was trying to help but it didn't work. Those humans and their angel were frustrating him. He was only trying to get back with his son. And if they'd just stop treating him like shit he might even let them go to the rift with him.
I guess that's what you get when you torture people. Bet you think this is funny eh Dad? Was this because I didn't go see her.
He stopped dead in is tracks. He couldn't feel her. He knew that it was probably because he was in an alternative universe, but still. She was hurt when he left and even if she was stable, a lot of things could go wrong. She was human, she didn't heal like him.
Human.
He still didn't like them. Even less using that term to describe her. She'd survived a life with a severed bond. She was stronger than them. Lucifer felt pain at this thought. A cold, almost burning pain. He couldn't feel her. They had bonded. He started panicking, already regretting his poor life choices.
So that's it? You planned this all along, didn't you? Screw you!
He tried to clear his head. Focus on Jack. This was to much for him. The emotions, the loss, the incomprehension of what was happening to him. And of course, God wouldn't help. He thought he deserved it. He tried to be mad but he couldn't. He felt alone. Really, truly alone. Empty.
Dad I need help!
But since when his father ever answered to his prayers. He saw Castiel coming his way and did his best to hide it all from him.
Focus on Jack.
''Oh Cas, old sports.'' Lucifer said.
''I am not your sport.'' Complained Castiel and he had to roll his eyes. This angel never could understand a reference or a sarcasm. '' And I will not broker a relationship between you and your…''
''Speak of the not devil.'' Said Lucifer when Jack apparated beside them. ''Son.''
''It's Jack'' His son said.
''Jack. Talking with Lucifer it's…it's not a good idea.'' Tried Cas.
''I am not gonna talk. I'm gonna listen.'' Said Jack and Lucifer smiled.
''He's gonna listen.'' He repeated just to pissed Castiel off.
Castiel tried to convince Jack, but he new he'd lost. And Lucifer new it too.
''Wow. I have been waiting for this moment for so long. I almost don't know what to say.'' Said Lucifer, only then realizing how true it was. What was he going to do now? He had him, but he still had to get him back and to convince him he could trust him. ''This…this dad thing is new to me. So, um…Do you have any question you want to ask? Don't let my status as a legend hold you back. Now just…fire away. ''
At least I will answer your questions. Not like my dad.
''Why does everyone hate you?'' Asked Jack and Lucifer was taken aback.
''Wow, he just got right to the point. That's good. That's good, um, good question'' Said Lucifer, trying to get a hold of himself. There was a lot he had to say on the subject. Nobody ever really asked him why he was…well…him. ''So you've, uh, probably heard the stories. Right? Anything ugly happens, any evil befalls the world, it's my fault. Fake news.''
''And that's not entirely true…'' Tried Castiel again.
''Well, I mean, yes, I have done things that I am not proud of. I have let the occasional soul to ruin. This is true. But Jack, it's because humans are so messed up. They're…They're so willing to be led.'' He said and he closed his eyes for a second to think about what to say next. It was long enough to see her face.
''My mother was human.'' Said Jack, a bit lost.
''Awesome lady, Incorruptible. Not like that. You know, great kisser. And uh, lost my virginity to her.'' He said before seeing Castiel making a face. ''No? too soon? I mean the point is humans are not perfect. They're hardwired to fall and when they do, they need a fall guy.''
Not her…
''That's a vast oversimplification.'' Said Castiel, clearly annoyed by Lucifer.
But the more Lucifer talked, the more Castiel could see why Lucifer was angry. The world had seen his fair share of horror and the archangel wasn't there. He might have corrupted a soul, but Castiel knew now that things weren't always that simple. Sam and Dean had been to hell and they both still were trying to save the world. He was responsible for the fall and had killed most of his brothers. And he was still trying to make amends. Lucifer hadn't been there, Castiel had.
''But who locked you up?'' Asked Jack and they both turned to him.
''My dad, because I told the truth.'' Said Lucifer and Castiel could see that he was upset. ''See, he loved humans so much he couldn't see their flaws. And I told him about it and he got mad. He felt like I was…personally dumping on his masterpiece and so he kicked me out.''
Then Lucifer sighed and looked at the sky.
''And he's even found new ways to punish me eh dad?'' Jack looked at Lucifer and could feel that he was in pain. ''And yes, as Cas says I have done some bad things. I had my reasons and I just want the opportunity to get better. Doesn't everybody? Don't you?''
Castiel turned away. He knew what Lucifer meant and it was frustrating that the archangel got under his skin without even trying. Jack sat down and Lucifer followed the movement and they kept talking. Lucifer explained to him who his family was and where he came from. And Jack listened.
The more Lucifer talk, the more he realized that his plan wouldn't work. He couldn't use the kid. He remembered when he was this young and was trying to get his dad's attention. Hell, he was still trying.
…They were my family, aren't they suppose to be there? My father was the first. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I was never good enough…
He felt the pain coming back, only this time it was worse because he never did forgive his dad and it was added to his suffering. Their talking had done nothing to appease him, Chuck was gone. Again. And he was torturing him using a human that was driving him insane.
FUCKING FEELINGS! I swear to dad I'm going crazy. I. AM. THE. DEVIL!
''What's he like, God?'' Asked Jack and Lucifer as about to answer when Dean freaking Winchester came in to save the day. Of course, Castiel had told them.
''Dean. He's my father!'' Screamed Jack and Lucifer felt something new. It was…he didn't have the words to describe it.
I can't believe you gave them feelings and thought it was a great idea. One second, I feel like I'm one fucking fire and then…
Then he remembered what he felt when he kissed her. When he saw her scars had healed. When he saw the hope on his son's face when he said he'd answer his questions.
This is fucked up dad…it's really fucked up.
When he came back to reality they all had move on and went packing so he waited for them to be ready. He walked mostly in silence until Jack went to walk with him.
''I can sense you are in pain, are you hurt?'' He asked and Lucifer saw her brown eyes looking at him.
''It's not a wound you can heal.'' Answered Lucifer softly so the others wouldn't hear. ''I'll explain later. It's basically a new way your grandfather came up with to get his revenge on me.''
Jack was about to answer when Gabriel ran to them, a group of angels following him. He snapped his finger and they were all turned to ashes. The group turned to him and he looked at his now melting cuffs.
Well shit…so much for being subtle.
''Uh…long story short I didn't want your impotence to get awkward so I just went along.'' He said while they were exchanging looks. ''Your welcome.''
This is getting uncomfortable…
The group finaly went back to walking and Jack decided to talk to him some more. Lucifer was done talking about hell and had move on to heaven when they arrived at the camp. He was describing Michael and stopped upon seeing Gabriel.
''So, thing about Gabe…class clown.'' Said Lucifer, smiling.
''And you're an ass-clown.'' Answered Gabriel and Lucifer frowned.
Awe Gabe, and here I thought we shared a moment.
''I guess your time with Asmodeus didn't do you any favors bud.'' Lucifer started to say, but he stopped when he looked into his brother eyes.
What the fuck did he do to you?
''Well, my time with you was worse.'' Said Gabe and Lucifer felt the emptiness coming back.
Don't…first Michael, then dad and now you…
''So, uh, I was just shaking up the old family tree for young Jack here. You know, talking about the good old days. How tough pop was right G? I mean we butted heads a lot, but, uh…you know I think…I think in hindsight, I should have give him some slack. Because you know, being a dad is though…'' Explained Lucifer, not aware that Gabriel was getting angry.
[Gabriel]
''Okay, you think dad was being a bad guy and you were a victim? You were not a victim. That was just your excuse.'' Said Gabe before he tried to walk away from this conversation. He didn't want to say something he'd regret later.
''My excuse for what?'' Asked Lucifer and he sighed.
''For it all. For it ALL.'' Answered Gabriel.
For the way you acted like him and got yourself kicked out. You left me alone.
Jack went away and Gabriel looked at him. He felt sorry for the way he talked to him. It wasn't the kid's fault. But he never had to confront his brother about his attitude -without Lucifer trying to kill him – and it unnerved him.
And Gabriel still couldn't believe Lucifer had try to kill him either. His thoughts were spinning in his head and when Dean came to tell them to stay behind he fought the urge to punch a wall. He couldn't even summon some hot chocolate to calm himself.
This world sucks.
He saw Lucifer complain in the yard and went to him.
[Lucifer]
He was left alone with his thoughts and for once that wasn't a good thing. The pain was becoming more and more difficult to hide and he was done with everyone's bullshit.
''Dean said to stay behind. Any angel shows up we gotta defend this place.'' Said Gabriel and he heard his brother sigh. ''it is really killing you, you're not out there impressing your kid, huh? Lucifer, do you really see a version here where he sticks by you?''
''I think the kid is pretty blown away by the old man, so…Yeah, I do.'' Lucifer said.
''He's a kid. He likes shiny objects and magic tricks. But he's not like you. I can see it in his eyes. His mother's bloodline, the Winchesters influence…''Said Gabriel, turning the knife into the wound.
''I can be an influence...'' Tried Lucifer.
''Ugh. He's not gonna want that. He'll see who…what you really are.'' Said Gabriel.
…Somehow, she knew who he was. She wasn't scared…
The pain was too much…way too much.
Dad!
''I've changed.'' Said Lucifer while throwing a rock.
''Dude, it's me. I've known you since he stars were made. You can't change. You're incapable of empathy or love. You live to be worshipped or feared. Or both.'' Added Gabe.
…Somehow seeing her scared didn't pleased him as much as he thought it would…
Help!
''Okay. I…I see that you've…you've drunk enough Kool-Aid. Fine.'' Said Lucifer.
Please don't, not now. Please don't. I know I fucked up and I'm…I'm…
''Oh, this is the part where you tell me that uh, Dad made up all those so-called lies about you? Got it!'' Said Gabriel, sarcastic as possible.
Don't make me say it.
''Yeah, pop locked me up okay?'' Said Lucifer, angry that he was losing that much control on himself.
But Gabriel was his little brother and his father was gone and she was…
Dad please, help!
''Don't you get it?'' Screamed his brother.
Gabriel stop it…I can't…DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT!
''Humans were innocent and beautiful. But you…you couldn't stand that the old man loved them more than he loved you. So, you tempted them and you corrupted them…''
…She lifted her hand to touch his face and before he knew it he was kissing her. It felt great, powerful, light and oh so good, too good…
''…just to prove how flawed they were.'' Added Gabriel.
…. There were dark circles under her eyes and she clearly hadn't had enough to eat. Her face was pale and she was shaking. He then noticed the blood and cuts on her arms…
''You better be careful, man.'' He threatened his brother but the pain was unbearable and he couldn't focus.
''Dad saw your evil was like the first few cells of cancer…''
…Even he didn't wish that pain to anybody…
''…That would spread like the disease unless he cut it out. That's why he locked you up, to stop the cancer…''
…He couldn't go back to her, he couldn't be with her. She was so… and he was…
''But it was to late then. And guess what? It's too late for you now.''
…He could feel her dying. He couldn't go and save her. He'd felt her pain, he wouldn't be able to feel it too…
The tears were rolling down his cheeks. He couldn't speak, his vessel couldn't breathe. It was too much…way too much. He was drowning in it. He tried to stay strong but he felt his whole body giving up. He couldn't believe she'd survive that long like that…and without him.
HELP!
His grace was failing him, begging for her. Trying to get all the bad out. He felt all his connections fading. He couldn't feel Hell, his dad, Heaven…her… He fell on his knees and took his head in his hands.
[Gabriel]
He was about to walk away when he saw it, the tears. He looked at him while his brother was collapsing. He heard him scream in his head through the angel radio.
That shouldn't be possible.
HELP!
He saw the light coming off his brother and froze when he realized it was his grace. He hadn't seen this light for a long time. A very long time. He could see the darkness crawling back to hell. He could feel the pain. He knew this pain, he'd heard about it. Lucifer was on the ground and Gabriel got closer to him. He put his hands on each side of his face and closed his eyes.
His mind was invaded by Lucifer's memories of him, his dad and…her.
What the…
She was human. He pushed to see more and found an ocean of pain…a broken bound. He backed away, seeing more memories of him and their father. Of Lucifer in the cage. Gabriel got out of his head and kneeled in front of him.
Gabriel…I'm…
''I know…I'm here.'' Said Gabriel in a soft tone before taking his brother into his arms. ''I'm here.''
Lucifer sobbed until the sun came up again and Gabriel never let him go.
[Lucifer]
They hadn't talk in the morning but Lucifer could tell that Gabriel had softened. He'd smiled at him when he saw that he convinced Jack to go to safety instead of going on a suicide mission. Not to mention the fact that he probably found it hilarious that he drove people to the rift in a bus…on a highway…or what was left of it anyway.
They were almost there and the closer he got to the rift, the more he could sense her. The pain was going away. He was going back to her…Then Sam hold him back from going first.
Fucker
A series of explosions, the sound of wings.
Mother fucker
Michael. He went for it. He couldn't let him pass through. She was on the other side with his son. He attacked him but his brother was stronger. He saw Gabriel from the corner of his eyes.
No!
''All I did on earth was run. I'm not running anymore.'' Said Gabriel before he tried to attack Michael.
Gabriel was not strong enough. Lucifer tried to get up and help him.
Gabriel!
He heard his brother's scream.
Gabriel no!
He saw the light and felt him fade away.
Don't be…don't make me say it.
He looked at his wings, his lifeless eyes. He turned to Michael, then to the rift. He had to protect her and his son. Gabriel was…
Dad for fuck sake HELP!
Sam blocked him and got out.
NO! DAD! This can't be happening.
He turned to his almost brother. He had to corrupt him to get to her and Jack and he knew it.
''Why should I trust you?'' Asked Michael after he offered to team up with him.
It took everything he had not to kill him.
''I saw how they do the spell. I know what it takes. It's some blood, some fruit, a glow-y rock and then…Bam. We step through, both of us.'' Said Lucifer while thinking as if you fucking asshole.
''And then?'' Asked Michael.
''And then I get my son...'' Answered Lucifer.
I get him and her to safety before I kick your ass.
''…and you get…''
''Everything else.'' Finished Michael. ''Are we agreed?''
Lucifer looked at Gabriel and felt the pain and emptiness getting stronger and stronger. But he wouldn't be able to just get up and hold him. His little brother was not coming back and he wanted to scream…it wasn't just pain, it was agony.
Gabriel I'm sorry.
