Elliot knocked tentatively on her apartment door, wincing as the action cause the skin to stretch over his bullet wound. He heard a shuffle inside and sighed in relief that she was home.

He hadn't had his phone at the hospital and Kathy refused him hers until he agreed to stay in bed; which he didn't. She hadn't even driven him to Olivia's apartment, completely unsupportive of his need to see his partner. The shuffle stopped at the door and Elliot could tell she was shocked at the face she saw through the peep hole.

A full 30 seconds passed and it seemed like an eternity to him. Was she avoiding him? Was she mad that he didn't protect her? Or was she simply too ashamed to face him?

Either way, he didn't like it. "I took three different subways to get here, Liv", He said. "I'm really tired."

That got to her. He could tell, because not a second later he heard her slide the chain from the door and open it to him.

His heart broke at the sight before him. She was thin, too thin. In a mere nine days she had to have lost a good ten pounds, which she could not afford to lose. Her skin was discolored from healing bruises and her shoulder bore a deep purple mark from where her stitches had been removed just a day before.

"Oh, Liv", He breathed as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt her tense at the contact and he knew she probably didn't want to be touched but he couldn't help himself. He thought he had lost her and just to see her in front of him, however pale and broken she may be, was the biggest relief to him.

Finally, Olivia returned the embrace. Elliot kicked the door shut behind him as she fell further into his chest.

He didn't care that he was hurting.

She didn't care that her broken ribs were being crushed.

They simply stood there, feeling each other in their arms, getting lost in the warmth of the contact.

"I'm sorry." She cried. "Elliot, I'm so sorry."

He kissed her hair and held her closer. What did she have to be sorry for? She wasn't the one who shot him. She didn't climb on top of herself and rape herself at gunpoint. Even in the brief moments Elliot had been inside of her, she was comforting him! What the fuck did she have to be sorry about?

"Don't say that, Liv." His voice was just as broken as hers. "You did nothing wrong. I should be apologizing. I should-" His voice broke as he remembered that horrible night. "I'm so, so sorry, Olivia. Please, please, you have to know . . . You have to forgive me."

She sobbed harder into his chest. Hearing his voice broke her heart. What could he possibly be sorry for? He wasn't the one who stayed after he was told to leave. He didn't make up that stupid lie. He didn't give Bushido every opportunity to do what he did. He didn't shoot her. He didn't rape her. He tried to protect her.

She wanted to tell him that but just seeing him in front of her, alive, was too much. She tried to form a coherent sentence but she couldn't seem to fight through her crying. "You, you didn't. . . you don't have." She struggled to take in a breath. "Oh, God, Elliot."

He held her tighter in his arms. "I know, Liv." He said, trying to steady his voice. This had changed them, forever; he knew. His once strong, unbeatable partner was vulnerable and crumbling in his arms.

And it was all he could do to hold her as he, too, felt the last bit of his composer obliterate into nothing and they sagged down onto the floor and cried over everything that had happened and what Bushido had taken from them.


The sun shone through the cracks in her blinds and onto his face. It was early, too early. At some point they must have exhausted themselves and fallen asleep because there he was, on Olivia's floor, her body still cradled in his arms. He guessed it was about 5AM because the sun was just barely peeping through and the city was still quiet.

He felt Olivia shift against him and heard her breathing change as she slowly woke up.

"Good morning." He rasped.

Slowly, Olivia came to and realized that she had been lying on his chest and was probably causing him quite a bit of pain. She quickly lifted herself off him only to have him halt her actions.

He placed a hand, gently, on her back, careful not to scare her as the other wrapped around her waist. Cautiously, making sure it was okay, he pulled her back down to him.

"Its hurts more when your not here." He whispered. She nodded, knowing he was telling the truth because her complaining body felt the same way. The pressure on her chest from lying on her stomach was much less painful then the lack of his contact. She needed to feel that he was there and that he was alive.

"I'm glad your okay." She whispered. She closed her eyes in effort to ward off the tears gathering as she remembered the events of the past week. "I came to see you, ya know. Every night, I would stay there until the nurses changed shifts."

"I know." He said into her hair. "Kathy told me she saw you in the mornings before you left."

"I couldn't come during the day", she whispered. She didn't need to tell him why; he knew. Olivia snuggled further into his chest. Somehow, the new physical intimacy did not feel at all awkward or uncomfortable.

In fact, it was just the opposite. She needed him. He needed her. They need to feel each other, know the other was still alive. They found comfort in the feel of the other's chest rise and heart beat against their bodies.

"I had to make sure you were okay", She said. "Elliot, you were asleep for a very, very long time." Her voice was breaking again. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up."

"I know", He whispered. "I was worried about you too." He paused for a moment, gathering his strength to speak. "When he shot you, God, Olivia, I thought I was going to die right there. I thought I was going to lose you." And somehow death seemed merciful to the pain she was feeling inside. Bushido had taken more than just her body that night and she wasn't sure how much longer she could survive with that loss.

And somehow her thoughts had transferred through her, to Elliot, because the next thing she knew, she could feel his chest trembling as he fought to hold back his sobs. "I know you're hurting." He said. He ran his hand up the length of her arm till it met with the wound on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry he hurt you."

He wasn't talking about the bullet wound and she knew it. He was talking about a much deeper scar that he had left on her but she wasn't ready to face that yet. She wasn't ready to face what it would mean. And that's why she went to the hospital at night; she wanted to avoid the people that would make it real for her.

She knew that her file was on Munch and Fin's desk. She knew that everything that had happened was in bold writing for her friends to see; every, well, almost every, disgusting detail. She wondered what would happen when Elliot gave his statement; when he found out that she refused the rape kit at the hospital and declined to press those charges.

What would he think of her then?

She pushed herself off of him and got up from the floor. Her head spun as she got to her feet and she had to brace herself on the wall until everything stopped moving. She opened her eyes to find Elliot standing in front of her.

Concern was etched onto his face and his eyes bore the same pleading, scared, and pained look they had the night he had been on top of her.

She shuddered at the realization that the first time they had been together had been by force. She saw the regret on his face and the pain, and the sorrow and she prayed that that wasn't all that was inside him because God, she wanted him.

And she wanted things to be back to normal. She didn't want to look in his eyes and be reminded of what had happened to them.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. And damn it, her head, her chest, and her shoulder weren't supposed to hurt this bad. And he wasn't supposed to be fighting back tears.

But they were hurting.

And he was fighting back tears.

And nothing was right anymore.

She sighed as she heard someone knocking and then Kathy, calling from outside her door. She let the blonde in, who immediately ran towards Elliot. His eyes never left her, though; not even when his wife threw her arms around him. She felt naked under his stare and she couldn't bare the vulnerability a second longer.

But Elliot never blinked.

And Olivia never moved.

And nothing was right anymore.


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