Notes:
Walt's POV again because what the hell xD
Chapter 4
The remaining five days until Ed arrived had passed in a blur. To his extreme delight, Walter realized he and Jesse had begun to find the ease in which they had worked together while cooking meth again. They were like a well-oiled machine, living beside one another as if they had been doing it their entire lives. There were still arguments, of course, because they wouldn't be themselves if there weren't. But despite the disagreements, underneath it all he and Jesse were working well together again.
Walter did the cooking for every meal. Jesse tidied up their living space, making up his bed and Walter's. They bickered about what movie to re-watch. Jesse retrieved firewood and kept the fire going. Walter organized their supplies and made sure they were rationing everything properly to make it until Ed came. Small chores led to a maintained household, and kept them busy, while also making their living bearable. They had even had stimulating conversation, discussing politics and heated issues to keep themselves entertained. There was a game of 'Sorry' stowed away in a cabinet, and they made use of the board game. Though Walt felt the game left much to be desired, Jesse seemed to enjoy playing.
As the days had passed, Walter had tried to rationalize his ever growing inappropriate thoughts he had for Jesse. He thought about how the thoughts had grown while they had lived alone together, that it was natural when he missed his wife. But Walter knew he was kidding himself. He had begun to fantasize about explicit situations he could coerce Jesse into. Even the thought of using force to get what he wanted, of an all-out fight with Jesse on the subject excited him, much to his disgust. Everything about Jesse fascinated him, made him want the younger man more. No matter what Walter did, he could not quell his growing desire for his partner.
The night before Ed was scheduled to arrive, Walter was relieved. Having another person there to interact with would give him a chance to clear his head. It was a bitterly cold night. Winter had truly begun to set in, and even if Jesse had wanted to explore the woods around the cabin for lengthy times, he would have been hard-pressed to do so; Ed had not provided heavy enough coats for such ventures. Even with the stove blazing, the cabin had a chill to it. Walter lay in his cot, three heavy blankets covering him. He also had his coat, gloves, and hat on to help combat the cold.
Jesse lay on the floor, one blanket the only barrier between the freezing ground and his body. Jesse too had two blankets on top and his winter attire on, but Walter could tell he was still cold. He didn't dare say anything to the unruly young man, for he knew what sort of reaction he would get. He wanted to remind him that the cot could hold both of them if it needed to, but he knew Jesse had to come to him, not the other way around. It would be close quarters, sure, but it would get Jesse off the floor. The thought both horrified and excited Walt. Having Jesse pressed against him, sharing body warmth would have been a dream come true. But to have the object of his growing desire so close… Could he handle it?
"M-m-Mr. White?" Jesse's chattering voice finally spoke up, two hours after they had settled in for the night.
"Yes?"
"Scoot over. It's t-too cold down here."
He could tell that it took a lot of strength for Jesse to admit he couldn't take the cold. Without saying a word, Walter moved towards the side of the cot that was set against the wall, leaning his back against it in order to leave more room for the other man to get comfortable. Jesse approached, his own blankets wrapped around his hunched shoulders like a cape. Walt patted the spot beside him and Jesse scurried in, throwing his blankets on top of them in order to add to the layers.
"This is so gay," Jesse muttered, his back turned towards Walt.
"We're only like the world's second biggest homos," Walter cracked, making himself chuckle.
"Jesus, you remember everything, don't you?" Jesse asked, realizing that those were the words he had said to Mr. White so long ago.
The night had passed blissfully well. Walter had made no advances, and Jesse hadn't put up too much of a fight when their sides eventually touched. It was admittedly warm under the covers, and their shared warmth made sleeping pleasant. Walt wanted to wrap his arms around the smaller man and cuddle, but he knew what sort of reaction he would get if he did that. Not wanting a fight, Walt was content to pass the night lying side by side with his young partner.
…..
Now it was the morning that Ed was set to show up. Jesse had woken early, which was amazing in itself. He waited eagerly by the front window, standing in his boots to shield his feet from the cold floor. Walter still lay in the cot, soaking up the warmth that still clung to the covers. Drifting in and out of sleep, Walter took great big sniffs of the scent of Jesse that clung to the blankets. It was such a soothing smell, and it lulled Walter into a place of comfort that he hadn't been to in many months.
"He's here!" Jesse shouted, jolting Walter from his dozing.
Before, he had wished for Ed to arrive, but after such a wonderful night with Jesse, Walter suddenly felt jealous of his partner's enthusiasm at the presence of another person. He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up. As he was swinging his legs out from under the blankets, Ed entered the cabin, surveying the small space with his unimpressed stare. "Ed," Walter greeted with a nod of his head, not caring that he was practically still in bed in the presence of the other man.
Jesse was bouncing around outside by the truck like a dog, trying to see what supplies Ed had brought. Ed carried a box in his hands, and he set it down by the door gently, turning without a word to retrieve the other things he had brought. Watching through the open door, Walt saw Ed load Jesse's arms with various sized boxes and bags. With a shake of his head, Walter stood up and made up the cot, smoothing out the covers.
When all of the boxes of supplies had been brought in, the front door was closed to help keep the cold at bay. Ed leaned heavily against the kitchen counter, watching as Jesse rummaged through one of the boxes. He turned to Walter after a while, who sat in the chair by the TV set. "In those four boxes are more food. Should last you another month." He indicated which boxes he meant with a jerk of his head. "In that one are more clothes, and two coats." He picked up a plastic sack and handed it to Jesse, who had perked up at the sound of the bag's crackling. "More movies, in there." Jesse began to rummage through the sack, making faces at the selection. "That box by the door has some books, cards, and those Sudoku puzzles everyone goes on about. Should provide some entertainment. Anything else you need for next month should be on a list," Ed continued, pushing away from the counter and moving towards the door, indicating he planned to leave shortly.
"No cigarettes?" Jesse whined, looking after Ed with a forlorn stare.
"Horrible habit, kid," Ed answered, ignoring Jesse's groan. "List?" he asked, his hand inching towards the door handle.
"Jesse, give him the list," Walt ordered.
Once Jesse handed him the list, Ed nodded at the both of them, told them he would be back in a month, and then was gone, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. The whole exchange had probably lasted less than fifteen minutes. There was an eerie silence after the sound of Ed's truck had completely receded, and both Walter and Jesse remained quiet for a few minutes more.
"Let's get this stuff put away," Walt sighed, standing up from his seated position.
Staring at the ground, Jesse didn't immediately respond. Walt ignored his silent partner, instead moving forward to unpack the boxes. He put the food away, and when he had finished with that, he moved towards the box of clothes.
"How long?"
Walt paused as he was bending to grab the clothing. "How long what, Jesse?"
"How long do we have to stay here?"
"However long it takes."
Without responding, Jesse wandered towards the closed door and opened it, staring off in the direction that the truck had disappeared in, but he did not leave the entryway. Walt watched his partner for a few minutes, but when he saw that Jesse was making no further movement, he wandered over and gently set his hand on his companion's shoulder. "Come on, Jesse."
After everything was packed away and organized, Jesse had added wood to the stove and sat down on the cot, a faraway expression in his eyes. He had sat like that through the entire movie that Walter had put in and watched. He couldn't even remember the title, but it was some documentary explaining the dangers of global warming. He himself had barely paid attention, so in tune was he to Jesse. It was the beginning of Jesse's relapse back into depression, Walt was sure.
…..
The next week passed in a similar fashion, and Walt knew he had been right. Receding into himself, Jesse hardly spoke to him anymore. This time, it was not a result of anger. Instead, he had become despondent, feeling he had no chance of escape but not able to live with the reality he found himself in. Walt couldn't help but feel offended. What was so bad about living with him? He hoped that it was just the fact that there wasn't much to do in the cabin, not because of his company. It wasn't as if Jesse had been a social butterfly back home. What could he possibly miss? The drugs? Freedom? Sex? His unhappiness couldn't be a direct result of being stuck with him – he had worked with Walt on a nearly daily basis for the past year for God's sake.
The only positive in the situation was that Jesse had given in and shared the cot with him every night. It was too cold for him to sleep on the floor, and Walter was convinced it was more comfortable. Jesse had even permitted him to scoot closer than he had the first night, resulting in a more intimate night's sleep. Though Jesse didn't seem outwardly pleased about it, Walter felt himself glowing from the contact, which was good enough for him.
…..
In an effort to draw Jesse back out, striving to bring his spirit roaring back to life, Walt suggested they go for a walk a few days after Jesse had gone quiet. His partner didn't argue. Instead he mechanically put on his boots and bundled up, putting on the heavy coat that Ed had brought him. They exited the cabin and headed towards the closest copse of trees, Walt letting Jesse lead.
Eventually, Jesse began to point out landmarks he had discovered, or interesting facts about places in the woods. "I saw a deer there once. She had a baby with her," he told Walt when they reached a particularly large clearing, his face lighting up at the memory.
"A fawn," he corrected before he could silence himself, and Jesse scowled at him in annoyance.
"Whatever," he huffed, marching through the clearing at a faster pace, obviously trying to put distance between himself and Walt.
The two men continued to hike through the woods, the midday sun slowly spanning across the sky as they explored. After an hour of silence, Jesse began to speak up again, making small talk with Walter. He waited patiently whenever his partner had to stop and take a breath, or was forced to bend double from the force of his coughing.
Two more hours passed and Walt felt content despite the physical exertion, and he found that he was filled with a warming sense of peace. Being with Jesse made him feel so young, made him feel so alive. Perhaps it hadn't been cooking meth that had made him wake up from his ho-hum life. Maybe it really had been the angel that trudged stoically beside him. Wanting to bask in the content harmony that made him feel heady with warmth, Walter forced out a cough and waved his hand at a fallen log. "Can we sit for a moment?" he asked, feigning weakness. "I'm exhausted," he lied, though in truth his legs did tingle from the workout.
"Mr. White, we can like, turn around?" Jesse said, sitting down beside him on the log, not bothering to brush the snow off of it before he plopped down.
"Sure, sure. But let me catch my breath first."
They sat like that for a while, watching the light pass through the barren branches above. Jesse grabbed a fallen stick and began to sketch patterns in the snow. Some of them were really quite charming, while others were obscene pictures that he snorted at. Walter shook his head, but a lazy smile found its way on his face despite himself. Every so often Jesse's shoulder would brush against Walt's, and though they were both covered in heavy coats, each grazing touch made Walt's entire body tingle. He loved Jesse sitting so close to him, loved the comfort the younger man's presence gave him. He was intoxicated by it. Perhaps he could slightly understand drug addictions, if they were anything like the feeling his partner gave him.
It wasn't long before Jesse grew antsy, and Walt knew they had sat there long enough. "Let's go, Jesse." His partner scurried up, nimble as ever. Walt leaned his hands heavily on his knees and began to stand, bracing his muscles. Suddenly, Jesse's gloved hand was extended, offering him help. He gaped at the presented hand, wondering if Jesse had a change of heart in regards to how he felt about his former teacher. He knew that his partner resented the form of incarceration Walt had forced on him, hated him for letting Jane die, and detested the threat to Brock and Andrea's lives. He knew Jesse believed he would kill the two innocents, and though Walt had internally assured himself that he never would, when it came to Jesse, Walt was now uncertain how far he would take the threat in an effort to keep the younger man by his side. He wished Jesse had chosen to live with Walt on his own, but as it was, Walt was going to take what he could get.
With a slight smile, he grasped Jesse's hand and let himself be pulled up.
