A/N: Happy 2018 everyone =)
It was Leia he visited that night. The General was sitting by the viewing window with a stack of faded papers in her hand.
"Han's dealings with a mercenary on Manaan," she said with a wry smile.
Poe chuckled, maintaining a respectful distance as he took a seat. BB-8 remained at his heels. Poe was equally devoted to the little astromech. He found the droid waiting for him outside his door. As always, the conversation with Ren was an exhausting mixture of caustic banter and mutual loathing. They occasionally fell into sincere discussion about the goings-on of the galaxy. Poe was quick to remedy this familiarity with some kind of provocation. Mention of Rey usually worked, as did any allusion to Leia. For this, Ren's go-to response was to remind Poe of the failed mission to Canto Bight that resulted in the loss of ninety per cent of the Resistance High Command. Enlisting the help of a self-professed thief didn't show much leadership skill, he added.
"Yes, well, you know all about betrayal," replied Poe.
Ren raised a curious brow. "Yes, I do."
"Being a traitor yourself."
"Who exactly have I betrayed?"
Poe shot him an incredulous look and patted his jacket, scanning the room.
"Got a list around here somewhere."
Ren indulged him.
"Let's see. Your parents?"
"I hardly saw them," Ren replied calmly. "Then they sent me away. You know this."
Poe looked thoughtful. "With your uncle, who you also betrayed."
"No."
Poe recalled Rey's insistence that Kylo Ren spent much of the last decade undergoing emotional torment at the hands of Snoke. He didn't care. Nothing excused the atrocities.
"Rey believes there's good in you," continued Poe and Ren's eyes darkened. "Betrayed her trust, as well."
Satisfied, Poe began clearing the remnants of a hasty meal. These interactions didn't seem to last longer than fifteen minutes and hopefully this one was no different.
"Believes?"
Poe stiffened momentarily before busying himself and reorganising his bunk. He was tired. Not only of Ren's company - that was a given - but on an emotional level. He looked forward to some relief when they landed on Ryloth to refuel.
"Fuck knows why," he muttered, admitting, too, that Rey's faith in Kylo had not completely disappeared. "You could always ask her."
"Does this anger you?"
Poe smirked. "The mind manipulation won't work on me, buddy."
"It would anger me."
"How surprising."
They assessed each other freely. Poe was unable to hide his curiosity when Kylo turned slightly and frowned. Someone had his attention. Absurdly, Poe found himself laughing at the thought of Ren lip-reading. Then, a memory, sharp and clear of two boys spying on their parents from the next room. A confidential meeting. Poe dressed in loose fitting garments, scuffed knees, barefoot. Ben, several years younger, wearing an oversized jacket they commandeered from a drunk Pantoran the previous night.
Poe swallowed. A strange sensation; tongue like lead and sand. Ren nodded at whoever interrupted and returned his attention. If he noticed Poe's shift in demeanour, he didn't comment on it.
"The General and his demands," drawled Ren.
Poe regained his equilibrium. A timely reminder. He needed to see Leia. For the usual reasons - when his head was in the clouds, she kept him grounded, when he was restless, she calmed him. But there was something else. He needed to know if she sensed anything, if she knew about this connection between the two men she considered sons. To Poe's knowledge, Rey didn't suspect anything. Did Leia?
When he left his quarters, BB-8 was waiting for him. The droid heard him arguing with himself. His master laughed it off.
"I realise now that the more I told Han to be careful, the more dangerous the situation became," said Leia and Poe smiled inwardly. "Sound familiar?"
He shrugged, picking a thread of his jacket.
"Being back on this ship..." She hesitated.
Poe waited. Patient, understanding, calm. All the things that Rey's company seemed to test. Leia stared out the window, lost in thought. Older now but still beautiful. Always beautiful. He remembered the slap he earned when he was sixteen ("You know, if I were older and you were -").
Poe's cheek tingled at the memory. Not to mention the recent slaps. Princess and General, mourning mother and widow, she never lost that fire. He dropped his gaze. Leia was more than a maternal figure. His thoughts drifted to Rey.
"Being on this ship brings back memories," Leia finally said.
Poe nodded. "I can imagine."
"Can you?"
When he looked up, she was staring at him. Those deep brown eyes penetrating skin and bone and going straight for the soul.
"It hasn't changed," he conceded.
"No," replied Leia slowly. Tricky territory, memory lane. "Poe, I've an apology to make."
She almost laughed. The boy - he would always be a boy - was stunned. And offended.
"I don't want to hear it," Poe said. Leia had nothing to apologise for. He, on the other hand...
She touched his arm lightly. "I've always looked upon you as a son."
He rested a hand over hers.
"But motherhood has never been one of my strengths."
Poe could barely restrain his anger. "He'll have you believe that, Leia. Don't believe it. Don't you believe it!"
That Kylo Ren caused the two strongest women on board the ship to question their self-worth infuriated him. But Leia simply smiled. There was a sadness behind it, deep and enduring. A grief so heavy he felt as if he would collapse beneath it.
"All those times you supported me with Ben and I..." She paused, considering her words carefully. "And I never appreciated that perhaps you-"
"I feel nothing for Kylo Ren."
Leia hesitated but Poe didn't retreat. The floodgates were open.
"Not for the memory of him, not now, not ever."
He fought to steady his breathing and realised he'd tightened his grip. Poe released her.
"The line between love and hate is not so clear-cut as we like to believe," said Leia, her eyes showing a depth of understanding and compassion that Poe simply couldn't bring himself to reflect. But there was something else. A knowingness. Leia always spoke from a wealth of knowledge but this was different. Poe tested the waters.
"I've no connection to him," he said. "Not anymore."
"No," she said, giving nothing away. Poe's heart beat erratically. "And so a bond becomes a burden."
Leia brought a hand to his cheek.
"Don't close off your heart, Poe. I don't think I could bear it."
Their hands rested on his chest.
"Still beating," he said, with a reassuring smile.
It was Finn who delivered the news the next day.
Leia Organa was gone.
