Cosima never had trouble falling asleep, but tonight her body woke her every time she started to doze off. She knew the real culprit. For the first time in longer than she liked, she was curled against Delphine, their naked bodies tangled up on one another.
She glanced over, smiling at the sleeping creature next to her. She loved Delphine's beautiful curls, but her long, straight hair was even more beautiful under the soft moonlight. The thin sheets revealed the outline of her nipples, reminding Cosima how lucky she was to have one more night sleeping naked next to her love.
"No," Delphine whimpered, causing Cosima to jump. She had never known Delphine to dream, let alone have a nightmare. And Delphine certainly never talked in her sleep. It reminded her of Shay trying to convince Cosima that she spoke in her sleep. She felt a tiny pang of guilt on leaving Shay when she needed her the most. A slightly bigger pang of guilt that she left Shay to screw Delphine, the woman who caused so much damage to her new girlfriend.
"Rachel, don't" Delphine pleaded. Cosima sat up, watching as Delphine's head twitched from one side to the other. "I need to stay with her," she whispered, her voice sounding like a frightened child.
Suddenly, Cosima knew what was plaguing Delphine.
"If she dies without me by her side, it is personal." Delphine's words trembled and her body shook softly. Cosima reached a hand over, stroking Delphine's cheek only to realize her cheeks were damp with tears that were hidden in the night.
Cosima placed a hand on her forehead, trying to force herself to think of a solution. She wanted Delphine to sleep peacefully. Selfishly, she wanted to stop feeling guilty. Delphine had been right earlier when they fought. Cosima was too sick and too weak to realize who suffered the most out of her illness. And she was suddenly realizing just how deeply Rachel had used that to punish Delphine.
"I can't leave her!" Delphine cried, the tiny wasps of hair along her forehead curling due to the sweat.
Cosima hovered over Delphine, letting her body rest over hers. "It's okay, Del. I'm here," Cosima whispered, letting her lips stick to Delphine's cheeks, neck and lips. Delphine sighed, suddenly relaxing. She curled into Cosima, but her tiny body was burning up.
As Delphine fell back into a peaceful sleep, Cosima was covered in sweat. She knew Delphine's dream must have spiked a fever. The best thing for her was to sleep it off. She offered a soft kiss to Delphine's forehead before heading into the bedroom.
She started the shower, letting the hot water roll over her skin. The hot water helped calm her, but her mind raced. What would happen between her and Delphine? Was this just a one night stand? What was happening with her and Shay? Could she really go back to Shay after making love to Delphine all night?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the metal shower rings clanging together as Delphine whipped the shower curtain, her body trembling and her eyes wide. She almost look unrecognizable, more like a wild animal caught in the headlights than a brilliant doctor.
"Del?" She asked, blinking rapidly to make sure she hadn't imagined it.
Delphine said nothing, stepping into the shower and grabbing Cosima. She grabbed her arms, her legs and cupped her face and shoulders. Cosima was about to question it when she realized that Delphine was making sure she was there.
"It's me. I'm here," Cosima whispered. She tried to calm her voice, not wanting to scare Delphine. But she was scared. This wasn't Delphine. Delphine was strong and focused and never doubted anything, especially what she saw with her own eyes.
"I thought…" Delphine started, but couldn't finish. Her body trembled before the tears erupted. She used one hand to cover her eyes, crying loudly and uncontrollably. She cried so hard that she knelt down under the steaming water.
"Hey, hey, sit down," Cosima whispered, sitting behind her. She stretched her legs out, one on each side of Delphine and held her tightly from behind, rocking her gently.
"I thought you were another dream," Delphine sobbed, still covering her face.
"Another? You've dreamed of me?" Cosima blurted. Delphine turned her head, her eyes wide as if she didn't understand the question. Cosima knew instantly that Delphine was haunted by dreams of Cosima to the point that being asked about it felt like poking fun.
Cosima stared at Delphine, catching every detail. This woman wasn't the same woman she fell in love with. She wasn't the strong, independent woman. She wasn't the cold boss who had broken up with her and accepted her resignation. This was a woman who was haunted. Haunted by Cosima. She watched every last straight strand of hair bounce back to those playful curls she had fallen in love with, as if the shower were peeling away each and every layer of the fraud Delphine pretended to be.
Underneath the steamy shower, Cosima realized how young Delphine still was. She wasn't the same as Dr Leekie had been. She was young and afraid.
"Oh my God," Cosima finally realized. "It wasn't real."
"What?" Delphine asked, her eyes flickering back to the inquisitive expressions of Dr Cormier, not the frightened girl in the shower.
"It doesn't count. Our breakup."
"What are you talking about?" Delphine asked nervously.
"You never wanted to break up with me. You didn't want it to be over," Cosima realized. Delphine took in a ragged breath, biting her lower lip.
"How could I ever want it to be over?" Delphine answered honestly, her eyes locking onto Cosima's.
Not wanting to push things too quickly, Cosima raised an eyebrow. "I don't think I've ever seen you in the shower…"
"Is this another of the French stereotypes?" She frowned. "You know the joke about not shaving wasn't funny."
Cosima laughed. In their early relationship, she made the joke of saying she was suprised Delphine was completely shaved. Delphine had never heard the stereotype. Not only was she made, she spent the day researching it only to find that it was nothing more than a stereotype.
"I didn't mean it like that—"
"They say the same about people with dreadlocks," Delphine said defensively, crossing her arms and pouting.
"Trust me, your smell is all over my bedding."
"My smell?" Delphine screeched, making Cosima laugh. "I don't smell!" She said, rising to her feet.
"You don't stink. You smell. Like lilac and gardenia," Cosima smiled softly, stepping closer to Delphine. She nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She gasped at the touch. "Del, you're freezing!" She blurted.
"I'll be fine," Delphine lied.
"Yeah, I know."
"What does that mean?" She demanded.
"It means you're not going to work today," Cosima said, putting her hands on her hips.
"And how will you know? You quit," She reminded her, her thin lips turning into a disapproving straight line.
"Because I'm staying right here. I'm going to take care of you."
