Christian
"Morning." She smiles back at me "Working on a routine this early?"
"Yeah, well… I've gotten used to waking up early lately, having to be here before everyone, getting things ready for the morning classes. Also, I'm trying to put this new piece together for the kids."
"I'm sure it'll be great and sorry to interrupt by the way…" She finally starts walking towards me "I just thought you were free this morning." Tara's hand reaches for something inside her purse, her smile grows bigger. Finally, she stands before me, handing me a small note, one I instantly recognized.
"No, I am! I mean, I'm just here out of habit, but I have no classes to teach. Plus, I kind of needed to figure some stuff out and the studio helps, you know, dancing just tends to…" She looks down instantly; a second later I understand why "I didn't mean…"
"It's okay." She forces a smile, putting herself together "So… if I woke up before noon?" She repeats the message playfully, changing the subject "What was that all about?"
"I, I just wasn't sure how tired you'd be. I thought perhaps you'd like to stay in bed today and I didn't want you to feel like you had to come, as if it was an obligation or anything." I look down at the note, avoiding her look, Tara's eyes are teasing and I haven't yet found a less-embarrassing-way to deal with that than to just pathetically smile the tension away.
I used to be better at this thing, it used to be easier to be more serious and even mysterious as for what I was feeling and thinking. But things have changed since Tara nearly died. I remember sitting there, on the hospital, trying not to cry, trying not to say anything when I was sure that if I was to open my mouth I'd do nothing but scream. I felt like I was about to explode. I can't remember feeling that terrified ever before and let's be honest, I've gone through some serious shit in my life, from being abandoned by my dad, to losing my mom, to almost being arrested. But being so dangerously close to losing Tara once and for all, losing her forever in the most literal possible way... I couldn't handle it.
I could not shake Sammy out of my head either. I could not shake that feeling creeping into my heart, assuring me that I was about to lose another friend. I tried to play strong for the others, Kat for example, and put on a straight face, but deep down I was freaking terrified and I hate feeling that way. I don't want to ever experience those emotions again.
Since then it feels like I fail every time I try to bring my walls up around Tara, like they are a barrier that, though safe, keeps us too distant. Why should I protect myself from her? Why trying this again when it has ruined us so many times?
I don't think I'm ever gonna love anyone the way I love you. I wonder if she still remembers that. Those words… they've been echoing in my head a lot lately, more than they usually do and after last night... they're all I can think about.
"Christian, are you there? Are you listening?" I blink a couple of times fighting my way back to reality. Tara looks curious as she examinees me.
"Hum, sorry I, I just drifted off for a minute. What were you saying again?"
"I was saying that if we are to have breakfast before lunch we'd better go now." She laughs and I feel a strange sense of relief. It's so good to hear her laughter after a night filled with sobs like our last.
"Yeah, sure." I hurry to grab my gym bag and catch up with her by the door "After you." She nods, smiling in return. We leave the studio.
- x -
"Ben seems to be enjoying himself." Tara chuckles, showing me her cell phone with the picture he had just sent her.
We'd finished our breakfast a couple minutes before; in the same café we'd always go to when we were students. Only now things were so different… I try to focus on the photo, a picture of Benster with three girls around him, hugging and smiling, probably fans.
"Prince Charming can't help it, can he?" I joke.
"Definitely not! He sends me tones of those, updates on his tour and stuff."
"So have you two remained pretty close?"
"I don't know, sort of. I guess we're as close friends as we can be, considering he's in another continent."
"Yeah… I kind of lost contact with everyone, or almost everyone…" She rose one eyebrow at me "Well, you're still here. And I talk to Kat sometimes." I laugh.
"But what about Abigail, Ollie… They're working at the Company."
"I know, but they have been so busy lately, I don't know about you, but I've barely even seen them since we've graduated."
"That's a problem we have to solve, now isn't it?" She starts checking her phone "Do you have plans for tonight?"
"Well, I… no, I don't think so." I answer, a strange sense of hope flickers inside of me.
I watch as Tara dials a number in the phone and waits with a knowing smile on her face until someone picks up on the other end of the line.
"Hey, Abigail! I was wondering do you think you and Ollie could find the time for some dinner with your boring old friends tonight? Christian and I, probably Kat also. Yes. Yes… No! God, stop! Okay, so you're in? Great, I shall see you tonight then! Yes, I'll let you guys pick the place, we'll meet you at the Opera House. Sure! Bye!"
"Why do you always sound so excited on the phone?" I laugh, a bit amazed.
"Well for one thing I am excited indeed, but it also helps convincing people! So they're in, now we just gotta invite Kat and the crew will be reunited."
I should probably be thinking of something else to say, the seconds go by and the silence should be turning embarrassing but it doesn't, at least not for me. I just stare at her, only partly able to control my smile. And she smiles back. I can't help the warmth inside of me as I watch her cheeks redden. Finally, Tara looks down, losing the stare contest.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I don't know… you just, you're just so different from last night." Her smile fades. I can't believe I just said that out loud "Ugh, well, I mean…"
"It's fine. I'm, ugh, I guess I am feeling different, I mean, not actually better, but I should be getting there." She forces a smile, finally allowing her eyes to find their way back to mine "I think being around people I love helps, that's why I'm excited about the dinner tonight and having you close." I can't help but rising an eyebrow at the words "I mean all of you! My friends!" She explains herself, her face half human half tomato.
"Yeah, of course! Us… your friends!" I try to laugh it off. It probably doesn't work.
"Yes." She smiles, a thousand words written on its muteness, but I don't dare to try and figure them out, I just enjoy the way she smiles at me, it feels like an old smile, from less complicated times "I should probably call Kat."
"You should." And so she dials a number again and Kat picks up and they set things for tonight. They are faster than Abigail and Tara were on the call.
"I'm surprised the two of you didn't take an eternity on the phone."
"Only because she requested my presence at her house. She said we need to talk some stuff out and… I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind. I can call her again and say I can't make it and then we can spend the day together or…"
"No, that's totally fine. I'll go finish that dance routine and, hum, I don't really know, but I'll see you tonight, okay?"
"Yeah, sure!"
We get up and I pay the bill after a little argument in which Tara failed to convince me she should pay her half. I had invited her after all.
"So, should I come y your house to pick you up, or…?"
"If it's not too much trouble."
"No, of course not!"
"Well, I'd love that. Thank you!"
We hug and I can't help but remembering the night before, feeling her body so close to mine. As we pull apart slowly, my cheek brushes against hers, our lips so dangerously close. For a moment I fear I'll lose control and kiss her, but she takes a step back before I can. Tara nods at me and waves walking away as I stay frozen trying to make sense out of this morning, deaf by the sound of my own heartbeats.
A/N: so yeah... I haven't uploaded in a while. But I thought I'd give this another try. I can't guarantee I'll be able to post new chapters fast, but I'll try to keep writing this story! I'm really curious myself as for where this could lead to and I'm enjoying to discover it, I hope so are you! :D
