"You hate it because I'm finally standing up for myself. I'm finally realising there is more to life than just you"
His words hung in the air and choked them both. In that moment Mercedes stared at the now stranger in the bed and did the one thing she never dreamed she'd do.
"I was going to pack this bag and have enough clothes for one night, but you know what? I think I might have to stay a little longer"
Sam crossed his arms across his chest
"Yeah you just might"
Sam pulled the motel curtains closed roughly, emotion cursing through his body. He tugged on the fabric, wanting to rip the ugliness from the window frame. He hated that he was living in a motel room again, no matter how different it looked to the one he spent his adolesces in. That wasn't the cause for his frustration tonight though; he couldn't push Mercedes and that conversation from his mind. It hadn't been their breaking point he knew, she had returned the next morning sad and lonely and had hugged her and remembered that they loved each other. It had been the beginning though, the first sign of cracks he never even dreamed would appear between him and Mercedes. It had to be said though. He hated the resentment he had felt. It felt so against his nature to feel such negative emotions towards Mercedes but he was quickly realised it hadn't happened overnight. Every day, every moment she left him to talk to Shane or practise or do anything she could to distance herself from him. He could never work out if it was intentional or if she couldn't see the sadness in his smiles.
The night that ended it all was boring in comparison to the blow outs that had had in the past. He felt sadness about that. It was as if they had given up on the passion that fuelled them both and just shrugged and walked away. The night that he found the packets of pills blew the air out of Sam. He remembered when Mercedes had first started talking them. Mrs Jones had had inkling about the physical side of their relationship and had marched her daughter straight into their family Doctors. Mercedes and himself had been embarrassed about the whole ordeal and had barely been able to look at each other for a couple of days. Back then, once the redness left his cheeks it had all been liberating. He was finally able to feel Mercedes; there was no barrier between them keeping them apart.
The night he found them on their bathroom counter had been the ultimate betrayal. Every promise Mercedes had made about this being the year they would try for a baby had been a lie and on their counter sat the truth. She didn't want his children. She didn't want to create a family with him. She just wanted what she wanted and he was just background music. So he left and he felt like he had been died every moment since then.
Sam's mobile rang from its spot on the bed. He wouldn't have even glanced at it, if it hadn't been his sister ringtone. Sighing he decided to answer, not picking up would just result in continuous phone calls from his mother.
"Sam?"
Stacey was seventeen now and onto her second boyfriend. He wasn't worried though, she was a smart girl and plus Stevie had become a forced to be reckoned with over the years. With puberty bought the loss of his nickname and in this moment he missed it.
"Yeah Stace?"
"Just checking in. Making sure you're doing ok"
"I'm fine, couple more days and I'll be back in New York"
There was silence on the other end and Sam wondered how he could politely hang up.
"Come home"
Sam let out a hallow laugh. Stacey and his family lived four hours from the place he thought of as home and even further from the place he had made his home. He wondered what would happen to Stacey or how old she'd be when she realised that home was just more than where your parents lived. He prayed that wherever she ended up, she'd never be ripped from it and never being standing in a motel room trying to not cry and feeling the isolation of a broken heart.
"New York is my home Stace. I'll be happier there I promise"
"Even without Mercy?"
He grunted. How did he lose his endearing nickname and Mercedes had kept hers? What happened to family loyalties?
"Yes Stace, even without Mercedes. We are over"
Soft sounds let Sam know that his sister was crying.
"But you love her"
Sam caught his reflection and shrived. When did his sister become so intuitive?
"My mother knows Sam! Do you know humiliating that is?"
Sam groaned and rolled from his position between her legs, dropping to her side.
"I am very aware about how humiliating it is, I'm a part of this too you know! I just wish you'd stop dwelling on it so we'd be able to stop thinking about it"
Mercedes giggled and covered her eyes with her hands. They were lying on a picnic blanket, the shore of the lake lapping metres from their feet. The summer was still in full swing and Sam was struggling to even remember what McKinley high looked like.
Sam lent over and pulled her arm from her eyes. They stared softly at each other and Mercedes embarrassed smile dropped and she met him to kiss him. His lips opened to accommodate her pressing tongue and he briefly wondered if she'd ever let him take her on this shore.
"Sam"
She whispered softly and he nuzzled into her shoulder.
"Sam"
Her tone was serious has she muttered his name for a second time and he stopped his ministrations to look into her eyes.
"Sam I'm probably doing this wrong and I probably should have waited till you said before we every started getting serious but I just wanted to say-"
"I love you"
She gave him a funny look and he smirked
"Yeah, that's what I wanted to say….are you making fun of me?"
"I love you Mercedes. I just wanted to say it first. Actually I wanted to say it ever since we watched Avatar on your couch…."
M&S
Mercedes stared out at the darkened night. She had made the decision to sleep in her own apartment tonight, telling herself she'd need to learn how to get used to the loneliness. She had woken from the familiar nightmare of Sam with another woman. This time she had deep red hair and freckles that sprinkled across her back. Sam seemed to love her, or loved the things that she was doing with her. He teased her lips and whispered words that Mercedes could hear but turned her stomach as the red headed stranger laughed girlishly. There was a baby monitor on their dresser and the woman would press her fingers to Sam lips in an attempt to quiet him down. Sam just nipped her fingers and Mercedes woke up with the strong urge to vomit. It quickly stopped being an urge and Mercedes was head first in the toilet, ridding her body of the vile but unable to lose the images that seared her mind.
"It was just a dream"
She whispered feverishly to her self
"It was just a dream"
She clutched her legs closer to her chest and continued her vigil of the night sky. It would be just a dream for much longer she guessed. Sam was likely to find someone else; of course he was going to find someone else. She ran her fingers down her legs, the touch slightly comforting because for a moment she allowed herself to pretend it was his fingers.
Mercedes phone range and her stomach dropped at the ringtone. Burn Baby Burn rung out through her new space and she raced to it. Clutching it with shaky hands she pressed answer and pushed the phone to her ear. Sam was calling her. It was one o'clock in the morning and her husband was ringing her.
"Yeah is this Mrs Evans?"
A thick accent filled her ears and Mercedes heart raced with confusion.
"Yes? Who is this? Is my husband ok?"
There was a ruffling sound on the other end
"Hey hey! I'm calling your wife calm the hell down!"
Cried the caller and Mercedes listened intently for sounds of Sam.
"Your husband got into my cab tonight, has no idea where he wants to go and I don't even know if he has any money on him"
The taxi drivers words were hard to understand and Mercedes had to force her to concentrate through her stress.
"Usually I'd just kick him out, but it's kinda a rough area…."
The taxi driver trailed off as if he himself couldn't explain why he took pity of Sam. Mercedes instantly gave the man her address and the promise to pay for the ride once he reached her.
She waited on the street, wringing her hands in anticipation. In a few moments Sam was about to become more than a memory and materialise in front of her. Mercedes wondered what they were going to say to each other once he arrive, but there was no moment to contemplate how badly this could end up when the taxi pulled up beside her.
Sam exited the cab and flashed passed her. She quickly threw money and a thanks at the driver and chased after Sam as he tried to enter her building.
"You need the code"
She whispered and he stepped aside, allowing her to type into the punch pad. Once the door opened he walked briskly to the elevator and began pounding the button. It wasn't till the doors opened and he stepped inside that he realised he had no idea what floor she lived on. Mercedes quietly pressed six and the doors slide shut.
The small space reeked of his odour. His mood told her how drunk he was. Sam had a habit of withdrawing into himself when he'd drink too much. Sometime he was thoughtful and Mercedes used to love coming home from a party and making slow love to him in the night. Other nights, like tonight anger seemed to radiate from him and the things he never said aloud. It was rare for this Sam to emerge. Mercedes had only seen this version of him a couple of times, but she couldn't really blame him- they both had a lot to be angry about.
The doors slide open at her floor and Sam gestured for her to exit first. She obliged.
"It's pretty fucked up that I don't know where my own my lives"
He swayed slightly and stepped out of the lift. She bit back her words, knowing anything she'd say would just provoke him. Slightly she slipped her key into the door and opened it.
"Ah there is that's fucking mirror"
She had to smile at that as she dropped her keys on the kitchen bench. Memories of unveiling her first L.A purchase to an unenthused Sam whose eyes had widened at the thing. She poured him a glass of water and slid it towards him. He stumbled slightly, a wobbly hand reached out and picked up the glass.
"I'll make up a bed on the couch"
She whispered, not making eye contact as he studied her so intensely.
"Is that all I get?"
He started, holding onto the bench for his support.
"I have see ya in ages, barely spoken to you and that's all I get? Did you pick up the key?"
"Santana did?"
He rolled his eyes and slammed the glass down.
"Oh course she did. As if you would ever be bothered to do it yourself"
Her eyes sharpened
"And what's that's supposed to mean?"
He shrugged and slipped on to one of her stools.
"its means I go to that house, have pretty much a fucking vigil and you just get Santana to pick up the key? How cold are you? I hated that house and still did it"
Mercedes bit her tongue, guessing there would be a permanent scar there in the morning.
"Not now Sam, I'm going to make you a bed and we can talk about this in the morning"
"NO!"
Even Sam seemed taken aback by his tone and he shook his head in an effort to calm himself.
"Why Merce? "
She knew exactly what he was referring too. The birth control she secretly swallowed. It was the final straw for him and leads them to now standing as strangers in her apartment. What could she say? Her reasoning didn't make sense to even herself, how was it going to justify it to Sam?
S&M
Shane Tinsley was a man with a terrifying stature. His large finger and piercing eyes demanded respected, even from those who didn't often give it. It still made her snigger every time Santana muttered 'Mr Tinsley' even after being invited to call him by his given name. Mercedes understood the affect he had on people, but she grew up surrounded by powerful men. She wondered about the power struggle to would occur if her own father sat across from him, she imagined entertaining.
So when Shane narrowed his eyes at her announcement she was surprised at the intimidation she felt. Her hands fell to her lap and suddenly she felt like a small child, in trouble for something she didn't feel she had to justify.
"This is a mistake Mercedes; your career is too new to take a break like this"
"But the album is finished"
Shane shook his head, surprised that she wasn't understanding
"This isn't like last time Mercedes. This is the big time. You're not going to hear a couple of songs on the radio or have it playing background on some movie so you can pay for a few things. You are a total star and this thing is going to launch you into the sky"
Mercedes smiled, he always filled her with such passion and belief that anything was possible. She guessed because he could make anything possible.
"How are you going to collect your grammy or music awards when your to busy changing nappies?"
"Heaps of celebs have children"
Shane smirked
"But you're not a celeb yet are you? You have to make your mark before you can start making demands"
He was right, she knew. This path she had chosen wasn't going to be easy, she had always known that.
"But I want kids Shane"
He sighed, he tone was desperate.
"I know hun, and you'll have them. You have just worked to damn hard to give up know. Your still young and in a few more years you'll be just as ready to have kids expect you'll be able to bring them into a better world. A world where you are the centre of it"
She nodded, understanding and agreeing with everything he was saying. She twisted the wedding ring on her finger. How was she supposed to tell Sam?
