With a huge effort of will, River pulled herself a few inches away from him. Just far enough to be able to pant out between deep oxygen starved breaths, "No... not... here..."
The Doctor, unwilling to be denied now that success was so close, simply switched tactics. One hand shifted its grasp on her hip, pulling her closer as he bent to plant a string of kisses along the curve of her neck. "What's wrong with the control room?" he murmured. His words whispered across her sensitized skin, sending shivers through her.
Gathering the now nearly shattered remnants of her resolve, she managed to gasp, "You have a proper bedroom somewhere... Don't you?"
"Mhmmm..." he agreed, his words muffled in the hair at the nape of her neck. "But not here."
"Please? It's my wedding night, after all."
Pressed as she was between him and the wall, his answering chuckle reverberated through her. "Our wedding night, love."
"Yes. Right. Whatever... Please?"
With a final frustrated sigh he pushed away. "Fine." Glancing around the room at the various corridors leading inward, he continued, "I'm sure it's around here. Somewhere."
-o-o-o-o-o-
River stood at the door to the Doctor's room staring inward in utter dismay. "You can't be serious."
"What-?" he began, but, upon stepping forward and seeing for himself, he quickly continued, turning to face her, "I swear... I didn't..."
"A bunk bed? Even you..."
"River. On my word. Last time I was here, it was a proper bed. I have no..." He stopped in mid-thought as sudden realization struck him. "Amy and Rory."
"My parents? What on earth do they...?"
The Doctor wrung his hands together, trying to buy time while he thought of the best way to explain. "Well, you see, when they first came to the TARDIS. I mean, both of them together, in this proper time stream. After I rebooted the Universe. I might have... maybe... given them a bunk bed."
"A bunk bed?"
"Because bunk beds are cool!" he explained, answering her unspoken question. "It's a bed. With a ladder." Though now, confronted with the ramifications of one himself, he was starting to see why the Ponds might not have been quite as impressed as he'd thought they'd be.
River, however, seemed hardly to have heard him. Instead, she repeated by way of summary, "When they first came to the TARDIS. A bunk bed. On their wedding night."
"Yes. So, clearly, they thought it would be great fun to put one exactly like it in my room for our..."
"Wedding night."
"Exactly."
"When they first came to the TARDIS."
"Yes. You've said that bit, dearest."
"When they first came to the TARDIS. On their wedding night. In the TARDIS. In the vortex. When I..."
Suddenly, he saw the problem.
"Oh." They turned as one to look back at the bed.
And at the small mattresses.
And the ladder.
"Oh," he repeated after a pause. "I'm sure I've got another bedroom we can use."
They stared at the bed for several more long moments.
Finally, River suggested, "How 'bout a deck of cards?"
Reflecting on it much, much later, the Doctor couldn't quite help but wonder if, just maybe, that hadn't actually been the idea all along.
