Chapter Four
I Hate It
"Len-kun!"
I felt jealousy biting me as Miku ran over to Len's desk. Len smiled up brightly at her, being kind to his classmates as I had requested.
"What's up, Miku-chan?" Len wondered.
"Wanna go out?"
Everyone went quiet. I could feel myself growing tense, staring at Len as I waited for his answer. Len opened his mouth immediately to reply. Then, he closed it again and peered at me in the corner of his eye. I stared back at him, waiting to hear his response. He looked back to Miku and smiled brightly. "Okay!" he said.
My mouth almost hung open. What? He'd said yes? After we'd . . . .
Miku smiled at him. "Great! Movies tomorrow?"
"M'kay," Len replied cheerily. "Wanna sit with me?"
. . . I felt like he was mocking me.
Miku seemed sort of startled but she smiled at him again and agreed heartily, forcing him to scootch over so she could share his seat and feed him lunch as I watched them. Len didn't even look at me, and he seemed happy enough to have her attention on him. I had to struggle to look away and mask the jealousy in my gaze.
When I looked back, I caught Miku staring at me. My eyes widened in shock as she smirked at me. I could've been wrong, but it really felt like she was . . . challenging me. I averted my gaze. I couldn't have been interpreting it properly. There was no way for Miku to know about Len and I. We'd only kissed once, and no one was around at that time, right?
I held Len back after class. He smiled at me flirtatiously, ignoring the people around him, including his new girlfriend, who waited for him impatiently at the door.
"Len-kun, hurry up," she complained, waving her cell phone at him impatiently.
"One minute, Miku-chan," Len called back cheerily, but his impatience showed when he turned back to me. "Yes, Kamui-sensei?"
I had to catch myself when my gaze almost instinctively flickered toward Miku. It would be too suspicious if she caught me looking at her. So I stared at Len and said quietly, "My place tonight, okay?"
Len smiled at me, overjoyed, and nodded with a cute sound of agreement. Then, he turned back to Miku and skipped over to the door, taking her hand and filling me with jealousy. "Len's ready, Miku-chan."
Miku watched me as Len led her away. I felt a chill run through my spine at the malice in her gaze.
. . .
"Len's back!" Len called, entering my apartment later that night. I was a little annoyed. He should have been here sooner. School had ended two hours ago.
Still, I called back begrudgingly, "Welcome back."
Len's arms looped around my neck from behind the couch where I sat, staring at the television. "Gakkun's so grumpy."
"What do you expect, Len?" I snapped, refusing to look at him. "I thought we were in a relationship."
"We are."
"Then why did you agree to go out with Miku."
Len sounded genuinely confused as he replied, "But you told Len to be nice to Miku-chan."
"Not that nice."
"So Len should break up with Miku-chan?"
I exhaled loudly, annoyed. "No, that would make us way too obvious."
"Then Len is confused, Gakkun. What do you want Len to do?"
"I don't know, Len," I sighed. A knock sounded on the door. I removed his hands and stood up tiredly. "I'll get it."
"What about Len?" Len wondered.
"Just stay back here, out of sight," I ordered.
He didn't look pleased, but he listened all the same. The pout on his face was adorable. I smiled at him and promised I'd be back quickly, to which he only scowled.
I opened the door to Miku.
"Hatsune?" I questioned, stunned. "What are you doing here?"
"Didn't you say we were welcomed to come if we ever needed help?" Miku questioned.
"Oh, right, yes, I did," I replied, flustered. What if she saw Len? Wait, no, Len could just be here for help, too, right? His marks in school had gotten incredibly bad lately, especially considering how everything used to come to him so easily. "Kagamine's here too, actua—"
"Yes, I know, Gakkun," replied Miku, entering my apartment and gazing around herself.
"How did you—" I froze and blinked, thinking back on what she'd just said. Had she called me . . . ?
Miku flicked out her cell phone. She clicked a few buttons and then showed the screen to me, revealing a picture of Len and I in the classroom, doing something a student and a teacher should never do. Miku's smile was sinister as I looked back to her. "Unless you want me to tell the principal, you'll give Len-kun back to me."
"Len was never yours to begin with."
I blinked. I wasn't the one who had spoken. Miku and I spun to see Len, standing at the entrance to my living room, unfazed by the picture she'd just revealed. Miku smiled at him. "Shush, Len-kun. Let's go."
"Len has never been yours." Len's eyes were stone cold as he stared at her. "Len has always been terrible. He always led Miku and Rin on, making them think he was on their side when, really, Len has loved Gakkun all this time."
Miku's eyes flashed angrily. "I don't think you quite understand the severity of this situation, Len-kun."
"Len understands just fine," he replied casually. "And that's why Len is going to go with you. He wouldn't ever want to put Gakkun in danger."
"Len," I murmured, unable to keep up with them.
"Don't worry, Gakkun," Len told me with a smile. "Len's okay, really. He can fix it." His smile faltered, anger flickering in his gaze, tainted with remorse. "Len always gets off easy. It's always someone else who has to hurt."
With that, Len left my home, Miku following swiftly behind him. I watched them go, unsure what to do with myself now.
Alone in the apartment, tears fell quietly, and I murmured in the loneliness, "Len."
. . .
In the middle of my English class, a scream tore through the air, shredding my ears to pieces and turning all eyes toward the door. Len was the only one who seemed unimpressed. If anything, he seemed to have been expecting it all period. He wasn't even a little perturbed when Gumi entered the classroom and tore me outside, sobbing and shouting words at me that I couldn't make out. She dragged me into the girls' bathroom, and my displeasure for that didn't last long.
Blood was strewn across the floor, splattered on the walls and on the handle of the sink, and little remaining in the sink where water still poured, lapping at the faint pink remnants. Miku lay in the centre of it all, her teal hair soaked in red, slashes across her entire body, her throat mutilated. Her glazed-over eyes staring at the ceiling, horrified, and clumps of her hair had been torn out in her struggle, dying themselves in the thick red liquid.
Gumi sobbed on my shoulder, her eyes squeezed tightly shut, as I stared at the scene, unable to react to it. How was I meant to? In any case, how could I react properly when Len's words whispered hauntingly in my ear?
Len's okay, really. He can fix it.
. . .
"Calm down, Gakkun," Len ordered as I questioned him violently that night after I was finally released from questioning by the cops. "What do you want Len to say?"
"I want you to tell me the truth!" I shouted at him. "Tell me what the hell you did to Miku!"
"Oh," replied Len absently. "Is that all?"
I stared at him, horrified. He continued.
"She was gonna show the picture to the principal because I told her I couldn't be her boyfriend. She doesn't seem to understand that it's just not possible for me to be her boyfriend. So, I protected us. I took her phone away from her." Len showed off the phone Miku has flaunted to me last night. Only, last night, it had been a pale blue. Now, red splotches covered the phone. "And, to make sure she didn't tell, I took her vocal chords."
No words could describe how it was to hear those words coming from him so calmly, as if he were saying nothing more innocent than tomorrow's weather.
"You . . . killed her?" I whispered, trying to convince myself that it wasn't true, that he was just joking.
Len contemplated this for a second. "I guess I did. It's her own fault. She should have just accepted that it's not possible for me to be her boyfriend."
"And why isn't it possible?" I dared to ask.
Len froze. Slowly, he looked at me, and I could see fear in his gaze. Then, he begged of me desperately, "Please, just tell me you love me first. Don't lie, okay? I need to know that you earnestly love me and only me."
"Len, after this . . . ." I couldn't find out how to end the phrase, so my mouth just hung open before I closed it and looked away.
"Please, Gakkun, you love me, right?" Len sounded heartbroken, desperate.
Slowly, delicately, I nodded. I loved Len. I really did. But I couldn't deal with this. There was no way I'd just let it go.
"Then, Gakkun, Len has to tell you about the night Rin went away.
"Rin came home with Len and told him about how Gakkun had rejected her. Len felt really guilty because Len had secretly liked Gakkun too and hadn't told her. Actually, Len had sent Rin to ask out Gakkun because he knew Gakkun would reject Rin because she was a girl. Rin guessed it afterward, right on the nose, and she got mad.
"Rin went downstairs all angry at Len, and she saw the knife. Len went down to find her, and she was staring at it, in a daze. Then, he said her name gently, trying to get her attention. She turned to him, holding that knife. It sparkled in the kitchen's light. It was so very, very pretty, and it told her what to do. She smiled at him sadly, knowing the crime she had to commit against her beloved brother.
"Len could see in her eyes what she was going to do, so he ran away, up into their room. Rin couldn't control herself and chased after him. He tried to close the door on her but she was too fast. She pinned him on the ground and started stabbing him. He got the knife away from her and stabbed her back, but he was already bleeding a lot so he wasn't very strong, and Rin got the knife back from him.
"It was red everywhere, Gakkun. Rin, Len, the bed, the knife . . . . Everything was red. It was horrible. Rin and Len were both crying. Then, they stopped crying, because there's only so much blood a person can lose before . . . . before they die."
Len paused in his storytelling. I could feel him staring at me, but I refused to look. He moved around in the corner of my eye. I tensed up, terrified, wondering what he was doing, but I couldn't look at him.
"Please, Gakkun, look at me."
I forced my voice out. "No, Len."
"Please, Gakkun, I need you to understand. You love me, right?"
"I do, Len, but—"
"Stop calling me that."
Startled by the sharpness of his voice, I looked up to see Len standing in front of me, bare-naked. Only, it wasn't Len. It didn't make sense. That wasn't Len.
"The carpet and our sheets and everything was covered in blood, but it wasn't Rin's. It was Len's. His blood covered everything until he bled out. Rin kept stabbing him, crying, long after he was dead.
"And then Rin left, because she wasn't Rin anymore. Because Gakkun thinks he can only love men, right? So Rin . . . so Rin . . . .
"So I did all I could to make it possible for you to fall in love with me!"
The little blonde girl ran over to me, erupting into heart-wrenching sobs, hiding her face in my chest.
Because she wasn't Len. Len had been dead for a long time now. All this time, Rin, standing naked in front of me as she searched for comfort from the one who said he loved her, had played the part of her brother, hoping to win the affections of the man she loved by playing the role of a boy.
"You liked him when he was Len, right?" Rin sobbed painfully, her voice muffled against my shirt. "But you never loved him. You fell in love with me, not Len, right? I'm only human, Gakkun. I can't control my gender, anymore than I can control my love for you. Please, Gakkun, please still be mine, even if I am a girl."
I couldn't move as she cried on me. I don't know how long I stood there but I know that, afterward, in a daze, as she sat, sniffling, on my couch, I took the telephone and dialled the police without ever offering Rin response.
Author's Note: One chapter left after this. Last update for this story is tomorrow, Halloween. So, if you didn't catch the signs, Rin sucks at school (mentioned in chapter one), and Len's really good. She also speaks in Len's third person to basically say "I'm not Len, but this is what he would do." And she constantly speaks of how terrible Len is. And she refers to Rin as having left, meaning she abandoned being Rin and became Len. In this chapter, Rin says "She doesn't seem to understand that it's just not possible for me to be her boyfriend" since Rin's a girl and would be her girlfriend. PM me any questions. If you like my writing, please check out some of my other stories. They're longer and have better pacing than this. Anyway, I'm pretty happy with this story, I'll be sad to see it go. Well, see you tomorrow!
